Friday, 30 September 2011

447 days left until the end of the world!*

predicted end of days in december 2012swimming pool drowned in rising floodwaters
*Well, until the Mayan calendar moves to the next b'ak'tun. Much like the dawn of the new millennium, it's an arbitrary counting system with an occasional pleasing yet meaningless round number. But it won't stop people having fun.
1.   A vast array of Quantum Vibrational Force Microcluster Protection websites will spring up offering chakra-aligning meditation-enhancing energizing spiritually cleansed Tachyon Quartz Pyramid End Of Days Survival Kits. (What will they be? A paper bag to put over your head? An interstellar generational starship? Also, what warranty do you offer in case of faulty performance?)
2.   Every Haight-Ashburyite, Secret Direct Descendant of the Chief Druid and crystal-waving god botherer will come out of the woodwork/bell-shaped barrow/catacomb/luxury granite worktop, wearing all their jingliest sparkliest Mayan/Toltec/Aztec chic torx and Mesoamerican obsidian ceremonial daggers. Geographical foci for alien-friendly vegan placard parades will include: Silbury Hill, Venice Beach, Roswell, the Bermuda triangle and anywhere cheap cider is sold.
3.   A dedicated government call centre will be set up on the Yucatan peninsula to deal with the predicted fallout in calendar stones, with live feed showing lots of concerned astrologers ready to sacrifice each other and Jon Snow jumping around the studio showing how the world could end with big graphics of earthquakes and trumpeting angels. Later, Armageddongate will dissect how so many highly qualified Enlightened Mystics could have got it so wrong.
4.  The pope, chief rabbi and head imam will independently yet patronizingly condemn the misguided heathen beliefs of the knock-kneed natives. The Revelationary Apocalypse will occur when we say it will, not as predicted 2000 years ago by a load of false chanting priests in their silly head-dresses. Er.
5.   Ten year bonds will hit an all-time low and whisky stocks will run out but the clever money will be in pine board holdings as all those "Body is an empty shell" corpses from the UFO suicide cults will need coffins.
6.   It will be the last day that Bud is 42. If the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything has not occurred to him by then, all is lost.

The weather forecast for the next 3 days is bright sunshine, maxtemp 29, mintemp 14. Tough life.
Complicated? No. Went round to Elizabeth's new house and marvelled at their new pad with super-large kitchen and newly turfed garden and pine doors throughout. The JBs and Ben and Beth played Ele-fun and we tried to move the contents of the house into the garden but were thwarted. Played with my skittles and her Beth-Fund (with unlimited cheque payment capability) and even got bonus hot dogs right at the end before it was hometime. She also has an elephanteddy that's bigger than me.
The Puddleparents have made beach and BBQ plans for tomorrow, who says weekends have to be boring?

Thursday, 29 September 2011

I shall be weighed and measured in the balance...

naked hippy at rally scares small boy
Measuring day! Results will be posted for all to see the magnificence of my corporeal form. Shame I'm still the smallest.
Football day! We are promised certificates handed out by Linvoy Primus himself!
Good news everyone! I'm on track to become a Cult leader: I have won my first election. I am Class Representative for the rest of the year (I get my own badge and everything) having been voted in by my peers in a free and fair election as determined by international observers. I will attend monthly meetings and bring the desires of my electorate to the despatch box.
getting certificate from Linvoy Primus premiership footballerGood news everyone! I have grown a stunning 1.5cm in the last quarter, bringing me to 112cm the lot. OK, so I'm small but I'm trying.
It was super-sunny again and once I'd got back from school I played lego in pants until it was time to go to football, and even then I wore the skimpiest footy kit I could find.
graduating football class of 2011 with certificatesWe got there just in time to add my name to the card that BensMum had done for the teachers using the printed picture that we took last week. Then we got stuck in to running around in summer temperatures so we all had pink faces and sweaty hair.
sausage and chips dinner on a granite tabletop
Once we'd completed the final match (we lost) we were all called to the middle and Linvoy came along to do a little speech and hand out the certificates and pose for pictures, because he's really good at it and a nice man to boot. I didn't boot him.
Once we'd all had our pictures taken Jof joined us hot-foot from work and we all decided to get a celebratory slap-up soss'n'chips from the Deep Blue Chish'na'fip emporium with its generous chip portions and generously proportioned chip servers. We all went in the JoniBobs car and argued all the way to the rabbit field where we ate chips and waved at buses and ran around the bushes and looked for rabbits and played cricket. Ben seemed to be unhappy but didn't tell us why, we eventually left because it was getting dark.
Valete football, you have been stalwart: we'll find something else.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Giraffe. You are 'avin' one

