Friday, 30 September 2011
1. A vast array of Quantum Vibrational Force Microcluster Protection websites will spring up offering chakra-aligning meditation-enhancing energizing spiritually cleansed Tachyon Quartz Pyramid End Of Days Survival Kits. (What will they be? A paper bag to put over your head? An interstellar generational starship? Also, what warranty do you offer in case of faulty performance?)
2. Every Haight-Ashburyite, Secret Direct Descendant of the Chief Druid and crystal-waving god botherer will come out of the woodwork/bell-shaped barrow/catacomb/luxury granite worktop, wearing all their jingliest sparkliest Mayan/Toltec/Aztec chic torx and Mesoamerican obsidian ceremonial daggers. Geographical foci for alien-friendly vegan placard parades will include: Silbury Hill, Venice Beach, Roswell, the Bermuda triangle and anywhere cheap cider is sold.
3. A dedicated government call centre will be set up on the Yucatan peninsula to deal with the predicted fallout in calendar stones, with live feed showing lots of concerned astrologers ready to sacrifice each other and Jon Snow jumping around the studio showing how the world could end with big graphics of earthquakes and trumpeting angels. Later, Armageddongate will dissect how so many highly qualified Enlightened Mystics could have got it so wrong.
4. The pope, chief rabbi and head imam will independently yet patronizingly condemn the misguided heathen beliefs of the knock-kneed natives. The Revelationary Apocalypse will occur when we say it will, not as predicted 2000 years ago by a load of false chanting priests in their silly head-dresses. Er.
5. Ten year bonds will hit an all-time low and whisky stocks will run out but the clever money will be in pine board holdings as all those "Body is an empty shell" corpses from the UFO suicide cults will need coffins.
6. It will be the last day that Bud is 42. If the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything has not occurred to him by then, all is lost.
The weather forecast for the next 3 days is bright sunshine, maxtemp 29, mintemp 14. Tough life.
Complicated? No. Went round to Elizabeth's new house and marvelled at their new pad with super-large kitchen and newly turfed garden and pine doors throughout. The JBs and Ben and Beth played Ele-fun and we tried to move the contents of the house into the garden but were thwarted. Played with my skittles and her Beth-Fund (with unlimited cheque payment capability) and even got bonus hot dogs right at the end before it was hometime. She also has an elephanteddy that's bigger than me.
The Puddleparents have made beach and BBQ plans for tomorrow, who says weekends have to be boring?
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Football day! We are promised certificates handed out by Linvoy Primus himself!
Good news everyone! I'm on track to become a Cult leader: I have won my first election. I am Class Representative for the rest of the year (I get my own badge and everything) having been voted in by my peers in a free and fair election as determined by international observers. I will attend monthly meetings and bring the desires of my electorate to the despatch box.
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Monday, 26 September 2011
Sunday, 25 September 2011
We had got away with a 2-hour parking ticket on a six-hour jaunt: also we'd left the car window open but still nobody had stolen and torched it. What do we have to do?
Straight into the shower upon getting home, we were all very sandy indeed and sand is still coming out of my ear even now.
Saturday, 24 September 2011
Friday, 23 September 2011
Thursday, 22 September 2011
A question. If you eat lunch on a train, is it a Chattanooga chew chew?
Football was good. It's all coming together for us, we're just getting good and joining in properly, facing the right direction, kicking the ball not hootling, messing about and falling on the ground. It's been ages since we had a light-sabre fight.
Anyway apparently we'll get certificates from a named premiership footy star next week for our efforts, a crying shame it couldn't go on for another year. Cheers to the teachers, they've been great.
Incidentally, Bud did the same 5 mile run again while I was playing, this time he found a bag of unopened packets of chocolate bars in a Sainsbury's bag on a bench on the seafront. That's nearly 3 weeks' worth of lunchboxes for me. Hurrah for forgetful people and opportunists.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Monday, 19 September 2011
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Friday, 16 September 2011
Actually quite a nice afternoon, so going to swimming lesson instead. Today in school I made another of those random cardboard creations with a couple of straws attached at jaunty angles. I declare this to be a battle tank with bi-directional guns and shot several of my friends on the way home.
After an excellent swimming lesson in which I went underwater and touched the bottom (of the pool, not the swimming attendant) and did backstroke (like a starfish, not of the swimming attendant) we visited ElizabethsDad who was overjoyed that we had delivered packet #4 of moving-house boxes. Apparently he has filled 8 boxes so far with books alone and expects to get to 20, lucky this delivery was of larger containers so other random things like clothes and cooking utensils can follow them to their new abode.
Thursday, 15 September 2011
On the way we delivered another bale of moving-house boxes to Elizabeth. She is moving nearer to the JoniBobs and Erin, leading to a distinct Puddlecluster. Perhaps we should buy the now defunct Traveller's Joy pub and get Doom Bar Cornish ale and Tanglefoot on tap. Saw Ruby pushing Pops in Baby Edward's buggy! I guess they're the same size.
The box delivery took less time than anticipated so we arrived at football very early. Some big boys were showing off to each other in a testosterone-fuelled toughness competition with a twist.
1. One person goes in goal but turns his back and sticks his bum out, potentially exposing valuable equipment.
2. Everyone else queues up at the penalty spot and the one at the front of the line tries to score by booting the ball as hard as he can, but secretly he's trying to hit his friend.
3. Once a striker has taken a penalty, he joins the goalie (who may or may not have been struck fatally) and sticks his bum out as well, and the next ball-booter gets ready to shoot.
4. Continue attempting to score/maim your friends until only one striker remains and everyone else is lined up on the goal line, sticking their botties out.
5. Take funny picture. I watched this bum-banging bonanza from behind the big metal fence and it was still frightening.
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
The dentist was happy with my teeth again, but he didn't count them this time. Then we hastened to LittleMax's house with 1 guitar and a mouth organ and I played for hours. I had all my supper including the baked beans that I don't like. Upon my return I headed straight for the duplo lego we're selling, have to get as much use out of it as I can. The 5 friends in my head and I quackled and barkled in the dark in a lego role play - too busy to turn on the light.