tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40333329162474729592024-03-18T14:14:56.751+00:00Professor MungletonYour real online soap opera with real people in real places doing real things - except one's an alien, facing the challenges of growing up on an unfamiliar planetProfessor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.comBlogger2469125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-16934200333096609722017-07-24T19:30:00.002+01:002023-09-24T12:47:17.201+01:00Goodbye<div abp="19">
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Recently I have changed. We've all changed. I used to speak on here with the voice of a 7 year-old, but that is no longer the case as we all grow up and speak about different, less appropriate or child-friendly things. </div>
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So now this blog, like our innocence, will remain firmly rooted in the past, as my daily thoughts migrate to a new, private, invite-only blog invisible to search engines. If you know me personally, you can always ask to read the new version.</div>
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The Professor and his 7 year's worth of adventures on this new and interesting planet will stay available as an online resource as it gets 100,000 page-views a year from people searching for things from Majorcan children's songs to museum reviews, with special favourites the protect-yourself-from-spam page and the one about cardboard castles. </div>
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But to avoid further conflict about publishing the faces of children, or revealing (and protecting) their thoughts, I reluctantly retreat behind a veil of cyber-secrecy, while admitting that I, and everybody else, need to move on. Shame, but there you go.</div><div abp="1181"><br /></div><div abp="1181"><br /></div><div abp="1181"><br /></div><div abp="1181">If you are a Russian reading this: your dictator-leader is actually a Nazi war criminal committing genocide. But, they don't allow you to know that, and tell you massive fibs instead. If you overthrow the leadership which has stolen so much from you, you will all be able to join the big boys at the grown-up table. But until then, you'll remain outcasts.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-59927121892218034662017-07-23T21:02:00.000+01:002017-07-29T21:43:35.876+01:00July 2017 3/4<div abp="3160">
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In the last Scouts of the term we welcomed a new member and cooked sausage-inna-bun on an open gas fire in the church garden. </div>
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<strong abp="3292"><u abp="3293">Tuesday</u></strong> was one of those days when your voluntary activities come back to bite you in the butt. Syd and I have a Drama School Showcase performance tomorrow so tonight, once I'd barely had any Minecraft at all, I had to go out for a 4-hour rehearsal. </div>
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It is my destiny, and I do have talent, and it's all worth it. But sometimes it's hard work. Bud has a Scout Group executive meeting tonight, same applies.</div>
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Wednesday was a day of great news! I was told that tomorrow, it will be a full 6-hour day of Lion King dress rehearsals. But first I had to hold down the lead role in our section of the theatre school showcase, a for-parents production in which they see where their money goes and what little Tarquin and Rosettina get up to when they're in stage school.</div>
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It is the enduring fault of my schoolteachers that am at drama school, and I thank them for it. I made myself a snack and then walked to Little Tesco to buy myself the food I most associate with acting - tuna and cucumber sandwiches.</div>
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Sydney arrived dead on time and we drove past a million students celebrating graduation day to the theatre, where we'd been asked to come in 30 minutes early to rehearse our pivotal sketch, the second half closer. </div>
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<a abp="4181" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9eTfJHiezlM/WW_Ln2wjbSI/AAAAAAAAjgk/mdmW5eyjGOEC3sCL8nP9DFdZbpLr72x9ACKgBGAs/s1600/DSCN1672.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4182" alt="groundlings theatre drama school" border="0" data-original-height="551" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9eTfJHiezlM/WW_Ln2wjbSI/AAAAAAAAjgk/mdmW5eyjGOEC3sCL8nP9DFdZbpLr72x9ACKgBGAs/s640/DSCN1672.JPG" title="theatre group youngsters on stage" width="660" /></a>The show opened with a Greek display by the ladies both young and old. Heavy on veils and togas, they mentioned Phrygia a lot and were very meaningful about the origins of the spoken word upon the stage.</div>
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<a abp="4185" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CC1i0I0BFPY/WW_Ln-RQNBI/AAAAAAAAjgk/p0E4MydJJ4wYZt76uyOq4eCJROoZkwYgwCKgBGAs/s1600/DSCN1680.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4186" alt="groundlings theatre drama school" border="0" data-original-height="1114" data-original-width="1600" height="222" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CC1i0I0BFPY/WW_Ln-RQNBI/AAAAAAAAjgk/p0E4MydJJ4wYZt76uyOq4eCJROoZkwYgwCKgBGAs/s320/DSCN1680.JPG" title="junior production of 1 man 2 guvnors" width="320" /></a>A talented yet thin dancer sang capably about popularity, Lee did a Shakespearean scene about a drunk man and a fish, and Sydney introduced the massive ranks of the Youngers who performed an impenetrable extended oriental play about a Princess escaping a bad king with the help of a magic Buddha (Naughty Bertie) who froze the river enabling the Princess to skate right on out of there.</div>
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Plenty of LSD, colour and tassels in this one, then I came on to introduce a song from Showboat and it was half-time! While we weren't onstage, Syd and I helped the Little People get to their stage cues on time, quietly.</div>
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In the second riposte the Younglings sang D'Oh! Re Mi and lots of girls in suspenders performed Money from Cabaret which woke everybody up. </div>
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<a abp="4189" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XWzLS38Nujw/WW_Ln5gZEhI/AAAAAAAAjgk/jfJ8TV3jXC0Oc05TOQRrx2CQ0l1aIpAmACKgBGAs/s1600/DSCN1682.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4190" alt="theatre school drama academy" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1576" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XWzLS38Nujw/WW_Ln5gZEhI/AAAAAAAAjgk/jfJ8TV3jXC0Oc05TOQRrx2CQ0l1aIpAmACKgBGAs/s320/DSCN1682.JPG" title="1 man 2 guvnors stage production" width="315" /></a>There were nice songs from Pocahontas and Shrek and then we rounded off the show with 1 Man 2 Guv'nors. This is a slapstick farce in which I was the Man and was onstage practically the whole time, with my table, in what was a complicated section. I co-opted a member of the audience to hide soup and then sent her the wrong way before the fire scene.</div>
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OK, so we made a few mistakes and had to ad lib a bit and missed out a section but the imaginary flaming crepe suzette was good as was the real fire extinguisher used to put it out. But Thin Laura has only been with us a short while and was great, Sydney did some quick costume changes and I got a few laughs. </div>
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At the end, to cover for a forgotten line I ad-libbed a speech to the audience in which I said I hoped they'd enjoyed the show as much as we had enjoyed putting it on. Outside the stage door I got plaudits and congratulations from strangers and I was annoyed that I'd made mistakes but happy that I'd now only got 1 play to concentrate on. I was wired, incandescent with energy. And tumescent, didn't expect that.</div>
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<a abp="1403" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hokCUR4fRKE/WXDg3NGs05I/AAAAAAAAjhQ/g0aUPNhYagYOgccZNgrvdnXrKarEv7N_wCKgBGAs/s1600/psychic%2Bfail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="1404" alt="when you suck at your job funny meme" border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hokCUR4fRKE/WXDg3NGs05I/AAAAAAAAjhQ/g0aUPNhYagYOgccZNgrvdnXrKarEv7N_wCKgBGAs/s320/psychic%2Bfail.jpg" title="arizona psychic hit by car never saw it coming" width="320" /></a><strong abp="1405"><u abp="1406">Thor can keep his day</u></strong></div>
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Late to bed last night and still fizzing mentally so was quite tired today. Once we'd done boring pointless stuff like reading, we tested the sound system for tomorrow's performance and basically had ourselves a disco!</div>
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We kept the beat going from break to lunch and so the whole school got to join in. Then we got into our costumes and rehearsed madly for a while. On the way home I met Jack W who was at my Tiny School and will be with me once more at Big School.</div>
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So, there I was (in pants) being REALLY angry about a Minecraft mission when Bud said let's go out, things to do, places to go. Thing is, the Mine-task was to get past the pavement of holes to the bridge of safety and drop the clock of insanity into the lava (hope you're following this). </div>
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And it was mildly embarrassing when the man came to read the meter and I was only in pants, but then we drove (fully clothed) to the Scout Storage Garage and took out the empty gas bottles and signed the asbestos inspection register and got out all the plastic barrels for raft-building that we never use. I have a size advantage (that I am slowly losing) so was able to climb right to the back of the packed shed, even though I fell into a camping toilet.</div>
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These are the things you have to do when you work for the Scouts. Meanwhile, Jof's car was covered in so much guano, she had to pressure-hose it twice before her car felt able to park next to all the other, smarter cars.</div>
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<a abp="2536" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zx5oWra8bpY/WXI9AOtHEpI/AAAAAAAAjhw/qzGXGFTi6gImlnMmJoAgQWapHcWioO1oQCKgBGAs/s1600/ezgif.com-video-to-gif.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="2537" alt="wind opening front door with girl attached" border="0" data-original-height="264" data-original-width="480" height="176" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zx5oWra8bpY/WXI9AOtHEpI/AAAAAAAAjhw/qzGXGFTi6gImlnMmJoAgQWapHcWioO1oQCKgBGAs/s320/ezgif.com-video-to-gif.gif" title="toddler girl getting blown by wind" width="320" /></a><strong abp="1707"><u abp="1708">The Garden of Remembrance</u></strong></div>
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Friday at last, and one I've been especially looking forward to, at the end of a bizarrely busy week. We donned our costumery and did a performance of Disney's (remember this for later) The Lion King for the rest of the school and staff, which went down a storm because we're awesome. In fact, I remember last year when I was but a stripling in Year 5, the big, mature Year 6s did a talent-show type sketch revue and I thought they were the bees' knees, now it was our turn to sear the memories of talent onto the younger generation.</div>
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And we had an extra-long lunch break again, because let's face it, we're practically retired. The end of the day dribbled into being and the teachers set up the stage and sound system and delineated the audience area with millions of those little football cones, and we waited for the parents to arrive. One of mine was first into the playground and obtained Prime Seat #1, for photography purposes.</div>
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<a abp="4774" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QIx2lyjzrSs/WXOAq9OZxcI/AAAAAAAAjjA/VtxmD51PTIAMwk1Wv88hDzw5XJjq0C3BgCKgBGAs/s1600/DSCN1872.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4775" alt="disney litigious bastards" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1057" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QIx2lyjzrSs/WXOAq9OZxcI/AAAAAAAAjjA/VtxmD51PTIAMwk1Wv88hDzw5XJjq0C3BgCKgBGAs/s320/DSCN1872.JPG" title="disney lion king kids actors script booklet" width="211" /></a>On the way in, I met the rest of my after-school gardening class and they said join us, but I told them I would remember them, but I had regal duties to perform. It's good to be the King (again). We have been practising this for ages so we were actually really good. A few amongst us were not particularly interested, but the 18 characters with lines spake them with gusto, the ones that sang, sang with many notes, often the right ones, and even Ben, Leader of Trees, had a grin.</div>
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It is a little unfair to review without pictures, but: the Rafikis were resplendent in their finery and makeup. The Poomba/Timon duo are destined for marriage, although Jessie (Timon) is the talented one. Ingrid (Zazu) will go far, with or without her unmanageable hair.</div>
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The wind played a big role in the production, erecting the tassels and ribbons of the Rafikis, animating a discarded crisp packet that made repeat unscheduled appearances, and going wumph wumph on the radio microphones. </div>
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I (Mufasa) had a loud voice and obvious stage training as did Stanley (Scar). He was pretty good, and could hold a tune. I made sure my dying roar reverberated a bit and then Owen the Destroyer took over from Harvey the Haircut as my son, and the world continued to spin once the hyenas had eaten Scar. I have some REALLY good pictures and videos of the performance but cannot use them here. At home I cursed the 2 lines I forgot and had a soak in a foam bath, for it has been a tough week.</div>
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Because of the tough week, I was most miffed when he said we're going out. I was very miffed indeed when he said we're cycling, because I could see it was raining. I wanted a day of videos and chocolate, not wetness and torture. He said we'll play 'Rainshine Roulette' and hope we get away with it. I wore the special face of sulk, the one I can keep on all day if required.</div>
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Anyway, it cleared up a bit and we rode uphill against a 75 mile an hour wind to the Gosport Ferry where we bought the tickets with added bikes, and the man onboard said there's a special rate on for the summer - bikes go free. It is best to only tell people that once they've purchased their tickets from the machine.</div>
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Arriving at the Explosion Museum, I cheered up as I was surrounded by guns'n'ammo, although the rebel flag was not on the wall. Amazingly, I can still fit in the depth charge thrower, and a jacket potato with tuna and sweetcorn could still fit in my tummy. And nowadays I actually listen to the videos of ex-servicemen explaining how to fire a 5 1/4 inch gun.</div>
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In the shop I got [chocolate and] a T-shirt saying "I love Explosions" which Bud said I had to wear on the plane next time we go on holiday. So on that subject, I chose some Jasper Conran swimming trunks in Debenhams, and he swapped them for 3 Sports Direct ones for the same price. And then I got my sit-down time.</div>
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After being forced outside against my will yesterday, I insisted on a day off, which in my book means one in which the wearing of pants is not guaranteed, let alone going-out type clothing.</div>
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But during the Minecraft Marathon I did ask to have a walk round the park so Jof and I fed leftover bread products to the birds while he fed leftover glass products to the bottlebank and clothing-banked some of my school uniform, for the End of Days is close at hand. Maybe one day in the future, some random African village will have an outbreak of maroon jumpers.</div>
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And I did do a bit of work in the swingpark for old time's sake but then, amazingly, it started raining, as if it hadn't done enough of that yesterday. We did a half-fast nonchalant walk back home, and I plugged in again, for I can never get Mining Fatigue. And apart from a couple of games of Uno, that's where I stayed.</div>
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*Jazz-playing marching Krewe at the New Orleans Mardi Gras. Originally the Half-Arsed Walking Club, the Parade organizers asked them to change it. </div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-68863800038409927892017-07-16T21:00:00.000+01:002017-07-29T21:40:20.144+01:00July 2017 2/4<div abp="5307">
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Mondays start well for me because I'm not at work. We're starting to get to the last of things, the last gardening lesson will be this week, the last one of these, the last one of those, and the last school report from Medium School. </div>
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The report itself was just the SATs results (teacher input comes later) and I got 112, 113 and 114 out of 120. Brainiac Lewis got all 120s and the lowest score I know about is Child A with a 96, so perhaps ours is not an inner-city sink-hole school. But I was 'Not Bad'. </div>
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And then it was Lion King sing-along-a-Max and Lion King poster design and Lion King programme design, a theme develops, for that's all we have left, apart from the last of things. When we do the singing, the teachers keep telling everyone to sing louder because all they can hear is me, as I later proved by entertaining the entire street out of the shower room window.</div>
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<a abp="5316" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kn3RqZZUcHw/WWO0PqATBMI/AAAAAAAAjWQ/RStExUNHvcMvRJpdg6ji9Hne_srSvICgwCKgBGAs/s1600/10jul17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5317" alt="big slice of watermelon in sunshine" border="0" data-original-height="1457" data-original-width="1600" height="291" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kn3RqZZUcHw/WWO0PqATBMI/AAAAAAAAjWQ/RStExUNHvcMvRJpdg6ji9Hne_srSvICgwCKgBGAs/s320/10jul17.JPG" title="happy boy eating watermelon slice" width="320" /></a></div>
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Ben comes to mine on Mondays and Jof had kindly cut up a watermelon for us to take to the beach because the weatherguessers said it would be hot and sunny. We met the JBs for our usual bout of extended Fourplay. OK, it wasn't cold, but they exaggerated. We went in the sea anyway. That's when we found the Killer Jellyfish.</div>
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This was not one of those harmless colourless blobs we found in Gosport, this was a 7-foot Black-Ribbed Portuguese Man'o'War with extra pincers and stuff, so we decided to attack it with rocks, which are plentiful on our beach.</div>
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<a abp="1970" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b4imD0NI-gY/WWZxLMunaSI/AAAAAAAAjYA/q7nUfcTtk40RL8LKrAvdgKLmEwe4j0RrwCKgBGAs/s1600/bloody%2Bben.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="1971" alt="head wound blood down back" border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b4imD0NI-gY/WWZxLMunaSI/AAAAAAAAjYA/q7nUfcTtk40RL8LKrAvdgKLmEwe4j0RrwCKgBGAs/s1600/bloody%2Bben.JPG" title="boy bleeding from the head" /></a>Throwing to kill, we may not have been super-accurate and Johnny got Ben in the back of the head with a wayward rock and he bled LOTS and got angry. There was quite a puddle of blood on his head and his clothes and the floor back at base camp and he had to be taken away for questioning and a blood transfusion, let's hope his blood group (Q negative) is available at the vets, poor chap. Soon enough he realized he'd get lots of attention at school and extra Instagram followers, always look on the bright side. We finished off the watermelon anyway.</div>
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In Scouts we did Yoga and had to bring in our own Yogamats. Very few of us do Yoga for a living so the rubbery sleeping bag groundsheets from camping had to do. So, just like everybody else, I rolled it up and hit him with it and he said that was attempted matricide and crap jokes like that are exactly why we have to hit these people. Also we had to sign a waiver saying that if we broke our spines and were condemned to live in an iron lung or gravitational support goo forever, we wouldn't say it was the YogaMaster's (Maharishi Mahesh Yoga) fault.</div>
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<strong abp="3265"><u abp="3266">Briefs Encounter</u></strong></div>
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<a abp="2133" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e_sTCS7wTDQ/WWZzPp2gCGI/AAAAAAAAjYE/bYiodlAgCzMsS06WlvxV7kINvrIOo79NQCKgBGAs/s1600/card%2Bgame%2Bfail.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2134" alt="office worker playing cards when there's a queue " border="0" data-original-height="698" data-original-width="800" height="278" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e_sTCS7wTDQ/WWZzPp2gCGI/AAAAAAAAjYE/bYiodlAgCzMsS06WlvxV7kINvrIOo79NQCKgBGAs/s320/card%2Bgame%2Bfail.png" title="indian railway ticket sales booth" width="320" /></a>Tuesday was a day like any other day ie full of Lion King rehearsals. This time the Trees were allocated. Every year-group play has to have its dancers, musicians, grass, angels, trees and bricks, for otherwise disgruntled Mummies could say where was my little Tarquin or Roselda, surely a part could have been found for him/her/it. I myself started as a 'Musician' in the Year Zero Nativity Play, I just had to bang a cymbal or small rock and keep out of the way.</div>
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<a abp="3981" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lSb84KYLkO4/WWUy64n2YfI/AAAAAAAAjW8/Ggu0VNgWVBE1WU5-SIneB17i9aRl65UVgCKgBGAs/s1600/Prom%2B17%2B%252811%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="3982" alt="year 6 prom leavers party" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="972" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lSb84KYLkO4/WWUy64n2YfI/AAAAAAAAjW8/Ggu0VNgWVBE1WU5-SIneB17i9aRl65UVgCKgBGAs/s320/Prom%2B17%2B%252811%2529.JPG" title="photo booth school leavers disco" width="194" /></a>But our trees have a very cute and funny dance so we love them, they bring us shade, apples and laughter. And during one of the songs, 3 of us have to come on and make our obeisance to the great lion-kid Simba, but we don't have the [Teddy-standing-in-for] Simba yet so we had to praise a bunch of school jumpers shoved inside one another. This is much like the Jeddah Light Opera Society's 1983 production of 'Merrie England' when a priceless 17th century royal declaration on gently haunted vellum was replaced by well-used 10-Dirham note because nobody had a parchment royal proclamation handy, even the ambassador (and no, they don't give a flying fig for Ferrero Rocker chocolates).</div>
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And it was the Year 6 School Leavers' Prom Dance Event. Jof is one of the Friends-of-the-school super-helpers and like most of them, this was the final hurrah before us important people leave and they don't have to bother any more. So they'd made extra effort for extra brownie points, knowing that they could then say stuff it, somebody else's turn.</div>
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So instead of the outside disco-a-rama as planned, it rained all day so it was back to the good old assembly hall. And we boogied a bit and stole all the props from the photo booth and paraded around wearing them, as it clearly didn't say on the big sign Jof had written. My prom date was Lucy but we made an agreement that although we actually like each other and are a real couple on a proper prom date, we'd just say hello and go off with our friends, which we did, I expect all girlfriends are like that.</div>
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<a abp="2206" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R9v2cwNXBKE/WWZzrttgT8I/AAAAAAAAjYI/A2AOGTSijo0qjYV9Kzt8NcLODddco-vPgCKgBGAs/s1600/marijuana%2Br2d2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2207" alt="r2d2 dustbin design" border="0" data-original-height="602" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R9v2cwNXBKE/WWZzrttgT8I/AAAAAAAAjYI/A2AOGTSijo0qjYV9Kzt8NcLODddco-vPgCKgBGAs/s320/marijuana%2Br2d2.jpg" title="another life ruined by drugs" width="320" /></a>Then we were called through to a Year 4 classroom where all the Meon Mummies had laid out a feast of party food with added cakes and lashings of no ginger beer whatsoever. Everyone got a pointy hat and many people nicked them and wore several. </div>
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There was a bit of a food fight but not much 'cos of the headmaster standing right there, and lots of silliness and laughing and then we left the destroyed room and went back to the dance hall and did the special dance until the Prom King and Queen were chosen. They actually kissed on stage, a first for both. </div>
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I helped Jof clear up and a boy O boy, a lot of clearing was required. Supper wasn't, because of all the party food.</div>
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<a abp="4380" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BXWAo2TRj6Y/WWfRS94FtvI/AAAAAAAAjZY/OLxRYJMnk_Y_YKM_itTWu_n4TwXHSQkgACKgBGAs/s1600/goldfish%2Bhead%2Btank.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4381" alt="live goldfish mask and breathing tube wtf" border="0" data-original-height="843" data-original-width="540" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BXWAo2TRj6Y/WWfRS94FtvI/AAAAAAAAjZY/OLxRYJMnk_Y_YKM_itTWu_n4TwXHSQkgACKgBGAs/s320/goldfish%2Bhead%2Btank.jpg" title="man with goldfish bowl on head" width="204" /></a><u abp="2141">Wednesday</u> was good for me with Rounders in PE and the school choosing to use many of our pictures of the Year 6 Prom on the official website. We sold leftover Prom cakes for treat money, learnt HTML in computing, and practised the Lion King yet again. But the best bit was the totally free afternoon apart from having to cram watermelon so it doesn't all go to waste.</div>
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<strong abp="3651"><u abp="3652">Dirty Victorians</u></strong></div>
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Started with football because I can't get on with basketball or tennis. One kid got a boot in the face, this is why I normally restrict my sporting activities to Minecraft. Then 'Hell on 2 legs' aka Crunchy Girl picked a fight with Child A for no good reason, and even I shouted him out when he repeatedly turned off my Chromebook while I was trying to work. It is possible we're all ready for the end of term.</div>
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Rehearsed Lion King up to the Stampede Scene in which I am cruelly killed off before my time. Speaking of speaking roles, in the evening I went to the theatre where Sydney and I auditioned for the Festival of Christmas at HRH Queen Elizabeth's Historical Naval Dockyard, although by then it could be King Charlie's Yard if London Bridge falls down. </div>
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Sydney and I have done this performance twice before with much success and we get different roles each year, as our talents mature and we rise up the ranks of professional Thesps, although we're not yet old enough to play Brothel Prostitutes. This time the BossMan said that comedy was the key and as we're currently doing 'One Man, 2 Guv'nors', we agreed.</div>