drunk driver of locomotive train engine
As summer is finally with us I have elected to go to school in shorts today, to show off my bike power legs.agent provocateur Amy with hat full of woodchips
armed hippy girl and angled roundaboutWednesday park was great. No Ben or Erin sadly but lots of schoolfriends and we all ganged up on the usual target and stole his hat, filled it with woodchips and put it back on him. Now it has to go in the laundry.

The JBs and Elizabeth and co-conspirators Rosie/Zak/Amy and many others made woodchip piles again and had another go on the toroidal basket of doom and we all got hot. Looks like the weather will be good for another few days so here's to hotpants and tank tops, I might just go out in socks.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

My hair turns grey as another day fades away

hospital safety funny sign patients not allowed to buy food from cafeteria
Only a couple of days to measuring day - I shall be 5 ¾. Where does it go? You turn around, and you're old.....
Last night I dreamt I had a house so big, I hadn't been in one of the bathrooms since I first bought the house.
Another sunny afternoon so I headed purposefully for the lego pit. He persuaded me to join him in the garden, but every time I tried to help it was "using the hedgetrimmer" or "moving the 10-stone plant pots" so in the end I piled all my worldly possessions into one wheelbarrow and, slinging my outsize cricket set over my shoulder, moved out. Once he'd moved the giant plant pots and swept the garden, I was able to move back home so all's well that ends well.
Jof had designated my eventide repast to be noodles with veg, but I got a bonus black pudding to boost protein levels.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Robot number 2

lynch 4th graders funny sign
Straight out of school we went to the post office to weigh and stamp up the latest Ebay sold item.
adjustable firework robotIs it really worth it when the sale price is less than the postage? For the proud new owners, I suppose so. But once we'd done that and hunted for more conkers, we got home and I met Robot #2. It has a sleek solid body fashioned from a stripped-down pump casing or similar and 3 bendy arms from adjustable lamps. It's hollow all the way down and will be very good for holding bananas and setting off fireworks. It should even be able to light its own explosives if the arms are positioned correctly. Perhaps if we put the banger in the bottom and a banana on top, I could shoot the fruit skyward.....

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The invasion of Europe (day of sand)

sandcastle with moat, motte and baileyJof had promised me a ride on the hovercraft a few weeks ago but the weather was so bad it was all cancelled. Today she came good on her promise and we began the invasion of Europe by taking Ryde. As soon as we'd got off the amphibious landing vessel I led the way to my favourite sandy beach and we broke ground on a fortified position from which to direct my land forces.
deep hole excavation on a sandy beachJof and I collaborated on a kidney-shaped river and dam while Bud did a motte and bailey and some outlying fortresses. But gradually the hole he was digging to produce sand for the earthworks got so deep it became interesting and I did a little trench warfare. At one point I could stand up in it with only my hat visible to the confused Chinese visitors nearby. I changed into some shorts so I could get seawater for the moat and then we noticed the tide had gone out. It went out a very long way indeed and so he took off his socks and shoes, rolled up his jeans and joined me on the exposed sandflats.
foxhole big enough for a boyEvery time we saw a new sand island and crossed it, the sea receded a little more and created a new island. In the end we were further out than the end of the train pier and were half a mile out to sea. We met many dead crabs, seaweed, gulls, shrimpy things, and currents emptying the sand bars. We waved hello to the many hovercraft as they passed us by.
Eventually we thought we'd better get back so returned to find Jof had erected some protective castles around the hole of destiny to stop kiddies falling down it and ending up in Australia.
sandflats at Ryde Isle of Wight at low tideWe found a tap and washed ourselves down, I had a complete change of clothes (apart from one item - I had to go commando again) and I ran up and down getting dry right in front of the bearded people with their special brew having a rest on a bench.
Then we headed into the buzzing metropolis that is downtown Ryde and found a place called Long John Eater at the bottom of Union Street who specialize in deep fat fryers. I had fried chicken nuggets and they had fried fish various and fried peas, we all had deep fried chips.

