Thursday, 28 July 2016

Caught 'em All: Foontling Turlingdromes

News reaches me that some enterprising chap has filled his Pokédex. This means he has all 142 of the imaginary Pokémon creatures released in the UK, as well as a US-only demon that he hatched from an egg. He has been playing it non-stop since the game was released, trawling the parks of Southampton, where he probably walked past me last week. Perhaps he is otherwise ... unemployed.
where to run away from home
Couldn't get out of cycling to work today and of course, it was fine once I'd started. We worked very hard indeed at our performances and saw our costumes. Mine has a leopard-skin overlay with feathery hat and flames coming out of my legs. It's good to be the King. But Sydney reckons her outfit is better, we always want to out-do each other. That's when I nearly starved to death because Bud hardly put any food at all into my lunchbag. I don't care that it was a direct response to me only eating the snacks yesterday and leaving the actual food, but I'm registering a grievance. Plus, I only got 2 drinks, so my micturations were as plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee, especially in this weather. We decided to run away. Syd will seek asylum in Cuba, and I will make my way overland to Greece, for a better life.

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Braitain's got Talent. But at what?

I do like an interesting life. Some of my previous incarnations have been a little dull, so it's nice that this one is getting extra mushrooms.
drama school kings youth theatre portsmouthToday we went through our performance still with scripts in hand, although I didn't need mine for a lot of it as the parts of Standing Bloke and Running Rat are non-speaking roles. And it's a sweaty, noisy, funny experience all round. But meanwhile, back at the other ranch, the television executives at ITV had seen footage of my usual theatre on Youtube and had requested a filming session of us drama students doing our Lion King performance so they could do a piece on local stage schools as the intro to an episode of Britain's got Talent. This gives me a chance of appearing on TV 3 years in a row.
So slightly before our usual finish time, Bud picked Sydney and I up from the stage door and gave us a bag of fresh drinks and snacks to keep us hard workers full of energy. I said, have you got my blacks, which is not a Boer farmer comment, because in this case the black T-shirt and leggings we wear under our costumes are called blacks. He had not. Thus we had 14 minutes to get home, collect clothes, and get to the theatre before filming began. At home, he searched fruitlessly and said are you absolutely sure they're not in your bag, the bag you've had with you all day, the bag with your script and lunch in. Oh dear. We still made it to the theatre on time and we did the scene in which I played Second Drooling Hyena and it all went off OK. Plus, one of the girls gave me my Lion King script that I'd left behind and thought had been binned and lost forever. This memory thing runs in the family, apparently. Did I just say that? It's probably just chocolate deficiency.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

The Biggest Rat you'll ever meet

collection of copper pencil sharpeners chineseOK. Now the stage show is getting serious. There are about 8 scenes and we've been through the first 4 loads of times and we can now do them without scripts. Of course, I find that very easy because my speaking role (Big Chief Wonga) doesn't appear until near the end so they gave me the additional non-speaking role of 'Rat' who comes on twice and scurries around looking up skirts and nibbling kneecaps. My specific stage directions are to cause some low-level mayhem (have experience, will travel) and I don't have to wear make-up (sufficiently rodentiform already).
At home, we went over some of my potential crowd-pleasers like the mad gesticulation and the slash-slash-stab with added booyah. In a post-shower tussle I made a wet butt-print on the wall for future generations to savour, maybe like the Blarney Stone. Here is a glass-fronted display cabinet that Bud bought off some old dear selling car-boot goodies out of her front door, as you do. It does do quite well for my collection of copper pencil sharpeners, everyone needs a hobby.

Monday, 25 July 2016

Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief

kings theatre albert road southseaHooray for Monday! Few people say that. But today I start a week-long theatrical course at a rival theatre with the chance to cavort onstage at the end, and have it filmed. Hopefully the cameraman won't be asleep and miss my lines like he did last year.
Anyway, they were chillaxed about the start time as before, meaning loads of parents loitering outside the Stage Door glancing nervously at their watches. Having used the tradesmen's entrance, we assembled and auditioned and parts were handed out. Sydney got a really big part and another member of my drama group is there and I got the smaller role of Tribal Chieftain 'Wonga' although I do have a pivotal identity crisis just as the fat bird is limbering up, and plenty of opportunity for grandstanding. We had lunch in the park and played tag and it was quite a long day in the end.

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Trump Towers

asmodee hotel tycoon board game monopoly ripoffWoke up closer to 10am today, normally I'm up early to watch Americans argue over Minecraft tactics but maybe I'm practising to be a teenager. I have had a mildly busy time of it recently so chose to do nothing. I only just got dressed - nothing wrong with pants - and played Lego and watched Simpsons and Minecrafted merrily. I eschewed the chance to go to the park and play Poke Mongo even though apparently somebody caught a Strewth, 2 Dagnabbits and a Kukukachu all in the same bush. Jof challenged me to 'Hotel' which is a property game in which you amass a portfolio of upgradeable buildings and charge rent for anyone landing on your hotels. I usually spend all my money too quickly but Jof is always malleable. Bud cooked supper which was dull and small so Jof had to put extra chips in the oven.