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We seem to work well together like Ant'n'Dec or Hinge'n'Bracket or the 2 Ronnies or Morecombe and Wise, and were asked to poke our faces out from behind an imaginary curtain like nosy grannies and we improvised a series of commentaries on other people in the room in Pythonesque accents which made everybody laugh and we were hired on the spot.</div>
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Basically we shall dress as Victorians and randomly tour the festival site (with our curtain) insulting the passers-by in a 2-day improv-a-thon with just a few basic start-off lines and concepts to work from. </div>
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<a abp="4468" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-amUBDOw4qPI/WWnoTrWf3dI/AAAAAAAAjaA/VMcaXcMfj64kzUFY1wAZY9htlhInLO3rgCKgBGAs/s1600/ezgif.com-video-to-gif%2B%25281%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4469" alt="trolling cat skittles on slippery surface" border="0" data-original-height="409" data-original-width="600" height="218" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-amUBDOw4qPI/WWnoTrWf3dI/AAAAAAAAjaA/VMcaXcMfj64kzUFY1wAZY9htlhInLO3rgCKgBGAs/s320/ezgif.com-video-to-gif%2B%25281%2529.gif" title="cat chasing laser pen dot funny" width="320" /></a>It's a licence to be rude, we'll be Rollin' and Trollin'. So here for no good reason is a yacht for sale in the harbour (dolphins not included).</div>
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<strong abp="3759"><u abp="3760">Carberry the Clouter</u></strong></div>
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Friday started normally with Lion King rehearsals and Lion King program design and finished with the Last Gardening. Well, it's on next week but I shall be playing Mufasa for my adoring public. Our performance area is marked out in the playground as 6 x 3 metres which is the same size as our front room: the doors to the assembly hall are the stage left/right entrances.</div>
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I also got my actual school report in which I got a 1:1 in religion even though I'm atheist, and a 2:2 in French and PE which is not a surprise. Teacher seems to like me, though.</div>
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<a abp="4532" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8jViqpXjje8/WWno48UE3YI/AAAAAAAAjac/kawBVxorGnkOy1IdkzJYSj8Xhf7pBlTAgCKgBGAs/s1600/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25284%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4533" alt="natwest 20 20 blast hampshire middlesex" border="0" data-original-height="766" data-original-width="1600" height="203" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8jViqpXjje8/WWno48UE3YI/AAAAAAAAjac/kawBVxorGnkOy1IdkzJYSj8Xhf7pBlTAgCKgBGAs/s320/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25284%2529.JPG" title="crowd scene ageas bowl cricket match" width="420" /></a>But I got hardly any sofa-time afterwards because it was time to go out. Every year, I do some work for Charidee at a local cricket ground, this year I dug up brambles on the boundary line of Southsea Cricket Club, for which I got points towards a Scout badge, everyone's a winner. So not only did I get some sunshine and fresh air, we got free T-shirts and free tickets to the T20 Blast cricket match at the Rose Bowl (now the Ageas Bowl) to see Hampshire against Middlesex.</div>
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<a abp="4536" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V5_u-nLWjnc/WWno4zjH8ZI/AAAAAAAAjac/xqCgIh5gPSIAMasj7so6J3zLvOJnynj5wCKgBGAs/s1600/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25285%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4537" alt="cricketer hitting ball hampshire v middlesex" border="0" data-original-height="1404" data-original-width="1600" height="280" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V5_u-nLWjnc/WWno4zjH8ZI/AAAAAAAAjac/xqCgIh5gPSIAMasj7so6J3zLvOJnynj5wCKgBGAs/s320/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25285%2529.JPG" title="carberry batsman in 20 20 match" width="320" /></a>Leaving with only an hour and a half to spare, we got to the Hedge End motorway turn-off in only 28 minutes even though we were in Jof's rubbish car. But the queue stretched from there, across 3 roundabouts, back over the motorway bridge and into the car park (a bumpy muddy field, a snip at £10) and it took ages. Even when we'd abandoned the car it took us more ages to queue up for our free tickets, enter by the wrong gate with an increasingly angry Jof and walk all the way back to our seats in the same place we sat last time. We missed the beginning of the match.</div>
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This time there were no dancing girls, farm animals or those gas-powered fire-breathing boxes that flamed every time somebody scored a boundary, but there were odd snatches of Mexican fanfares and blarty trumpets at irregular intervals for no apparent reason. But there was a wasp on my hat that landed on Jof's head, and the 14th Itchen Scout group who brought at least 60 members and loads of uniformed adults.</div>
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<a abp="4540" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X955_yXMyms/WWno47amABI/AAAAAAAAjac/jK1gZ4MdPV8pq3_zxee7Xzh3sGz2d8nMQCKgBGAs/s1600/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4541" alt="cricket match with bouncy castle for kids" border="0" data-original-height="858" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X955_yXMyms/WWno47amABI/AAAAAAAAjac/jK1gZ4MdPV8pq3_zxee7Xzh3sGz2d8nMQCKgBGAs/s400/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="20 20 cricket match at ageas bowl" width="580" /></a>And because I have matured significantly, I didn't spend the whole match wandering off and investigating, instead electing to actually watch it. I even chose to ignore the Mexican Wave after joining in vigorously only 8 times. And being part of the baying crowd was exhilarating as they got more and more drunk and the Middlesex players dropped easy catches and fumbled in the field and low-flying planes went over from the nearby airport. And I took quite a lot of the photos because I'm qualified on the Nikon Coolpix B700 camera.</div>
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<a abp="4544" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o5nhCHtDfAU/WWno4w9LBOI/AAAAAAAAjac/EKwIPkjUd44vpdjoFd3I-N3S7HhJckzUgCKgBGAs/s1600/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4545" alt="natwest t20 blast match" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1302" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o5nhCHtDfAU/WWno4w9LBOI/AAAAAAAAjac/EKwIPkjUd44vpdjoFd3I-N3S7HhJckzUgCKgBGAs/s320/natwest%2B20%2B20%2Bblast%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="kids on inflatable fun slide" width="260" /></a>Our man Carberry (we saw him last time) was on top form and got 77 or so with flashing bat and big efforts to get singles as well as sixes. He is an old-school long-term veteran with lots of experience and well worth his wage. We all gave him a big cheer when he finally went off.</div>
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At half-time we fought our way round in front of the Hilton Hotel to the Bouncy Slide (free) and the Pizza Truck (ten inch pizza for a mere £10) and the beer tent (£5 per pint, but they do come in a cardboard carrier) and missed the beginning of the second half. Meanwhile the massed ranks of the 14th Itchen Scouting Movement and associated mascots paraded around the central wicket square in full uniform, now that's a parade I could get my teeth into.</div>
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So by the time we'd found some more empty seats, we'd taken 3 of their wickets and for a while we wondered whether they'd make it to their 20 overs. We screamed when they got out and my cricketing lingo improved as I learned to say "32 for 3 off 6 overs" and "put someone out deep by the square leg umpire" etc. We won.</div>
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The match was not televised so I didn't get on TV but found £1.16 and a yellow hat thing that I may be able to modify as part of my Mufasa costume. </div>
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The car was still there as was 256 other cars and we went nowhere for half an hour as we all tried to cram out of the 1-lane exit road in the dark. Next time we might take the train. It was a very long, very epic day and by the end of it I was fkn I was ffff I wzz wzzz snore............</div>
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Slept late, for I needed it. And I needed the shower I failed to fit in yesterday. On most Saturdays I have only the one appointment, which is Acting. So having had Pambled Eggs out of our new egg poacher, and the Tuna'n'Sweetcorn/cucumber pasta and sandwich combo I love so much, I was ready to once more tread the boards in anger, last acting lesson of the term.</div>
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But Performing Partner 'Sydney' brought a friend. 'Chelsea, I'm 11' wanted to tag along, see what shenanigans we get up to in theatrical academy, and do the try-out session I once did when first considering drama school. </div>
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Sydney has a ... big personality, and we have developed as a team with a robustly loud, demonstrative, in-yer-face attitude, which was quite overwhelming for Chelsea 11, poor girl.</div>
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But we rehearsed our parts and got measured for our costumes and I showed Chelsea 11 the ropes and the press cuttings and the wardrobe and at the end we played 3 games of hide'n'seek in and around the theatre even after home-time. Apparently Chelsea 11 wants to join up, it was the stage and the wardrobe department that tipped the balance.</div>
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<a abp="5927" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2tdxbvmLa0U/WWpillbFmwI/AAAAAAAAjbU/l4f5Ylg3-K07_DtkTe4LhM1t4mn4rlFBwCKgBGAs/s1600/15jul17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5928" alt="kids doing photos in bboth sainsburys portsmouth" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="784" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2tdxbvmLa0U/WWpillbFmwI/AAAAAAAAjbU/l4f5Ylg3-K07_DtkTe4LhM1t4mn4rlFBwCKgBGAs/s640/15jul17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" title="PHOTO ME BOOTH PASSPORT PHOTOS" width="312" /></a>Incidentally, today Pompey hosted some kind of gathering for Morris Dancers. Bizarrely dressed weirdos from miles around descended on the city and then caught buses home afterwards, bells a-jingle. Some had peacock feather hats. Apparently in the USA they call them 'Walmartians'.</div>
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<a abp="8615" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hgkoTQfXIY8/WWqH5lgXz3I/AAAAAAAAjbo/IgnhWYz5EYgJFQbUoEzS5tNOFjsrudSMACKgBGAs/s1600/DSCN1653.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="8616" alt="photo me booth kids joint silly picture" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1289" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hgkoTQfXIY8/WWqH5lgXz3I/AAAAAAAAjbo/IgnhWYz5EYgJFQbUoEzS5tNOFjsrudSMACKgBGAs/s200/DSCN1653.JPG" title="photo booth group picture" width="160" /></a>When you perform in the Festival of Christmas, you need a city council performer's licence which includes a passport photo. So every year, Syd and I go to Sainsburys in town to use the Photo-Me booth and collaborate on a fun picture at the end. This time we had an extra Chelsea 11 and we got our serious poses (while we tried to put each other off), our fun poses and we all bundled into the booth for picture #5, yes I look smug, but I am the filling in a girl sandwich after all.</div>
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We didn't even bother with Saturday-Night-is-Film-Night even though I have about 15 films in my queue. But with the addition of my latest official school pictures (portrait and group shot) and the Lego League team and todays' passport photo, we had enough to finish off my giant photo frame which has all my official images from the age of 4. Jof says we have to make a new one for Big School, and obviously a much bigger one for when I begin my illustrious film and TV career, just saying.</div>
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Normally I would consider a Sunday wasted if I didn't get at least 7 hours Minecrafting, but today I actually had tasks! I move to Big School soon and wished to tidy my room.</div>
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So obviously, Jof sent Bud into the loft to bring down lots of extra crap to store in my room, women eh. This was the cutting/sticking/artworking boxes with everything from UV paint to polystyrene eggs, and we went though it all with an older, more sensible Mungleton in mind, and everything we kept went into the giant wooden trunk. All the little things went into the display cabinet on the top shelf, which cleared my desk for all the schoolwork I'll be doing. A stick poking out of a box shredded Jof's trousers, turned out it was the fishing rod with magnetic grabber that Nanna invented for me.</div>
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<a abp="9248" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ma7tw2JHASw/WWurgDfHXaI/AAAAAAAAjdc/vbkrmW1scVUqrJyBVEMF3goQxBbCvVnjACKgBGAs/s1600/16jul17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="9249" alt="profiling for success take a test" border="0" data-original-height="1569" data-original-width="1600" height="313" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ma7tw2JHASw/WWurgDfHXaI/AAAAAAAAjdc/vbkrmW1scVUqrJyBVEMF3goQxBbCvVnjACKgBGAs/s320/16jul17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="online psychological profile personality types" width="320" /></a>I got rid of the books for younger people and the plastic plane I got free at the museum and all sorts of other stuff and got to play with things I hadn't seen in years but once it had all been done, the room looked exactly the same. But you know it was worth it.</div>
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Then I did an online Psych profile (minimum age 12, I had to lie!) at Profilingforsuccess.com which only took 10 minutes, as did the results, and I am a 'Co-ordinator'. This means I like order and logic and focus and careful planning, but I hate chaos, uncertainty and ambiguity. This is probably why I always want to know what jobs I have for the next day, and why I get angry with Okely-Dokely.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-20064287978174035312017-07-09T22:00:00.000+01:002017-07-29T21:35:25.087+01:00July 2017 1/4<div abp="3163">
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Bet you didn't know that, with all the old people saying life begins at 40 or 50 or whatever, trying to justify their own miserable existences. </div>
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This week I got a tryout session at my new Big School. For 2 days, I attend the Big School in question, yet retain my youthful looks and current school uniform. I have been looking forward to this with trepidation and mixed emoticons, and set my alarm particularly early to compensate. Sydney came to walk in with me and I was just saying how I'm not going to know anybody when a whole crowd of known faces met us on the pavement. </div>
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<a abp="804" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gVqLig2bPrg/WVqboA_2i6I/AAAAAAAAjRM/otyyw1G0lpQ7iEfu8-hxA_K6kcJHff4bQCKgBGAs/s1600/catnip%2Bmanic%2Bcat.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="805" alt="mad cat triple strength catnip" border="0" data-original-height="432" data-original-width="584" height="236" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gVqLig2bPrg/WVqboA_2i6I/AAAAAAAAjRM/otyyw1G0lpQ7iEfu8-hxA_K6kcJHff4bQCKgBGAs/s320/catnip%2Bmanic%2Bcat.png" title="cat freaked out on catnip " width="320" /></a>These included Jack W from my infant school, Lily the Pink from acting classes (just like Sydney but smaller) and more people that she knew and by the time we'd got to Woodstock we were half a million strong, with many members of my Scout group and old infant school mates. But Flynn was not one, as he is moving to a school in Gloucestershire, must have got his postcodes wrong.</div>
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First, we went to an abandoned classroom and were given our tutor group IDs. I am in a different group to Syd but made a new friend 'Molly'. I once spoke to a local artist (and the one that did the <a abp="67" href="https://professormungleton.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/some-girls-will-some-girls-wont.html" target="_blank">number rocks</a>) whose name is Pete Codling, and suggested that if he ever had a daughter, he should name her Molly. I don't think it's the same one.</div>
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This school has a new behavioural profit'n'loss points system called ERA. Not Exemplary Reward Accolade points, but Enjoy-Respect-Achieve points. I put that I enjoy computing, respect Grandad and achieved victory in the regional finals of the Lego League. </div>
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<a abp="808" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--RS2PaHwULo/WVqboJ_qbjI/AAAAAAAAjRM/eRBQsmXWFNYxIrbbKbUcnFikGkwFz31vwCKgBGAs/s1600/3jul17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="809" alt="friends of meon junior school helpers" border="0" data-original-height="876" data-original-width="1600" height="218" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--RS2PaHwULo/WVqboJ_qbjI/AAAAAAAAjRM/eRBQsmXWFNYxIrbbKbUcnFikGkwFz31vwCKgBGAs/s400/3jul17.JPG" title="huge pile of fruit and veg for school disco" width="400" /></a>Then we had a history lesson about the Titanic. We were all captains and had to do the multiple choice, I got 18/24 which I thought was good. The second lesson was Food Tech and my partner Molly and I made sweetcorn and cheese tortilla wraps and had them for lunch. They were better than pasta, which is saying something, I wanted to eat 25.</div>
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For break we played tag in the tennis centre and then went to a music lesson. The teacher has his own video on Youtube called the Rhythm Café and it is truly dreadful but quite funny if you used the wrong mushrooms in Food Tech. Later we had a PE lesson with cyclic never-ending dodgeball with new and interesting rules. A prefect (Year 11) joined in and wrecked us totally but I did get her back later.</div>
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<a abp="4033" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D4T2oqO_zWE/WVv7gQ7lKNI/AAAAAAAAjR8/GyIHEyxQtZQBJEFExAEdFoZiXToy0K_EQCKgBGAs/s1600/barcelona%2Bfatties.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4034" alt="barcelona escalator honesty" border="0" data-original-height="709" data-original-width="540" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D4T2oqO_zWE/WVv7gQ7lKNI/AAAAAAAAjR8/GyIHEyxQtZQBJEFExAEdFoZiXToy0K_EQCKgBGAs/s320/barcelona%2Bfatties.jpg" title="elevator for fat people, stairs for thin" width="243" /></a>Then I walked home with the Krewe (via the sweet shop). Jof was very late home, turned out she was buying the entire fruit'n'vegetable section of Tesco to feed the 5000 (well, the 279 children of the Year 3,4 and 5 summer disco-a-rama), see how our bespoke handmade fitted kitchen groans under the weight.</div>
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<strong abp="3332"><u abp="3333">Toe-torture Tuesday</u></strong> was a reprise of yesterday but with different activities. Walked in with the Syd Krewe (a giant quacking entity that babbles and jabbers and doesn't look when crossing the road) again and got to know my tutor group which contains Tall James, and began to see numerous other ex-Wimbornians, I suppose it is the same catchment area.</div>
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Today I did some science, in which we dropped coloured powders into 'Glass Water' and watched little filamentous crystals form, English in which we basically played class bingo where you had to collect someone in every category. I could not complete the task because nobody else has a birthday in my birth month, so the teacher let me off, not my fault. </div>
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<a abp="4037" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5zcUm_cAFz0/WVv7gflYmqI/AAAAAAAAjR8/jtg2CF2GZlAUH5QktrylUm_6Ym7mDth6QCKgBGAs/s1600/4jul17meon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4038" alt="school disco fruit selection meon junior" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1445" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5zcUm_cAFz0/WVv7gflYmqI/AAAAAAAAjR8/jtg2CF2GZlAUH5QktrylUm_6Ym7mDth6QCKgBGAs/s320/4jul17meon.JPG" title="catering trolley of fruit bowls for kids" width="289" /></a>There was quite a lot of scheduling and getting-to-know type things and a maths quiz where each different classroom had an answer and you had to navigate the school to find them. Eventually the day finished, but not for me.</div>
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Jof has been a keen member of the 'Friends-of-the-school' for a few years now, which is why Bud and I have been roped into running the hook-a-duck stall at fayres, selling drinks, lucky-dips and air fresheners, and cleaning out the dreaded cupboard under the stairs when rodent activity was detected. </div>
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The fact that Jof is allergic to children has made this a greater act of volunteering and determined self-immolation than most, probably my smiling face that has kept her going.</div>
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So today, having finished at Big School, I got changed and walked to Medium School, where I doled out the fresh fruit and cucumber (lovingly prepared by Jof with just a smidgeon of cyanide in each bite) and helped with the burgers and sausages and helped myself to a couple en route. All the other child helpers failed to help and sloped off to play football, only I stayed the course.</div>
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<a abp="4041" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nsLBxczlFPE/WVv7gfsbWFI/AAAAAAAAjR8/lX5Z4PGDtAEql_tuix2xCCqRsvug8kjVgCKgBGAs/s1600/4jul17%2Bpriory%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4042" alt="priory school portsmouth welcomes year 7 starters" border="0" data-original-height="1201" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nsLBxczlFPE/WVv7gfsbWFI/AAAAAAAAjR8/lX5Z4PGDtAEql_tuix2xCCqRsvug8kjVgCKgBGAs/s400/4jul17%2Bpriory%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="secondary school assembly hall headmasters speech" width="400" /></a>When we returned home, we brought 3 cucumbers, a box of cooked assorted processed reshaped items of animal origin and 27 apples, which is a staff benefit.</div>
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But that was not the end. Syd (sans Krewe) picked us up and we walked back to Big School for the Headmasters' presentation. He was very pro-joining in, and school trips, and homework and being nice to each other, and very anti-less than 100% attendance and disrupting the learning of others. </div>
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It was in the big hall with the big roof, and then some prefects came on to make worthy speeches which we couldn't hear, and some recent joiners spoke also, although we couldn't hear them either because they mumbled downwards into their scripts, instead of talking to the microphone with an open face and a clear voice. I shall do much better when it's my turn.</div>
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<a abp="4045" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-a_dHWoBMH4M/WVv7gbxTMuI/AAAAAAAAjR8/E5_bhmtd5U4u8UX49_QytqR9ybG_IEjjgCKgBGAs/s1600/4jul17%2Bpriory%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4046" alt="priory school portsmouth inner yard" border="0" data-original-height="1201" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-a_dHWoBMH4M/WVv7gbxTMuI/AAAAAAAAjR8/E5_bhmtd5U4u8UX49_QytqR9ybG_IEjjgCKgBGAs/s400/4jul17%2Bpriory%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="quadrangle secondary school buildings" width="400" /></a>Then we got a little 37-on-one session with my new tutor, and broke up for uniform purchasing. I lost both of them in the flowing tides of humanity, then Bud took me to the wrong sports hall and Jof bought me cake and squash and I became somewhat grumpy because of the long day and lack of deserved screentime.</div>
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But eventually the very very long queue in the correct sports hall digested us and spat us out at the business end, where I got a jacket, 2 sets of PE kit and 2 ties, a bargain at only £63. The Edwardian brickwork looks quite attractive in the evening sun, see why it's called Big School. </div>
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<a abp="4119" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qvMGRVP_CVA/WV04bjnJ7VI/AAAAAAAAjS0/uT-4SwShuloF-4Mmdj7hHds3QVnC9kCLgCKgBGAs/s1600/coca%2Bcola%2Bdispenser%2Bdress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4120" alt="90% of weird shit comes from japan" border="0" data-original-height="841" data-original-width="688" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qvMGRVP_CVA/WV04bjnJ7VI/AAAAAAAAjS0/uT-4SwShuloF-4Mmdj7hHds3QVnC9kCLgCKgBGAs/s320/coca%2Bcola%2Bdispenser%2Bdress.jpg" title="coca cola vending machine costume manhole cover handbag" width="260" /></a>My current Medium School has only 3 rooms on the 2nd floor, look at this one with the big-ass 3rd floor and proud buttresses and chapel and a century's worth of higgledy-piggledy extensions.</div>
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My poor little feeties only just got me home. Lucky life isn't like this.</div>
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<strong abp="3450"><u abp="3451">Transitional, Elementary</u></strong></div>
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Gosh. Such a long week and it's only Wednesday. My 2 transition days at Big School were a snip compared with the transitional periods of others, who have to spend the whole week getting to know their Alma Futures, must either be slow people or slow schools.</div>
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So when we did the Lion King rehearsals (I did the whole day off-script) we had many missing players so teachers and pupils had to cover, which is why Miss B was Young Simba and Sham was a Tree. </div>
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Later, we got a dead fridge from the Scouts (generous lot) and Jof invented Spaghetti Burgernaise. Because of the leftover food from yesterday, we're all eating cucumber and apples like there's no tomorrow, and Jof chopped up the burgers to make a Bolognaise sauce for my daily pasta ration. This wartime spirit of making do shows why she's Cordon Aquamarine. Or is it Bleu Cheese.</div>
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<div abp="3338">
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<strong abp="3557"><u abp="3558">Flying Ant Day</u></strong></div>
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<div abp="3338">
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<a abp="4240" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ztsvhOkn6EI/WV6GMNlhcNI/AAAAAAAAjTE/fh7hk4ZQhQ0xZVg2xd2Oqr5TuhdNkQ9uACKgBGAs/s1600/hFDC73F0C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4241" alt="death by electrocution sign" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="685" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ztsvhOkn6EI/WV6GMNlhcNI/AAAAAAAAjTE/fh7hk4ZQhQ0xZVg2xd2Oqr5TuhdNkQ9uACKgBGAs/s400/hFDC73F0C.jpg" title="electricity control panel safety warning" width="380" /></a>OK, so that was yesterday (not the Foreigner song), but I don't mind if you don't. All day the dratted insects bumbled around tickling your hair and walking up and down the windows and stuff. And on the late-night news we could see that the tennis matches at Wimbledon were similarly infested. Do you know how every single ant across the entire country knows to come out on the same day? They arrange it on the Anternet.</div>
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Anyhoo, school was just a whole buncha Lion King. We sang the songs. We spoke the lines. We did the dance. Actually, I don't have to dance. This is probably a good thing and I most certainly don't mind.