This was just the excuse I needed to go to the sandpark with the groovy sand excavator so I used my bucket and spades to move even more sand around. Then there was just time for a Minghella's luxury chocco ice cream before the hoverpeople let us have the last 3 seats and we retreated back to civilization.
We had got away with a 2-hour parking ticket on a six-hour jaunt: also we'd left the car window open but still nobody had stolen and torched it. What do we have to do?
Straight into the shower upon getting home, we were all very sandy indeed and sand is still coming out of my ear even now.

Saturday, 24 September 2011

The future's so bright.....

Steinway baby grand pianoToday I visited Portsmouth Grammar School on their open day. As we only had an hour or so before my gymnastics lesson we only saw a very small proportion of it, but what we saw was impressive enough. Bypassing the strategically placed greeters, we headed for the far corner which turned out to be the music block. A choir was practising the Messiah (they must have known I was coming) and I played a harpsichord and tinkled the ivories on a Steinway (£47,500).
Upstairs we discovered an unattended drum kit in the recording studio and even more pianos. I won a sweetie for playing Frere Jaques.
running on a treadmillGaining unsupervised access to a flat roof from the back of the theatre, I saw a gym so we found it by way of the refectory, watched some demonstration squash and hockey training (yes, all the girlies had jolly hockey sticks) before hitting the multigym. I could not reach any of the bodybuilding stuff like bench presses etc but I learned how to operate the treadmill in 2 seconds flat. Next up was Design and Technology where I operated a drill, foreign languages where I marvelled at the flags, politics where I counted the number of chairs in the room (18, a clue to maximum class sizes) and history, where I took apart some Russian dolls with the faces of some of their more ruthless dictators. They have a freaky boy scout! He's taller than ours, though.
idiot president george w bushWe were fast running out of time so while Bud went to find the application form (use your £50 non-refundable application fee here) I watched the bongo band and exploding hydrogen demonstration. I then gave him the slip and wandered off to the biology labs on my own for 15 minutes, no final frontiers for me. Eventually I allowed myself to be recaptured and we headed off to the gymnastics class, where I met Erin doing trampolines. On the way home we ate what may well be the last of the railway blackberries.
I enjoy "demolition", a game on the FRIV site where you strategically place dynamite to destroy buildings.
During bath fizzer night Bud tried to obtain a Pops for tomorrow's excursion but she was pre-booked.

Friday, 23 September 2011

Suitable for regular use

colon blow breakfast cereal with laxative effects
Swimming lesson again today.
A nice woman has bought the duplo lego so that'll get collected tonight, shame, I really enjoyed using it again after its year in the loft, but now I have become a man, I must put away childish things etc. I wonder what else we can sell from the loft.
cable drums, flags of the world and planetsI think they want to keep the collection of stuffed Grandmothers and they're holding on for a resurgence in the used plant pot market. Apparently I have missed my chance to be sold to a rich Arab or American couple as I am now too old, pre-sentient is preferable as the child in question will not remember its real name.
Swimming was ace. I'm getting really good and I even did backstroke today.
I've also been given spelling homework so I have to be able to write words such as dream, repeat and sea. He was training me up on completely different words that seem to make a coherent sentence such as "Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you".
Here are 2 cable drums, part of the ongoing collection for November 5th. Apparently he's built Robot #2 which is capable of holding up to 4 lit fireworks!

