Friday, 30 November 2012

The Long Great Friday

womans fashion clothing storeIt started with not treading on Lego, because he'd made me tidy it off the floor last night. Then I admired my Advent Tree, only 1 day to go and I can open the first mini-present!
When I got to school it was so cold there was frost on the playground benches.
My morning task was: if you had a spare room, how would you make it nicer? I said I'd put pictures of Lego on the walls, both the Lego Mine (motherlode) and the Lego Mine (shipping lane). Then I did complex mathematical equations such as 100/4 = 25.
In cake-making, Erin and I made 2 each and covered them in sprinkles of all nations. We were only allowed 1 sweet per cake but Zachery put 6 sweets on his meaning that 5 kids were sweetless. He is not a team player.
I got a sticker for getting full marks in spelling. I compounded this victory by annotating my spelling book thus:   10/10 orl awl rite.
Then I found seventeen pennies in Tesco, and when I got home, the Estate Agent was there measuring up. He took some pictures of the house and thousands of our pounds and went off happy. Then we went back to B+Q to buy more of the toyroom paint. In the last 2 days they have A) run out of the right paint and B) stopped the 2 for £25 offer. We bought a giant paint pot for £30 and were angry, but at least I was back Lego-ing in less than 10 minutes.
boy with fire and cardboard boxAt swimming everyone was late because of Portsmouth gridlock or hadn't realised we were back at the usual venue so there were only 3 kids in my class which was great. Then he put my wet swimming trunks in the bag that held my dry pants. No longer dry, they had to remain in situ and I went home pantless. I flashed many times at Jof because she kept telling me to put it away. This is an affliction suffered by all young boys and there's nothing you can do about it now that electro-convulsive therapy has been discredited for treatment of this syndrome.
Later we had a bonfire, mostly damp wallpaper. I am extremely competent in this area but because I came out before he was ready and he hadn't cleared out the ash from the last inferno, the airholes were blocked and it wasn't so much a fire as a smoke. The damp wallpaper smouldered and overall the fire wasn't great. We will improve for our last fire session.
home fireAnd then Jof said, Bud, you're very good at chucking away other people's stuff, how about all those 1/2 pint glasses you've bought from the charity shop. So I chose one for my night-time water and we charitied the other 18. Then in sympathy I ditched half of my bath-time toys and still had a very amenable bath-fizzer night with much inappropriate interplay. Bedtime approx 10 pm, O dear.
Overall, everything is great.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Great Scott and little Fishes

mayonnaise low printer funny readout lcd display
This is something that Granddad says when he's surprised, which is often as he hasn't got used to computers yet. Not sure who Scott is or why he is accompanied by fish. Perhaps it is a Ned Flanders-style diddly swear avoidance technique, for he also says "Stack me" which is less easy when there's only one of you.
advent treeToday I had a really good day at school because I learnt more maths. 3 of my compatriots did not, however. LittleMax, Danny and Erin were all involved in incidents, and when you drill right down through the available data on these injuries, you will find that all were schoolyard collisions sustained during the running part of a game of tag/you're it. I shall recommend to the health and safety fun police that it be banned immediately.
At home Jof was already there. So she Legoed with me and did my Advent Tree while crumps and bumps came from the loft - Bud was clearing out all the large toys to sell at the school fayre. And packing some books. And taking some stuff to the tip.
The toyroom is nearly painted. The current owners of the house we want have said yes, they'll take our money, but can we sell our house in time? The house-seller man is coming tomorrow to do it for us.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Petal to the Medal