Plus, in centuries past, it used to be that Polite Society would dress for dinner. At suppertime in Mungle Manor, it was still very hot and sultry and we noticed that between us, we added up to one set of clothes. Apart from pants. We all had pants.</div>
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<div abp="1698">
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<strong abp="2803"><u abp="2804">Frying-pan Friday</u></strong> suited me fine, as I remembered to wear shorts. School was almost entirely Lion King, I spent most of it on the Chromebooks as I'm only in 4 songs, enjoyed a free 'Rocket' ice lolly kindly donated by Miss M and had PE in the park again. </div>
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<div abp="1698">
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<a abp="2687" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m2zfdSj-6sA/WV_C_oMxngI/AAAAAAAAjTw/pPgnTvDbPpo-V1Xg4S_6XAGc6R8OFnm_ACKgBGAs/s1600/hB974A213.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="2688" alt="long haired dog funny" border="0" data-original-height="317" data-original-width="369" height="273" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m2zfdSj-6sA/WV_C_oMxngI/AAAAAAAAjTw/pPgnTvDbPpo-V1Xg4S_6XAGc6R8OFnm_ACKgBGAs/s320/hB974A213.gif" title="dog looks like a mop" width="320" /></a>This involved 'kick-rounders' which is like baseball but you kick it: I have a natural advantage because I'm crap at kicking. All the football-mad people boot it miles, just to where all the fielders are waiting with open cupped hands. But when I'm battist, I deviously kick it along the ground the wrong way and that's how I managed a home run. Plus our team was full of girls so we won. In Gardening only us two sensible Year sixes were allowed to weed the nettlebed, but we still both got stung.</div>
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<a abp="2691" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AwR3MKI0450/WV_C_iMfBpI/AAAAAAAAjTw/V84qWFAeFmsRdOzi-QGHVpthbtYKHDC4wCKgBGAs/s1600/7jul17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2692" alt="nerf pistols nerf rifles collection" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1508" height="340" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AwR3MKI0450/WV_C_iMfBpI/AAAAAAAAjTw/V84qWFAeFmsRdOzi-QGHVpthbtYKHDC4wCKgBGAs/s320/7jul17.JPG" title="nerf gun and add-ons selection" width="318" /></a>The call went out from the Beaver Scout Group asking for Nerf Guns for a hunting-related outdoor activity at camp (they have to shoot their own supper or go hungry). It just so happens that I have a wide variety of nervous weaponry and am currently going through a mental re-organization.</div>
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When I was a child, I spake as a child: but now I'm moving up to Big School to become a man, I wish to leave behind childish things and re-purpose my bedroom accordingly. So offloading plastic toy guns could fit into this new cultural narrative quite well and I gathered them all up (and tried them all one last time) ready for the Beaver Leader, who is a special type of engineer who already works with certain weapons. I'm only wrapped in a duvet because nakedness on blogs is a nono.</div>
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<strong abp="4036"><u abp="4037">Sunny Saturday</u></strong> started quietly as Jof was at work. I took full advantage and didn't even Skype any Minecrafters, just got on with my own thing, with only Pambled Eggs to keep me going.</div>
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<div abp="3574">
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<a abp="4733" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IYN7HKgYl94/WWEeSfu8dlI/AAAAAAAAjUw/Nqa456tMBhsQ4g_OhRY6NQgBfe9Y23W7wCKgBGAs/s1600/8jul17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4734" alt="5th portsmouth scout group beaver camp" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="500" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IYN7HKgYl94/WWEeSfu8dlI/AAAAAAAAjUw/Nqa456tMBhsQ4g_OhRY6NQgBfe9Y23W7wCKgBGAs/s640/8jul17.JPG" title="scout camp tents in countryside campsite" width="665" /></a>Like a bottom-produced gas expanding to fill the space provided, we had so much spare time, 1pm took us by surprise. </div>
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<div abp="5856">
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<a abp="4737" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a7GD0gDPkWI/WWEeSWYUs_I/AAAAAAAAjUw/WMIGjlMWdJYYhGBZ-7W1ZoTfhvZexx_JgCKgBGAs/s1600/DSCN1415%2B-%2BCopy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4738" alt="spinnaker tower portsmouth glass floor" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1339" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a7GD0gDPkWI/WWEeSWYUs_I/AAAAAAAAjUw/WMIGjlMWdJYYhGBZ-7W1ZoTfhvZexx_JgCKgBGAs/s200/DSCN1415%2B-%2BCopy.JPG" title="emirates spinnaker tower gunwharf" width="166" /></a>Then there was a mad panic and rush getting food and my acting bag together and we stood outside waiting for hot date 'Sydney'. She didn't show up, and we were just deciding to go without her when she phoned and said I'm 11 miles away, not coming in today. We drove madly-fast without her.</div>
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Arriving at Theatre slightly late, my co-workers and I rehearsed the next play (did I say I had the lead role?) while Bud took the dead Scout fridge to the tip and delivered my Nerf Gun collection to the Beaver Scouts, who had to contend with a lovely 3 days in the deep wild countryside. See how the little people are having the time of their lives.</div>
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Film night was 'Forrest Gump', because it can't be Pulp Fiction and Predator every week. It made us all cry secretly. I don't know half of the historical figures in it, but I'm learning.</div>
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Sunday is my day off. So I play Minecraft ALL day. Apart from where Jof took me to the cinema to see Despicable Me 3, and took me for my yearly trip to MacDonald's afterwards. One of the groups enjoying the abundant sunlight on the seafront was a posse of naked cyclists. They had a Police escort, also on bikes. The Police escort wasn't naked.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-45686956755101890802017-07-02T21:21:00.000+01:002017-07-29T21:32:18.679+01:00June to July 2017<div abp="28">
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<a abp="120" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FQPSLW0b2bI/WVFYOH7GP6I/AAAAAAAAjHs/mOYswe9egLIELdGErP9Zyw3vlEhwcPalACKgBGAs/s1600/h39C97067.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="121" alt="pancake breakfast texas school for the deaf" border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="600" height="266" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FQPSLW0b2bI/WVFYOH7GP6I/AAAAAAAAjHs/mOYswe9egLIELdGErP9Zyw3vlEhwcPalACKgBGAs/s320/h39C97067.jpg" title="deaf school event with live music fail" width="320" /></a>Another tiring <u abp="4692"><strong abp="4693">Monday</strong></u> with far too little Youtube.</div>
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Today we had a visit from the head-teacher of my next school. He explained how the 2 try-out days next week would work, getting split into our tutor groups and so forth. Apparently it's the biggest school around and there are so many groups and classes and subdivisions and stuff, but in each one of them there will be a familiar face. </div>
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And in Year 8 we get to choose our favourite subjects for the GCSE exams and get to drop the subjects that we don't like, so that's spontaneous academic combustion for all languages, which I hate. And tomorrows' sports day was cancelled due to rain.</div>
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<a abp="2012" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f9Ca9mqDm8k/WVFjJERitfI/AAAAAAAAjIE/UlaNQ5jDYscpPeZbZwU0AFqrNCRsy8VoACKgBGAs/s1600/26jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2013" alt="abandoned shopping trolley on city street" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="890" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f9Ca9mqDm8k/WVFjJERitfI/AAAAAAAAjIE/UlaNQ5jDYscpPeZbZwU0AFqrNCRsy8VoACKgBGAs/s400/26jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="boys pushing shopping trolley down pavement" width="222" /></a>This section of the school year is a bit empty, we've done the exams already so we've been kinda filling in with sex education, cycling proficiency, and acting. So us important cast members in the school play (only 18 characters have lines) did a run-through for the rest of Year 6 to show them what to expect, and even though I declaimed loudly when I spake my lines with emotion and gravity, I could still hear lots of brats muttering and mumbling in the audience. </div>
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Us proper Thesps got an extra goody-point each for our performances, but then the non-players got a point each for being such a good audience! Well, the teacher must have been deaf, blind or just approaching point budget cut-off day, for it was a lie. We had a proper rehearsal later.</div>
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Joined Ben and the JBs down at the beach hut for some more salty play action. I stayed in the sea the longest and on the way home we espied an abandoned shopping trolley by the side of the road, and generously picked it up, our civic duty to keep our streets clean. It fitted in the back of the car (just) but we'll have to do something about the bricks in it. Ben was allowed to cycle all the way home on his own, more than I can do at the moment.</div>
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<a abp="5516" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jXSDpNs7tqk/WVFwnf3MCZI/AAAAAAAAjIo/Gj6MxXTZfn4TJHVik0hDk2HmliwKhBfngCKgBGAs/s1600/hD53DBC41.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5517" alt="round table built by Sir Cumference punny" border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="800" height="261" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jXSDpNs7tqk/WVFwnf3MCZI/AAAAAAAAjIo/Gj6MxXTZfn4TJHVik0hDk2HmliwKhBfngCKgBGAs/s320/hD53DBC41.jpg" title="King Arthur round table cringe joke" width="320" /></a>In Scouts we hardly had time to do anything useful because Flynn has a foreign exchange student (or he's adopted a Spaniard) so we spent the whole lesson shouting useful phrases in Spanish such as 'You have no friends, fight me'. But by the time we'd mangled the phonetics it probably meant 'You three ferrets, dream putty'. </div>
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Expect lots of confused parents tonight. But we did hammer in tent pegs with such force we lost one to China and broke, like, 5 mallets. </div>
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<u abp="1362"><strong abp="1363">Tuesday</strong></u> was a day of broken dreams. Because the weatherguessers had predicted thundery downpours for the whole day, Sports Day was cancelled, which may well have disappointed some of my sportier colleagues, but not me.</div>
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In fact, because the authorities that be had denied the school permission to have Sports Day on the field next door, we had to have it 4 miles away and all be driven there by non-working parents, so I suspect few tears were shed. It did in fact rain but only after Sports Day would have finished. In school we mostly did 'Lion King' and practised the songs. </div>
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Meanwhile, the shopping trolley was released with no fanfare back into the wild B&Q carpark from whence it came and Bud tried to offload several boxes of fluorescent lights from his work before they had to be thrown in the bin. Maybe one day they will illuminate my school.</div>
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<a abp="3572" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lSRxJ_1275I/WVPu99nluAI/AAAAAAAAjKQ/r464YeEgrb8rDKj1HyBsMnacpSEtY1mGACKgBGAs/s1600/alpaca.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="3573" alt="angry alpaca disdainful look" border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lSRxJ_1275I/WVPu99nluAI/AAAAAAAAjKQ/r464YeEgrb8rDKj1HyBsMnacpSEtY1mGACKgBGAs/s320/alpaca.jpg" title="alpaca car passenger in traffic jam" width="320" /></a><strong abp="3443"><u abp="3444">Ni-nga di-nwa!</u></strong></div>
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Today we got a hint of things to come with a big handout from my future senior school. I am in Group A which probably means I'm a thicko, and there's all sorts of rules about body piercings and what kind of skirts we all have to wear. </div>
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<a abp="4331" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T0Ujs909hAA/WVPvFtj7i2I/AAAAAAAAjKU/-MDamSzJaY0Ua_vP6swI7tcwDSwkmACZQCKgBGAs/s1600/28jun17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4332" alt="african wooden ceremonial paddle spear " border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="510" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T0Ujs909hAA/WVPvFtj7i2I/AAAAAAAAjKU/-MDamSzJaY0Ua_vP6swI7tcwDSwkmACZQCKgBGAs/s400/28jun17.JPG" title="african wooden carved mask " width="127" /></a>I have to choose a language to learn. I've been pretending to learn French but I think I'll surrender that and go for German instead. In one of our classes we had to assign values to various subjects, and my bottom 3 were French, Religion and Sport.</div>
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At school we were awarded our Level 2 Bike-ability badges. It enables us to navigate moving traffic without experiencing death, always a useful move. And on an African theme, we rehearsed the Lion King again, this time it was all about the songs. </div>
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My songsheet has all the main songs and boy, they're full of native African dialog. For example, I-ngo-nya-ma nengwe' na-ma-ba-la and the uplifting Ingonyama nengw' enambala, and who can forget the enchanting I-bam-be ni nja-lo ba-ki-thi, may she live forever.</div>
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<a abp="4336" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g3cNeTBm9i0/WVU3qyeJ2BI/AAAAAAAAjLQ/-Djihn_LG7Ep7nf8Bt3GSW6kmXyyhtAVgCKgBGAs/s1600/ninja%2Bturtle%2Bpubescent%2Bfrog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4337" alt="chinese ripoff product name fail lost in translation" border="0" data-original-height="828" data-original-width="715" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g3cNeTBm9i0/WVU3qyeJ2BI/AAAAAAAAjLQ/-Djihn_LG7Ep7nf8Bt3GSW6kmXyyhtAVgCKgBGAs/s320/ninja%2Bturtle%2Bpubescent%2Bfrog.jpg" title="pubescent frog of silent war costume" width="276" /></a>We also learned about Nigerian internet scams and international currency transactions from Lucys' Dad and I did a show'n'tell on the carved wooden African mask from our dining room. I didn't take the ceremonial paddle/spear that we inherited from Blind Uncle Len because it was too fragile when you're showing 90 eleven year-olds.</div>
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<strong abp="3459"><u abp="3460">Thursday</u></strong> was dull, damp and grey, like a former Prime Minister. In Maths we learned about speed which sounded exciting and drug-related but then it was neither.</div>
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I am 4200 days old today so I got measured and have grown 12 millimetres in the last 3 months. I am in 2 minds about this because I don't want to be short, and complain vociferously about the treachery of the dwarf genes I'm sure I have. But then sometimes I'm quite sanguine about who and what I am, what will be will be and all that, and then seek release anyway in being somebody else on stage. </div>
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<a abp="5564" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a-qpB5s-Gws/WVaOJy9BLzI/AAAAAAAAjL4/IFws2kBPRCYeee6O4OSP1r2l6rohZO_TQCKgBGAs/s1600/496U.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5565" alt="man sets fire to his own hair fail" border="0" data-original-height="478" data-original-width="299" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a-qpB5s-Gws/WVaOJy9BLzI/AAAAAAAAjL4/IFws2kBPRCYeee6O4OSP1r2l6rohZO_TQCKgBGAs/s320/496U.gif" title="art demonstration gone wrong" width="200" /></a>Currently I'm Mufasa (they lose me after the Wildebeeste scene) and comfortable being a genial yet doomed monarch of the Serengeti. Today we went through the whole play and the various Rafikis (the role is split between 5 or 6 kids) were having trouble with the African lyrics to one of the songs, so the teacher made us all try them so we wouldn't laugh and huff at their incompetent pronunciation. We all found it tough.</div>
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<strong abp="3482"><u abp="3483">Thank Me it's Friday</u></strong> was a welcome if sticky event. As I left, it looked a bit rainy so I insisted on taking my big raincoat which proved to be a boy-boiler, and I roasted on the way in and the way home. In English we started our adverts (we all have to design an advert for the Lion King play, the best will be selected for the official poster) and then it was more maths, still about speed. </div>
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This is very boring for me because my speed is greater than the rest so I'm on the second additional sheet of questions while the drongos are still asking Miss about the super-simplistic stuff on sheet 1. </div>
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Pausing only to avoid the large vomit-stain in the playground left by a basketball player, I joined in with the scripted run-through of the school production including added songs, and got measured for my regal leonine head-dress costume.</div>
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<a abp="4529" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cS0bbpYZKsk/WVeFhQnCZQI/AAAAAAAAjNo/LmOgWQbVAbgQ2a0inVhPcjYLFHPRSmi4gCKgBGAs/s1600/1JUL17A.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4530" alt="milton park portsmouth" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1394" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cS0bbpYZKsk/WVeFhQnCZQI/AAAAAAAAjNo/LmOgWQbVAbgQ2a0inVhPcjYLFHPRSmi4gCKgBGAs/s320/1JUL17A.JPG" title="throwing bread to the birds" width="278" /></a>Later, most of us were sufficiently well-behaved to deserve an hour of games, see earlier comment about the bulk of actual schoolwork being over. </div>
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After school Lucy and I (the only 6th formers in the gardening group) were allowed outside by ourselves so we witnessed the workmen putting up the flash new academy sign by reception.</div>
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<u abp="3501"><strong abp="3502">Saturday</strong></u> started so well. Nobody else was up, so I went downstairs and fired up the Minecraft-o-tron and located some worthy adversaries in cyberspace for a Skype session. But as I am incapable of talking quietly, my screaming and shouting woke both parents up and I was turfed off the computer in ignominy AGAIN. That's the second time in 3 days, what do I pay these people for? Will I ever learn?</div>
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<a abp="2672" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cS05Q71XQEw/WVfJUDdfyoI/AAAAAAAAjOU/2-eFGtwUlu0K4diLaL_LraVix9qi5uwLgCKgBGAs/s1600/1jul17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2673" alt="prom king queen robes for school prom" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="844" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cS05Q71XQEw/WVfJUDdfyoI/AAAAAAAAjOU/2-eFGtwUlu0K4diLaL_LraVix9qi5uwLgCKgBGAs/s320/1jul17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="pink and blue gowns for school prom" width="168" /></a>Still in a huff, I walked through the park and threw a selection of elderly bread products to the birds, most of which had been scared off by dogs. Opposite, Kev at the butchers' shop said he didn't want any of my duplicate coins because he mostly collects Queen Anne and George 3rd, but he did give me a Hampton Court Medallion free of charge after we bought some sausages for tomorrows' breakfast.</div>
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<a abp="2680" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YzyDpeIJbDc/WVfJUE2XC9I/AAAAAAAAjOU/5wCEUSOlWnAdWIWzG34v-_lKlBY16TXVACKgBGAs/s1600/1jul17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="2681" alt="drama classes groundlings theatre portsmouth" border="0" data-original-height="1092" data-original-width="1600" height="218" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YzyDpeIJbDc/WVfJUE2XC9I/AAAAAAAAjOU/5wCEUSOlWnAdWIWzG34v-_lKlBY16TXVACKgBGAs/s320/1jul17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" title="scripted rehearsal of one man two guvnors" width="320" /></a>The Year 6 Prom is in a couple of weeks and Jof has made some robes for the Prom King and Queen. When Syd arrived we tried them on, here we are modelling the latest in low-cost silks and ermine for those on a restricted budget. I have already ascertained from my Prom date that we are not going in Penguin suits and ballgowns, far too formal. I probably won't be wearing the Fez.</div>
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In acting we ran through the performance many times and I had to annotate my script with pages and pages of stage directions. Mine is a complicated part and as it's a comedic farce, there's lots of dancing around and timed moves and so forth.</div>
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<a abp="2676" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qmPgmBQVhJY/WVfJUFBy6GI/AAAAAAAAjOU/OayocpWCTXkNpgrz6KbXu6YyGmbE98U_QCKgBGAs/s1600/1jul17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2677" alt="spitfire flying over Portsmouth" border="0" data-original-height="569" data-original-width="1025" height="110" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qmPgmBQVhJY/WVfJUFBy6GI/AAAAAAAAjOU/OayocpWCTXkNpgrz6KbXu6YyGmbE98U_QCKgBGAs/s200/1jul17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="spitfire aerobatic display over Solent" width="200" /></a>In Langstone Harbour, some seals have taken up residence. I myself have seen them from my boat when I was at the sailing club: they have now gone past novelty and are a permanent fixture. Apparently we now have a dolphin, who gambols around in Portsmouth Harbour and the Solent, chasing boats and generally having a good time.</div>
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And we also have a tame Spitfire, who graces the Solent with aerial displays of acrobatics, and buzzes the beaches with special emphasis on the nudist beach further along. And today we got an extended performance in which it was clear he was having fun, to the delight of the flotillas of yachts out in the sun, and the hordes of German tourists by the Castle. It's nice to have local characters.</div>
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<a abp="5398" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yRByHwaF1_I/WVkjj92lGZI/AAAAAAAAjP4/WgH7s1KZmo4lxWP8UsIU28z4aXOBkSSUwCKgBGAs/s1600/RIMG2010.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5399" border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="1600" height="174" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yRByHwaF1_I/WVkjj92lGZI/AAAAAAAAjP4/WgH7s1KZmo4lxWP8UsIU28z4aXOBkSSUwCKgBGAs/s320/RIMG2010.JPG" width="320" /></a>In the evening we went back to the Tennis Club to wish Johnny and Robert's mum a happy birthday. That meant we had access to all the tennis courts so the rest of the kids played tennis with footballs while the DJ played oldies. </div>
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We built a 'Trump Wall' which was just a pile of bricks that we gathered together. After a while someone came up with the wheeze of climbing the fence into the splashpark and that was good for a while until Johnny and Robert's dad turfed us out before the council childcatchers (like dog wardens, seen in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) came to take us away.</div>
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<a abp="5404" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4D-AqDYtE3E/WVkjj33GN4I/AAAAAAAAjP4/0l4_XnFuGno-0e4aK2PGjGUHuiiB1ZYOwCKgBGAs/s1600/RIMG2020.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5405" border="0" data-original-height="772" data-original-width="1600" height="154" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4D-AqDYtE3E/WVkjj33GN4I/AAAAAAAAjP4/0l4_XnFuGno-0e4aK2PGjGUHuiiB1ZYOwCKgBGAs/s320/RIMG2020.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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So we re-invented Manhunt and chased each other round the local area until some of us went too far - as far as the big war memorial. So we were rounded up again. </div>
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It all ended at midnight and in an identical situation to last time, the JBs and us were abandoned by the taxi companies and were left sitting on rocks until 0030 Sunday morning. But at least the seafront lights were pretty.</div>
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For the rest of Sunday I Minecrafted while the rest of the world hit the beaches. There was a live music event on Castle Field and a babestorm on the beach but I missed it all because I have Skype and Bed-Wars on Minecraft, what else does one need?</div>
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Tomorrow I find out what tutor group I'll be in next year at Big School. With any luck, it'll be the same one as Sydney.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-24835556386186376892017-06-25T21:00:00.000+01:002017-07-29T21:30:00.795+01:00June 2017 3/4<div abp="4472">
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<a abp="5271" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AbMfq2DpYko/WUrYoOmTksI/AAAAAAAAjCA/IL7bqAqJ_kUR2fwicTQkGiUIeDnKcIWqwCKgBGAs/s1600/beer%2Bsaver.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5272" alt="tv headline funny fail" border="0" data-original-height="332" data-original-width="550" height="251" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AbMfq2DpYko/WUrYoOmTksI/AAAAAAAAjCA/IL7bqAqJ_kUR2fwicTQkGiUIeDnKcIWqwCKgBGAs/s400/beer%2Bsaver.jpg" title="man arrested trying to save beer from fire" width="420" /></a>Greetings! I am Mungleton, a man of 11 years standing, 3 years sitting and 6 months crouching over a small bucket.</div>
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Gosh. It really is a time of confusion, and not just hormonally. Met Bud at 0700 but then he left the county to go and be taught how to do his job in a place called 'Braintree' which sounds fake to me.</div>
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So <strong abp="3238"><u abp="3239">Monday</u></strong>, being a day off, was an opportunity to do not-very-much, one of my talents. I did have an appointment with Sham, so Jof walked me round there and we both cooked merrily in the blazing sunshine. Did I mention it hit 28 degrees again? Or was it 30.</div>
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<a abp="5275" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A6Ih-XQFKuk/WUrYoBTP7MI/AAAAAAAAjCA/0bHyEKPDy8A48Uot6jAgYRX52-vQf6u4QCKgBGAs/s1600/h49319EE8.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5276" alt="facebook fake news article funny" border="0" data-original-height="1422" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A6Ih-XQFKuk/WUrYoBTP7MI/AAAAAAAAjCA/0bHyEKPDy8A48Uot6jAgYRX52-vQf6u4QCKgBGAs/s400/h49319EE8.png" title="tranquilizer dart to put kids to sleep approved by FDA" width="225" /></a>Sham and I played our various games for 2 hours and then Jof and I boiled our merry way home again. Once upon a decade, I had an eye test having failed to read a 'No Smoking' sign from across the room. I passed but promised to return in a few years and today was it, if I was going to need glasses, best to arrive at senior school already wearing them. I passed again: I'm a little short-sighted but it doesn't stop me. I promised to return again in a couple of years.</div>
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<a abp="5283" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yNLyzTkEiXM/WUrYoE4gm3I/AAAAAAAAjCA/YGsLAOJaBgQTvC9tNZsA-5eCJdPPLUfuwCKgBGAs/s1600/19jun17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5284" alt="5th portsmouth scout group " border="0" data-original-height="1446" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yNLyzTkEiXM/WUrYoE4gm3I/AAAAAAAAjCA/YGsLAOJaBgQTvC9tNZsA-5eCJdPPLUfuwCKgBGAs/s200/19jun17.JPG" title="scouts roasting marshmallows in oil drum fire" width="200" /></a>Then my Scoutmaster asked us if we have any wood for outside firelighting of the Scout variety. As we are in charge of wood, we had half a garage full, all chopped up and packed into big boxes for easy loading. But because Jof has the spinal column of an 80 year-old (and won't give it back) and Scoutman is on crutches, it was up to us kids to move it and, well, they should have been better prepared. </div>
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<strong abp="3262">Tuesday</strong> started and finished without Bud who was miles away. And it was even hotter, I tried telling the headmaster that the reason I turned up naked to school was that our washing line caught on fire and all my uniform was lost, but he didn't believe me. He asked if the dog had eaten my homework as well. We don't even have a dog.</div>
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But the big change was Year 6 Bikeability. All week we're out there in the real world learning how to avoid being run over. But there's a 2 strikes and you're out policy and a couple of us have had the first warning.</div>
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We have all been told to bring in a bottle and drink lots of water, as the playground is slightly warmer than the surface of the sun. But I didn't heed the warnings and got sunstroke-related vomiting disorder and had to have supper twice.</div>
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On <u abp="3277"><strong abp="3278">Wednesday</strong></u> we cycled again, and learned all about pulling out and looking past car wing mirrors and cycling far away from parked cars so you don't get clonked if they open their doors without looking. And we had a rehearsal for the school play and I finished my African artwork which is a giant lions' head. In D&T (design and technology, not delirium tremens, although one can lead to the other), we did cuboids and had to build tall towers. Child B and C on my team used our tower as a punchbag so of course we came last. And Bud came home and all of a sudden it was go-to-bed-on-time and stuff all over again.</div>
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In cycling, Child C dabbed while riding ie hands-free operation so he got shouted at lots. It's always the usual suspects, just that none of them are called Keyser Soze. In Design and Tech, I did a fact-file on the Empire State building and can tell you that it gets struck by lightning twice a month. And in a rare streak of luck, I got a credit point for being quiet, putting me back on 20 and in the running for swimming. After all that cycling, it was practically a triathlon. No wonder I needed to sit down and have chocolate ice cream.</div>
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We cycled off in a long conga line all in our Hi-Vis jackets and went up and down roads with signalling and looking-behind aplenty. And in Rounders I spilled the ball when doing a diving catch and everyone was mean, apart from the nice girl who's never mean. She has 31 Goody Points, whereas Child A is down to 11. And thus the differences begin. Later I was barely on my third hour Skyping with the Minecrew and Bud said get off the computer, it's my turn. So I said "I'm Hungweeeeeeee" in a whiny voice which meant he had to cook supper so I got right back on the SkypeCraft with Sydney and the rest of the gang. And they say kids are stupid.</div>