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Lifeguards: the sinking woman's crumpet

quiz question what colour is blue?
Second last football day. I shall miss it.
A question. If you eat lunch on a train, is it a Chattanooga chew chew?
Football was good. It's all coming together for us, we're just getting good and joining in properly, facing the right direction, kicking the ball not hootling, messing about and falling on the ground. It's been ages since we had a light-sabre fight.
Anyway apparently we'll get certificates from a named premiership footy star next week for our efforts, a crying shame it couldn't go on for another year. Cheers to the teachers, they've been great.
Incidentally, Bud did the same 5 mile run again while I was playing, this time he found a bag of unopened packets of chocolate bars in a Sainsbury's bag on a bench on the seafront. That's nearly 3 weeks' worth of lunchboxes for me. Hurrah for forgetful people and opportunists.
football coaches and eager students

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Bev-olution. From mead to iBräu

stop eating animals without steak sauce edited funny sign
Wednesday park. Another sunny day so it was very busy. Ben is completely better and we were very glad to see each other and get on with some serious parking. The grass had just been mown so we threw a bit of it around. There was also Rosie and Zak, who has had the kind of grade #1 haircut that Bud dreams of inflicting upon me. Erin arrived with the JoniBobs and with numerous unknown hangers-on we set about pelting each other with hastily gathered clods of grass cuttings.
large bag of greek fruity sweets being emptied
Follower Fiona had kindly brought back a massive bag of Greek sweeties (she's not a Greek gift-bearer so that's OK) with specific orders that I should share them with my friends (especially Pops) so we opened it and got stuck right in, they went down really well. ErinsMum arrived with Dylan the Littledog but due to inoculation rules he wasn't allowed to touch the ground: he spent the whole time wriggling on her lap.
After sampling all the usual park fun furniture (including the hanging basket, we're getting better at queuing up for it) we rediscovered the climbing rocks. We created a monster hill of woodchips and grass and we all played king'O'the castle variously.
children on climbing rocks in parkpile of grass cuttings and woodchipsThus we had a great time and occupied the requisite 2 hours' worth of fresh air until the clod-throwing got a bit excessive and some teenagers put down their special bespoke herbal cigarettes and started throwing our regular grass as well. There were 5 Greek sweets left over (all of them cherry-flavoured) so I delivered 3 to Pop's house.
Jof was late home again because the bank had lost the keys again so I was most of the way through my large 3-course supper before she got back and I distributed her birthday chocolate again.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

The quick and the dead

Jedi Knight star wars fan baby names
During one of my most recent incarnations as a 1970s schoolboy boarder, I assumed the "quick" in the title were those quickest to make their beds and get down to breakfast.

Carpeted by your boss? Unsure about underlay? Then ring the 
Don’t let it all pile up – confront your worsted fears - or there'll be hell toupee

What to do on a Tuesday? Bud had to stay behind after school and say sorry after he said Erin was fat and made her mum sad. But while he was getting told off, I got myself invited round to hers for tea, because it wasn't my fault and I'm gorgeous, right? Let's hope I don't inherit his ability to put his foot in it. Maybe I could try googling that Russian Mail Order Dads website.
Had an excellent time making a train line that went into 3 rooms. Played with Dylan the little dog and he jumped up and licked me a lot, then bit my shirt and trousers. He likes digging at the little window in the washing machine when the clothes go round, I gave that up months ago but I guess he's only a puppy. I was delivered back home after supper, Bud paid flowers on delivery for my safe return. I then changed into my mufti trousers (age 2-3, same as baby Edward) and played lego while reciting "Down, boy, sit! Sit!"
After pudding I allowed my mother to have some of her birthday chocolate after taking a hefty up-front cut, same as every other manipulative 5 year-old. Trick is to make it look like you're doing her a favour, and then use that favour (while still warm) to gain my own TV program.
This was cut short by them wanting me to go to bed on time. What's going on?