kiss my arse spiderman hot air balloon figures funny
Cold overnight!
Last night a girl was born in the US and was given the name Hash-tag. I guess her parents were Twits.
Grandma has paid for a subscription to hallowed scientific journal "New Scientist" for Bud for several years. A couple of weeks ago, he wrote in to point out a comical yet glaring error and today his letter has been published, with an official apology (although they blamed IBM). He has also appeared in the local paper 2 years running holding a glass of beer. What's next, some kind of novella or regular global cyber-publication?
On the doormat on our return was my cheque for £5,000 from Blind Uncle Len's solicitors. Bud has added the £190 from the sale of some of his stuff and this will go into my house fund. I got to keep the £7.90 leftovers which means at least 1 more Lego Ninjago spinner.
woolly hats and spiderman hat
Wednesday park was on. I wore the fluorescent gloves and played football and cover-the-football-in-dead-leaves with Ben until the olds got cold in the vicious north wind and we retreated to my bedroom for extended Lego. I made a rocket launchpad and he made a Parthenon. Then Ben looked at our medal collection because one of his great-great Grandfathers or something has some medals which he is about to inherit. This inheritance lark is a real boon.
Later we did a second viewing of the house and Erin was there to meet me! We ran around and hid behind the doors and quarkled and hid under the beds and used the toilets while the old people talked about downpipes and dormers and ensuites. We were so ... animated that no unblurred pictures exist.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Burning the 6" Berber cheroot at both ends

flooded out house
Meanwhile, floods continue
First of all, I must apologize for the recent paucity of the posts, the hurried slapdash writing and lack of decent material. But honestly, it's been get home from school and straight up the ladder for wallpaper stripping and plastering and painting. I'm sure that moving house will only take a couple of days, and then my scintillating sentiments will shine out once more - until then, you'll have to make do with some pixelated prose.
At school I had an overdue notice from the canteen. They said I owed money for hot lunches. I have not had school dinners for 2 years so with compound interest it must be like the Greek national debt.
mountbatten centre alexandra park portsmouthJof has made us another appointment to see the new house so while I practised spelling, he scraped wallpaper frantically. Before Gymnastics we got 10 minutes of park play but the deserted swingpark bit was cold and wet and dark with a biting north wind so I retired to the gym and ate chocolate until the lesson started.
wild primrose pale citrus lemon tropics soft peach dulux paint
On the way home we stopped off at B+Q to get white spirit, plaster filler and paint for the dining room. Jof said it had to have the word peach in it so I naturally chose "Gentle Lavender". A short while later we had the right one and then I had prawns and noodles and white crisps (aka pron crackers).
You know the way it is with home decorating, you carefully take off the cable trunking so you can slide the wallpaper under it, replacing it nicely, cleaning it etc. Then, years later, you take it off again to remove the wallpaper and the loose, unattached, defunct cable itself just comes away from the wall, having obviously been isolated from its former purpose in about 1973.

Monday, 26 November 2012

In the meantime (which is the groovy time)

found a black hole by workstation ineffective team leader
It's still raining. May those reservoir managers never complain again.
In the afternoon I did maths homework (easy) and spelling (less so) while he removed even more wallpaper.
Then I switched on the flashing purple LEDs on my scooter and we zipped through the moonlit park avoiding massive puddles. The swingpark bit is practically all lake, I hope it's soaked away a bit by Wednesday.
Today in Beavers we looked at the architecture of the church (this one is only 99 years old) and learned that the roof is always like an upturned boat. Perhaps when Noah's ark landed, he just turned it upside down and made it into a church.
At home I emptied the cardboard bin in order to "Make" some new artefact. Of course what I actually did was spread it all over the floor, declare I'd done enough work for one day and went back downstairs and demanded chocolate.

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Moving back in, only so we can move out

lego rocket with launchpad and radar towerAwoke in Ben's house. A laugh and a half, as usual. We taxed poor old BensDad and had to sleep in separate rooms, only we know the true reason for this and we're not telling.
boy stripping wallpaper home redecorationAfter the jolly wheeze that is a sleepover, Jof collected me and I started immediately on the Lego Police double helicopter. It has its own jeep and a bloke with an explorer's hat. Meanwhile my room has been painted and all the furniture has been moved back in.
Of course, this just means we can start on the toyroom. Thus, wallpaper was removed (with my help) and we're totally moving on, dude. This house-moving thing is a total total total, well, words fail me.
Late in the afternoon I visited Pops with presents and hand-made cards from Ben and myself. She was feeling very sorry for herself, they've all had the rampant poo bug.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Is rain sexy? Well, it makes ME wet