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Anyway, <strong abp="3543"><u abp="3544">Saturday</u></strong> started well with more Minecraftery and scrambled eggs, think that's why the keyboard's sticky. Sydney turned up for acting, and the metal pin has been removed from her broken arm, so at least she doesn't set off the detectors at the airport any more. </div>
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We all went through the script of 'One man, 2 Guv'nors' a load more times and we have another new starter, a 13 year-old called Mary. Her boyfriend's name is Joseph. Jesus, if she has a sister too, it'll be the return of the Auntychrist.</div>
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And one flew over the cuckoos' nest, or more accurately, a Chinook double-ended helicopter flew over Southsea Castle to honour veterans gathered there on Castle Field on Armed Forces Appreciation Day.</div>
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Incidentally, Jof has been made Little-manager at her work and is coming home tired every day after all that shouting at people. But the Big Manager and the Even Bigger Manager bought her a bottle to say well done. The label mentions fruit, will it count towards my 5-a-day?</div>
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<u abp="3784"><strong abp="3785">The Invention of Pambled Eggs</strong></u></div>
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Now, Jof wanted a poached egg for breakfast and it's already a pain in the bum using the poacher, let alone for only 1 egg. So she said why don't you whip up the scrambled egg mix for the boy as usual and use 2 of the unused cup thingies to cook it in. </div>
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And it worked really well! It rises like a soufflé and is scrambled really but in a bowl shape. OK, so lots of you are saying nonono that's just Scroached eggs like Granny used to make in the bungalow in Barnstaple, but as far as we're concerned, Jof invented Pambled eggs.</div>
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And then I nearly had a fatal swatch error. Jof wanted to go fabric shopping (it's serious - she's bought a second sewing machine) and said it's either that or go supermarket shopping with Bud. </div>
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So I escaped torture of a most cruel and unusual nature, and even managed to sneak 17 chocolate items and a Minecraft toy into the trolley. Also, as we've invested so much in the bottle bank, haven't we got enough to afford a Gin Palace, or at least a house of ill repute? Later, I Skype-Minecrafted for ages but kept getting told off for shouting and screaming and babbling and hooting and yapping and jabbering at the screen. I just can't do it quietly. Are houses up and down the country parent no-go zones because of jabbering kids, or are others actually quiet or locked in their distant attic rooms? Answers in the comments section, please ....</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-77913643308098091932017-06-18T22:00:00.000+01:002017-07-29T21:28:02.445+01:00June 2017 2/4<div abp="4">
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<a abp="747" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DYMhRLNvvxw/WT7ZwBLRsaI/AAAAAAAAi7c/wLPDZUrwVscGSwnOUG1I3h2E5LOq33DDACKgB/s1600/barking%2Bup%2Bwrong%2Btree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="748" alt="knotty wood plank with dogs face" border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="667" height="303" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DYMhRLNvvxw/WT7ZwBLRsaI/AAAAAAAAi7c/wLPDZUrwVscGSwnOUG1I3h2E5LOq33DDACKgB/s320/barking%2Bup%2Bwrong%2Btree.jpg" title="barking up the wrong tree funny" width="320" /></a><strong abp="4711"><u abp="4712">Mufasa Monday</u></strong> started with creative writing. I am quicker than most so got a chance to do further additions to my story (based on the Lion King).</div>
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And us lead characters (with actual lines) in the Year 6 school play (The Lion King) had a full rehearsal. It's a low-budget production so when I am cast to my death by the treacherous Ska, I just fall over lethargically, rather than plummet flailing off a crumbling cliff into a herd of stampeding Wildebeeste. We couldn't afford the Wildebeeste, and our health and safety man said no cliffs for the under-12s.</div>
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Incidentally, in a previous school production, I also had to fall to my doom when cast off my own bridge by treacherous Billy Goat #3. Perhaps I will end up always being the bad guy in my movie career, no bad thing.</div>
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<a abp="2736" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NJOBBMSOijI/WT78FxXylPI/AAAAAAAAi8c/US28w9TdQ-MRyG1ghyjXDEKZrXtP5rw5gCKgB/s1600/12jun17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2737" alt="falcon badge scout patrol" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1272" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NJOBBMSOijI/WT78FxXylPI/AAAAAAAAi8c/US28w9TdQ-MRyG1ghyjXDEKZrXtP5rw5gCKgB/s200/12jun17.JPG" title="scout patrol badge Falcon" width="158" /></a>Managed another Minecraft Skype call with Screen Wife Sydney, and we had our first married quarrel, didn't think it was possible. But at least we both got lots of exercise in the cyber-sunshine playing hide'n'seek. This was made possible by Ben being at the basketball tournament, cancelling Beach Monday.</div>
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In Scouts, I had an arrangement with Luke that we would both bring in our duplicate Lego cards, to do some swapping. I brought a brick of cards, a veritable shelf of them, over 100. He brought about 12, only 4 of which were new to me, what a con. We played a game where the older Scouts whizzed a bola at knee height and we had to jump over it without getting it wrapped around our legs. Adam Cricket and I were the last men standing but the rest of the group were so roister-doisterous that we couldn't finish the game, and Scout-Fuhrer had to get quite shouty. I got my Patrol Badge which as you can see is Merlin, not Petulant Corncrake.</div>
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<strong abp="3729"><u abp="3730">Hand-Me-Up Tuesday</u></strong> started badly. Normally I have a domestic administrator who will deal with any school letters or forms or demands for money or permission slips instantly, and place the completed article in my school bag by close of business on the same working day. </div>
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She is currently suffering from Gravedigger's Gout, Screaming Heebie-Jeebies and Adverse Camber of the Leg so she walks like a cross between a Mexican Grandmother and a damaged Terminator with only 2% battery life left. In fact, we have been most cruel in laughing at her.</div>
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<a abp="5553" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KfATYI32_Dg/WUA9055a6NI/AAAAAAAAi9I/KN_kSvndvFEtQg5jMnr_0q3DbElBbjNvQCKgB/s1600/13jun17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5554" alt="wok granite topped kitchen island cotswold furniture" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1159" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KfATYI32_Dg/WUA9055a6NI/AAAAAAAAi9I/KN_kSvndvFEtQg5jMnr_0q3DbElBbjNvQCKgB/s320/13jun17.JPG" title="boy chopping vegetables for chicken stir fry" width="231" /></a>But I certainly wasn't laughing as she kindly and bravely battled the mean pavements to come into school and sign it personally, saving me from a week of literacy revision and Disney movies.</div>
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And it was school photo day. This is not the entire-school-on-scaffolding one, but the individual portrait and the class photo. As it was very hot for the whole of the week, I was wearing shorts and no jumper. But apparently school rules dictate that you have to have your image permanently etched in silver compounds (or pixels) while sweltering pinkly to death in a jumper. So, like most others in the entire school, I had to find a knackered old Year-3 sized jumper that smelt of cheese from the lost property box, which also smells of cheese and those special 'mouse raisins'. </div>
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However, I helped to pay her back for her efforts in running my entire life for the last 12 years, by making supper. Jointly, I suppose, but I chopped and sliced and stir-fried my way to chickeny noodly heaven, nothing to do with the flying spaghetti monster. I got a Scout badge for cooking, you know.</div>
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<a abp="751" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wr5fHKbRtHE/WT7ZwJnjfYI/AAAAAAAAi7c/EWc4h_K9unoeNImpJW20MWW5Sk_s0nmVACKgB/s1600/knotty%2Bwood%2Bdog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="752" alt="knotty wood plank looks like dog face" border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wr5fHKbRtHE/WT7ZwJnjfYI/AAAAAAAAi7c/EWc4h_K9unoeNImpJW20MWW5Sk_s0nmVACKgB/s320/knotty%2Bwood%2Bdog.jpg" title="gerald dog what have they done to you" width="300" /></a><strong abp="2661"><u abp="2662">Hump Day</u></strong> had a whole hour of PE in which I chose football over tennis and actually touched the ball! I got an assist when I passed to James and he scored. Of course, most of the match was marred by arguments which is why I normally don't bother.</div>
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Some time ago, the headmaster instituted a system of red and yellow cards to try and instil some discipline. Of course, without the more traditional discipline of canes and shouting, no progress will be made so now it's a points system. You start with 20, and anyone who still has 20 or more at the end of the term gets to have a fun day at the Pyramids waterslide funpark. </div>
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You can gain points for being wonderful and a wonderful girl has already upped her total to 23, whereas Child B has so far dropped to 16: Day 2.</div>
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After school I wandered around the park a bit because I promised Jof I'd go for a bracing walk. And then after a couple of hours playing Minecraft with Sydney, I grabbed myself a comedy snack of 3 yogurts, a custard, a jelly, 11 grapes and a packet of Wotsits. Meant I didn't finish supper, of course, but who's counting. </div>
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<strong abp="1327"><u abp="1328">Record temperatures hit Britain for a third day</u></strong></div>
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Even though I now wear school shorts, it's still a tad warm so I'll be having a haircut soon, especially now the school photos have been done. </div>
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<a abp="2439" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A-cFhQCalH4/WULd_zfmSUI/AAAAAAAAi-E/nguH34CoKsMh9y8naEQR-ghoUQunzVVvgCKgBGAs/s1600/15jun17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2440" alt="boy with bags under eyes" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1071" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A-cFhQCalH4/WULd_zfmSUI/AAAAAAAAi-E/nguH34CoKsMh9y8naEQR-ghoUQunzVVvgCKgBGAs/s320/15jun17.JPG" title="boy in sunny park camouflage T-shirt" width="214" /></a>Hardly anybody lost brownie points today, perhaps because the teachers have said that if there are enough goody-two-shoes, we could book out the whole Pyramids Watery Funpark for a manic smash-session. Because there is a member of the school basketball team in my Scout group, I knew on Monday just how Puddlers Ben and Erin and Tall James and 'Fridge' Fraser got on at the basketball competition. We spanked the opposition totally and the winners' medals will be handed out at a special assembly soon.</div>
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Although I promised I'd 'walked round the park' on the way home, he still made me go out again and we met Brandon the Footballer and Owen the Destroyer and GreenGuy, and a million other happy youngsters in the sun. I should probably do it more.</div>
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<strong abp="5718"><u abp="5719">Pulex irritans (the Flea)</u></strong></div>
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<a abp="5354" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mgoUnJnEuiA/WT7bb3oyJ8I/AAAAAAAAi70/rrGVyEUzAP4kPxIA1MrqLjFCS9rJDMKkQCKgB/s1600/h6998C4B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5355" alt="3 cats and toddler drinking spilt milk" border="0" data-original-height="402" data-original-width="600" height="214" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mgoUnJnEuiA/WT7bb3oyJ8I/AAAAAAAAi70/rrGVyEUzAP4kPxIA1MrqLjFCS9rJDMKkQCKgB/s320/h6998C4B3.jpg" title="no use crying over spilt milk too valuable" width="320" /></a>Today was just one of those days when everybody was irritated. OK, so the school-wide malaise (much like sick building disorder or irritable bowel syndrome) could have been something to do with heat-related sleep loss ailment versus sloshing hormone malady with a touch of Minecraft-related reality confusion, possibly all in my own head, but possibly not.</div>
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<a abp="763" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JZOsghKyvSo/WT7ZwBJjUKI/AAAAAAAAi7c/uY9Xsijm4u4ApQ4xT5XbvIcZHHzUnovMgCKgB/s1600/duck%2Bdick.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="764" alt="animal oral sex funny" border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="272" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JZOsghKyvSo/WT7ZwBJjUKI/AAAAAAAAi7c/uY9Xsijm4u4ApQ4xT5XbvIcZHHzUnovMgCKgB/s320/duck%2Bdick.gif" title="duck bites dog on penis funny" width="181" /></a>In Literacy, we had to expand upon our Lion King-related stories. Clearly, I had chosen the Lion Mufasa as my main character, as I have played him in at least 3 stage productions. But, as Monty Burns hath told us, the true winner makes an effort above and beyond the rest of the pack and I mentioned that the voice of Mufasa (James Earl Jones) also played Thulsa Doom in Conan the Barbarian, and King Jaffe Joffe in 'Coming to America', and Darth Vader, and in each case, declared himself to be the Father of the Main Character in a big booming voice. Now, that's the kind of Thesp that'll live forever in any galaxy near or far.</div>
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So there was a lot of pushing on the stairs and in the playground, a lot of poking with pencils and insults, and some barbs, slings and arrows, not to mention sticks and stones. Amazingly, I survived the day still on 19 Pyramid Points and enjoyed after-school gardening club, even if it was just weeding again.</div>
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<a abp="4646" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4_txLONZibQ/WUWT51sKCMI/AAAAAAAAi_I/kqrgN4eYllglOh3ure654CVMgG7gSL-gwCKgBGAs/s1600/17jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4647" alt="milton st james 5th scout group church fayre" border="0" data-original-height="1273" data-original-width="1600" height="254" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4_txLONZibQ/WUWT51sKCMI/AAAAAAAAi_I/kqrgN4eYllglOh3ure654CVMgG7gSL-gwCKgBGAs/s320/17jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="boy scout doing coconut shy at village fair" width="320" /></a><strong abp="5154">Saturday Sneeze-a-thon</strong> was really noisy and drippy, for those of us in the family with Saturday Night Hay Fever. I was up last, and got my Youtube time before being re-fortified with scrambled eggs as usual. </div>
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It may be a day off, but we don't get to sit around. Jof was Branch Manager for the second day running, achieving her childhood aim of shouting at everybody without them getting to answer back. Bud sorted my coin collection and I had to show my Official Scout face and press the flesh at the Church Fayre. </div>
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It has been quite warm recently so I had a haircut first, a Grade 3 on top and Grade 2 on the sides, one Grade longer than usual because in 2 weeks it's the school prom and I need to look my best, not a shaven-headed thugbert. At the fayre I won breakfast (choose a full egg from the sand-tray of empty/full eggs and win a rasher of bacon as well) and had 2 goes on the coconut shy but failed with all 6 balls! This is most unlike me. </div>
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<a abp="4650" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-E9qkaEHcBwk/WUWT5-eYRMI/AAAAAAAAi_I/Q8C-F7Ju4_U12AZSDI4uAzUdR1jc-e_jACKgBGAs/s1600/17jun17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4651" alt="seaside pub in evening sunshine" border="0" data-original-height="935" data-original-width="1600" height="187" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-E9qkaEHcBwk/WUWT5-eYRMI/AAAAAAAAi_I/Q8C-F7Ju4_U12AZSDI4uAzUdR1jc-e_jACKgBGAs/s320/17jun17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" title="thatched house milton locks eastney" width="320" /></a>Scoutmaster Skip offered me a place on the Leaders' camp but I turned it down because of a prior acting lesson, even though I wanted to do both. I guess you get double-booked when you're a megastar.</div>
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After yet more Sydney-Skype-Minecrafting, we went to acting and rehearsed our play while the rest of the world sat on the beach with or without clothes or saw the live band at King Henery the 8ths' I am I am's bandstand in the blazing sunshine. At one point, Bud deliberately grabbed me and let his hay fever-ridden nose drip right into my face. This is where the psychiatrists of the future get paid: you just don't need it. I was most punchy.</div>
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Later, Flame-haired Sydney and I were just settling down to a 7-hour Mine-Skype-love-in when Jof insisted on going out for supper, so it wouldn't just be Film Night again, even though she's just bought me the 'Lethal Weapon' DVD series. Now that she is Area Uber-Fuhrer, we have to listen to her views whether we want to or not and so we cycled down to the Thatched House in the glorious sunshine and had hot food. </div>
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I chose the table by the live band and after a quick tour of the place where the Cub Scouts did some shoreline naturism, our food arrived. I got pasta, like I'd commanded. Bud got steak, but without the chillies that keep him alive. Jof got steak, unlike the gammon she'd asked for. </div>
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After servants of all nations and languages had clustered around us in consternation, we got replacement food including extra chocolate cake with hot ice cream and I even had a go in the soft-play area with the ballpit and hanging punchbags, once all the sweaty kiddies had gone home. The band made a brief appearance that was considerably shorter than their tune-up session and we went home a different way (Jof leading).</div>
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Now, I had a plan for today. In fact, it was the same plan I had yesterday until Jof ruined it by making me go out, and O Yea it was to play Minecraft with Red Sydney and our band of merry Crafters. And I did that, even when they went shopping and left me there to fend for myself. </div>
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But again, she made me go out, to the beach this time. Just because the sea is but a short bike ride away, and the temperatures hit 28 degrees or so, and Ben has a beach hut, doesn't mean I want to leave the sanctuary of my cyber-domain. </div>
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But we met Ben and Gene and we went in the sea which was really cold but you get used to it and and gosh it was worth it. Bud joined us and we all went in and a short while after the massive cruise ship "Enormosity of the Seas" drove past, we got a series of huge waves and we battled them and jumped up and down going raaargh and threw seaweed at each other and swallowed too much seawater and got sand in our clefts and gravel in our pockets. The tide tried to take us sideways.</div>
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I didn't get out of the sea until 630 and it was still busy and hot, especially where we'd warmed it up by weeing. So Fathers' Day passed off without a mention apart from at Grandads' place where he won a bottle of French fizzy pop for correctly guessing the weight of the chef, 'cos you know, insanity.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-89772866665923346972017-06-11T21:26:00.000+01:002017-07-29T14:53:59.978+01:00June 2017 1/4<div abp="4">
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But et hoc transibit, doncherknow, and school restarted. Afterwards, Ben and I came home via 2 sweet shops for sugary refuelling (that's dedication to our medication) because it was raining so Beach Day was off. </div>
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Last Saturday, I bought a Retro 8-Bit games console in the Science Museum in London.</div>
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<a abp="1175" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HRouuvqpaug/WTWJGT8odBI/AAAAAAAAi2A/RQ9b-kS4FbY5cYp6MMlr2I1xZUg99ZjKwCKgB/s1600/5jun17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="1176" alt="science museum shop 8-bit games player" border="0" data-original-height="1313" data-original-width="1600" height="262" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HRouuvqpaug/WTWJGT8odBI/AAAAAAAAi2A/RQ9b-kS4FbY5cYp6MMlr2I1xZUg99ZjKwCKgB/s320/5jun17%2B%25283%2529.JPG" title="playing retro mini 8-bit games console on TV " width="320" /></a>But having tried to connect it to the TV in my room, I was unable to do so because of the retro (obsolete) co-ax connectors. So my minion had to go to Maplin's (Tandy and Radio Shack being unavailable) and get a co-ax to SCART connector at £13, a mere £2 less than the original cost of the console, no consolation there, hoho.</div>
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So Ben and I tried out some of the games and they were weird and fast and I crashed my B52 bomber and you were a mermaid blowing bubbles to hit floating shells and you had to avoid getting eaten by the sharks or any one of a million combinations of badly-drawn-item-you-can-move avoiding craps dropped by badly-drawn-items-that-hover-overhead while trying to eat lettuces or broccoli or any number of seemingly irrelevant badly-drawn-unidentifiable-objects. </div>
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And all this to a constant background tweetling of 8-bit synth music of dubious quality which all adds to the 80s feel. Then Bud got a new job, just when I was getting used to being picked up from school.</div>
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<strong abp="3911"><u abp="3912">Tuesdays</u></strong> are boring and start with PE. Well, they do with my spelling.</div>
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We all had to (in teams) find a Mediterranean holiday for Miss B and her partner and kid on a budget of £4000. Sham and I booked her on a £950 flight to Majorca with private transfer to a 4-star hotel with day-club for the brat. We have not yet discovered which team's efforts will be chosen by Miss B, nice to win but it's tough asking a pair of 11 year-olds to lash out 4 grand on the teacher's holiday.</div>
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And I was able to write a story based on our trip to Marwell Zoo in which a dust-devil possessed of evil spirits and intent haunted the Go-Kart track, and rose up whenever a driver passed. I solved the malevolent anthropomorphic dust storm entity with a leaf blower. </div>
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Today the wind tried to blow our garden away, probably in revenge for the leaf blower. It mostly failed but a lot of leaves and twigs are on the ground in the park. At home I solved 3 equations for Y for Grandad, why he still needs to know what Y is at his age I'll never know. I also showed Jof the 8-Bit lettuce game and I think she'll secretly play all night.</div>
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<a abp="2309" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vOfccI3ot0M/WTWzDPTzDRI/AAAAAAAAi28/Bo_YvQD-EFIova7Z1czsXZGlm2-o0OyFgCKgB/s1600/3jun17%2BLondon%2B%2528106%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="2310" alt="poster advert on london underground" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1403" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vOfccI3ot0M/WTWzDPTzDRI/AAAAAAAAi28/Bo_YvQD-EFIova7Z1czsXZGlm2-o0OyFgCKgB/s400/3jun17%2BLondon%2B%2528106%2529.JPG" title="the lion king stage play lyceum london" width="350" /></a><strong abp="3936"><u abp="3937">Wednesday</u></strong> was our school trip day. I have performed the Lion King at my theatre and the Year 6 play is again, the Lion King. So our Head-teacher organized a trip to London to see the aforementioned at the Lyceum in the West End, and I know it's real because I saw a poster for it in an underground station last Saturday. </div>
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And speaking of last Saturday, some of the parents and some of the kids had second thoughts about the going on the trip at all, because of the angry men killing people in London. But I know that the chance of actually meeting one of these terror events is minimal, we're in far more danger every day walking to school because we still don't look properly when we cross the road, even if we tell our parents that we do.</div>
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And they'd all spent the £40 on the tickets, too. </div>
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<a abp="2261" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q_6X3avD2O4/WTWxxUBSZHI/AAAAAAAAi2g/cR4dwvuEHlUJbBqX6BCo42P-H_sKsnwXgCKgB/s1600/vomitin%2Blions.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="2262" alt="kid vomiting in car funny" border="0" data-original-height="358" data-original-width="202" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q_6X3avD2O4/WTWxxUBSZHI/AAAAAAAAi2g/cR4dwvuEHlUJbBqX6BCo42P-H_sKsnwXgCKgB/s320/vomitin%2Blions.gif" title="lions in safari park" width="179" /></a>But as a compromise they said we won't let the kids out, just bus-show-bus. I had a packed lunch on the coach but because they said you have to pick up your own crumbs if you drop them, I ignored the lunch and just had the sack of crisps and chocolate instead. </div>
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The show itself was brilliant in a venue 3 times bigger that anything I've seen before. We were stage right on the first shelf of seats and the boxes were full of drummers and other performers and the costumes were enormous with 3 guys making the elephant and guys in giraffe costumes with huge necks and 3 were played by kids, and sometimes they walked through the audience on the bottom shelf.</div>
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<a abp="4703" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qTJYPd7_tEg/WTlyvaYOMjI/AAAAAAAAi34/d1FQBg-ctOAlR7rgvLak1C9xHsWnpr9kgCKgB/s1600/bartender%2Bfail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4704" alt="tv news headline fail" border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qTJYPd7_tEg/WTlyvaYOMjI/AAAAAAAAi34/d1FQBg-ctOAlR7rgvLak1C9xHsWnpr9kgCKgB/s320/bartender%2Bfail.jpg" title="bar worker shot bartender wanted sign" width="320" /></a>The songs were loud and the ghost head of Mufasa was made by several players with bits of face on poles and I swear that at the end they made him wink. </div>
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It was a million times better than anything I've been in but that's because I work for a small local theatre that relies heavily on volunteers. I wish I could play at the West End. We didn't see any terrorists but Waitrose had cops and fire engines outside, suspicious vehicle at the US Embassy. </div>
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I got home at 8pm which meant I could only have 1 hour on Youtube, totally unfair.</div>
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<a abp="5740" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZxVPCgAoAA8/WTmbCKJZoDI/AAAAAAAAi4g/xu69Fd28W2sU5WLGv1grqdan3q-n4MlTwCKgB/s1600/8jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5741" alt="schoolboys on bicycles" border="0" data-original-height="1277" data-original-width="1600" height="254" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZxVPCgAoAA8/WTmbCKJZoDI/AAAAAAAAi4g/xu69Fd28W2sU5WLGv1grqdan3q-n4MlTwCKgB/s320/8jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="2 boys on bikes in park" width="320" /></a><strong abp="3396"><u abp="3397">General Election Day</u></strong> is apparently Thursday. Our School library was a polling station as was the junior school round the corner. Difference was, we couldn't go into our library but their entire school got a day off. </div>
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Now, I know what voting is, I've done it myself in school and have been voted in or out of a position depending. But a general election to see which lot runs the country is definitely someone else's problem.</div>
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<a abp="5744" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TBdSLF41CWA/WTmbCG5-AII/AAAAAAAAi4g/Q-8gDhJoiqER17PIu3kjk8HPkejfEbs9gCKgB/s1600/8jun17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5745" alt="wimborne junior school southsea polling station" border="0" data-original-height="1147" data-original-width="1600" height="227" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TBdSLF41CWA/WTmbCG5-AII/AAAAAAAAi4g/Q-8gDhJoiqER17PIu3kjk8HPkejfEbs9gCKgB/s320/8jun17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="polling station general election 2017" width="320" /></a>So once the boring school day was over I arranged to meet some mates in the park for a bike ride. This counts towards my independence, I don't have as many independence points or street smarts as some others my age so it was nice to go out on my own and burn around the park for a while.</div>
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And I'd just settled down for a deserved 7 hour Minecraft stint when he said let's all go and vote then, and it just so happened to be at exactly the time it started raining.</div>
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<strong abp="5284"><u abp="5285">Friday on my Mind</u></strong> </div>
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All week I've been asking is it Friday yet, getting myself in practise for 45 years of wage slavery perhaps. </div>
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But it finally arrived and we did some more of our African art project and some more story-writing based on the Lion King (I wrote a treatise on Mufasa and his growing pains, very topical) all rather pedestrian, yada yada. </div>
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<a abp="6345" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ECgzR0aXLmo/WTrJ9-7egKI/AAAAAAAAi5g/MkOPrv-VNno32BBegZ20XpzIfkUBHw_SgCKgB/s1600/9jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="6346" alt="meon junior school gardening club" border="0" data-original-height="927" data-original-width="1600" height="185" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ECgzR0aXLmo/WTrJ9-7egKI/AAAAAAAAi5g/MkOPrv-VNno32BBegZ20XpzIfkUBHw_SgCKgB/s320/9jun17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="junior school gardening project" width="320" /></a>But one of the letters we all brought home this week was notification of the Year 6 end-of-year Prom, which Jof is helping to organise. Cue lots of pre-teen angst as everybody realises they'll have to ask someone to the Prom, should be fun to watch. </div>