Monday, 19 September 2011

Do the 5 day drag once more

worst escalator story, slow news dayDreamt of the games on FRIV. Got to school just as the bell was going.
Went to the park afterwards as we hadn't arranged any friend visits and met a Year 2 Otter with a football. I'd taken my Pterodactyl-transformer so played with that until the bigger boys had stopped footballing and joined in. He tried to get me to play rugby, it was exactly the same but with more falling over, we were both naturals!
transformer pterodactyls don't have 4x4 wheelsTried to get more conkers off the tree by throwing a stick, problem is, the stick always seems to come back in my direction and I spent more time avoiding being hit by a stick than gathering conkers.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Keeping up with the JoniBobs

hops flowers drying: pumpkins, squashes, marrows, gourds and other cucurbitsBecause Jof had consumed a birthday vino, I thought it only right and proper to wake her up at 0230 using the old "My leg hurts" chestnut.
Here are the pumpkins, two of them went mouldy and had to be composted so I got Bud to take this picture of the survivors in case none make it through to Halloween. Also visible are some hops for the home-brewer at his work and some pretty birthday flowers from Elizabeth.
al fresco lego constructionWe have an invite to the 10th hole for lunch from the JoniBobs. Met them at the hallowed venue for our first mass Puddle-lunch @ the hole, most of us had a sausage-based repast. Ben had overcome his glue ear sufficiently to join us which was nice, I presented him with the lego helicopter I'd chosen for him and we all clubbed together to build it. Johhny knows how to play hangman and can do it with some quite long words but they're always ships. So once you've got the HMS bit at the beginning it's all downhill sailing from there.
throwing rocks into the sea, cloudy day
After the meal we ran to the seafront to throw rocks. I know it does seem that all I do is throw rocks into the sea but it's a simple and cost-effective pastime that anyone can do, so all 4 of us got stuck in there, ably assisted by some PuddleDaddies. The sky got a bit moody and we could see a rainstorm moving our way from the island so we ran away and did our shopping instead. The on and off nature of the lumpy rainclouds meant that we'd always be at risk of getting wet so we just planned for a quiet afternoon.


Much later I decided on a bike ride to the pier to play Zwolf.
crazy golf on the pierarsonists destroyed this seafront building owned by harry redknappAs we got to the front door it lashed it down something chronic so we waited. When the sun came out again we achieved the pier in record time and got to work zwolfing. The holes are very different, Bud got a hole in one, both of us got a couple of twos but also we both got a couple of 17s and some sour grapes where we declared the hole to be impossible anyway.
south parade pier at sunsetSuddenly Jof arrived. She explained that it was lashing it down at home and she'd driven down to rescue us, but as we were laughing our socks off in bright sunshine she felt a little silly (me).
sewage outflow pipe into the solentWe went inside and played on the machines with the flashing lights and had a game of skittles. Then we hit the seafront and drew our names in the sand with a stick and threw rocks at the triangular warning beacon on the sewage outflow pipe. On the way back I did a really good shot but nobody was watching, a rebel without applause.
Jof gave us a lift home. Good thing about my bike is, it fits in the boot. I played FRIV deep into the night, no games tomorrow and I'd better get up bright as a button, apparently.

Saturday, 17 September 2011

53 at last

pizza hut birthday meal with unlimited saladAwoke at 9-ish after going to bed past 11 (too busy laughing). Today was my first gymnastics session at Ruby and Millie's school, their new sports hall is very swish and goes on for ages. I got very frightened before the session and hid behind Bud's legs but as soon as it started I was bang into it and I was the best trampoline jumper even though I was 3rd smallest in the class of 16.
Ex-Puddler Kiera was there as well, she keeps turning up, didn't we send her to Coventry? As we arrived a massive group of girlies in the 7-9 region all dressed in ballet leotards came out of one of the many gym rooms, it was very unnerving as they all twittered past, both of us were quite scared. There's a set of twin girls in my group, unfortunately very ugly. I see a bright if seasonal future for them in panto.
business till of the bank, deserted cashiers deskThen we bussed into town so Jof could lead us round many shops for ages. In one of the shops, they were clearing out the seasonal goods at rock bottom prices so Jof bought 7 (seven) (sieben) Master Blaster giant water rifles for a PuddleParty next summer. Hurrah for planning ahead.
It's Jof's birthday today so we had a special slap-up lunch at Pizza Hut to celebrate. We all ate until we couldn't fit any more in and even brought some home in a box.
Before going home to pick up Elizabeth, we nipped into a bank where we could see a cardboard cutout of the Freaky Boy Scout staring disapprovingly at us from the doorway. We asked nicely if they had another one we could nick to shoot at and burn at the Puddleparty and whaddya know? They had a spare one upstairs on the business till and they didn't want him either. I took the same customer lift up the back stairs I used to play on every Saturday until health and safety (the Puritan Fun Police) said I wasn't insured and banned us from playing in the restricted areas.
toroidal orbiting platform in the parkSo we took him home on the bus and the bus driver made many drole comments about how he should be charged half fare. He also categorically stated that I was under 5 years old so I didn't have to pay, this was most gratifying as I never pay anyway.
Elizabeth was at Pop's place, as was Erin. We inherited them all and went to the newsagent for Brain Lickers (like a roll-on deodorant for the tongue, in a variety of flavours) and met Pops and Ruby down there, buying the same. It being a lovely afternoon we visited the park en masse and then all 4 of them came back to ours for artwork. It was extremely busy for a while until one by one, they went home for suppers various. Following bath fizzer night, bedtime was 11pm again. Should this log entry contain errors, my ghost writer has had too many spirits. Haha.
Today is my first Blog-aversary, one year of burbling, hooray.