Good old scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast, on a tray, in front of the TV. Problem was, the remote control was slightly out of my reach (short arms syndrome - just like the T Rex) and as I reached for it, my food succumbed to a freak outbreak of gravity and spread itself liberally over the carpet. TV privileges have been summarily removed. It has been raining steadily all night.
roasted red paintFirstly: we walked through the rain to meet Bud and the nice estate agent man at the house that Erin and I had viewed yesterday. We looked through all the rooms and I chose which bedroom I was going to have and I fell over some exposed copper piping and we couldn't open the back door and it's a really really big house and we want to buy it. I stalked around telling everyone how good it was and bounced on the beds even though they weren't mine. The kitchen is so big that all the PuddleDaddies could talk about beer at one end while all the PuddleMummies could talk about relationships at the other end. Then the nice estate agent man came round to our house and valued it and told us to get the builderman in to paint the windowsills and stuff so it looked better.
Then we went back to the big new house in the rain and the owner and his 2 large dogs opened the back door so we could see the garden (tiny) and the garage (big and with workbenches and an inspection pit so you can look up car's bottoms) and we said could we buy it please. Then we went to Tesco in the rain to get some lunch while Bud and the windowman measured up for new double glazed windows, one was so stiff he had to get tools from his van to get it closed again.
john lewis toy departmentThen we did some more painting in my room which is completely empty apart from the bedframe which looks like a cross between a skeleton and a really good ladder but they said I couldn't climb it which is clearly not true. Because my room is empty, I have to go and sleep on Ben's floor tonight.
Then we went to Southsea in the rain for Jof's opticians appointment which turned out to have been 5 hours ago, so that didn't work out. I had £23 to spend on Lego in John Lewis so by total unplanned coincidence we met Ben there, which is the second time this has happened. He helped me choose which Lego to splurge my cash on by quacking and jumping up and down, which is something we're both good at. I got a double-rotor police helicopter. In a nearby charity shop we got some bath fizzers and a bag of unknown Lego, for you can never have enough. Then we met Ben in Waitrose, for, like Lego, you can never have too much of a good thing.
Jof made the rocket + launchpad which was in the unknown bag while I made the helicopter. Then Jof took me to Ben's house in the rain while Bud painted. I actually had to tell Jof to go home, she just doesn't understand chaps. That's ok, because chaps don't understand women. At home, she painted in the bathroom.
This all-action house move thing has really got me excited. You get absolutely rod all for 6 years and then all of a sudden, wang crample-doodaps, and your life is turned upside-down.....

Friday, 23 November 2012

Drinking from the furry cup

frightened dog shits on carpetSo the parents have a glass of water by the bedside for nocturnal dry throat issues, particularly on beer nights. This is fair enough. Over years, they have settled on those old pint glasses with the really thick glass bottoms, because they are stable and more difficult to knock over if you miss the handle in the middle of the night. For years now, I've had one of those baby beakers by the bed for the same reason: they have the lid and retractable mouthpiece so again, are less easy to spill. But I've chewed it and now it's all hairy. I shall stop drinking from the furry cup and get myself a half-pint, maybe one from a beer festival.
anchorage park portsmouthAnyway, after school, Erin and I went to see the house that we want to buy. It's quite large, and many builders are interested in it so I'm sure they'll gazump us. But you can but try. We saw BensMum driving home and I helped he realise whe the trafic lights had turned green.
anchorage park portsmouth by eastern roadFollowing our difficulties in getting to swimming on time, we left super-early and met no traffic at all. Rather than get there 40 minutes early, we visited Anchorage Park swingpark which was empty and waterlogged. This did not stop us swinging, zip-lining and doing chinups. As the last vestiges of solar radiation left us, we headed off to the pool where we met Poppy C and her mum, who says I'm cute. I'm well in there.....
Bedtime. Or so you would think. I'd already sadly missed Beer'O'Clock with the PuddlePolice. But, after showertime, I re-established my Power of Personality by starting a Calisthenic Competition. In my newly denuded bedroom, we had a Gymnastic groove-along with pikes, straddlejumps and arabesques. Jof was surprisingly good as she had gymmed until circa 13, Bud was strong in the push-up area but was crap at balancing, and in the end we made full use of the cleared bedroom to do some gratifying yet grotesque family gymnastics.
Aussi, bonjour mes amis de la belle France.

