Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Nearly there!

dogs like travelling in cars but cats hate it sucked into black holeOnly one more day as a Year 3 student!
This is the day the parents have been looking forward to: the day of bringing home all the stuff we've made this term, and having to somehow quietly dispose of it. Because my bike was locked here overnight, we both cycled back through busy traffic and he carried the big bag of academic delights. My breast-shaped Egyptian amulet broke but at least that releases the central Swarovski crystal for re-use.
bookmarks gargouille drawing roman and celtic warrior projectIn an eclectic assortment of oddities, highlights are as follows.
1. Point by point breakdown of why a Roman Worrier will, on average, slaughter a Celtic Worrier. The secret is that although the Celt has a Crazy of 99, the Roman has an Atack of 100 and Wepons of 30, whereas the Celtic Worrier really is worried with a People Killed of only 3 and a score of a mere 11 for Happy.
2. Laminated Merit Certificate for having designed a tropical fish. Better than an award for the Norwegian coastline, I told you I was a god.
3. Short story "The Talking Duff" by me and illestrated by me. Clearly I have to speak in the heathen lingo of an 8 year-old, so my teacher does not suspect I'm capable of producing this blog, so bear with me during this heart-rending tale of a man battling with bipolar hallucinations.
Once upon a time there was a man called homer who lived in springfeild. One day homer felt thirsty so he walked into the kitchin to get a Duff. To his amazment the Duff spoke "Keep your hands off of me!" Homer looked at spider pig. "did you say that?" "no" replied spider pig. "Arrrrggggggghhbhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"!!! As fast as his legs could carry him he leeped into the car and Drove off 100 miles per hour. He stopped at moes to try and hide from the Duff and spider pig. When he got into moes moe asked him "why are you running so fast when the sun is shinning so bright?" first a Duff spoke to me, next spider pig spoke to me" said homer. "that's inpossible" said moe. "oh no it isn't" said the stool. "Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screemed hommer. As fast as his car could take him he drove until he came to barts school. Homer ran to the princibles office. "Why are you running so fast when the sun is shinning so bright?" asked the princible. first a Duff spoke to me next spider pig spoke to me then a stool spoke to me. "that's inpossible" said the princeable. "get out of here you foolish man". so poor homer walked home with his head hanging down. menewhile the prinserble Rocked back and forth. "how silly of that things could talk". quite so however heard of a talking Duff". "Arrgghh!" screemed the princable.
kid with water bottle outside portsmouth gymnastics centreAnyway, it was a very hot day and I got very pink during gymnastics. Furthermore, I can reveal that Ben will shortly get 2 tattoos without parental approval. Starting on the inner right wrist with his name and date of birth, he will continue his personal details on his shoulder beginning with his postcode. I have advised him not to include the postcode as there is a slight chance he will move house during his lifetime.

Monday, 21 July 2014

It's a fair Cop, Guv

wifi funny cartoon bird hanging in mid air off telegrapg poleThis house has just come on the market for the first time ever. A listed building, it was built for senior naval officers in 1798, has a huge walled garden with 2 orchards, stables, 12 foot ceiling heights, sea views, 10 bedrooms, balcony, all the usual stuff. It's nearly 5 times the size of our house. If I had £975,000, I'd buy it. Although it would mean living in Gosport ...
naval officers quarters gosport listed buildingCycled to school today which was much better than walking, I should do that more often. But this was because the Police were at my school today putting security markings on bikes, worth doing, why not. Well I'll tell you why not. I always end up at the end of the queue because I'm polite. When I got to the front, they'd run out of marking equipment.
As Jof was away I did after-school club again and spent the whole time with Ben. First it was football and then after cake it was Wild West Spy Battle in which some Playmobil plastic figurines did derring-do night-fighting which all kicked off when I sold Ben 2 empty barrels of gunpowder.
Sadly the school was locked so I couldn't pick up my bike, hope nobody steals it. We've found out our classes and teachers for next year and I've got the same teacher. There won't be any Puddlers in my class. In Cub Scouts I found that Adam is going to the same island on the same day, which means the same flight!

