Friday, 31 October 2014

Spirit World: a Voyage of Discovery

instant karma cat falls into dirty water funnyToday is our scheduled visit to Hayling Island on our own yachts, and what an unseasonably warm and sunny day for it.


nightmare fodder frightening make up for halloween

Anyway, because poor old Jof had been off work with the lurgy, we left her on her own to cope with the Trickle-Treaters, making the little kiddies scream when she opened the door, and that's without the scary costume.

Thursday, 30 October 2014

Freaking in the Rigging

kerry connolly barry burbank cbs tv news anchor fail
Welcome to Hallow'eve!
As soon as I got to work, I struggled into my wetsuit and started rigging my boat. I have made 2 buddies there, but later in the day I made 2 enemies as well when I found them unzipping my rucksack and pilfering a £10 note.
Much staff activity followed, with parents in on the conference call. What's a cavity search?
Anyway, one of the older kids asked if I was famous because they stumbled onto this very blog, possibly by Google image-searching. I said no, but give it time.
carved pumpkin for halloween with face and 3 candles insideWe picked up the laundry from the very expensive laundrette (they're all very expensive now that My Beautiful Laundrette on Albert Road with the relaxed attitude, curvy chicks and cheaper prices closed down) and when we bought milk in the Co-op I was just using it as a bazooka to kill all humans when the moistened handle escaped my sweaty grasp and it flew across the room. Because I was told off I got in a big mood which didn't really dissipate until the chocolate course after supper.
Today is the day of the annual pumpkin tragedy. No, not spice, not the entirely talent-free carving, but that this house has no compost heap for the spludgy bits you pull out of the middle. The next house will.
I'll just take a short 23-hour break, and I'll be back.

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

A Gauntlet Thrown (and a Gauntlet Run)

dog please lick my balls for me cartoon funnyThis year I did the Great South Mini-Fun-Run and got a free shirt and finisher's medal. Next year I am in the Juniors (4 1/2 km) and have already bought my ticket. I challenge you all to join me.
So anyway I got to work early and it was rainy so we did do quite a lot of classroom work learning reef knots. I am now qualified to say reefers get knotted.
But we're not allowed to get away with it and went out on the water and capsized and chased a green rubber duck up and down the tidal channel and my partner captured it but just when he was going ner ner ner I've got the duck, he dropped it and another team tacked in and stole it from under our very bowsprit.
pear tree randomly growing at side of the roadI had a great day and shared out all my chocolate M&Ms, even the ones I spilled over the muddy floor because the other boys picked them up and ate them anyway.
On the way out we espied a pear tree by the side of the road and got out and collected 24 free pears because who can resist free food. We put them in the garage on a tray because that's what Grandad used to do.
When we got home we found it all clean and someone had plumped up all our pillows and my bed was all flat and smooth not runkled up in a corner like usual and we found that Zoe the Cleaner had left me a choccie bar and a note saying thank you for tidying my room. Super-bonus! We had a huge roast dinner to celebrate Jof hitting her weight target, a move even I determined was suspect.

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Cheeky Monkey (Irritable Jowl Syndrome)

pie chart japanese flag funny mathsGot to work before most of the staff, OK we met them in the car park but still.
I was in a group of 3 today and we did land tacking which is sitting in a boat in the boat park pretending to tack and following procedures in preparation for real sailing in the larger boats.
We did loop-de-loops in the channel and one of the others capsized onto us and I was hit in the head with a boom and I did a reverse roll into the sea.
But it was all good fun, until I realised he'd sent me to work without issuing me with a towel. I had to dry off by jumping up and down.
sky glow over portsmouth tipner lake and motorway bridgeAt gymnastics we even had a fun play part where I made a den with foam walls but Daniel's older sister kicked it down on us which hid us totally.
We thought we'd get a photo of the sun setting behind the motorway which looked a lot better than it sounds last year but the clocks moving back put paid to that idea. The sky-glow from the lights of Southampton really show off the brutal silhouette of that giant crane by the bridge.
For suppertime viewing we chose Groundhog Day and whaddya know, Jof got back from Slimming World and we hadn't done anything, the film seemed to take up a lot of time for some reason.

Monday, 27 October 2014

Sailing the Seas (not cheese)

child throws tantrum in supermarket aisle get a vasectomy funny advertIt's supposed to be half-term but first thing I drove north through the rush hour traffic and reached the Sailing Club.
Although I'm doing a week of hardcore sailing, the Outdoor Centre is still running the Camp Adventure I've done a couple of times and one of today's Adventurers was Poppy, which was nice.
portsmouth centre watersports and outdoor activities centreI was in a group of 6 'Allo Sailors and I was allocated the Spanish boy as partner, should have lots of experience on his uncle's fishing trawler.
It was a splendid day with warm sunshine and light breezes but once we'd capsized for the 6th time I did have a little cry because it is the end of October and it gets cold in Davy Jones' locker.
We had to eat lunch in our wetsuits and Pedro the Spaniard and I have attained our Stage 1 but we haven't been given a certificate yet. I was tired when I got home in the dark, lucky I've got an hour of gymnastics tomorrow afternoon, that'll teach me. I'd recovered by supper, which is technically group mastication.