Friday, 16 September 2011

The frigid midget with the rigid digit

nude sunbathers eating waffles warning sign
Not the time of year to go nude in this country. I have indeed used the nudist beach for its intended purpose but now is not the time.
Actually quite a nice afternoon, so going to swimming lesson instead. Today in school I made another of those random cardboard creations with a couple of straws attached at jaunty angles. I declare this to be a battle tank with bi-directional guns and shot several of my friends on the way home.
After an excellent swimming lesson in which I went underwater and touched the bottom (of the pool, not the swimming attendant) and did backstroke (like a starfish, not of the swimming attendant) we visited ElizabethsDad who was overjoyed that we had delivered packet #4 of moving-house boxes. Apparently he has filled 8 boxes so far with books alone and expects to get to 20, lucky this delivery was of larger containers so other random things like clothes and cooking utensils can follow them to their new abode.
dinosaur diorama cut-out display with pterodactyl and tyrannosaurus rex
We may be looking after the Pops and the Beth for a while tomorrow so while Jof and I were making a dino-diorama Bud hoovered the entire house, as you do, to ensure Beth will be un-dusted. Meanwhile, the collection of home-grown gourds, pumpkins, squashes and marrows grows (literally) by the day. If only there were some kind of halloween-based cucurbit celebration upcoming. Noisy and giggly showertime starts 2200, who knows when it'll finish.

Thursday, 15 September 2011

The antepenultimate football and other stories

lips that touch liquor shall not touch ours, temperance league poster
Fast running out of footy time (and running fast within it).
On the way we delivered another bale of moving-house boxes to Elizabeth. She is moving nearer to the JoniBobs and Erin, leading to a distinct Puddlecluster. Perhaps we should buy the now defunct Traveller's Joy pub and get Doom Bar Cornish ale and Tanglefoot on tap. Saw Ruby pushing Pops in Baby Edward's buggy! I guess they're the same size.
The box delivery took less time than anticipated so we arrived at football very early. Some big boys were showing off to each other in a testosterone-fuelled toughness competition with a twist.
1.  One person goes in goal but turns his back and sticks his bum out, potentially exposing valuable equipment.
2.  Everyone else queues up at the penalty spot and the one at the front of the line tries to score by booting the ball as hard as he can, but secretly he's trying to hit his friend.
3.  Once a striker has taken a penalty, he joins the goalie (who may or may not have been struck fatally) and sticks his bum out as well, and the next ball-booter gets ready to shoot.
4.  Continue attempting to score/maim your friends until only one striker remains and everyone else is lined up on the goal line, sticking their botties out.
5.  Take funny picture. I watched this bum-banging bonanza from behind the big metal fence and it was still frightening.
taking a penalty with 5 goalkeepers
My team won but we were Ben-less due to glue ear, it's not the first time he's poured glue into his ear. At the end we got orange quarters from Louie.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