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In gardening we weeded every section of the many gardens outside our school, here's one of them. It has potatoes in it. While we were clearing it, we found a pair of headphones in the hedge.</div>
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<strong abp="3653"><u abp="3654">Saturday Night's alright for Farting</u></strong> but I started at 10am with black pudding and scrambled egg. Everybody polished their plates, for it was good. </div>
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I have a tough daily schedule because I am currently playing Klash of Klans and have to do daily votes on Minecraft Server #1 and watch all the new Youtube videos and connect with my American friend on Skype and connect with Sydney on Skype and then randomly add to a few other Minecraft worlds I own. In fact, it's amazing I get any time to myself, I'm in such demand.</div>
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So I pretty well managed all of the above before a perfunctory luncheon and then we waited for Sydney to take her to acting. As she hove into view along our street, Small Iwan from the acting group waved from across the road. His Dad is one of the shop refurbishment guys that gave us some wood for the Scout campfire, we discovered. Incidentally, following the London Bridge terror attack, a new anti-truck obstacle (in this case, a giant ship's mooring bollard, so very much in keeping with the area's naval tradition) has appeared in the historic entrance (with its 2 large golden balls) to Her Majesty's Historic Dockyard. Not sure if the message to would-be terrorists is 'Balls' or 'Bollards', just saying. And there were armed cops in Gunwharf.</div>
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<a abp="5183" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rknmeqqGUOI/WTwvzmGKJ7I/AAAAAAAAi6I/sebLUZwCR44F9F-hio99d5_XUGUMLyi8gCKgB/s1600/10jun17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5184" alt="ricinus communis seedlings ricin poison" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1427" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rknmeqqGUOI/WTwvzmGKJ7I/AAAAAAAAi6I/sebLUZwCR44F9F-hio99d5_XUGUMLyi8gCKgB/s400/10jun17.JPG" title="seedlings of castor oil bean plant" width="356" /></a>In acting we rehearsed our scene from "One man, 2 Guvnors" in which I have the lead role. And I know pretty well all my lines, even though there are a lot of them. The actual performance is 2 days before the Year 6 play 'Lion King', so plenty of opportunities for stage schizophrenia as I announce to Simba that his soup is getting cold, and open a hotel room door and say "Gareth, you are my son".</div>
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Finally, I have found that the tall thin girl I've been acting with for the last 6 weeks is called Laura, not Gareth, sometimes it's easier to remember people by the roles they play, rather than their actual names. So in this way, the Judge and Fox from Wind in the Willows told me my voice is breaking. In my opinion this is not something to be cried over and fixed with glue, rather a momentous milestone on the rocky road to adulthood.</div>
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And those suspicious seedlings have been planted out, which has given us lots more space in the back yard. Jof got home with some special stuff for the Year 6 Prom and had one of those terrible back spasms which meant she could only sit in a big chair an issue orders involving painkillers. Chocolate is a painkiller, right? Film night was 'Hot Fuzz' with rudeness and guns and underage drinking and satanic rituals.</div>
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<strong abp="5034"><u abp="5035">Sunday</u></strong> was another pyjama day. I got a 2-hour Skype call with Sydney and Jof spent all day in pain. Later, Sydney and I made a new jointly-owned Minecraft world and took logical advantage of a new thing you can do on this server, which is to get married and kiss a lot. Maybe one day Minecraft will have the haptic teledildonics plugin app.</div>
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<a abp="7954" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wXkgeTrodps/WT2nG6u3HTI/AAAAAAAAi60/wmyxkAH1K58g2MqZHN9IczPdS4fj-OBIgCKgB/s1600/250px-StonehengeApocalypse2010Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="7955" alt="crap disaster movie" border="0" data-original-height="353" data-original-width="250" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wXkgeTrodps/WT2nG6u3HTI/AAAAAAAAi60/wmyxkAH1K58g2MqZHN9IczPdS4fj-OBIgCKgB/s320/250px-StonehengeApocalypse2010Cover.jpg" title="stonehenge apocalypse film dvd cover" width="226" /></a>And so although it was a lovely day, I didn't go out at all and missed the live music at the bandstand and the vintage bus rally on the seafront and all that sunshine. But there was 'Stonehenge Apocalypse' in which a plucky archaeologist-turned-radio DJ tried to convince 5 guys in a primary school (representing the scientific establishment) that the computer generated henge which was moving around and making lightning signified the end of the world. And while 3 guys in a jeep (representing the entire armies of the free world) hastily drove up and down a field in Canada (representing Salisbury Plain) and threatened to nuke the naughty henge, the Establishment Archaeologist revealed he was a cult leader and believed the computer-generated Egyptian pyramid that had appeared in Maine would protect his followers from the volcanic eruptions currently ringing the planet, coming out of other pyramids on the map made by the guy with the tinfoil helmet. </div>
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It is a credit to the acting profession that the entire cast of 19 people could play so many parts in borrowed uniforms, that all outside filming was done at 530 in the morning so that nobody else was around to witness the end of the world, and that nobody burst out laughing at their own lines. Furthermore, it is a credit to the film-making industry that the petty-cash budget can be stretched by not employing scriptwriters, having the film crew's family members play bystanders, and by shaking the camera to indicate earthquakes. It's worth watching for the wandering accents alone, the historical inaccuracies and dodgy special effects are just a bonus. Well worth seeing. Next up: Ice-tastrophe and Fart-nado.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-88968922969218309742017-06-04T21:00:00.000+01:002017-07-29T14:12:21.796+01:00May to June 2017<div abp="28">
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<a abp="872" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--GsWsu2gDSk/WSwvAhZ1EHI/AAAAAAAAivg/xfgTexyQDpYfIV-ts_NJxqrWVfTdUzItACKgB/s1600/29MAY17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="873" alt="bransbury park climbing frame" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1404" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--GsWsu2gDSk/WSwvAhZ1EHI/AAAAAAAAivg/xfgTexyQDpYfIV-ts_NJxqrWVfTdUzItACKgB/s320/29MAY17.JPG" title="boy in park in rain" width="280" /></a>Bank Holiday Monday, so it rained. Forced to go out as part of my new unreasonable fitness regime of having to walk somewhere every day, so I fed the birds (absent), sent even more bottles to their recycling doom (3) and climbed up a climbing frame in the park (1). It might be exactly where Sydney broke her arm so I erred on the cautious side and didn't go up too high. This was deemed sufficient, and I hastened back to Skype-Crafting with my new-found Skype-Craft mates.</div>
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Bonus Film night was 'Cast Away' in which the man with a snake in his boot crashed a plane and spent 4 years on an island arguing with a football called Wilson. I liked the cave art and crabs. I think it was also Bank Holiday Monday for 4 years in the south Pacific because it was always raining there too.</div>
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<strong abp="4329"><u abp="4330">Meter Made</u></strong></div>
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<a abp="4255" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ObgWvzYu7Qs/WS22P60V0kI/AAAAAAAAiwg/O9wjvCmcll4jdt3sfciTLhSsvFhw5kBCACKgB/s1600/30may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4256" alt="smart meter installation lowri beck" border="0" data-original-height="1098" data-original-width="1600" height="250" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ObgWvzYu7Qs/WS22P60V0kI/AAAAAAAAiwg/O9wjvCmcll4jdt3sfciTLhSsvFhw5kBCACKgB/s320/30may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="gas and electricity meters to be replaced by smart meters" width="360" /></a>Anyway, with its monotonous regularity, Grandad's birthday came around again. He is now 88 but still pretends not to be.</div>
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What we normally do is plan a registered activity, usually involving a walk to a set place, and have a pub lunch, do some maths and have a swim. This formula has worked for us so far.</div>
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But today was slightly different in that the gas and electric parasite company had arranged a Smart Meter to be fitted. This is not the well-dressed person that greets you at the door of Walmart, it is a meter that can send in the readings by itself. So we cleared out the cupboard under the stairs, which is now the only place you can get into the underfloor Hades now that the rest of the house has been tiled or carpeted. </div>
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So as usual, I had a swim and then tried out the gym. They have a rack of dumb-bells from 1kg to 10kg. I struggled to lift the 10kg one so we selected smaller ones and pumped iron for a bit, as you do on your 88th birthday.</div>
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Not content with the pumpage and some cross-training, we drove to Winchester where you can find St Catherine's Hill. This mellifluous carbuncle on the face of the world is also a nature reserve and has a free car park, what more do you need. So we split up and ascended the natural tumulus and met at the top in a copse of beech trees, with many bugs and dogs. From there you can clearly see Winchester cathedral, where the three of us scored the records for oldest and youngest tower-climber simultaneously, a couple of years ago.</div>
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At the bottom he promised me a short walk to the Bell Inn public house and eatery in St Cross which is a village a mile south of Winchester. We walked along the side of a river and saw fish and swans and ducks and cows and sluices and bulrushes and weirs and streams and playing fields and weeping willows, and most of it belongs to Winchester College which is very posh and probably inherited all the land from the church, which is a big landowner in these parts, for the last thousand years or so.</div>
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But slowly it dawned on me that I had been conned yet again and my feet were getting tired and it was not the 200 yards I swore he'd said. While everything was joyous and pretty (with its many rivulets and streams of the River Itchen) and verdant and peaceful and historic O yea, there was far too much of it and my stick-scything became more demonstrative, as did my loud complaining.</div>
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<a abp="4271" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HDynyrpuYds/WS22PwqwSLI/AAAAAAAAiwg/-NSMnF_Fph8t0I4cCFPFhDHDbJTgKUnhQCKgB/s1600/30may17%2B%252816%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4272" alt="medieval priory tudor buildings" border="0" data-original-height="1487" data-original-width="1600" height="371" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HDynyrpuYds/WS22PwqwSLI/AAAAAAAAiwg/-NSMnF_Fph8t0I4cCFPFhDHDbJTgKUnhQCKgB/s400/30may17%2B%252816%2529.JPG" title="hospital of st cross almshouse of noble poverty" width="400" /></a>But just as I was about to expire from exhaustion and starvation, we arrived at the Hospital of St Cross and Almshouse of Noble Poverty (established 1132) and the Bell Inn. I had scampi which came on a wooden board with chips in a bucket, as is the modern way, Bud had his first Caesar salad and Grandad had birthday sausages with birthday mash and birthday gravy. In the Priory (with its Hundred Men Hall Tea Room) you can clearly see medieval and Tudor buildings, and G-Dad sings there every now and then.</div>
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Fortunately the return journey was much shorter even though Grandad definitely trolled me about only 5 miles to go etc, and we drove back to his for maths and geography studies, and the suitcase ritual again. He has been given some sponge-cake by a grateful neighbour so we took some off his hands. I have some equations to solve for G-Dad homework and we listened to Jimi Hendrix on the way home, in my opinion he is mad.</div>
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<strong abp="4365"><u abp="4366">Disc Jockeying</u></strong></div>
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Up at 1030 because of holidays. Recently, when Bud's last job died, he took a load of old kit (such as the workbench in the garage) out on a proper signed property pass which now makes me the legal owner. The factory itself was the old Disc Drive manufacturing plant for IBM once upon a decade and as such, had all these old display cabinets with engineering marvels of bygone years.</div>
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Problem is, you know it's all going to go in the skip apart from anything like pencils spirited out of the building by concerned employees, or anything of actual value which will get sent to new factories. </div>
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But the historical artefacts would be lost forever, and that is a crime against humanity. So he asked the Super-Big-Boss man if he could save these dusty remnants for the Science Museum in London, where I <a abp="3300" href="https://professormungleton.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/exeat-going-underground.html" target="_blank">visited 2 years ago</a> and got some great stuff from the shop.</div>
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And the collection was made and the museum contacted and they said yes, we'd like this one item please, so we get to keep the rest. The item in question is a 14 inch metallic data storage disc from some long-forgotten product which shows how much space 1 Megabyte or similar took up on a disc, and how that space got smaller as their clever engineers improved the technology over time. Today you'd have to carry about 400 of these to match the storage in your phone. All those little squares are labelled with the IBM product families, from the good old 350 series of the 1960s right up to the byte-busting 3380 we all loved so much back in the 80s.</div>
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<a abp="4330" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3PLcfGvNZGQ/WS8ELv6uXLI/AAAAAAAAixQ/Bzo596bb6TsCbHVOcjk-X8rS_rWAb3WcwCKgB/s1600/31may17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4331" alt="14 inch data storage disc" border="0" data-original-height="1195" data-original-width="1600" height="239" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3PLcfGvNZGQ/WS8ELv6uXLI/AAAAAAAAixQ/Bzo596bb6TsCbHVOcjk-X8rS_rWAb3WcwCKgB/s320/31may17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="science museum artefact showing IBM disc drive technology" width="320" /></a>So we said O Yea, we shall deliver it unto you when the trains have that special cheap offer on again, and it is this week during my holiday. And the nice lady in the museum said sorry, we don't work weekends, I would have come in to meet you but I'll be in Spain at a wedding so nobody will be here. So we said we'll just leave it with a security guard, look at the museum again and go off to that groov-acious cable car near the Millennium Dome. </div>
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And she said no, they're not allowed to take it, (shame we'd already bought the train tickets) but can I offer you 2 free tickets to the Robot Exhibition to make up for it. So, for my daily walk, we went to the post office and posted it to London, where it will arrive at the same time as we do. Gosh Diddly-Poodle-Poo, thus the cookie crumbles. But we have given it to the nation, so we did the right thing. And Bud went to another interview so I got to play Minecraft for hours with nobody telling me off for hooting like the Monkey Cage at Marwell Zoo.</div>
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<a abp="4394" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DF958oYCxfs/WTAwKA_HkDI/AAAAAAAAiyc/8lkk4ndW9lQGklgDQsCKOf6oJ9eF5fT1QCKgB/s1600/1jun17%2Bhayling%2B%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4395" alt="eastney nudist beach at low tide" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DF958oYCxfs/WTAwKA_HkDI/AAAAAAAAiyc/8lkk4ndW9lQGklgDQsCKOf6oJ9eF5fT1QCKgB/s400/1jun17%2Bhayling%2B%25283%2529.JPG" title="portsmouth from hayling island" width="400" /></a>Years and years (6) ago we invented the 12-mile bike ride where you cycle down to the Hayling ferry, cross the water to Hayling Island, ride up the old defunct Hayling Billy railway line to Havant, and catch a train home. </div>
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This one has done us proud many times and there's always time to stop off at the very-bumpy-bike paths and the <a abp="4771" href="https://professormungleton.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/sand-that-never-ends.html" target="_blank">sand that never ends</a> at low tide, and the funfair, pub and crab-catching areas.</div>
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And as it was a nice hot day we rode to the ferry and got there 10 minutes late because we'd stopped off at the park on the way. Last time we used the ferry, it was every 10 minutes but now it's back to the bad old days with only 1 an hour, and we hadn't looked it up in advance. </div>
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We waited for 50 minutes and I learned to skim stones and we could see that it was low tide. At the last minute, Laughing Boy Thomas (in my Scout Group) and his family got on the ferry with us, and we had to give him 50p because he didn't have enough money for the ticket. At least someone was prepared.</div>
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And we walked out along the endless dunes of the 'West Winner' which is a vast expanse of sand that is exposed at low tide and you can walk out so far into the sea we've never really actually reached the end. You get a good view of Eastney Nudist Beach and Fort Cumberland with the sewage works with the massive chimney. I'd already elected not to bother with the funfair so we got our ice creams in early. </div>
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At the harbour mouth were many kids going mummy mummy look at me and then kicking a football or standing on a rock or dabbing or doing something else pointless but still expecting mummy to say O what a clever boy you are, I expect you'll have loads of girlfriends. Kids.</div>
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The train took us home and I cycled straight out into a main road because kids have right of way, correct?</div>
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Up first, even though I don't have to go to work! We woke Jof up and left the house before the rush hour was over. This week is getting somewhat formulaic, in that the daily structure has definitely been seen before. When we see Grandad, we do 1 registered activity with a walk, pub lunch and maths lesson. When we do London, we do 3 activities, go by train and drink beer on the way back. When we do Chichester, we swim, buy coins and investigate medieval architecture.</div>
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So today we had an hour and 3/4 in the Westgate Leisure Centre swimming pool. Having taken the same wrong turning we took last time, we were better able to correct ourselves and swam and dived and went on the waterslide and splashed each other and fought, directly against Jof's orders, because meh.</div>
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It had been 3 days since I had eaten by then (or so I made out) so we had food at the Wetherspoons again (who says you can't have scampi 3 times in the same week?) and continued our tour of the Roman city walls. Chichester is rather good for this kind of thing, Dear Follower Fiona told us about it and we're still doing it now. We did the North-East quadrant and found a splendid swingpark with sandpark and tyre-swings right inside the walls at 'Priory Park'. </div>
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The boundary rope of the cricket pitch has to divert slightly due to the presence of the mound of a Norman castle (previously much larger): the Guildhall is all that remains of the medieval priory (closed by order of Henry the 8th I am I am), and in the grounds of that priory they recently discovered a Roman villa of millionaire proportions because nobody has built on the site in 1600 years. You can now get married in the Guildhall, but you don't have to. In the background is the Cathedral (also built by that chap Norman), and the place was upgraded a bit by Alfred the Great, you know the way it is.</div>
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I climbed the castle mound, swung on the tyres, and carried on round the walls. On the way home we stopped off at the post office to wait in a queue that stretched into the car park for a packet of undelivered coins, so I read 'The world's worst children 2' by David Walliams. At home I Skyped Sydney and Jof brought home some more coins for us to sort through. Not that we like coins in any way.</div>
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Another planned trip, with the same structure as most of our many previous visits. OK, so we'd had to post the historical artefact of data storage technology we were donating to the Science Museum, but that was no reason not to go to London as we'd bought the train tickets anyway. </div>
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<a abp="8204" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6617sAyFutM/WTPQ1aqcwnI/AAAAAAAAi1A/gn84WTeYKIs3QZZZ-MTUL9-2oAley7iLACKgB/s1600/3jun17%2BLondon%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="8205" alt="religious animatronic moving models" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1382" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6617sAyFutM/WTPQ1aqcwnI/AAAAAAAAi1A/gn84WTeYKIs3QZZZ-MTUL9-2oAley7iLACKgB/s400/3jun17%2BLondon%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="robots exhibition science museum London" width="345" /></a>Jof went to work and we left the house dead on schedule and arrived at the station with enough time to get a coffee and mess about on the lifts for a while. Train journeys are necessarily dull so I spent my copious free time looking at horses lying down, prostrate cows and apparently unconscious sheep, and babbling.</div>
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We secured and successfully defended a 4-seat bay for the entire journey, and by the time we pulled into Waterloo, I'd eaten a Scotch egg, half a pack of cocktail sausages, 3 chocolate bars, crisps and 2 juices. </div>
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Trips to London are characterized by frantic periods of activity broken up by lots of sitting down, as well as lengthy stints of thrift punctuated by brief bouts of profligacy. The minute we hit Waterloo we sprang into action. I am now an underground map-reading expert and got us to South Kensington for the Science Museum in no time.</div>
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The mostly-lady at the front desk was confused by our request for our pre-booked tickets and sent us downstairs to the toilets who also failed to give us tickets. 2 floors up from there was the actual Robot Exhibition and the free tickets from our new insider friend saved us a good £20. </div>
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We reckon Sexbots will fund the next industry great leap forward, as the military has done in other areas. Sadly there were no Terminator T-shirts in the shop, maybe they couldn't get a licence. I was wearing a Minecraft T-shirt so wanted to revisit the Hall of Archaic Computer Games, to show off. It took us a while to find the right staircase to the basement but once I'd squashed a couple of pennies we hit the shop.</div>
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Back in the day when even the parents were young, all you could get were simple 8-bit games with shooting or planes or similar, and you were grateful because that was cutting-edge tech. But with the computing power, storage and processing speed of today, the simplicity of the coding of the retro-games of yester-decade means you can fit 200 8-bit games into a gizmo the size of a matchbox, plug it directly into your flat-screen TV and off you go!</div>
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Tottenham Court Road was just 2 underground changes away and along New Oxford Street and up Bloomsbury and Great Russell and hey presto, the British Museum. It has columns to die for and a big queue for the bag check. I led the way and we saw Korean and Chinese ceramics, Somalian carvings, Victorian watercolours, African chairs made out of recycled guns, Solomon Island head-dresses, Moorish textiles, Minoan pottery, Greek urns, Egyptian mummies, Japanese incense burners, a Michelangelo cartoon, Mesopotamian statues, Korean coins, a rock crystal skull, Amerindian totem poles, the world's oldest flip-flops and lots of gold.</div>
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We also found a Pizzeria which proved highly acceptable for both taste and price, not the usual situation in London tourist traps. The pizzas were hand-made to order, cheesier than an 80s compilation and mine was only £6 with added drink and side order of broccoli. </div>
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Avoiding the numerous flyer-dealers outside, we found 'Coincraft' a Piccadilly-based coin dealer but the cheapest coin was £65 so we ran away, past the gaudy tourist tat shops with their beefeater teddies and Union Jack mugs and telephone boxes of all nations.</div>
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I have heard of the Docklands Light Railway and wanted to experience it having heard that some of it is above ground. The transfer was a bit complicated at 'Bank' but we got onto the DLR and it was epic soon enough as we went uphill and over canals and roads and other trains and looked into peoples' bathroom windows, unusual for an underground train. In the underground station was a poster advert for the Lion King at the Lyceum Theatre - which I'll be visiting next week. </div>
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I collect (amongst other things) novel forms of transport and this was to be my first cable car. I got my own ticket and we waited for the pods to do their slow circuit around the disembarkation/embarkation zone. You can see the procedure while waiting and it is all very slow until the car re-engages with the immense steel hawser whish is powered by the giant red horizontal turning-wheels.</div>
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Once you've been engaged, it shoots you up to the maximum velocity of 6 M/S and you climb up and up over the pylons until you are 90 metres over the Thames, even at low tide, and you bob along swinging gently in the breeze. </div>
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OK so it doesn't have the raw acceleration of the Solent RIB ride or the brutal altitude of a long-haul Jumbo jet but it was excellent with views of building sites and barges and cable cars coming in the other direction and the runway of London City Airport and the Millennium Dome and Canary Wharf and overground railways and the Thames Barrier and planes and cranes and ships and water taxis and the giant pylons holding it up and skyscrapers and wakeboarders and a restaurant on a ship and I said the cable car would be better with a glass floor and a fellow passenger turned decidedly green. It was all over too soon as we landed at the Emirates Royal Docks.</div>
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Bud always wants to go the extra mile but it felt like 5 as we sailed past Waterloo and got off at Westminster to see the armed cops. </div>
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I found 6 outside the Houses of Parliament and laughed at Black Rod's Garden Entrance which sounds dreadfully rude. It has a heavy wrought iron gate with a little wooden shed for the least popular and perhaps flatulent Policeman. I also found a 7 mile trek past Horseferry kid's park (with actual wooden horses) to Lambeth Bridge and a further 164-mile yomp across unfamiliar terrain to the Archbishop's Park next to Lambeth Palace. This green space has a top-notch swingpark that you can see from the train and I absolutely agree that I need to go there. </div>
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But inserting it at the end of a 11-hour, 3-activity day was gross malfeasance, wilful incompetence and cruel and unusual punishment, as both of my legs had fallen off with exhaustion. I bleated and moaned my way down the never-ending pavement back to Waterloo and agreed that the Archbishop's Personal Swingpark will be done <u abp="7526">first</u> on our next trip.</div>
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<a abp="8301" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oAMAYNg4mTA/WTPRsoLC9dI/AAAAAAAAi1U/AnUa84g4-awWVbWSefApvFMioXh5Bt3-ACKgB/s1600/3jun17%2BLondon%2B%2528116%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="8302" alt="boy asleep on train seats" border="0" data-original-height="589" data-original-width="1600" height="113" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oAMAYNg4mTA/WTPRsoLC9dI/AAAAAAAAi1U/AnUa84g4-awWVbWSefApvFMioXh5Bt3-ACKgB/s320/3jun17%2BLondon%2B%2528116%2529.JPG" title="tired boy after trip to london" width="320" /></a>In Waterloo Station we bought the same 4-pack of Belgian beer as the last 8 times and gigantic chocolate buttons and the Bucket'o'Chocolate and then we met Football 'Arry from my school class. He had been to the Imperial War Museum. </div>
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At the beginning of the day Jof had told us to text her regularly as she was worried about terrorists. So we laughed at her and made sure to update her facetiously about our locations and activities about 8 times during the expedition: but for the last 2 she was asleep at home.</div>
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<strong abp="4632"><u abp="4633">Sunday</u></strong> started at 1220, which means a 13-hour sleep. If you're going to break the all-time sleep record, do it properly. It was a quiet day: I couldn't even play my Retro Mini TV 8-bit games console because my LCD screen doesn't have A/V ports. So we have to go to Tandy or Radio Shack to get a RF converter.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-51523528300532690572017-05-28T21:30:00.000+01:002017-07-29T13:04:23.988+01:00May 2017 4/4<div abp="4">
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At last! Up far too early to loiter with intent.</div>