Sunday, 26 October 2014

The BUPA Great South Run 2014: Human Racing

Well the nice Man from the Ministry gave me an extra hour in bed today for Daylight Savings Time so I took 2 hours to consider it in detail, a tradition for teenagers like me.
But then all of a sudden Bud left us to do his Sunday run 5 hours early and I opted for large omelette breakfast to compensate. Jof insisted I cycle down to abuse him and we almost didn't make it as I like to dawdle and pootle and wander about with my head in the air.
southsea seafront bupa great south run finishers
But then we met up with Elizabeth and we saw Bud trundle past the expensive houses in his 10 mile blur of pain and discomfort (orange shirt) and I was so busy babbling with Beth that we missed BethsDad but then Bud finished and met us and we all went to the other side of the cricket pitch to cheer on BethsDad from the vantage point of the wall outside Lumps Fort. The race itself sounds like a million rubber raindrops on the road.
boy and girl standin on wall in bushBud set off with the big boys and couldn't keep up so had to have 17 walkie-rests and finished in 1 hour 15 which is only 1 minute quicker than last time, BethsDad chopped several more minutes off his time in revenge and everyone's a winner especially when you get a goodie bag with big-ass metal medal.
So we all cycled back and had curried lunch in honour thereof, as you do. We watched the recording of the race to try and see ourselves and I jumped, fidgeted, babbled, climbed and did forward rolls on the sofas the whole way through, don't see why I should be told off, I'm sharing a talent that only kids have.
The afternoon was leisurely spent, my sailing clothes and lunches for next week were prepared and then Jof bogged off to the laundrette all because the lady doesn't love a washing machine with a 240 volt live outer casing, some people, eh.
I have half-term homework which is to make a dreamscape in cardboard with added twiddly bits so he got the cutting and sticking box out of the loft and then we instantly ignored it, because of a garage-related task.
One of Jof's Life Improvements is the purchase of a tumble dryer, and the garage/workshop has been designated as its place. She pointed towards said garage in heroic pose and quoth "Get thee hence into the outer darkness and make me a space in the garage for the dryer and clear it up totally while you're at it" like Queen Boadicea only with more teeth and we hopped to it, I can tell you, oh yes.
boy cutting up large cardboard box in garage clearoutBut garage work is always fun because I get to use the big knife and ditch all of my kiddie toys and the fishing rod we bought in 1977 in South Africa and the rubbish that builds up and I found 4 count them 4 wooden snakes and we made a very good basket of kindling for the living room fireplace. We also destroyed the 2 extra brooms that the builders left behind and broke up the shafts with the 2 1/2 pound lump hammer, resulting in high-speed shards of pointy wood practically killing us but missing our unprotected heads at the last minute. Gosh, life is fun with beer.
Once the bin men come and take away the 8 binbags and vast pile of recyclable cardboard, we might even be able to get a car in there, certainly a tumble dryer. Queen Jof was pleased.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

The Running Man

bupa 1.5 k mini run race portsmouth Today I cycled to the seafront where it was very busy. We went via the laundrette so that Jof could finish the laundry: she was unwilling to use the washing machine because it was sparking and making electrical disturbances and whiffs of ozone, all very healthy.
Fences abound and blocked our path, luckily you can carry bikes over obstacles etc. We arrived about 11 minutes before the hooter was due to go for the Great South Mini Run, and even then I got bored.
Straight away we found Ex-Puddler Emma so I started next to her, and I also saw Poppy, Bertie and Elizabeth.
bupa mini great south run portsmouth 2014The bloke on the rostrum did a little dance that we had to copy and told us we should already have eaten a banana for breakfast, sadly I'd had a fry-up so no luck there. The road was full of kids in pink shirts although some of the braver ones had refused to wear pink. The pavements were full of parents with cameras and quite a lot of runners had their Daddies with them, but I had resolutely refused to be accompanied and made him leave the Adult Accompanier ticket at home.
The hooter hooted and we all sprinted off to many cheers and hurrahs. After the big loop round the crazy golf course I saw Jof who had done the laundry and I only walked once, honest. I did it in 9 minutes 30 seconds, not bad for a first time also with a slight tummy-related handicap, I shall return next year. My face got as pink as my shirt but who's counting.
road race southsea seafront 2014 mini great south runAt the end you get herded round the corner by stewards on bikes and even more fences and I got a goodie bag with my very own metal medal! It's the first time I've won a medal for ages, I got one when I was 4 years and 1 month old, when I cycled without training wheels for the first time, and I got a few for schools gymnastics. My bedpost is absolutely covered in medals but the rest are either Great South Run ones earned by Bud, or plastic efforts saying I've been on the Needles Chairlift ride etc.
We had a cup of tea by the Skatepark to get my breath back and cycled home to do Lego.
But it wasn't long before we went out again and dropped Jof off at Giant Marks and Spencer in Hedge End, for she loves big shops like that. We continued west and bought a 6-pounder artillery shell off a man in Totton for a tenner, as you do. I put it on my arm and pretended to be the liquid metal terminator, because that's practically all I talk about nowadays.
magic mushrooms psilocybe semilanceata liberty caps millbrook But we did have time to rediscover Millbrook Park in Southampton where I climbed and swung and did all the stuff I never get to do at home. The zipline is missing its rope and the spinning cup falls over but the climbing frame is ace and the park didn't have mattresses instead of trampolines like the one just up the road, and it wasn't on fire like the one in Somerstown.
I got an ice cream (of course) and we wandered the rather large open spaces and found a little yearling frog and a lot of mushrooms like the ones that Dave Lister fed to Rimmer for his special breakfast. It was a magical time. A chap kept riding his motorbike over the fields.
When we got back to Hedge End we scoured Giant Sainsbury's in disbelief looking for her but she hadn't even made it out of M+S, turns out the shop was so big she'd got lost in it. We spent oodles and got home in the dark.
My Zimbio
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