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Barnes Wallis: the Bouncing Bum

Woke him up nice and early because Jof is away and I have to annoy somebody.
As we no longer seem to do the regular and predictable weekend shopping trips, we keep running out of stuff because it may have been a deeply ingrained habit, but it did work. So we walked to LIDL, glowing reports of the place from Erin. I got a bit sulky when he wouldn't buy me a real football, I tried to pull the one about well don't you want me to be a premiership footballer then but it didn't work.
spray poainted graffiti tags and artwork mushrooms and pills
Anyway I decided what to do today: swimming. We looked up the available pools and chose the Mountbatten and I cycled there with him running. It's a really big pool where I got the idea for my inflatable pool party. We checked the opening times on the website and arrived without getting diverted by any swingparks. The man behind the desk said sorry we're closed for an unspecified event. This made us slightly miffed and we cycled home again. On the walls of Portsmouth Football club (Specks Lane and the like) we always like to see the graffiti and indeed some youths were spray-painting their tags and mushroom-based artwork thereupon.
After some unfulfilling hours waiting, 5pm beckoned and we cycled/ran to Eastney swimming pool and had an hour and a half throwing the ball to each other and jumping in and swallowing pool water and it was ace. I'm quite a rubbish shot so I hit many humans with the ball and knocked over the pole and the sign and caused much merriment and consternation but who cares, I had a good time. You can throw the ball high and hit the Victorian iron rafters or skim-bounce it across the surface like the Dambusters.
Film night is Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure because I've kinda done the horror/action genre and it's nice to see a comedy.
Jof isn't happy because Nanna isn't happy. But I got to try out the new shower and declared it awesome.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

A Cooling-off Period (DoubleNuts)

freshly cut logs at base of large tree storm damage bransbury park portsmouthWhat a hot day! I didn't wake up for last nights' thunderstorms either.
A slow start with peanut butter on toast etc. I played Minecraft and Haymaker naked on the sofa, pictures not posted this time due to unreasonable interest from Austria.
But Jof was working so we did the bottlebank walk. Making sure we had sausages, black pudding and baked beans for tomorrows' breakfast, we met ex-Puddler Emma who had a piezo-electric toy plastic shotgun. It shocks the user via a live trigger and we all had a laugh about it, and in private, much pain.
The parks officials have cut down some big trees, perhaps storm damage, but they left some really big logs, shame we don't have a bonfire any more.
osborne road southsea food festival roads closed Then Jof got home, had lunch and left us again to see Nanna. You could tell she didn't want to, because she is tired and Nanna isn't doing well, not having a pleasant time, much like my other grandmother.
Jof had told us about the Southsea Food Festival so we cycled down and sampled the overpriced wares of the ice cream stall and pizza suppliers. There was a live band and many stalls often selling speciality olives. We got some artisanale pasta of many colours and some black pasta which we've kept for Jof.
Then we cycled all round the houses (my viewpoint, although it was an efficient route) to Yellow Plum Park where as if by magic we met Ben and the JBs.
hosepipe games water pistol rifle in paddling poolWe were just setting up bases for sniper attack when the promised bad weather didn't materialize and we decided to invade the JB house and fill their new paddling-swimming-pool with water. On the way, we were just enjoying free blackberries from the patch of unclaimed land just by Erin's house when Erin herself turned up and we morphed into a crocodile of delight, a convoy of hot kids, picking up Elizabeth on the way.
This was a team effort involving argument, a hosepipe, several buckets, pots, pans and at least one water pistol. Gradually the pool filled up and we cooled off therein, another epic performance by the JB household who can please many little kids with the kind of thing we like to do.
boy squirting pantsAt some point water balloons made an appearance and we jointly invented a game of filling each others' pants with balloons and laying eggs and making double-gonads and squirting each other in the penis with the hose and the girls joined in as best they could and the adults got wet as well, but only because they were wetting themselves with laughter due to lots of inappropriate actions (if that's the way you see it).
BBQ pasta was thankfully provided just when we needed it so we simply recharged our batteries and got right back in again until about 730 when we cycled home, against my will, I wanted it to never end. I showered and we lined up for film night (Predator, another Arnie special).