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Backs against the Wall

chicken fox and corn boat funny cartoon
Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans, I expect by now you're all clutching your undulating bellies and wishing you hadn't eaten so much.
On the way back from school we looked at an affordable house newly on the market, much bigger and with a garage (a rarity in Pompey) but do we really want to have to paint, carpet and rebuild every room?
home redecorating painting kids bedroomToday is my one afternoon off so after a quick go on spellings, we cleared out my room and did some more plastering. Personally I wanted to get rid of all the furniture and sleep on the floor but last night I slept in the middle of the bed and even that didn't work so we've kept the bed in situ for another couple of days.
knitted hat too big pot pourri bagIt all looks so empty, and it echoes.
Jof has knitted me a hat. Every time she knits a pot-pourri bag, I wear it as a hat so she tried to make a proper hat this time. It's a bit big for me but useful to carry things around in, maybe pot-pourri.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Puppet on a Rope

pale skinned girl sandy beach hotel apartments
Another wet start, and it's supposed to be Wednesday park.
As it happens the skies cleared and at parktime it was sunny and crisp, if a little brisk, so I wore a bobble hat that covers my ears and off we went. The JBs joined me but Ben was having his gas meter changed so was unable to come and collect the Galoshi monster I found after his last visit.
We swung in the basket and chased and threw the ball at each other, had an extended game of Spitfire Tactical Dogfight and did all the usual things including scooting in the dark.
I donated all the funsize bags of Skittles because I don't like them so be sure that there will be sugar rushes galore in the JB household.
Today there was an awful lot of bottie smacking in the park (as usual). In fact one could go as far as to say we all have an unhealthy bottom obsession. Is it because we all receive so much corporal punishment that we naturally associate throbbing buttocks with guilty pleasure? Is it simply that adult botties are naturally padded target areas at exactly the right height for us to attack? Who knows. Maybe we should call in the Serious Freud Squad to investigate.
Everybody knows that you never find just one mouse. So today we pulled another ex-mouse from under the freezer. Can they stop existing now please?

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

A Rodent that has ceased to be

funny restaurant sign
The night light is back on. Following my early-morning excursion yesterday, I've opted to re-illuminate it. I'll put a couple of orange stickers over it to give it more of a sodium glare, then all I'll need is some Luminal sodium to help me sleep.
At school assembly today we learnt 2 more songs. He is doubtful as to the point of learning songs when I could be learning, for example, maths or language skills. But being able to sing "Donkey Plodding" or "Wiggly Nativity" fifty times each on the way to gymnastics can only get me closer to my boyhood ambition of becoming a castrato singer, which he assures me I will become if I sing these ditties sufficiently.
The very fact that I recorded the titles (in my little notebook) as "dongckey ploding"* and "wigerly nertiverty" only strengthens my argument. I also noted that the traffic on the "estern rode" was equally as jammed as on our usual route. Will we never find the perfect way to drive across this busy over-populated island?
On the way back, (through even more traffic generated by Portsmouth Football Club's insistence on trying to avoid bankruptcy by continuing to play) one of the news articles on the wireless broadcast-O-matic was about a club DJ called Deadmau5. He was describing the recent tendency of his fellow music professionals to pre-record their sets, and then during the actual club event night, to press play and simply stand there jiggling and pretending to mix their scratch desks or whatever it is these young people do nowadays. Coincidentally, on getting home, a dead mouse is exactly what we found behind the second freezer, once we had been alerted to the existence of the corpse (and associated drifts of coproliths) by Jof's keen sense of smell.
At bedtime he started to fill in little holes in my bedroom wall with DIY Ezi-plaster in preparation for painting. This was fine until I climbed onto the IKEA cupboard and kicked my milk onto the floor, when all activity suddenly ceased. I have a weekend off (sleepover at Ben's) and they will spend the time painting my sanctum sanctorum, baby.
* Whether it is an instantaneous black hole donkey (imploding) or a militant suicide donkey (exploding) is not known at this point