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<a abp="1970" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kAeCOGK1TdA/WSMzbfaUk3I/AAAAAAAAip4/w5NtzWoA2r4IvxZmxRjuZ09KdLrfYZPLACKgB/s1600/22may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="1971" alt="school trip to marwell zoo residential" border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kAeCOGK1TdA/WSMzbfaUk3I/AAAAAAAAip4/w5NtzWoA2r4IvxZmxRjuZ09KdLrfYZPLACKgB/s200/22may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="boy on school trip with suitcase" width="186" /></a>Many schools send kids on residential courses lasting a few days and I've been on the Stubbington one and I've heard about the Parents-Get-Lost one on the Isle of Wight. But a new one has joined the pack - Marwell Zoo.</div>
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I've been to this zoo a couple of times and they do have a study centre but now they've added dormitory huts and numerous activities for youths both bold and wet.</div>
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<a abp="1974" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U0okFYCz9gQ/WSMzbUmDBUI/AAAAAAAAip4/H7pTczh7HCoNbQUKlwrTc5dK4w4FiRffgCKgB/s1600/22may17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="1975" alt="meon school residential trip to marwell zoo" border="0" height="186" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U0okFYCz9gQ/WSMzbUmDBUI/AAAAAAAAip4/H7pTczh7HCoNbQUKlwrTc5dK4w4FiRffgCKgB/s320/22may17%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="suitcases in school assembly hall" width="320" /></a>Jof had gathered together all my kit and barring the last few things we'd forgotten such as raincoat, it was all ready and I togged up and set off. Jof dragged me back and showed how much she loves me by saying have a good time and I'll miss you and don't forget to wipe your bottom and loads of other mothery blarney and I escaped the tightening noose and fled.</div>
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On the way to school we started to see other classmates dressed like me with suitcases and finger-spinners and in the assembly hall stood a bunch of parents and the Left Luggage Hall of Doom. We all trooped upstairs and the parents dispersed: that made us officially zoo animals. </div>
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The journey was by 2 coaches: even a short hop like that is challenging for energized youngsters and the teachers knew that so we stopped off half way there to run around a random field, and got to the zoo at noon for a site tour, and a lunch of sandwiches, apples, juice and chocolate bars.</div>
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<a abp="5515" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qHZ_HJU2uII/WScyxPAV6sI/AAAAAAAAirk/h8lGsu2SZ2UkIrKBjId_GF4wXKaQRd-egCKgB/s1600/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%25285%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5516" alt="marwell zoo residential school trip activity week" border="0" data-original-height="698" data-original-width="1600" height="173" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qHZ_HJU2uII/WScyxPAV6sI/AAAAAAAAirk/h8lGsu2SZ2UkIrKBjId_GF4wXKaQRd-egCKgB/s400/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%25285%2529.JPG" title="sleeping tent huts on school residential trip" width="400" /></a>This is when we found that although the campsite is next to the zoo, it is not actually in it. This was a let-down for those of us who wanted to be Ostriches, or who wanted to feed a certain someone to the tigers. In fact, we couldn't go to the zoo or Ye Olde Gifte Shoppe at all, because it is in the public domain. But now we are older, these residential camps are activity-heavy. There was a large refectory tent, and 6 Stalag Luft-style dormitory huts with a seating area outside, 3 for boys, 2 for girls and 1 for teachers. They got comfy chairs.</div>
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<span abp="4502" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4503"><u abp="4504">Activity #1</u></strong></span>: Rock Climbing Wall, with harness. Topping out at 50 feet, I got 35 feet up the wall that gets steeper and steeper the further up you go, until it goes past vertical and curves back on itself. </div>
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<strong abp="3199"><u abp="3200"><span abp="4509" style="font-size: large;">Activity #2</span></u></strong>: Obstacle Course. Has stepping stones, hop-jumps, and a massive tunnel. This tunnel has anti-bear defence lids at both ends and is wiggly and pitch black with minimal crawlspaces and corners and drops. It was ace. But on the jumping-wall, my legs were not long enough to reach to the 3rd level. </div>
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For dinner we had stir-fry chicken of which I approve. Then we had a 2-stage activity. First, your team got a random item and had to make an advert for it, act it out, and this would get you points - and in this case, points make money - with which you buy materials for the next stage. We got a golf ball and made an advert for an Un-Chewable Gobstopper. I was the chewer and we had people railing against sugar overload for young teeth, then a granny came on and declared she was tougher than a gobstopper and she was shot by a rifleman, I guess you had to be there. But we won the acting competition and got the most money.</div>
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<a abp="5523" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GidwelHW_D8/WScyxKtyR5I/AAAAAAAAirk/Xn7Kbi6G-kEsitlzVcBLfYpPsEjKvNX-QCKgB/s1600/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252812%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5524" alt="marwell zoo residential school trip activity week" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GidwelHW_D8/WScyxKtyR5I/AAAAAAAAirk/Xn7Kbi6G-kEsitlzVcBLfYpPsEjKvNX-QCKgB/s400/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252812%2529.JPG" title="raft building team school trip" width="400" /></a><span abp="4514" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4515"><u abp="4516">Activity #3</u></strong></span>: Egg Bounce. This old chestnut is known to us all. Each team protected their egg from a 30 foot drop using the materials purchased with the advertising revenue. We named our egg 'Dr Scramble' and we had so many layers of packaging, our egg-pod floated gently down and our species was saved from extinction. In fact only one egg ('Harambegg') died, when its hat became detached and it sprayed an arc of yolk everywhere. I got 8 hours' sleep.</div>
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On day 2, Ben bunked in with me because Child A snores. Breakfast was Full English and I went back for 3rd helpings, with numerous sausages. I need the energy, you know. </div>
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<span abp="4521" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4522"><u abp="4523">Activity #4</u></strong></span>: Milk Crate Stack. Again, this one is well known to us all, I've done it at the Portsmouth Water Sports Centre. Again, you're harnessed and people throw milk crates up to you and you stack them (in teams of 2) and see how high you can get, just not like Jim Morrison. I reckon we got to Level 10.</div>
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<span abp="4526" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4527"><u abp="4528">Activity #5</u></strong></span>: Wayfaring. This is essentially orienteering, your team gets a map with points marked on it: each point on the ground has a letter hidden from easy view, you collect the letters, unscramble the magic word, and win. I was a total Map-Guru and on some of the positions, I found the letter nailed to the back of a tree or similar when others had walked right past. The magic word was rifle-range. Then lunch.</div>
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<a abp="5527" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-btMprfcHPzA/WScyxCaIQAI/AAAAAAAAirk/lSdw6ZeMfvwsLVp_gqC33MyE7yJtd9EngCKgB/s1600/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252813%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5528" alt="marwell zoo residential school trip activity week" border="0" data-original-height="881" data-original-width="1600" height="262" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-btMprfcHPzA/WScyxCaIQAI/AAAAAAAAirk/lSdw6ZeMfvwsLVp_gqC33MyE7yJtd9EngCKgB/s400/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252813%2529.JPG" title="raft building team on lake" width="440" /></a><span abp="4531" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4532"><u abp="4533">Activity #6</u></strong></span>: Raft Building. OK, so most of us have done this too. You have rope, logs and barrels and you lash them together and row off into the sunset with laughter and gay abandon. I wore my water-shoes, trunks, tracksuit bottoms and 2 T-shirts. Everything got soaked and that's when I had the only shower of the week, mmm. But please notice the epic weather in the verdant and countrified surroundings of this entire residential course. A nice change from summer in the city, back of my neck getting dirty gritty.</div>
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After supper (chicken goujons) we had film night - Despicable Me.</div>
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Day 3 did include breakfast, but I only went back for seconds. </div>
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<strong abp="4570"><u abp="4571"><span abp="4668" style="font-size: large;">Activity #7</span></u></strong>: Archery, another former favourite. I scored a bullseye from 5 metres.</div>
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<a abp="5572" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g99GS0AVmU8/WSczQAcfurI/AAAAAAAAiro/1n4Hj3CO-GYnOGJuoeQJswyQXztjph3FgCKgB/s1600/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252814%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5573" alt="marwell zoo residential school trip activity week" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="892" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g99GS0AVmU8/WSczQAcfurI/AAAAAAAAiro/1n4Hj3CO-GYnOGJuoeQJswyQXztjph3FgCKgB/s400/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252814%2529.JPG" title="boy practising archery in field" width="222" /></a><span abp="4671" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4672"><u abp="4673">Activity #8</u></strong></span>: Quad Biking. Well, I've driven trundly safety cars at Butlins but never anything like this! It was amazing with giant helmets with sticky-out bits at the front and a big D-shaped course with wiggly bits and a long straight. Owen seems to be perfectly designed for quad-biking and took the corners like a boss. I opened her up on the long straight and gave it full throttle: ok, so you only get up to 15 mph but it feels like you're in a Spitfire.</div>
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<span abp="4676" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4677"><u abp="4678">Activity #9</u></strong></span>: Zipline. This one is a detached part of the aerial adventure and you climb 10 metres up a tree and zip 25 metres over a lake. It does go really fast, and you get 2 goes. Funny thing we noticed, the lake had 2 crocodiles in it. One of them is called One-eyed Steve after he lost a fight with the other one. </div>
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<span abp="4681" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4682"><u abp="4683">Activity #10</u></strong></span>: Aerial Adventure. Similar to but smaller than the one at Centre Parcs, you have a variety of obstacles including the suspended planks. The planks hang in mid-air at different levels and have ropes through each corner. So getting from one to the other isn't always easy. Average competitor 'Child B' could get across in 3 minutes. I took up the super-retro-challenge and went across backwards in 1 minute, for which I got a prize - an extra chocolate bar at dinner.</div>
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Later, after sausages and mash, we had a campfire and sang songs such as 'Eat the banana' and 'The balls on the bus go round and round'.</div>
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Day 4 was sadly truncated by having to go home. But first we had the Full English breakfast again and I had 3rd helpings, you've got to take opportunities when they arise. </div>
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<a abp="5576" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GQLnmzlvIPQ/WSczQFdn-GI/AAAAAAAAiro/bcw8SlMN5MMpfmT15dnbjaqQX4TgTbKugCKgB/s1600/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252818%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5577" alt="marwell zoo residential school trip activity week" border="0" data-original-height="907" data-original-width="1600" height="268" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GQLnmzlvIPQ/WSczQFdn-GI/AAAAAAAAiro/bcw8SlMN5MMpfmT15dnbjaqQX4TgTbKugCKgB/s400/Yr%2B6%2BMarwell%2B2017%2B%252818%2529.JPG" title="quad biking activity on school trip" width="440" /></a><strong abp="4690"><u abp="4691"><span abp="4692" style="font-size: large;">Activity #11</span></u></strong>: Rifle Shooting. OK, so it was only air rifles, but this isn't the 1970s any more. I scored 8 rounds through the bullseye and will get my cardboard target back later.</div>
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<span abp="4695" style="font-size: large;"><strong abp="4696"><u abp="4697">Activity #12</u></strong></span>: Gladiators. Straight away we thought we'd be standing in a sandy ring poking each other with rubber spears to the music from Star Trek but no, this is a climbing game. You have to ascend the various levels and go over the suspended tyres and sit on the upper log, all whilst securely harnessed. I could not get past the spinning tyres. Child C fell off the top bit and swung around, held up by his harness, which squished his ribcage and he vomited copiously from a great height, most fun to see.</div>
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And after a hearty meal for the condemned kids, we all got back on the coaches and came home. My first priority was a shower, then straight back to Youtube which I had missed terribly. I had lost my voice (but gained a hoarse) because of all the shouting.</div>
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All in all, the school trip to Marwell Zoo activity was totally bodacious and epic. Of course, we are of that special intermediate age so there was lots of bandying about of rude phraseology. We could hear each other through the prefabricated tent/chalets and once Child D heard a particularly funny joke and laughed so much there was fluid leakage. So he needed new trousers and bedsheets and everyone laughed at him, which may not have helped. But you get that sort of thing.</div>
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<strong abp="3457"><u abp="3458">Chasing Ghosts (and Swans)</u></strong></div>
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<a abp="4596" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mnml5WKegdc/WSlCpMjmXnI/AAAAAAAAis8/Ctb9ssJ55_A22ObdyeXB1oo_OSolujxfACKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4597" alt="christchurch harbour" border="0" data-original-height="1493" data-original-width="1600" height="297" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mnml5WKegdc/WSlCpMjmXnI/AAAAAAAAis8/Ctb9ssJ55_A22ObdyeXB1oo_OSolujxfACKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="mudeford to hengistbury head ferry" width="320" /></a>Back in 1957, when Jof was a kid, her parents used to take annual holidays in a little seaside resort called Mudeford, pronounced Meoo-deford by us and Muddiford by everybody else. This former fishing village sits at the mouth of Christchurch Harbour and is pretty and isolated and has coastal pine trees and marram grass on the dunes and views to the Isle of Wight. </div>
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But that was in 1957, and Jof fancied trying to rediscover the hotel they used to stay at, called the Avonmouth Hotel then, but since renamed. A lot can change in that time.</div>
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We approached at speed using a hand-drawn map which got us to the car park in 1 hour 10 minutes, no detours, and 1 entire compilation CD of "Dyno-Saurs of Rock" which Jof kept telling us to turn down and I kept secretly turning back up again until she stopped wittering from the back seat of the car where I usually send her.</div>
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<a abp="4600" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qqw3Wwb6w6g/WSlCpHH8pcI/AAAAAAAAis8/rCwvOTCV4DIIJ8py7PX0dM2Jr4jgkFwZACKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4601" alt="wooden boat christchurch harbour" border="0" data-original-height="1326" data-original-width="1600" height="265" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qqw3Wwb6w6g/WSlCpHH8pcI/AAAAAAAAis8/rCwvOTCV4DIIJ8py7PX0dM2Jr4jgkFwZACKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25282%2529.JPG" title="mudeford beach to christchurch ferry" width="320" /></a>After some excellent climbing in the coastal pine trees, and having paid for 4 hours' parking, we wandered off in search of the long-lost Hotel of Yesteryear and quite soon, she found it and we looped round the back to make sure. That's when Bud said ooo look, it's the River Mude after which the village was named, let's get a closer look, and I stepped heavily in a patch of newly laid concrete which was clearly marked by a large yellow traffic cone, inserted a deep, full footprint in a permanent position for future generations to admire, and we invoked the great Monty Python, and went Run Away, Run Away. </div>
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<a abp="4604" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbE7ddb2vMw/WSlCpLlCUTI/AAAAAAAAis8/OhgM7GUJx547xXewTGnAYipQm5EZEBJSgCKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4605" alt="mudeford beach to christchurch ferry" border="0" data-original-height="1517" data-original-width="1600" height="312" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbE7ddb2vMw/WSlCpLlCUTI/AAAAAAAAis8/OhgM7GUJx547xXewTGnAYipQm5EZEBJSgCKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25283%2529.JPG" title="view of christchurch sailing club from ferry" width="330" /></a>Back on Mudeford Quay, we saw that it contains Gifte Shoppes, fisherman's equipment stores, a sailing club, Lifeboat station, pub and lots of tourist stuff, including millions of people crabbing (they get bigger crabs in Dorset) and a ferry. This ferry is marked on the map as going to Hengistbury Head (a sandy outcrop about 50 yards away) and Christchurch Central, with Priory, Church and an actual town. </div>
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So after a fortifying ice cream, we got the ferry (departs every 12 minutes) for only £3.70 the lot and it was quick and good, 10/10 for them. But that was it. It only went 56 yards to Hengistbury Head, and you had to get the fancy wooden luxury cruiser to Christchurch for £20 return. </div>
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<a abp="4608" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gWUNr0U9hQQ/WSlCpKxBwSI/AAAAAAAAis8/QZu7jflRnYMWNGc7z95Ma8GzvWkvC38WACKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25284%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4609" alt="pub lunch by ducking stool lane christchurch" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1538" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gWUNr0U9hQQ/WSlCpKxBwSI/AAAAAAAAis8/QZu7jflRnYMWNGc7z95Ma8GzvWkvC38WACKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25284%2529.JPG" title="old george inn christchurch" width="307" /></a>So we did that, and we saw swans and ducks and outdoor centres and expensive beachfront houses and buoys shaped like top hats and it was all rather good. In Christchurch we crossed the Quomp or the Quim or the Quagga or the Quorn which is apparently the greensward open space with swingpark and headed into the bustling metropolis, finding a bank for monetary purposes and The George Inn which gave us scampi and chips and squid and beer and toilet facilities. </div>
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<a abp="4612" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RLgY-f2F6rQ/WSlCpM-KSGI/AAAAAAAAis8/K1j0K4zaaqs2vw5yrMZ2y5xDDgZ4U38mQCKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25285%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4613" alt="river avon christchurch" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="950" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RLgY-f2F6rQ/WSlCpM-KSGI/AAAAAAAAis8/K1j0K4zaaqs2vw5yrMZ2y5xDDgZ4U38mQCKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25285%2529.JPG" title="medieval ducking stool recreation christchurch" width="190" /></a>This is an old town so just down narrow medieval lanes from the pub is the old 14th century ducking stool lovingly recreated in 1986. It was most tranquil with the ducks and the weeping willows, but the description sign makes it clear that back then, the town magistrates could punish mouthy, gobby women and horrendous screaming fishwives who didn't know their place for being 'Scolds', gosh how things have changed, now brassy wenches get on TV.</div>
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<a abp="4616" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L_wDClg6v1w/WSlCpG1qWII/AAAAAAAAis8/6DJAvaiKlssoe_8qSqdALXQ-Io2Iw0znwCKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25286%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4617" alt="christchurch castle ruins" border="0" data-original-height="1344" data-original-width="1600" height="335" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L_wDClg6v1w/WSlCpG1qWII/AAAAAAAAis8/6DJAvaiKlssoe_8qSqdALXQ-Io2Iw0znwCKgB/s400/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25286%2529.JPG" title="norman motte bailey castle ruins" width="400" /></a>Across the road is a Norman castle, now totally ruined. OK, so the keep mound remains with a few walls but the grounds are nice with access to the church through peaceful gardens where a wedding was going on, nice work if you can get it. We walked through a lime-tree tunnel and came out by the Quay.</div>
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In Quomp/Qwerty/Quandary Fields is a decent swingpark with good-looking added splashpark, both very well attended. They tried to get me to cool off in the life-giving waters, but I was having none of it because all our swimming-type kit was back in the car. </div>
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<a abp="4620" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L_uhDbzRy7E/WSlCpGN_9eI/AAAAAAAAis8/QzhtposHJCADkrz2CCn8Z7y8nmejCgdEACKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25287%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4621" alt="christchurch priory tree tunnel" border="0" data-original-height="1201" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L_uhDbzRy7E/WSlCpGN_9eI/AAAAAAAAis8/QzhtposHJCADkrz2CCn8Z7y8nmejCgdEACKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25287%2529.JPG" title="lime tree tunnel christchurch priory grounds" width="320" /></a>But we'd already walked past a boat-hiring place and I had my eye on the motorboats. So Bud conned us into only having 30 minutes (£20) instead of the hour we should have taken (£30) saying we didn't want to miss the ferry back.</div>
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We were allocated a blue 5-seater motorboat and the engine just wouldn't start, even when Bud pulled the cord and made it go chumf chumf. But then there was an orange one next to it and orange is my favourite colour and that one started. The rules were to keep to the right, only go upstream to the 100 foot chimney, and come back. As soon as we were out in the main channel, Bud and I swapped places and I drove the whole way. </div>
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And once we'd gone under the bridge and met the 100 foot chimney stack, I did a massive handbrake turn in the river and it was epic and gosh I do somewhat like this boating lark. And I got us back to the pontoon and Bud did another handbrake turn to get us alongside which I could have probably done better and we had 45 minutes before the next ferry, did I mention we were conned. </div>
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<a abp="4642" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eG6unYdvYf4/WSlC4qCp4CI/AAAAAAAAitA/TSt2vdsMVvEMc7gDHzSgcm7RkTXW2EbYACKgB/s1600/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25289%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4643" alt="quomps playpark christchurch dorset" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1520" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eG6unYdvYf4/WSlC4qCp4CI/AAAAAAAAitA/TSt2vdsMVvEMc7gDHzSgcm7RkTXW2EbYACKgB/s320/mudeford%2Bferry%2Bchristchurch%2Bdorset%2B%25289%2529.JPG" title="quay leisure boat hire kiosk christchurch town quay" width="303" /></a>So we had coffee and saw the medieval mill and fed the swans (saw one hissing at a sausage dog that got too close - very funny) with locally produced corn and the ferry arrived early and took us back to Hengistbury Head very slowly due to an adverse wind, seeing some New Forest ponies of varying ages and girths on a tidal island.</div>
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And knowing that we still had to take the 56 yard ferry back to Mudeford Quay I agreed to at least look at the millions of beach huts and see the sea, because I don't usually get the chance, living on an island in the sea.</div>
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There we discovered that the kind but cheeky old Burghers of Christchurch Town Council had awarded us a £25 parking ticket, no doubt as the ducking ducking stool is off the byelaw statute books nowadays.</div>
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Stupid thing to mention: of the 4 different boating-craft we were on today, employment agencies phoned Bud while we were on 2 of them. I still maintain that in the event of a lottery win I want a kayak, he wants a dinghy and she wants a motor-cruiser, but then she also wants goats, alpacas, baby horses and 17 cats so you can't trust her.</div>
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And, pink in special places due to all the sunshine, we drove home taking only 1 wrong turning which enabled us to see some new and interesting corners of this green and pleasant land, including the fabled Hotel of Yesteryear that Jof saw down a side street as we left. </div>
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On <strong abp="3036"><u abp="3037"><span abp="3877" style="font-size: medium;">Saturday</span></u></strong> I relaxed with Minecraft. Briefly, I attended acting school where the only other student was a 14 year-old girl who is friends with the older sister of Lucy, who is in my school class. Because there were no drama teachers available, we had a predominantly Tech lesson and played with the lights and I did a White Haze when I was supposed to do a Purple Haze, but my Super Silver Haze was all sparkly with crystals. </div>
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<a abp="5641" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MK1VdvPshuc/WSsJVNuRkPI/AAAAAAAAiuY/a2FMaGhq0M0IkeRx79uYQXzSwsr3iqKyQCKgB/s1600/28may17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5642" alt="boy surfing on table" border="0" data-original-height="1311" data-original-width="1600" height="262" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MK1VdvPshuc/WSsJVNuRkPI/AAAAAAAAiuY/a2FMaGhq0M0IkeRx79uYQXzSwsr3iqKyQCKgB/s320/28may17.JPG" title="wooden pallets and table for bonfire" width="320" /></a>And I went back on Minecraft and Skyped with some random dude while Jof watched the FA cup final. Film Night was 'Crocodile Dundee' with some really dreadful outfits from the 1980s and lots of clever jokes that I missed because I was arguing. Showered whilst singing my Dyno-Saurs of Rox medley including excerpts from hits such as 'Stacey's Mom has we will rock you down to Gorky Park, and she's buying a stairway to the winds of change, when the wheels have ideas of their own, smooth as the groove that's making you move, taking the long way around...'</div>
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<strong abp="4782"><u abp="4783">Sundays</u></strong> are always a battle 'twixt sofa and cake but Jof made me go out for a brisk walk, luckily rain stopped pain within 4 minutes. Meanwhile, 2 blokes were filling up a 'Man with Van'-style removals lorry with random rubbish and we noticed some dead pallets. You can't let these things go to waste so we mentioned the Scout Camp-fire and what do you know, both of these old boys were ex-Scouts and helped us carry 6 pallets and a table over the road to our garage, saves a journey to the tip and it's all in a good cause. Film night was 'Expendables 2' with guns and bombs and funnies.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-32165092939834249152017-05-21T21:21:00.000+01:002017-07-29T12:59:18.842+01:00May 2017 3/4<div abp="83" style="text-align: center;">
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Back to school with our noses to the collective grindstones once more, even though we've finished the exams. </div>
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And because giggling at each other isn't enough, we also learned about drugs. So now we know about heroin and LSD and cocaine and crystal meth, and that alcohol is ok but not for kids, don't tell the emergency room staff on a Friday night.</div>
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Then we went onto lighter things and did our first script run-through for the Lion King. As the King himself, I have to be loud and powerful and full of authority. But it was only the top 18 characters so the rest of the year group will have to join in later.</div>
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<a abp="805" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dg1PHaKblR4/WRneyr1mxvI/AAAAAAAAigc/KSBVip97KbImJASsbuD28bAY1ANVJbo-wCKgB/s1600/15may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="806" alt="lumps fort southsea seafront miniature village" border="0" height="311" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dg1PHaKblR4/WRneyr1mxvI/AAAAAAAAigc/KSBVip97KbImJASsbuD28bAY1ANVJbo-wCKgB/s400/15may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="kids using anti-climb fences to climb on fort" width="400" /></a>The happy-clappy religious types visited us again and made us sing overly joyful songs about what a wonderful groovy god they've invented and we contented ourselves by substituting lots of other words, mostly nob.</div>
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Down at the seafront it was a bit rainy and Johnny bundled me off the football and I fell over a bit and got wet. But we did climb on the fort using the helpful grab-fence to get to the beach hut roofs and got all muddy. It says warning, anti-climb paint but it didn't stop us.</div>
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Later it was the Scout AGM. Because they take our money and look after the kids, the Scout leader-types have to have a proper meeting so all the parents can see how many kids have been killed on camp and stuff, and it was zero again, must try harder. </div>
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As I have been a Scout since I was first old enough, I can't really complain about having to attend and the speeches were much shorter. But then he said Quiz Night and I got miffed because I wanted my Minecraft back. But we teamed up with Flynn and Cosmic and their mum and we were 'Spiniez' as opposed to the team called Fidget Spinners behind us and the team called Midget Spinners next to us and something about Pink Fluffy Unicorns which should be a punishment for unruly Scouts.</div>