The sharpest tool in the drawer

Welcome to post #400. Here is a question to tax the best of us. If there's even any doubt about this, if it's open to debate, can we be included in the survey please?
I have not proved the Poincaré conjecture: no Martian landers have crashed due to my miscalculations. Actuarial tables leave me as cold as the tomb: I do not play in Gamespace. I let the PC do my public-key cryptography for me: I was happy with only one infinity before the advent of multilevel set theory. But when I spend 40p having a go on the miniature railway in Tunnel Park, I know exactly how much change to give Bud.
When I got into the playground this afternoon, ErinsMum was surrounded by even more of her fan club than usual. This is because she had Erin's new puppy on her lap. The hound is 10 weeks old, black and hairy. It was timid and attempted to shrink back from the gaggle of schoolgirls that mobbed it. I don't think it knew it had a vet's appointment for many injections, out of the frying pan into the pressure cooker.
rotating gimbal chain suspension rope basketWednesday park was a quieter affair as Ben was off with an ear infection (again?) and Erin was watching the vet stab her puppy. The JoniBobs and I did our usual stuff, we got a go on the basket and invented a new game called Conker-run. We take it in turns to run the gauntlet along the mural on the thatched building while the other 2 fighters throw, um, those big brown nuts that all kids love, come on trees - coconuts! at the runner. That's why we call it Conker-run. Nobody got hurt because we're all rubbish shots. At one point Bud hurt my feelings with another innocuous comment which made me throw my smarties tube against a tree, so all the smarties went on the floor, so I had no smarties left! It's clearly all his fault, so I howled and sulked for 10 minutes.
At home, I roped Jof into doing a dinosaur diorama as detailed in the book I brought back from school. Bud blew 3 (evolutionarily related thus suitable) chicken eggs (10 days past their use-by date) to act as dinosaur eggs while Jof helped me with the tinfoil and cutting out/sticking. Not sure where the tinfoil is going but perhaps the baby dinos will be protected against the secret alien government mind-control transmissions.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

The elephant in the room

one hundred trillion zimbabwean dollars banknote, rampant inflation
He promised me a trip to LittleMax's house because he has a dentist's appointment today. Then he looked closer at the calendar - MY dental appointment, NOT his. When I learn to read I'll never make elementary schoolboy errors like that. Wonder why they call them schoolboy errors when it's adults that make them?
The dentist was happy with my teeth again, but he didn't count them this time. Then we hastened to LittleMax's house with 1 guitar and a mouth organ and I played for hours. I had all my supper including the baked beans that I don't like. Upon my return I headed straight for the duplo lego we're selling, have to get as much use out of it as I can. The 5 friends in my head and I quackled and barkled in the dark in a lego role play - too busy to turn on the light.

Monday, 12 September 2011

When I throw the dice, each one comes up 9

overhead traffic lights on fireWindy Monday. On the way out of school I noticed a pile of broken pallets by the front gate so we nabbed a couple of planks for the bonfire. Due to the rough-hewn nature of pallet planks, he warned me repeatedly about splinters. I got none whatsoever until I threw the wood into the burnbox, when I suddenly got a massive one. Bud has a dissection kit left over from A-level biology so we have a selection of flesh-cutting tools, mounted needles, spatulas and tweezers; I tweezed the splinter out myself (tool-using ape).
In the afternoon we got the car back from the garage. The car doctor has given it 6 months to live. We investigated the spanner-tunnel under the garage floor where the mechanics can run up and down fixing the bottoms of the cars.
jumping off the cupboard onto the bed game
I have a new job at school. I am "Line-ender" and my task is to wait until all the boys in my class have returned from playbreak and then attach myself to the end of the line, like a telomere capping a chromosome. Katelyn is my oppo on the girls line. In a couple of weeks we will all experience cross-training/job rotation and I shall assume the mantle of the Pencil Pot Monitor for Leopard table. Shortly I expect to be made Lord Mayor of Mercia.
As an aside, here is the people-at-work warning sign that currently adorns my bedroom door. I like "iumpjng" with principal squeeze Poppy so much I have drawn a diagram. Indeed. Fiters take it in turns to iump off the 3-drawer unit onto the bed. Although I love to iump with Pops, it should be said that I have also been iumpjng with Ben on the side.