Monday, 19 November 2012

A Pier Appeared

derelict victorian pier for sale
From £190,000   Just added  Property for sale South Parade Pier, Southsea 
Public auction at The Ageas Bowl : Wednesday, 12 December 2012. Unique Opportunity To Acquire Substantial Freehold Victorian Pier For Restoration
victorian pier for saleSo only yesterday we were on this pier, sad at its dilapidated state, wondering where the money would come from to restore it to its former tacky glory. I guess we'll find out next month. The superstructure is shot through, it's never going to be strong enough to support anything heavier than a colony of seagulls (guano may be a problem). But I suppose if you're buying the substantial footprint and the right to build out into the sea, it'd make quite a good luxury flats development like Gunwharf, if you could afford the marine pilings to hold it all up. Shame, it's right in our price bracket, decent sea views, a lot bigger than the other properties we've been looking at, but no bedrooms (and a million seagulls).
funny vet signpostMy day started at 0513 when I got up to talk to Jof. My legs hurt and I needed my personal on-call masseuse.
Much of the day was great because my wobbly tooth (although the dentist called it mobile) is very wobbly and I can feel the sharp bit right at the bottom with my tongue.
But a lot of it was not so great because Erin and LittleMax kept wanting to play with me. I mean, there's like, 200 kids in this school but they all want a piece of me. Bud explained that this could be seen as a good thing, but I'm getting early-onset fame-ache, all these fans making demands on my time is getting tiresome. I just want to be a lawn sometimes.
In Beavers we were given a copy of the lord's prayer. We read it out a few times, coloured in some background, and that took up the whole hour, apparently. Also Louie, friend of the JBs, was back.
The last genuine castrato singer died in 1922. Bud said if I carry on the same way I could become one too, something to look forward to there.
Anyway, at school today I discovered that I have a cranial circumference of 54cm. This may be a contributing factor to the use of forceps in assisting my birth. They did make me very angry at the time.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Prom tiddlyom prom prom

remote controlled model boats and shipsSlow and lazy breakfast while he shopped. Then we made paper lanterns from the Xmas craft book I won at Beavers. My idea of the getting-fresh-air aspect of the day was to walk along the seafront, which was well received. It was a lovely day so we parked at Canoe Lake and saw the model boat society. HMS Temeraire here has working cannons and little humans (not Lego).
south parade pier southsea derelictI'm sure they are all very nice people and very knowledgeable about all marine matters but ask them a simple question and you let yourself in for a 3 hour diatribe/lecture. He only stopped when he spilt his tea down his front and over the remote control so we made a hasty exit.
fountain in front of henry 8ths castle southsea promenadeSouth Parade Pier is closed. It is quite old and all the businesses on it have mostly failed and can't afford essential maintenance and repairs, so it's going to fall down like Brighton pier did. There may be a suspicious fire like Brighton pier had, and also the old 5th Avenue nightclub just over the road. These convenient fires can start anytime, anywhere, you know. I played on the arcade games (with £5 float kindly donated by my carers) and made a profit of £3 which was removed to benefit my Lego fund. Even the arcade has shrunk, they've made a new wall out of slot machines and lost 60% of their floorspace so that customers don't fall through the rotten floor.
We paraded along the Promenade and eventually made it to the Pyramids where I climbed the walls just by the Do Not Climb sign, and because the castle was shut we fished 4p out of the fountain which is not financially linked to any charity. I worked hard for that 4p and the water was very cold. I can hear the grumblers now.....
While he ran (right back along where we'd just walked) Jof and I worked hard on our secret project which is called sofa and chocolate.

