Thursday, 1 September 2011

Controlled burn

obese cat breaks door to reach food
Last YMCA day of the summer hols so they're doing a BBQ, and asked us to bring contributions. 5 of 10 people will bring sausage rolls, 4 of 10 will bring burgers or sausages. I have elected to bring 2 large punnets of strawberries as it's not something any parent could complain about. 5 of 10 parents would say "Oh! But poor Horatio can't possibly eat burgers!" and the other 5 of 10 will say "Our Alfie dun't want nuffink but burgers". Also they were 3 for 2 at Tesco when Bud remembered to buy something.
We didn't go anywhere in particular today, just did party games and suchlike. There was dodgeball, football, basketball and all those other party favourites. There was so much food I didn't even open my lunchbox, which was a waste as the scotch egg and tunapastasalad spent the whole day in a hot gymnasium and had to be ditched untouched. When I got home I scrummed up the rest of the tunapastasalad which would be a decent meal for an adult. Bedtime by 830 as I'm going to be up for 0700 tomorrow, I was quite glad of this as I'd got a very full tum.

I quite like this cheeky Kernel Gadfly chappie. He owned a whole country and 3 other countries have thrown lots of bombs at him and he's still not dead.

Colonel Gadfly of the desert, nomadic tribesman who secretly wished to be a 4th Century Bedouin warrior, was rich. He was very rich. With one wave of his hand, the very grains of sand cowered and tried to hide behind each other, with one swirl of his lightweight camelhair Djellaba his goats bleated nervously etc etc. His chief financial advisor/assistant goat-herder/tent-pitcher (2nd son, and too big for his sandals) told him that as of 4th moon, year of the lost wildebeest, Gadfly was owner of:
1.    All the time in the world.

Alas, poor Yorick! No prizes for this one
2.    All the sand you can eat in 73 lifetimes.  
3.    All the dunes, Jebels, dusty areas, arid tracts, barren plains, rocky outcrops, shadowless stretches, gorges, pinnacles, boulders, ridges, sand seas and comical camel skulls as you could reach in 30 days riding from this position.
4.    One hundred and fifteen extended family, 6 million rebels, 400,000 non-allied workers, seven tents, four secret bunkers, twenty nine palms, several thousand demented sheep, forty three bow-legged goats (also demented), ninety-one camels, and one lost wildebeest. The two seagulls that had inexplicably followed them since 1st moon were declared non-owned for tax purposes.
Unfortunately the 6 million rebels decided they wanted the sand (and the black oily sludge found beneath it) and shot all their Kalashnikazovs into the air until Gadfly hid in one of his secret bunkers.
The goats formed a union, The National Assembly of Demented Goats and Elderly Relatives (NADGER), which led to the Pensions Rights for Sheep Act, 1432. 

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