Friday, 18 July 2014

A Lassence for my Minkie

fishing expedition dog falls off pontoon into seaAwoke to a cleaner world after the storms of last night.
Everybody else woke up and saw the lightning but I didn't, I imagine that many houses were burnt down in a fit of divine retribution but I didn't hear the fire engines either.
School was kinda boring today. We've got an awful lot of stuff to take home over the next 3 working days so in order to avoid a massive glut, we're directed to bring a little bit home each day. Soon I shall have to bring back South Korea (my world cup project), not looking forward to that, poor old Erin dropped some Argentina on the way home and wasn't impressed.
It's one of those things where the parents say "Oh my, what a wonderful piece of artwork, how creative" and then you mysteriously never see it again shortly after the next recycling day. He used to try to hide infant school stuff in the bonfire pile but as I was in charge of flammable fuel units, he didn't get away with it.
Well the weekend is here and I'm promised more thunderstorms but just when I'm asleep and can't maybe take a bus to the seafront, get loaded, and watch the show.

Thursday, 17 July 2014


funny pub sign rehydrating dalekA very hot day, we didn't wear shirts on the way back from school.
Thursday is a free day for me so I got my chance to do Loom-banding and Hayseed while housework went on so I could have been happy.
But you know the way, I got a bit hot under the collar I wasn't wearing. We took a single box of unused tiles back to the shop and they gave us some money, and tried to get money back from the bathroom shop whose error had cost us £60 in extra plumbers' fees. And we walked past MacDougalls. Once upon a decade I used to go regularly ie at least once every few months but it seems that there has been a McDrought.
B&Q store fratton way portsmouth contact adhesive sectionSo I complained and wheedled and griped even when he said we could go next week so this is why I'm a grump in the glue section. We were there to get glue to fix my Loom-banding box because the little cells where you keep each colour of rubber
band always fall apart. I was surrounded by Flex-o-stick and Insta-Bond and Adhesive-4-Ever and Plank-O-Grab etc but wasn't letting go of my huff that easily.
The bathroom walls are now painted, just the woodwork to go. Perhaps the heat is stopping us sleep and we all need the end of term.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Urinating into the Hurricane

wheel chair disabled access ramp with 2 steps at the bottomGrandad is off for a couple of weeks to Verona and Pisa to check out the local hotties and also drop lead balls of various sizes off the leaning tower, as you do. He's only 85, after all.
portsmouth watersports centre looks like astronauts on way to rocketFor lunch, I ate the roll I made yesterday at Giant Tesco. It was unimpressive as it had spent so much time in my pocket drying out.
There was just the one builder when I got home, then he finished and left us with 8 binbags worth of rubbish, a carload of cardboard boxes and a big bill. The job is finished! Well, we've still got to paint, but soon the scooter won't have to live in the dining room any more.
training yacht for sea cadetsWednesday park was inconclusive. I played with LittleMax and Owen but some random invader kept booting the ball over the fence, it spent more time out than in.
Ben and the JBs arrived but disaster! When they tried to book sailing, it was full. So I cycled there alone. Cycle paths are dangerous places, someone was coming the other way and I had to swerve 5 times in order to not quite hit him. And then I got told off!
portsmouth outdoor centre watersports Erin and James from my class and Ben's friend Oscar were my compatriots today. We did the same training session although I kept telling everyone I was the best because I'd done it before. We had a new instructor because the old one had dislocated his shoulder paddle-boarding, a lesson there for would-be sportsmen.
Anyway we sailed up and down the channel, a sailor's life for me. Erin and James competed to book back in for next week and they were bad at steering, we nearly capsized and shipped some water but didn't turn turtle.
James did the same I've-got-a-big-one trick with the hosepipe and the instructor tells us that we can go out in pairs next week - no teacher! We get to choose our partners so let's see who's in favour. I showered lots due to being an old salty dog.
My Zimbio
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