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Padded Room Service

bransbury park portsmouth miniature railway
Up at 0930. Early, I know, but Jof had gone to work so I had to jump on him instead. Our morning walk took us to the charity shop (even more toy animals for my jungle montage) and Tunnel Park (met Harry for some football attack games). Baloo (chief scoutmaster) was there too, slight crossover between my many lives there.
Once Jof got home we discovered the tragedy of what was missing in my life. The base section to my Lego police boat was not in the Lego box. We searched high and low in every room including the loft to no avail. We all have our suspicions - it's probably in the loft and will reappear when ... my room is redecorated and all the stuff goes back/we sell off all my old toys at the Xmas school Fayre/we move house.
milton park portsmouth
At 3pm Bud said why don't I check to see if Pops wants to come round. About an hour and a half later I came back, but it was only to get a coat so I could go to the park. Presently, he joined us (Pops, Baby Edward and friend Keira) and we did much hard work on the turning wheel, swings and the swinging basket on which I started the day. Keira appears to have a pants fixation because she kept going on and on about her pants falling down. She also didn't like going as high/fast on the swinging basket as I do, she screamed a lot but said she was 7 although she looked older. We all Gangnam styled home at about 6pm, a mere 3 hours of Pops. One day when I marry her I won't have to go home to a different house. I didn't even notice that the hedges have been cut, the house hoovered and cleaned, the Lego put away, the gloves all in pairs, etc etc.

Friday, 16 November 2012


north african piebald arboreal goats
indian sign funny error engrish
Goats. Our diminutive, robust yet rebellious ruminant friends that keep getting passed over for promotion. Why should only sheep get their own songs..."Ewe and I"....
1. Stretch the definition of omnivorous. Tyres, cacti, clothing, Latin dictionaries, teabags, all will be consumed.
2. One of the lesser-known arboreal creatures, they ensure no leaf goes unchewed.
3. Their milk produces more cheeses than a French surrender party.
cylinders of cheese from goatsPersonally I recommend "Rentagoat", a new loaner service in which destitute Sudanese goats are given temporary green cards to European countries where they fatten up stripping vegetation from railway lines, council estate car parks and proposed redevelopment sites. The Mo De Lorean luxury goat service will trim your turf down to the bedrock and all goats will be returned to their country of origin with their weight and value quadrupled.
BTW. If you were Neil Armstrong, wouldn't you use your dying breath to say "I told you about the footprints we found on the moon, right.....", just to wind people up?
Just before bed last night I decided that I did want to wear a spotty children-in-need Pudsey bear outfit for the non-uniform day. Of course only so much can be done that late in the day, but when you have a spare white T-shirt, a selection of fabric pens and a father with unusual artistic leanings, anything is possible. I shall win the competition. If there isn't a prize, I shall tell them there should be one, then win it. So poo to you.
home made children in need day t shirt
home made design for children in need day at schoolMy whole class gathered round me to marvel at my coat of many colours shirt of many spots, as did 2 teachers and the Headmistress. What more could a man want. Notice the neck rivets, large nipples, 2 Saturns, bacteria undergoing cell division, alien spaceship and little M constellation. We raised £200. Erin wore pyjamas, and very pink they were too.
At swimming today we met LittleMax. Does everybody I know go there?

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Stool-Pidgin English

funny sign fail redneck hillbilly
It seems that recently everyone is mean to me. I rush out of school to report on Erin's meanness or Billy's rudeness or Jessica quacking at me and getting me into trouble, the only people on my side are the teachers (it's like the Adoration of the Magi with them). Or perhaps I'm just being over-sensitive.
After school we sold some unwanted old books from Blind Uncle Len to the book dealer that Jof doesn't like (he's creepy, apparently) for another tenner into my BUL memorial fund.
During homework (writing a letter from a Walrus to a Penguin and doing spellings) he was busy reading out the words to spell (eating, marching, learning etc) when he inserted "amputating" for a bonus point. I got it right.
Finally we have finished the jungle diorama-montage. I am full of big projects at the moment, but as is the way with 6 year-olds, few reach completion, the rest are shelved quietly like left wing political initiatives or school building projects where the mafia is in charge of the petty cash. The final obstacle was to work out how to make realistic snow for the polar bear section. Fortunately, Xmas is a-coming in and snow now comes in spraycans.
homemade world of fauna and flora
I'm sure we have put half of it in the wrong place (do pangolins inhabit savannah, prairie or cerrado?) but there you go. Bet you didn't know there were that many freshwater cetaceans.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