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And of course all us kids are sober restrained sorts and hardly bellowed out the answers at all. If there was a tie on any of the 5 sections, the winners had to do a tying-the-knot challenge tie break, and once a Granny totally beasted a regular Scout with her super-fast getting knotted. And in the end we didn't win but got 39/50 which is knot bad.</div>
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<strong abp="3307"><u abp="3308">Trouser me up, Scotty</u></strong></div>
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<a abp="4066" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ooBUZlee_tU/WRsq_MmXRcI/AAAAAAAAihU/BEeDNoNtRlso6eHZMklfM7jxyb12I2KegCKgB/s1600/study%2Baids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4067" alt="man getting eaten by crocodile" border="0" height="263" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ooBUZlee_tU/WRsq_MmXRcI/AAAAAAAAihU/BEeDNoNtRlso6eHZMklfM7jxyb12I2KegCKgB/s320/study%2Baids.jpg" title="parents explain difficulty of studying" width="320" /></a>The sex education continues. While we did learn about the ventricles, valves and vagus nerves, we also covered other matters of the heart such as sex and love. Friendship was the first relationship we covered in detail, having declared that a sexual relationship won't be required until we're over 16. </div>
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We drew diamond-shaped diagrams with aspects of friendship listed in order of importance, and trust and honesty came out top, with cashflow and attractiveness coming last. </div>
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<a abp="4070" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c6Lkpv81ewM/WRsq_LOYeeI/AAAAAAAAihU/WailKYAbdF0cPc30UzMbAEI4zDDT9RFQACKgB/s1600/16may17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4071" alt="tesco childrens clothing section" border="0" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c6Lkpv81ewM/WRsq_LOYeeI/AAAAAAAAihU/WailKYAbdF0cPc30UzMbAEI4zDDT9RFQACKgB/s320/16may17.JPG" title="selection of slippers shoes crocs kids section" width="320" /></a>And just when I got home he said you've got 2 jobs so I sulked for 2 minutes. Job 1 was trousers. And pants, and shorts, and slippers. Since last year my perfectly good collection of artificial leg coverings has miraculously shrunk in the wash and I need a whole new lot, particularly for upcoming school trips and holidays. So we walked to giant Tesco and with extreme difficulty, found the right section without asking for directions. And even Tesco is not immune to the great shrinking-demon of clothes, because all the 11-12 years clothes did not fit, and we had to get 12-13. Still, this is all due to puberty, which stalks us daily down the halls of education, and even in our dreams.</div>
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And just down the road from us is a house currently infested with builders. They were kind enough to say yes, we can take as much broken bits of wood as we like for the Scouts camp-fire so we took 3 loads between us and local man Brian 'Bald Eagle' Beaver-leader caught us taking it, how apt that this wood is going to the Beaver Scout camp next month.</div>
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<a abp="2122" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tXhMbhLkQ2c/WRx6K8dAWEI/AAAAAAAAihs/hzvosGnEY0Uu7E7nacDYWwWK1Qe9ftitgCKgB/s1600/passed%2Bout%2Bvegan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="2123" alt="hamburger for unconscious vegan prank" border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tXhMbhLkQ2c/WRx6K8dAWEI/AAAAAAAAihs/hzvosGnEY0Uu7E7nacDYWwWK1Qe9ftitgCKgB/s320/passed%2Bout%2Bvegan.jpg" title="fun prank to play on a passed-out vegan" width="320" /></a><strong abp="3721">Wednesday</strong> was damp with added rain. Due to an outbreak of excessive optimism, I didn't take a coat. In PE we played rounders and I got miffed when placed on First Base which sees no action, hope I won't have to take orders I don't like in my future life. </div>
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<a abp="4055" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2YdFZQdNoD0/WR1tDDULZ3I/AAAAAAAAiiE/Ag2NDyr-s-cIGxioLpbh5wceCbk83PQ9ACKgB/s1600/17may17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="4056" alt="milton park portsmouth green space" border="0" height="172" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2YdFZQdNoD0/WR1tDDULZ3I/AAAAAAAAiiE/Ag2NDyr-s-cIGxioLpbh5wceCbk83PQ9ACKgB/s320/17may17.JPG" title="spring green park in the rain" width="320" /></a>Luckily, Bud came to pick me up and brought a raincoat. Grandad phoned and set me a task of finding out the time in New York and Turkey if it's 12 noon in England.</div>
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<strong abp="3586"><u abp="3587">The Potatoes of Madness</u></strong></div>
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Today we had another lesson on drugs. We learned which ones were legal and which not, what they do to you and your health, just not how to pronounce them all. </div>
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And we all got one drug each to research and write up a little explanatory pamphlet about, I got LSD which sounds a real hoot. The one drug I reckon I'll try is alcohol. </div>
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And we had our last sex lesson, which was a video of a baby girl being born.</div>
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And then things took a turn for the weird, maybe some of that LSD got left behind. </div>
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Now, sometimes people are not what they seem and we have a prime example. CrunchyGirl is all nice on the outside, but very very crunchy on the inside. </div>
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<a abp="1620" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mGT94bnA2NE/WR8BfNHBIGI/AAAAAAAAimQ/LldsVvTyFxsNXupOlaz5YoqFC2VISCxKQCKgB/s1600/twEoolOkFEGJbTPu4HrEIA2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="1621" alt="kid shocked by giving birth" border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mGT94bnA2NE/WR8BfNHBIGI/AAAAAAAAimQ/LldsVvTyFxsNXupOlaz5YoqFC2VISCxKQCKgB/s400/twEoolOkFEGJbTPu4HrEIA2.png" title="explanation of birth process" width="301" /></a>And Child A was running down the classroom and tripped up over a chair leg and while he was down, CrunchyGirl kicked him hard in the ribs, so she had to go to the headmaster because she is on permanent report and he had to have his Mum come in to see if he was OK to continue the school day with such a large unsightly purple welt on his ribcage. Then Child B ran towards CrunchyGirl to give her a swipe round the chops and he went down too and ended up with a table on him although he didn't mind, for he is made of sterner stuff.</div>
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The teacher said it could be Mash Hysteria which is something you get when you've eaten too many potatoes, or are a large group of emotionally fragile individuals going through puberty.</div>
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So after school we went into town and I bought a Fidget Spinner because absolutely everyone else has got one therefore I have to, too.</div>
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<a abp="3201" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZfTHkV1Ning/WR8DiwiGWzI/AAAAAAAAim4/729_sfcHHDkAo1qMTOoeci8Bw_Fn4CB_gCKgB/s1600/bbae.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="3202" alt="wind lifts building roof away" border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZfTHkV1Ning/WR8DiwiGWzI/AAAAAAAAim4/729_sfcHHDkAo1qMTOoeci8Bw_Fn4CB_gCKgB/s320/bbae.gif" title="factory roof destroyed by strong wind" width="320" /></a><strong abp="3570"><u abp="3571">Fridays</u></strong> are always good and the weatherguesser had predicted clag and drizzle all day. Thus when it was sunny and warm all day and our PE lesson was outside in the park, we were all happy. We did running and jumping and relays and absorbing solar radiation and then Bud walked past and we said hello. Sadly taking pictures of schoolkids doing PE lessons Does Not Look Good but it was in the place in the rainy picture just above. Might I add that Child D (who is a girl) runs like an absolute girl and cost us the relay when she dropped the baton for the 4th time. And we were off drugs, and sex was already finished so now we're off to the zoo. And I'm not kidding.</div>
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<strong abp="4537"><u abp="4538">Psychotic Laundry</u></strong></div>
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Started the day with bacon and eggs and a session gathering my stuff for being abandoned at the zoo (told you). It's amazing just how much stuff one guy needs and it's all grown, like me. When I was in the loft choosing a suitcase, I went for my newer, larger holiday suitcase (rather than my original brightly coloured one) but that was still way too small and so I adopted Nanna's suitcase.</div>
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<a abp="6648" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-15JbRqZXp4A/WSCDG4RxKLI/AAAAAAAAing/eZ2TC_fNUnkURPBFnssrEjba-tgr3KrQACKgB/s1600/20may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="6649" alt="suitcase for school trip" border="0" height="248" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-15JbRqZXp4A/WSCDG4RxKLI/AAAAAAAAing/eZ2TC_fNUnkURPBFnssrEjba-tgr3KrQACKgB/s320/20may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="suitcase duvet clothes for trip" width="320" /></a>That's when we also found lots of crap in the loft, this is not an obsessive-compulsive hoarding disorder kind of crap, it's either bats or rats so we bought lots of poison and traps, knowing that bats won't touch them.</div>
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And every time the laundry was put out, it must have sent psychic rays to the clouds, because it rained heavily, directly against the orders and authorized predictions of the weather-guessers.</div>
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Later it was acting and we waited for Sydney and her friend Unknown Caitlin (I know lots of Caitlins but not this one) to turn up but they took too long getting ready and we were late (in the rain, 'cos we'd left the laundry out in the sunshine). This is another thing about girls, if they're going out on a Friday night they have to start getting ready on the Tuesday because they're so rubbish at everything. And adding an Unknown Caitlin simply trebled the time it takes an already slow Sydney to arrive. </div>
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Anyway, acting itself was good and as part of the scene I have to knee someone in the goolies but the part of nuttily-challenged man is currently played by a girl, that's why it's called acting. And another in a random series of 'Groovy Local Locations' is the Round Tower, with 2 added forts in the background. Perhaps this is why we're called Strong Island, with all that rock and brick surrounding us.</div>
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Saturday-night-is-film-night was 'The Expendables' in which Sly Stallone invited some Hollywood friends to perform in a hotch-potch mismatch of a film where Schwarzenegger and Willis barely featured but Ivan Drago from a previous Rocky movie played a mercenary drug addict. The rent-a-soldier cast of The Unmentionables was taken directly from 'Commando' as was the Generalissimo's palace but this time the general's daughter was the feisty love interest and there was a lot more tattooing and knife-throwing. </div>
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Jason Statham from 4 Shotguns & Transporter 1-7 was nice to see (particularly as I have to employ a Cockney accent at work) and I look forward to Irascibles 2 and 3 where a well-known semi-retired Cyborg takes more of an active part in proceedings.</div>
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<strong abp="4679"><u abp="4680">Damaged Goods</u></strong></div>
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Woke at ten something but stayed in bed reading for an hour.</div>
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And of course it would be her right hand, so she can't write or play Minecraft which is basically the end of her life until the cast comes off. So she watched me play for a while but facetime is better than voyeurism so I went round to hers to cheer her up in person. She taught me Back-Garden-Backgammon and we played in the sun, and there was ice cream and discussions about rice pudding and her vast foam cast-protecting sling, which might get in the way slightly in acting. And I couldn't go to bed at midnight because I'm going to be living in a zoo for a while, as one does.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-57430133924449899802017-05-14T21:34:00.000+01:002017-07-29T12:52:52.141+01:00May 2017 2/4<div abp="4915" style="text-align: center;">
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<a abp="718" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8bFq0vNthio/WPtor7ncFKI/AAAAAAAAiPQ/ux7RRCTM-VI1IyzfH3zNeLSJtub1qnKcQCPcB/s1600/wtmk-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="719" alt="unconscious drunk asleep in urinal funny fail" border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8bFq0vNthio/WPtor7ncFKI/AAAAAAAAiPQ/ux7RRCTM-VI1IyzfH3zNeLSJtub1qnKcQCPcB/s320/wtmk-1.jpg" title="mate in a state drunk" width="208" /></a><strong abp="23"><u abp="24">Verboten in Sixty Seconds</u></strong></div>
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Dread! Fear! Well not really, just the exams that the teachers have been terrified about for so long.</div>
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We started with Reading. Not the unnecessarily ugly town by the Thames, but reading comprehension. It was an hour long and before long, Child A had stood up, walked over to the teacher and asked loudly to go to the toilet, even though we had just endured a lengthy speech about not leaving your seats or making any noise. We all knew he was going to mess it up one way or another, because he cannot help himself.</div>
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Then, after revision for tomorrows' spelling and grammar test and some differently shaped breaktimes, we had a second round of auditions for the Year 6 play. 25 kids were challenging for 18 parts and they made me do the voice of the narrator to hold it all together, because they knew I could do it properly. </div>
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And after school I walked home with Ben and we went to the beach hut and played Manhunt until they got bored and opted for football. I was quite tired by then and had a slight huff but Jof made kedgeree which is good for you and filled me right back up again.</div>
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<a abp="777" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qXPhU4_dldA/WRDIYq9RL1I/AAAAAAAAiaQ/Viyl6PNcosU6mOP8CKCWdjYSiE56hEgeACPcB/s1600/8may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="778" alt="beautiful lefkara cyprus turkish delights" border="0" height="294" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qXPhU4_dldA/WRDIYq9RL1I/AAAAAAAAiaQ/Viyl6PNcosU6mOP8CKCWdjYSiE56hEgeACPcB/s320/8may17%2B%25281%2529.JPG" title="cyprus delights mixed flavours tourist treat" width="320" /></a>In Scouts we opened the Vicars' garage and did some outside work with the stoves and camping equipment and we have a new girl doing the try-out and Bud took home 3 tents to mend or replace. We had to have 3 attempts to find a Camping-Gaz stove with some gas left in it and then Child B tried to set fire to his shoe and was Banned from Matches. Someone at Buds' work brought home some Turkish delights from Cyprus but as he is from the Greek side, I guess we have to call them Greek delights. </div>
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Speaking of delight, it's lovely to see a modern country like Ireland can still have a law against blasphemy. In a hilarious move, Stephen Fry from A Fish Called Wanda was investigated for criticizing the gods. One must wonder how many other developed countries (unlike the islamic ones) still have protection for fictional characters enshrined in law. Perhaps the USA or Germany or Oz also ban defamation of helpless supernatural beings like Santa, Hedwig, Donald Duck and the Grinch. Incidentally, my latest Singalongamax earworm is 'Something tells me I'm into something good' by Hermans' Hermits.</div>
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<a abp="3938" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sBnsfy9rgXQ/WRH6rLxCP7I/AAAAAAAAia8/ZW6AS8qpwskdGSteDbqLukqIeoXMm8GowCKgB/s1600/stpo.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="3939" alt="you only had one job fail" border="0" height="201" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sBnsfy9rgXQ/WRH6rLxCP7I/AAAAAAAAia8/ZW6AS8qpwskdGSteDbqLukqIeoXMm8GowCKgB/s320/stpo.png" title="stpo road markings fail stop line" width="320" /></a>Tuesday, and the torture continued with spelling and grammar tests. It's only the 11+, so there's no Also sprach Zarathustra or Veni vidi vici. </div>
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But I rarely concentrate on my spelling so much as I do on Minecraft for one simple reason. In this modern world of spellcheck and autocorrect, all I have to do is Cupertino warthog as cryogenics, and milf contractor Whelan collagen implant enantiomer Alaska topless for me.</div>
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<a abp="3942" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ehIJL-LA4Os/WRH6rH5WP7I/AAAAAAAAia8/q3Mgjkgyd0YSiMFE226H70tD-O5y-qTOACKgB/s1600/9may17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="3943" alt="hotel tycoon board game annoying" border="0" height="220" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ehIJL-LA4Os/WRH6rH5WP7I/AAAAAAAAia8/q3Mgjkgyd0YSiMFE226H70tD-O5y-qTOACKgB/s320/9may17.JPG" title="family board game hotel tycoon" width="320" /></a>And after the tests we had so much free time I was able to play benchball and Lego for hours. Jof picked me up from school as a treat and I played her at "Hotel Tycoon" in the sun. I have a special talent, which is to babble inanely without respite even when being told to shut up, for your words are like farts in the wind that I cannot hear over my own far more important shouting.</div>
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And Jof has a special talent which is to land on all of my rentable properties and founder immediately in a Femaelstrom of bad luck. Lucky she has my constant vocal assault to keep her distracted.</div>
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<a abp="5541" href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OA97Xb_zZnI/WRNgjIAcveI/AAAAAAAAibs/iOrz1ZFKsz8ityqcCEe2iCA-ZbhB8apAACKgB/s1600/gingerbread%2Bman%2Bskeleton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="5542" alt="gruesome baking intestines skeleton" border="0" height="272" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OA97Xb_zZnI/WRNgjIAcveI/AAAAAAAAibs/iOrz1ZFKsz8ityqcCEe2iCA-ZbhB8apAACKgB/s320/gingerbread%2Bman%2Bskeleton.jpg" title="how vegans see gingerbread men" width="320" /></a>Wednesday was a day of maths, with an arithmetic exam and also numerical reasoning. We discovered that our resident maths whizz still has trouble translating centimetres into metres and metres into kilometres, he's always wrong by a factor of 10. Sure it won't matter when he's a civil engineer or a spacecraft designer. I still haven't found out what part I have in the Year 6 play.</div>
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One of Jof's favourite viewing pleasures is the 'Take me to the Country' or 'Houses under the Hammer' genre, with lots of properties to look at and either criticize or yearn for. This is why she can now stipulate that our next house has to have a staircase up the middle, 3 reception rooms, a hidden servants' staircase at the back, and a kitchen island. </div>
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I decided that what I want (what I really really want) is a swimming pool. So I announced that if Jof dies, I will convert her bedroom into a pool. </div>
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Today was the last exam of the SATs - Reasoning. Not so much the cut and thrust of learnèd debate on the floor of the House of Commons but bar charts, pie charts and associated mathematical trivia. </div>
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<a abp="4644" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c70qZafmd48/WRS03Bv3fqI/AAAAAAAAicM/x4ABsDcnNRwN1Xd5DOSKsOMjPFMeZOsbACKgB/s1600/phone%2Bfail.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4645" alt="public payphone outside booth fail only had one job" border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c70qZafmd48/WRS03Bv3fqI/AAAAAAAAicM/x4ABsDcnNRwN1Xd5DOSKsOMjPFMeZOsbACKgB/s320/phone%2Bfail.png" title="traditional red phone box on city street" width="267" /></a>I think I did quite well, let's just hope it doesn't come back as 12% after I said that. There are limits to the human mind - as has so often been shown in this blog - but I filled every unforgiving minute with Venn diagrams and bell curves and kids coming back from the shops with 3 junior hacksaw blades @ 14p each and Anusol cream @ 2 shillings and sixpence and how much change did little Alfie spend down at the amusement arcade before coming home and trying to fob off his mother with tales of the unexpected price rises.</div>
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Anyway, this isn't the end of term but certainly the end of the exams. So we had a party with popcorn (I don't like popcorn) and blackjack and hookers and herbal chocolate brownies for relaxation. And we got to watch a film!</div>
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'Storks' is about ungainly long-legged birds who migrate to Scandinavian countries and nest in chimneypots, but also deliver newborn infants to those villagers who have not yet learned about the birds and the bees. And delivery failed for one such youngling, which means a card through the door saying we'll try again tomorrow otherwise you have to come and collect your firstborn from our local distribution depot in Windy Bottom, only 75.3 miles from your location.</div>
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This is exactly what happened to the new Gazebo tent for the Scouts. It does not matter if you specify on the order form that you won't be home until 4pm on that particular day, and even insert a line in the address saying so. Because the Stork is controlled by a computer that decides on the route the Yodel-Stork has to fly, and the automated Female Dork sorry Stork on the phone is only programmed to attempt redelivery the next working day between 0900 and 2100, which is fine if you are working from home, perhaps attached to an iron lung (working from lung?) or to collect it yourself, rather reducing the need for the Stork in the first place. Lucky this Stork Regional Processing Centre is just over the road from Bud's work, making him as happy as an agoraphobe in an iron lung.</div>
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Today was one of those embarrassing in-between days like the Mayan Days of the Dead, when you've finished your exams but are technically still waiting for the weekend. </div>
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<a abp="4456" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6KH4Da3Kbuc/WRXxAzbxeCI/AAAAAAAAidM/y0vr9Zst1LM-cTOglIW3p4eeFPPyoIZeACKgB/s1600/47121.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4457" alt="potting six pool balls in one shot win" border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6KH4Da3Kbuc/WRXxAzbxeCI/AAAAAAAAidM/y0vr9Zst1LM-cTOglIW3p4eeFPPyoIZeACKgB/s1600/47121.gif" title="pool table trick shot win" /></a>So we could concentrate on our Year 6 play: at last, the roles were handed out and I am Mufasa. Again. Maybe he doesn't have the biggest part, but I am the King, as befits, perhaps I'll grow up to be a movie star with regal gravitas like Morgan Freeman who keeps playing god or the President. </div>
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I suppose the most alarming part of the day was when some unknown Year 3 micro-kid was doing some experimenting. As with all seats of learning, controlled experimentation with theory, reproducible results and peer review is a vital part of expanding the sum of all knowledge, creationists take note. So anyway, this kid was seeing how hard he could hit the little glass window on the red box fire alarm thingy with his pencil without actually setting it off. Well, he found out. We all found out the joy of an unplanned fire alarm with actual fire engines in the street outside and lots of angry teachers saying well it wasn't me, and has everybody got out alive. Child C got a week's suspension and the rest of us got a very shouty lecture.</div>
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And Bud lost his job again which makes Jof the only breadwinner in the house. It must be a very strange game you play if you hope to win bread, no wonder adults are so stressed all the time worrying about toast landing butter side up. Give me oblivious childhood any day.</div>
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I like Saturdays so got up really early at 0930. Jof was at work and sent a text home asking for breakfast to be delivered so while Bud did that, I spoke to Grandad about maths. </div>
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In acting we are learning 'One man, 2 Guv'nors' and now our group has Sydney, myself, 'Arry (not 'Atchet 'Arry) and the tall girl whose name I still can't remember so has to stick with her stage name of Gareth. </div>
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<a abp="6407" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YsQYyVOSoUo/WRdsAsb0TaI/AAAAAAAAifE/U40x8MDbudUuzoMvmBCrHXjxFBJqBx5XgCKgB/s1600/13may17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="6408" alt="portsmouth harbour bus station" border="0" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YsQYyVOSoUo/WRdsAsb0TaI/AAAAAAAAifE/U40x8MDbudUuzoMvmBCrHXjxFBJqBx5XgCKgB/s320/13may17.JPG" title="portsmouth hard bus terminal renovation" width="400" /></a>I play Francis, the two-timing butler, so I have to serve 2 unrelated masters as sole manservant, with hilarious consequences. We're only doing one scene for the showcase but it is the funny one, following our winning performance of Under Milk Wood at the last showcase. This random image is of the Hard Bus Terminus which has been completely renovated at a cost of insert cost here, and you can now go in the newly opened main building and ask for tickets or buy a tin mug. </div>
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The road surface is very new and smooth and will be fun when the frost returns. It all looks rather swish and all that remains is for the actual buses to find this ready-made international transport hub. After acting, I fed some more birds in the park and then met Sydney in cyberspace for some more Skype-Minecraft. We played 'Bed Wars' which is less erotic than it sounds and 'Happy Slappers' or similar in which you have to slap each other off a grid suspended in mid air, as you do. Meanwhile, Bud mended tents and Jof had a snooze on the sofa. I'd run out of time to select a film so Eurovision noxiously clouded the airwaves once more, with well-known European country 'Australia' showing off far too much hair and some truly disastrous entries from countries who should have stayed annexed, vassal states to some greater power such as Guernsey. For supper Jof made me 'Mac and Cheese Bites' which are macaroni pasta tubes rolled up and deep-fried. I tried one, and never again.</div>
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The latest replacement for Schools vouchers at the supermarket is "Create the World" Lego cards, much like Match Attax. Each pack contains a super-card and 3 normal cards and there are about 140 of each to collect, so I said I'd open 2 or 3 packs and save the rest for the Zoo school trip but within minutes I'd opened them all.</div>
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OK, so global warming has not fully reached our northern climes so the adults wore blankets while Robert and I played stupidity football which is where you joust on plastic motorbikes that would be small for a 6 year-old but can now be used as roller skates by us advanced beings. Later, I played Golf on the Wii and we all had a go at micro-Ping-Pong and Fussball and air hockey and they spotted my fatal flaw in that I am quite crap and a total cheat when pressed and we all had a really good time. May our association last forever.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-85782375658246208322017-05-07T21:50:00.000+01:002017-07-29T12:47:16.449+01:00May 2017 1/4<div abp="0">
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And visible yesterday at many stalls at the Fayre, the new must-have toy is the fiddler, or the spinner, or the Fidget-bit or whatever, a small moving device for little itchy fingers. And Okely Dokely fiddled with his one so much it pinged up and hit me in the eye, bet the manufacturers never saw that one coming, hoho.</div>
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Wednesday was dull with maths and the like, and coding where we had to make a Mars lander walk about, avoid rocks and eat Martian apples, and French where we learnt about Le Motorcar. I try to forget French instantly because it's rubbish and I know I'll never need it. And lastly, PE which was the last one for a while because we've got SATs next week, a bittersweet victory there. But I did get 40/40 on the maths test for the second time ever, just the right time to start winning. Incidentally, we bought this house 4 years ago today.</div>
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Grandad phoned in the afternoon and taught me more about maths, for which we needed graph paper and a globe. And Bud went out to a Scout meeting so I got to use the computer for longer.</div>
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Then, following lots of boring revision, we did our auditions for the Year 6 Play which is of course the Loin King. I have played various Liony roles (and some loiny ones) in previous productions and had my heart set on the baddie, because the baddies always get the best part, or the most enjoyable one to play.</div>
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We don't get to find out what (if any) role we get until after the exams. Sixty or so kids are chasing 18 speaking roles, I guess I have to hope I'm not cast as 'Baobab Tree #4' or 'Rock'. In my first play (I was the Troll - lead character and a baddie as well) some poor classmates were cast as 'Grass' and some as - dare I say it - 'Brick'. They were not speaking parts, but at least the Grass had to wave in the wind a bit. Poor old Brick. </div>
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Each supporting steel rod has a copper sheath that moves up and down freely. The upper floor has 2 lateral spinning aluminium rings and a single bullet-shaped skyrocket for aerial defence, and spider-web shaped fan protector beneath. But the piece de resistance is an old CPU housing with integral cooling fan above, which still moves smoothly and silently.</div>
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This aluminium block retains its original heatsink and gold pin contacts for the CPU, and some pins have been selectively removed to spell out 'MUNGO ROBOT' for those blessed with the ability to read. The CPU compartment is accessed by turning the red handle which unclips after a 90 degree turn and the whole thing pops open and folds back on a spring-loaded axle. </div>