An inconvenient tooth

hoodie baby with gang signs funny fail
A bright and shiny day, looking forward to Wednesday Park.
On the way home, he delivered 2 Dracula Coffins to Erin's house as part of her hamster's overwintering plan. These 2 coffins can be easily transformed into a duplex rodent condominium with no prior medical training, you can't say furrier than that! You will receive top quality bespoke hamster accommodation at low low prices with free delivery and even a little cliff to throw themselves off, or is that lemmings.....
swinging basket milton park blurred picture with movement and laughter
My life is a blur
But first, it was a rush job to the dentist so he could see my wobbly teeth. Both front ones are going together so they feel a bit weird and Jof thought the dentist needed to have a look. So off we went, direct from school, and in a radical and unexpected verdict, the Mandibular Maestro declared it "Perfectly normal, nothing to worry about" and we left.
In a quick bath fizzer-hunt in the charity shop next door I scored 6 blue eggs and a duck: this is possibly my first fizzing fowl.
So it was rush rush rush to the park, we arrived only 7 minutes late. I played with Puddle Emma and Sam and even Baby Edward but the promised Bens and JBs never materialized, perhaps their Scottibeam transporters had a malfunction for Star Trek storylines 18 thru 59.
Jof was late home. It's difficult to remember to get off at the right bus stop when there's a giant pile of ironing waiting for you at home.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Yeux sans pompiers

god with big beard and capekeep calm and carry on british war departmentSince Ben's sleepover visit last weekend, I have made do without the nightlight I've had since birth. Of course, at this time of year, it's pitch black when I get up, let alone when he gets up a couple of hours earlier, so we've had to leave the downstairs light on to avoid any falling-down-the-stairs mishaps like that rum-related one a couple of years ago.
mountbatten centre alexandra park portsmouthAt school today I was one of 7 Levantines on stage passed over for the job of King. God chose David instead because he cared about his sheep, then we sang a song. The syllabus has been quite god-heavy this last couple of weeks, and even though I know all of them are pretend, the concept influenced me sufficiently to draw this picture of me standing on a cloud with one of them. Look, he's even got a 'g' on his hat, a big curly beard and a cape, as befits any fictional super-being.
I have 2 wobbly teeth so Jof has made me an emergency dental appointment. This afternoon we got to gymnastics early enough to catch the last rays of the setting sun in the park. Jof and the PuddleMummies are going out for a curry and quiz night at the pub, I expect she'll be on the dog'n'bone soon enough to get some answers from me.
As it happens the Portsea Island Support Trust had a good time and got in late but came last in the quiz.

Monday, 12 November 2012

Beavers Las Vegas

the wonder of windows crap operating system program bugs
Sometimes the world seems to be arrayed against you, and your task is to bang your head against a brick wall forever (better than Hearts of Gold in a lift forever).
But then school ended and I trailed home in the drizzle. My new topic is the Victorians, they're difficult enough to spell without having to learn what they did. I have done a Bar Graph based on what pets are owned by the entire class. Dogs had the tallest bar with 10 and I added a bar for goats (zero) to illustrate the empty set.
Once I'd answered the questions on a story about a walrus and a penguin that travel from opposing poles only to miraculously meet at the pyramids, I set to Lego-ing again to my newest song
"I am the king of the world
king of the world
the king of the world" Repeat x 576 or until Bud shouts shut up.
Tonight's Beavers, Cubs, and Scouts meeting was different - there was a slideshow of the pictures taken at the summer camp (mostly all I remember is the rain and walking over a motorway bridge) with diamond-jubilee themed cake competition and raffle. Of course we would have known this had we read the letter handed out last week so were woefully underprepared, Jof had not made a cake using ingredients from our dedicated cake-making cupboard. I bought 2 strips of raffle tickets and won a 'Craft at Xmastime' book so look forward to lots of glittery Xmas cards and so forth. The cakes were judged and in time-honoured Village Fete fashion, cut up and sold back to us. I chose chocolate because of internal peer pressure: I feel I have to say yes, but never finish them. Then my juice slipped from my sticky fingers and soaked my clothes.

Sunday, 11 November 2012

The marathon party

bransbury park community centre portsmouth hire birthday parties
Up at a much more reasonable 10am. Today is Zachary F's birthday party at Bransbury Park community centre, which is where Pops had her fancy dress party some years ago. Coincidentally, Zachary's party is also fancy dress/Halloween outfits, so I will wear the Skeleton costume again. It occurs to me that, like many other complicated costumes worn by millions of other people of my height, it's probably not washable because of all the luminous paint on the plastic stuck-on bones and things. So do you just wear it a few times and hope you've grown out of it before it starts to smell? Is there a secret non-destructive washing method that only magic mummies know?
The party was billed as a 3-hour event. There were 2 other skeletons, some superheroes, a pair of Harry Potters, and about 11 princesses. First we blew up those long balloons that screet when you let them go and I had a big swordfight with Zachary. My snakeskin sword was very popular, everyone wanted a go so that's why it got bent in the middle when 3 people were pulling it in different directions. I did spend quite some time chasing Kate-Lynn with my large weapon, not sure what's going on there. And later someone else chopped me in the willy with it, I was brave and didn't cry.
Then the party games started. In the dance contest the resident DJ played oopa-woppa gangnam style 5 times, will we ever tire of that splendid tune. I have developed an interpretative feet-on-fire Irish jig style of dancing with the odd bit of skeleto-robotics thrown in for good measure. Harvey and I share the belief that in a dance contest, the quicker you dance, the more points you will receive, so we leapt about like we were coming up on 750 mikes of the right stuff.
I won the pin-the-nose-on-the-pumpkin competition and my prize was a balsa wood F15 fighter jet construction kit. After musical statues, bobbing for apples, musical bumps, food, technotechno rave music, cake and much more, it was time to go home. I got my fighter jet out, made some of it, realised I'd put some bits on backwards, deconstructed it and broke the main tab that holds everything together. That's why I burst into tears, because I'd worked really hard for that prize and I killed it.

Saturday, 10 November 2012

The morning after the night before

collected piles of pineconesBen started whispering to me at ten to seven. I don't normally get up until about 10 on a Saturday but I soon came to, and we slunk off downstairs to play Lego in our pyjamas as directed.
After breakfast of sausages we did the bottlebank walk (although one of the more stupid amongst us forgot the bottles) and failed to find anything except Barbies and baby stuff in the charity shop. Not to be downhearted, we did tunnel park and made piles of pinecones from the trees inside the model railway track.
On our way back the nice butcher gave us some plastic bags to carry our pine-coney booty in, it was difficult carrying 6-10 each without bags.
childrens soft play area with birthday parties and catering facilitiesAfter yet more Lego and artwork (prolific, this time, with a distinctly nautical theme. Ben is currently into dragons and their bodily functions) we drove north to the treat of the day - Playzone Cosham. We've certainly been there before - I even had my 5th birthday party there - but the giant red slides beckoned. I personally only do the blue, polychrome and tunnel slide, the red devil slides look too dangerous to me. Ben does all of them. We ran around sweatily and chased and hid and I banged my head in the wooden tunnel and eventually his parents came to pick him up, which is always a shame.
On the way home Jof demanded McDongles, even though we'd bought some real food earlier. I had a Happy Meal and she had Chips Galore.
bundle of men piling on top of each other in the pubAfter a smallish tea break it was Beer'O'Clock. We walked to the Royal Artillery pub and there was a full house of Puddlers. To be fair, the Popses were in Oxfordshire so they weren't there, and it's only usually not a full house because we don't go much, but it was lovely to see everyone again after so long (apart from Elizabeth who I met yesterday at the swimming pool, Erin who I met yesterday at school, Ben who'd only just left my house, and the JBs who I met at Wednesday park).
burning string on bamboo canesWe watched the United match and hooted and ate crisps and stuff while the adults had their vitamin Beer and 3 pints later we all agreed to call it a day and headed back for a sandwich and a bonfire. Tonight's offerings were - a dead cupboard from Elizabeth, Victorian violin case, all the wallpaper from my room and all the usual cardboard and bits of pallet from his work. My goodness me, it's been a good day (again).