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And because this was hand-made from old engineering parts salvaged from the test and research laboratories of a company that has since gone into liquidation, nobody else in the world has one. So poo to you and your Spyn-Fidlers.</div>
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<u abp="1281"><strong abp="1282"><span abp="3316" style="font-size: large;">I Guess that's why they call it Blue Day</span></strong></u></div>
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So some of the roles for the Year 6 after-SATs play 'Lion King' we handed out, but I haven't been given one yet and the role I'm hoping for hasn't gone, so there is hope for me yet. Our PE lesson was in the park again and I was on a rounders team with Erin and Ben and they were part way round the bases when I finally connected with a ball flung at me by Okely-Dokely. My team-mates were supposed to continue their run around and complete their circuits but I was on a flier and went straight to 4th base with Erin, overtook them both, and got them both out when I scored my home run. This attracted abuse, meh. </div>
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And it was Blue Day with the chance to wear blue regalia for a £1 donation to the Tom Prince Cancer Trust. I did so. The dentist told me I'd been brushing better this year but please reduce my sweet intake, tell that to the Chocolate Salesman. He still painted my teeth with the fluoride guck that makes you unable to eat sweets for half an hour. Friday-Night-Is-Film-night was "Escape Plan", the 2013 DVD release from Schwarzenegger and Stallone where they had to break out of a secret prison ship using only a Koran, a drain cover and a pair of glasses. I did that in Marrakech in 1942 but does anybody remember? Do they panties. It was nice to see Vinnie Jones still working in Hollywood as a particularly ugly prison guard.</div>
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Today I was looking forward to going back to acting even though it's only been a fortnight since I last trod the boards in anger. The morning was all about Minecraft and Sydney arrived just about on time with some new purple glasses. Our group was missing Harry but gained 2 new girls and we did comedy with outsized movements and crazy impressions and a new game called Bunny Boilers or something.</div>
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Pompington was busy with happy loud people because of the end of the football season and the Footing-ball Authority had set all matches to begin at 530 for extra pub time before the games.</div>
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<a abp="4310" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DlUxDDq4fTE/WQ5PE54K3II/AAAAAAAAiYc/sZoWWsLbVIg_1Lus7wPSq9e_3KIlxw4uACPcB/s1600/5apr08%2BFarmerGiles.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="4311" alt="portsmouth pfc FA cup run 2008" border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DlUxDDq4fTE/WQ5PE54K3II/AAAAAAAAiYc/sZoWWsLbVIg_1Lus7wPSq9e_3KIlxw4uACPcB/s320/5apr08%2BFarmerGiles.JPG" title="portsmouth football club fans with flag and shirts" width="263" /></a>Due to last night's Film Night, we had another Film Night and due to the recent theme of prison-related films, we went for the Kühlschrank Connection, or was it the Sheepshank Reduction, or the Samizdat Injection. Something about sheep-dip anyway, with Morgan Freeman as the man who can get stuff, the Kurgan from 'Highlander' as Guard #1, and the Demolition Man Police Chief as Warden, amongst others. </div>
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Shawcross Credentials was quite long with a certain amount of man-on-man bullying and Alpha-Male baton charges, but I am now mature enough to realize that where I'd seen '500 yards of poo-pipe' in Phineas and Ferb, this film was the origin, not the cartoon. Apparently there are many more 'Educational Films' such as The Italian Job, 2001 Space Odyssey, Forrest Gump etc where you just have to see it to understand chunky bits of modern culture. </div>
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And all the while, Pompey fans kept up a decent chant of all of the special football songs, right up until Plymouth failed to win, and relegated Hartlepool beat Doncaster, so we rampaged at home 6-1 to take the championship. So the hoorays from the local pub continued until 11pm when I took over with my Lion Kong medley from the shower room. Here is a picture of when Pompey did some stuff in 2008, I was a little smaller. I still have that flag.</div>
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For some reason, Jof insisted on doing the weekly shop, nothing to do with the 17 tubes of 'Little Teeth' toothpaste in my cupboard, I'm sure. But that left me free to play Minecraft and now that I have been banned from a server for griefing, I felt more community-minded and rescued a newbie from some kind of rock dungeon that was hopelessly unqualified to enter.</div>
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Bud made me distribute breadcrumbs to unemployed local birds and I stalked them through the park and successfully targeted many starlings and blackbirds and other wingèd denizens. On the way back, raucous Pompey supporters waved beer bottles and their feet at us from passing cabs and it was not until Bud got back from his run we found out that the Champions Cup had been shown off to the fans on the seafront with parades and live bands and we'd missed it.</div>
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SATs (11+) is next week. I do not fear them. But I am nervous about what part I'll be given in the Lion King. Even as I went to bed, the Pompies were still singing lustily from the pub garden.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-68401275758232177352017-05-01T21:43:00.000+01:002017-07-29T12:42:01.287+01:00May the Fayre be With You 2017<div abp="3165">
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So, Jof was kind enough to give us a lift. We were all stiff getting out of bed, due to running, cycling, or Minecrafting, depending. But as a family, we made the move and us chaps got to the church by 1120. Everything in life is a balance. Do you arrive early, only to spend all of your money on the raffles and pot plants that you then have to carry around all day? Or do you carefully bide your time and wait for the late offers, only to fall foul of 7 pints of slow-down medicine from the beer tent?</div>
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We have some experience of this event and have come to a sensible compromise. We arrive early and check out every stall and activity. We might also buy a few items. Then, I spend the first of the real money on one or more activities before the rest of the team get there, and let the day happen.</div>
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As we get older, the things that are important to us change. We met the stalwart members of the 29th Scout Group, with associated Explorer section, and had a chat. We met supermodel 'Pops', representing the Kings Theatre Youth Drama Section, where I will spend at least 1 week this summer, like the last 2 years. Then we met 'Flick', our local MP and said thanks for writing a personal letter to our Lego League team for winning the Regionals. And crazily, we met 'Gerald', former Council Leader and the man who awarded me my Bronze Chief Scout Badge.</div>
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And I bought some Minecraft characters and Fudge Slices and really wanted the Lupins and cacti and honeysuckle but we don't have a proper garden currently so they'll have to wait.</div>
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So once we'd done our initial circuit I chose the Fun-Bus-Of-Doom like the last 7 years and the rules are to only have 2 circuits but spend as much time as you like and I stayed on there for an hour. </div>
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Then Ben and the JBs arrived and we went right back onto the Bus of Doom and they'd found a new type of bouncy castle where you have to throw a basketball into the thoroughly inaccessible net while being attached to a waist-anchored spring and it was absolutely impossible but very funny. </div>
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Johnny was far too old for this lark and so was I until we saw Ben and Robert failing admirably and we both had a damn good go and won a balloon each. </div>
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As we get older, priorities change. Once, horses were a novelty and we were prepared to spend some considerable time in the queue to sit on a bored quadruped and wander aimlessly up and down the far corner of the churchyard for 3 minutes on an ambling manure-producer.</div>
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Luckily, home was only a 17-minute strumble away and Jof made it all better with pasta and happiness.</div>
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And because priorities change as you get older, the format of this blog will change to a weekly post, because I might not want to detail each changing emotion about those around me, and sometimes it's just 'Went to school' and sometimes not.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-46643243462459601042017-04-30T22:21:00.000+01:002017-05-02T18:35:56.088+01:00Griefing, and Being Unfayre<div abp="0">
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I was up first. Not by much, but then I'm only a trainee teenager. Today is the middle day of the bank holiday weekend and as such, was full of rain and wind. </div>
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<a abp="5359" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--iHBOYMJ9dA/WQZUX33qERI/AAAAAAAAiT4/pRnwcshwkdcqaK6fBWXYHgGink-yRsrnACPcB/s1600/30apr17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5360" alt="minecraft griefer stealing items" border="0" height="360" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--iHBOYMJ9dA/WQZUX33qERI/AAAAAAAAiT4/pRnwcshwkdcqaK6fBWXYHgGink-yRsrnACPcB/s400/30apr17.JPG" title="minecraft large chest inventory" width="480" /></a>This predictably coincided with the fayre down on Castle Field (right next to the castle built personally by Henery the 8th I am I am) with the rides and the dog show and the heavy horse parade which is always really whiffy and we went there last year. And there was another fayre down by the big war memorial on the seafront, with the really tall rides and the ghost train and the hook-a-duck and the shoot-a-duck etc. And because of the freezing gales with sideways rain, there were only 37 people at both fayres, and they were all in the beer tent. I could see this coming and elected to spend the entire day griefing people on Minecraft, with only limited breaks for cake. I wandered from village to village, pillaging and stealing any items left by other players in unlocked booty chests. This is griefing, although I really only steal stuff, rather than demolishing buildings and wiping poo up the walls. OK, so I killed a few dogs and all the villagers, but my numerous booty-chests are very full, and all locked. It was only later I discovered I'd been banned from the server for griefing. Unfayre!</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-56057702361543809232017-04-29T22:30:00.000+01:002017-04-29T23:44:58.347+01:00Escape Plan<div abp="14">
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Yesterday I brought home dreadfully important missives about sex education and the uniform list for my new school. This brings home the reality of change, it's no longer just something that will happen in the misty future. So I agreed to walk the route to see how long the daily commute will take: I predicted 30 minutes and Bud predicted 12. </div>
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Now, you can't just do one journey for one thing, you have to make a circuit that completes several tasks. My favourite action hero is of course The Right Reverend Arnoldius Schwarzenegger and I intend to have a wake for him the day he finally benches his last press. </div>
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So I was just scrolling through 'Best Arnie Movies' etc on Youtube when 'Escape Plan' came up, also starring another favourite, Sly Stallone. So we visited 3 charity shops to try and find it. It was supposed to be 5, but due to advanced urban decay, even the charity shops are closing: Age Concern and Barnardo's are no more. </div>
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<a abp="5401" href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vJO41aYz-kw/WQUVvkwnv2I/AAAAAAAAiTc/z_YtZgqCLygtd_XL42uLRlioEcLlQbMjgCPcB/s1600/29APR17B.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img abp="5402" alt="burger fries with cocktail umbrella" border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vJO41aYz-kw/WQUVvkwnv2I/AAAAAAAAiTc/z_YtZgqCLygtd_XL42uLRlioEcLlQbMjgCPcB/s400/29APR17B.JPG" title="modern burger dish in plant pot tin mug" width="340" /></a>We walked home via the churchyard of the tower on my title page, above this post. And I said, when is the next May Beer Fayre here, because I can play laser-death with Ben and the JBs again. It's in 2 days, the beer tent is already up. Later, Bud visited a further 14 charity shops (would have been 15, but Aladdin's Cave has died) and came up blank so we bought Escape Plan on ebay for £2.15. Still, at least we made the effort.</div>
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Film night (after Minecraft afternoon - Minecrafternoon) was Conan the Barbarian (1982) with decent music and an early appearance by Sven, Killians' bodyguard from the Running Man and Voice of Darth Vader. When James Earl Jones and Madge Sinclair played King and Queen Jaffe Joffe in 'Coming to America', who knew they'd be back together playing Mufasa + Wife in The Lion King. Time to walk to school: 15 1/2 minutes.</div>
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After her 3-hour haircut, Jof made the effort to make supper in plant pots and tin mugs and the bottom-batting boards straight out of 'Animal House', and it was lovely. Please sir, can I have another?</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-72432316302573237062017-04-28T23:00:00.000+01:002017-04-28T23:00:12.448+01:00Balconi<div abp="3163">
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OK, so it was a PE lesson so we still had to learn, rather than just run around and tread in dog poo and climb trees and play manhunt in the desolate wastelands of the municipal recreation ground and write rude words on peoples' gates and yeah whatever.</div>
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And I took the Mother-Of-All-Handouts home which included the Notice-Of-Sex-Education and the uniform list for my secondary school, so quite large stuff actually, talk about pressure when you're only 11. Mostly I was intent on collecting my Daily Prize on the Minecraft Server but made time to meet a new chocolate bar Bud brought home from a [nice Iranian man who owns a late-night Kebab Shop] at his work.</div>
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This chocolate item is called Choco & Latte (Soffice merenda farcita al latte e con gocce di cioccolato extra) and is lovingly contained in a brown plastic wrapping like all the best surprises in the world. But as a Neophobe, I fear new items and tried it sparingly. Turned out, it was basically Swiss Roll, just unrolled and presented in flat rectangular format (as if legitimate businessmen had bribed the council to look the other way when they employed cheap foreign labour and stole all the cement) with 2 sturdy chocolate foamy sponge cake outer boundaries and a soft internal creamy lipid bilayer, rather good in fact. But Ye shall know it from its Italian makers - Balconi. Luckily it was balcony-shaped.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-35421485161366263512017-04-27T22:00:00.000+01:002017-04-27T22:00:12.803+01:00Misappropriation of Pig Eggs<div abp="844">
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Due to this paucity of detail and some other factors, this blog will change format shortly. I did do my acting show'n'tell with my script and several pictures on the overhead.</div>
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But afterwards I was on this Minecraft server, right, and I opened some of the chests provided for people to store their winnings, and some weren't empty. Or locked.</div>
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So I acquired 2 chest-fuls of assorted goodies for no outlay apart from some effort. And like a true Pikey, anonymously auctioned off the Pig Egg-Spawners which you need to build a Pig Farm and fraudulently obtained about 13 grand from my nefarious activities, hooray.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-81964250572385344572017-04-26T22:00:00.000+01:002017-04-26T22:00:30.885+01:00Pif and The Blob<div abp="3164">
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And we discussed the pronunciation and meanings of the Swahili names in the Lion King as part of our African project. But my pick of the days' events was the re-ordering of our ICT, PE and French classes into P.I.F. May not seem much to you, but having French at the end made all the difference. All I need now is for French to be annexed by German, or similar.</div>
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And Grandad phoned to discuss the results of his graph-based homework. Even over the phone, he soon spotted that I'd misunderstood the equation and plotted an incorrect graph. I did it again. Talk about learning to read the question ...</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-29998485853520168472017-04-25T22:00:00.000+01:002017-04-25T22:00:28.109+01:00Non-Linear Relationships<div abp="4">
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<a abp="145" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ii67DnUQ4L8/WPeTIM8JkCI/AAAAAAAAiLc/BqPUfrHG5noV8TKTq9LvQXEiqFy_4eT5gCPcB/s1600/cat%2Bsmoking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="146" alt="siamese cat smoking cigarette" border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ii67DnUQ4L8/WPeTIM8JkCI/AAAAAAAAiLc/BqPUfrHG5noV8TKTq9LvQXEiqFy_4eT5gCPcB/s320/cat%2Bsmoking.jpg" title="signs your cat is running with the wrong crowd" width="320" /></a>After school, I met Jof and went for a haircut, for I have become a hippy with a blurred cranial outline and sideburns. Every time I go there, Bud tells me I can choose my own style and many styles are available etc. Once I tried one, but I didn't like it, and have stuck with good old Grade 2 since. So I chose wisely (or simply, it's easy to wash and dry) but somehow I was talked at by the ladies around me until I ended up with a Grade 8 on top, 4 sides, 2 neck.</div>
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Last time Grandad and I met, he taught me more about graphs and had me work out a matrix of Y values where Y = 2X + 1. Then I plotted the co-ordinates on graph paper and Lo, the relationship was linear. And I learned about axes, quadrants and the origin. Not my origin, that's biology.</div>
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Today I did my G-Dad homework which was of course to fill the matrix (not Schwarzenegger in Commando this time) for the equation Y = 4 - X and plot the graph. It was also linear but crossed the axes in different places and strode off to +/- infinity at a different angle. Jof didn't know what he was on about, but I worked it out anyway.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-44590028799867034282017-04-24T22:01:00.000+01:002017-04-24T22:01:21.605+01:00Manhunt<div abp="5449">
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And we got forewarning of a topic project - The Lion King. I have, of course, met the Lion King before, both on screen and onstage.
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So I was very happy right up until I discovered that my doorkey was missing. No, I didn't check my bag this morning, not my job.
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Yes, it does look like the swan is sitting on a bench.
And then Bud picked me up and had found the keys in Jof's second handbag and all was forgiven and I went to Scouts. We played shooting-each-other-with-lava-balls and 2 Chief Scout Gold Award badges (the one I want) were handed out. I got the Scouts Entertainer badge for doing the 50 hours or so it took to complete the Wind in the Willows.
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-26259713441721787082017-04-23T21:45:00.000+01:002017-04-23T21:45:33.307+01:00Cube Luck<div abp="3162">
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So today I started a proper last-day-off with 11 hours of sleep, and a full English breakfast at the supermarket café with Jof. OK, so I don't like baked beans but you can swap for an extra hash brown if you ask nicely. And while Jof was doing complicated extra shopping after the main shopping event had finished, I got myself a genuine Mojang Minecraft Mystery Cube (£4). I love a bit of Minecraft merchandise and know in my heart that geeks the world over buy up all of this stuff and sell completed collections for oodles of cash. Personally, I wanted the Villager With Anvil figurine (who wouldn't?) but got the Pyramid of 3 Lava Blocks. Or are they Magma. Look how big it is, nearly as big as me. Not bad for £4, in my mind.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-75045362732589850852017-04-22T23:09:00.000+01:002017-04-22T23:09:22.853+01:00Last Night at the Toads<div abp="3159">
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The nice booking office lady said I was the best Portly Otter and certainly the best behaved. I was chosen to hold the begging-bucket on the staircase and also hand out leaflets.</div>
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Last night Child B was locked in his dressing room for running around the building but I was always good. The last performance is tonight but I signed off Red Groups' daytime show with a flourish and the audience was in rows, not on round tables like on previous events. This made photography even more challenging.</div>
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So, I left the theatre for the last time this term with face paint still applied, and a whole production under my belt. This comprised at least 30 hours' rehearsals and 7 performances on top of the auditions, so a good 50 hours the lot. And afterwards I said I wanted to be in the christmas Panto which is Aladdin. </div>
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Portsmouth Footing-ball club went up to the next division last week so the roads home were filled with blue people waving flags and the pub garden was full of Pompey fans singing the special songs which were <i abp="40">we are going up hroogh hroogh</i> and 'Gold' by Spandau Ballet for some reason. It made parking difficult so I walked the last 600 yards home brightening everyone's day by still being in baby otter stage make-up. </div>
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When we tried to buy a flag for the garage pub, they'd run out. Saturday-night-is-film-night, so my choice was 'Twins' in which Arnie still flexes while trying to act emotional with the help of Kuato (Total Recall) and Cousin Sam Klane (Killian's bodyguard in Running Man). As I went to bed, Pompey fans various were still singing the special songs from the nearby pub garden.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-48838263811071239302017-04-21T22:23:00.002+01:002017-04-21T22:23:23.209+01:00Invasion of the Killer Jellyfish<div abp="1166">
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Friday, woohoo. If it wasn't for my generosity in offering to replace the absent 'Riley' for tonight's dazzling production of 'Wind in the Willows', I'd have had an empty day. Well, as you may know, I'm not allowed any empty days because I only fill them up with Minecraft.</div>
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So I crafted awhile as housework went on around me until noon when he said off we go then. Normally I cannot stand secrets and demand to know everything even if it ruins the surprise, but this time we'd practically reached the Gosport Ferry terminal before I realised that we weren't going to the local park.</div>
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Just over the promenade from there we met some listless teenagers and Bastion #1. This old disused fort is overgrown and covered with trees and its tunnels are pretty small and mostly blocked off. But we climbed it and met some Scouts camping at the top, with decent tents and a fire.</div>
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Just the other side is Cockle Pond (part of Walpole Park) which was experiencing heavy yacht use: some old geezers were having a toy yacht race - although these toys were about 5 feet tall and very techy and advanced.</div>
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Now I may not have travelled the world and met interesting creatures and killed them, but I know a jellyfish when I see one, even though I've only ever seen them on TV. And there seemed to be several in this isolated lake with only yachts and swans for company.</div>
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So we just had to visit the café (because one must) where I had a fortifying slice of 'Fridge Lumpy Bumpy Cake' and then we went hunting. Over the other side of the lake we found a veritable swarm, nay, a cloud of throbbing jellied invaders. We surmise that a few jellyfish larvae entered the pond by way of the overflow pipe which is open to the sea at high tide, and survived the winter in the protective environment, and started breeding.</div>
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Now, they have bred quite a lot and there are millions of them, although they must be quite inbred, which is normal for Gosport. At first, I was afeared of the globular alien entities, because they are known to haunt the tropical seas and kill sharks and humans with their stinging tentacles. <em abp="4654">Hmmm. Singing tentacles. That gives me a fancy-dress idea.</em></div>
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<a abp="897" href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AgAbNqEemdU/WPoo7uvzWRI/AAAAAAAAiNI/0-ueeKwnego0Z4C7y2B0cJlx31bxRwshwCPcB/s1600/21APR17%2BGOSPORT%2B%252813%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="898" alt="jellyfish cockle pond walpole park gosport" border="0" height="284" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AgAbNqEemdU/WPoo7uvzWRI/AAAAAAAAiNI/0-ueeKwnego0Z4C7y2B0cJlx31bxRwshwCPcB/s320/21APR17%2BGOSPORT%2B%252813%2529.JPG" title="boy in hoodie pulling jellyfish out of water" width="320" /></a>And once Bud had picked a few out of the water to show me, I came to believe that they were not in fact deadly Portuguese men'o'war, but some harmless undulating transparent blobs of gucky mostly-water that just sat there going woing woing and getting stuck in the seaweed. And before long I had got over my tentaclophobia and was pulling them out of the water myself and hunting for the biggest specimen and teaching a passing kid to do the same and in no time we were practically having a jellyfish fight with blobs of whiffy goo flying through the air with added laughter. </div>
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No jellyfish were harmed in the making of this afternoon's entertainment, but I insist that it was a bizarre experience, especially when Bud was trying to take a picture and I put a jellyfish on his head. Then I did it again, for I am not a messiah, I am a very naughty boy. Sometimes we go searching for Bizarre, sometimes Bizarre-osity finds us. Apparently, jellyfish are pointless and devoid of nutritional value and have infinite lifespans, ie they don't die unless they're killed, either by being chomped up in a ship's propellers or air-drowned when they wash up onto a beach, for they are even more stupid than me. And all the way home I loudly called him Slime-Scalp and Jelly-Head, for I am a lovable and loving #1 son that is hardly going to get spanked to kingdom come at all.</div>
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This, and Minecraft, gave me the strength to play Portly, the Youngest Otter for the second last time, and a welcome chance to act onstage with Sydney for the only time in this run of performances. I stood near her for many scenes and we exchanged smiles. At the end, I got my own bow.</div>
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So, nobody will remember, but there was a competition to draw a design for Toad's car. He is the star of the show and as a convicted neophile, obsessively desires anything new and interesting. I came second in the competition and won a chunky design notepad with added Packet'o'30 coloured pencils!</div>
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My car 'Toadiacar' has a cowcatcher and rear spoiler.</div>
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And because this is a smaller, local theatre, it needs to post cute kids at the door with collecting buckets for the theatre restoration fund (entirely unlike churches, the biggest landowners in the country), we had an unofficial competition between blue, purple, red, green and yellow groups, and Blue won! As I am a Red, but subbing for Blue because of covering for Riley, I got an extra bag of sweets. And tonight's performance had the biggest audience yet, over 100, so the lucky viewers could hardly move without infringing on somebody's personal space. All in all, a compete victory! The clapping went on long after we had left the building. Life: I recommend it.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4033332916247472959.post-52805139756014728332017-04-20T21:48:00.000+01:002017-04-20T21:48:23.570+01:00Hide'n'seek in the Urination Rooms<div abp="3164">
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<a abp="833" href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1w28vREcQ84/WPeSrzVyY7I/AAAAAAAAiLc/cjQV-sIbiNYuUc7AW8u_9cA4JYItV4WpgCPcB/s1600/assignment%2Bday%2Bfail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="834" alt="white line painting on country road fail" border="0" height="302" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1w28vREcQ84/WPeSrzVyY7I/AAAAAAAAiLc/cjQV-sIbiNYuUc7AW8u_9cA4JYItV4WpgCPcB/s320/assignment%2Bday%2Bfail.jpg" title="proud to finish your assignment" width="320" /></a>For a while there it looked like the only friends I'd spend the Easter break with were the ones posting Youtube videos about their Minecrafting experiences. But yesterday I crabbed with Sydney and today, Ben invited me over for a day of exploration. </div>
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They had recently explored one of the old forts which now houses the miniature village and rose garden, and I got to join in. We batted croquet balls at each other with giant wooden mallets where the heads kept falling off, and I got a flying croquet ball right in the leg. We explored thoroughly and hardly met anyone else apart from some teenagers rolling their own cigarettes and we discovered many hidden crannies, nooks, dens, bases and hidey-holes where you could quite easily have a wee and nobody would know, so we called them P-rooms and Urination Rooms. </div>
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I went home after 5 hours because my cheeks were pink and my hands were scratched and my Youtubers were lonely. Later I performed again onstage. The audience was tiny, and they were mostly parents. But I've only got 2 performances left, and one of them's with Syd, and the other is the Last Night, always well attended.</div>
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Professor Mungletonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14465078737730533951noreply@blogger.com0