Saturday, 23 July 2016

America Scup, Day 1

americas cup portsmouth harbour solent 2016He woke me up at 0925 by sitting on my leg. This was most unfair and I objected and tried to go back to sleep but he stole my bedclothes for the hungry washing machine.
I tried to get out of the cycle ride to the seafront but I did understand that walking takes longer and that cars were going to be impossible, so I led the way and, well, I only went slightly wrong.
red bull display team americas cup portsmouthWe found that the 'Race Village' had taken over much more acreage this year but the public bits weren't behind big metal fences and bag searches. But all the stalls and shops and entertainment were in the paying bit, and it was £25 a go or something so we were never going to do that. But we found a decent spot on the sea wall and I went off searching for Pokémon, because the seafront is packed with monuments which are all PokeStops and because the roads were closed, I could wander around in the big crowds and not look out of place.
The man on the loudspeaker got quite excited and millions of boats were suddenly out on the Solent. There is an official viewing area for yachts and I believe the whole of Gosport Marina was out there, and lots of ferries and container ships and hovercraft and Police tugboats and so forth were miraculously called upon to loiter with intent around the sailing zone.
team new xealand americas cup portsmouth
There was a Royal Marines landing craft, a Police jetski, the RIB speedboat I went on a couple of days ago and a few Navy vessels all just happened to be there purely by coincidence. I went off for a second lengthy PokeHunt and scored some hi-level Magnacartas and a Croupyay. Meanwhile a nice lady offered us a free ticket to the Race Village, but I didn't want to go in alone.
The plane display team buzzed the area repeatedly but they have to stay over the sea, what with the new safety rules following the air crash at Shoreham. They looped-the-loop and flew at each other and went up high and pretended to stall and let off those long smoke trails and it was so good I nearly looked up from my phone.
Then the racing boats started sailing around but we couldn't tell whether it was a race or a warm-up so we just enjoyed the event in the excellent sunshine which was a right old improvement on last year, I can tell you, when even the presence of the King wasn't enough to scare off the storm clouds and the whole day was cancelled.
americas cup portsmouth 2016Popped in to cheer Jof up at her work and got some well-deserved sofatime until she took me to the park for some more Poke Mongo, still sunny and good enough to catch me some serious Garibaldis, 3 Sputniks and a Flabber. I only wore a shirt for some of the day, Vitamin D me up, Scotty!
As part of my education, Saturday-night-is-film-night was "The Great Escape" with many people I hardly know yet because it was ©1963. It started slowly with lots of impenetrable talk through handlebar moustaches and stiff upper lips but eventually I understood it was a cop-chase with 17 different villains such as 'Stolen-bike geezer' and Blind Guy and Mad Miner-dude and 2 Blokes-in-a-Boat and Round-Glasses-Nazi and so forth. Then I discovered it was epic but at bedtime I had an extended sadness about the Death-of-Nanna. She was totally on my side and I can't bring her back but if ever I am a Nanna, I will do double-arm waves and sew on Beaver Scout badges and cook oversized Northern dinners like she did.

Friday, 22 July 2016

The Official Birthday I should have had

romsey leisure centre foyerDuring a recent trip to the beach we discovered that the JBs were not so much double-booked as not-booked-at-all for one of the holiday days. So we booked them.
This is very good for me because I have such a drab and empty life, it's nice to have some co-conspirators with similar interests, such as Minecraft, Lego, and talking rubbish. Thus they were delivered to us nice and early and we started with a bit of Crafting but then left for Romsey Rapids, or as we call it, Womsey Wapids, intending to completely reprise my birthday party agenda from the 2nd of January this year, apart from not having a Ben.
So we talked rubbish on the way apart from an impressive 12 minute period of silence when we listened to the radio. When the Rapids are busy you only get 70 minutes before your wristband colour is called and you leave, if you get there at the wrong time you can get even less time, which has happened.
childrens menu cowherds pub southampton common
But fortunately everyone else was at the beach or at the Americas Cup so we got 2 and 1/4 hours of splashing, frolicking and playing tag. It became a challenge to stand on the bubbler discs and try not to fall off, also we did the waterslide a couple of times and even tried out the tiny-people's pool and slide. In the end we got out voluntarily, 4 minutes before our wristband colour was called.
We had a coolbag full of drinkies so sucked away for a while until we got to the Cowherds. This is our go-to pub in the Common in the middle of Southampton, right by Tiggleton Corner and this time there was no mud. Some local youths washed our car for charity, cheaper than the Romanians at Sainsburys and with more pink tutus. We ordered food and drew revealing things on the kiddie menus, always a window into the soul of a child. I did a series of Ms all over it, and gave the characters swords. Bob covered his in triangles and said it was Illuminati. The thing about Illuminati is, you have to say 'Nobody knows' so even if you say ok then, but what's this Illuminati thing all about then, they still say 'Nobody knows' and it's all rather pointless, apart from all the pointy triangles. Johnny wrote 'Jimbob' 37 times and drew a conversation about yogurts.
duck pond southampton commonThey got chips and I didn't. There was a dangerous minute where I almost descended into a Class A Sulk but he said go and buy some chips then, and then we all had chocolate brownies with ice cream anyway. We had schemingly prepared lots of bread for ducks, by buying it from the cheap shelf in the Co-op, and Jof had brought home some cake that a customer had brought in and they'd forgotten. When we got to the duck pond, the ducks were largely absent, the swans indifferent and the seagulls and pigeons numerous. They eyed us like a flock of static vultures.
The bread had been in the car the whole time so was quite hot, we found that if you scrunched it up, you could make little breadbombs and target the distant moorhens and we hit quite a few. We also shot each other in the head and butt with hot doughballs which is technically a food-fight, hurrah! By the time we'd finished the lake had a greater mass of bread than waterfowl but we'd done our duty and played briefly in the park and then got our swimming trunks back on for the splashpark.
splashpark southampton commonThis was not the same as in January. It was hot and full of screaming kiddies so we filled up the waterguns and shot them, the little gits. I didn't want to change back so elected to walk to the car in just a towel. We decided my cover-story for my strange garb should be that I was an autistic child so we walked to the car going 'Wooo!' and 'NURRR!' periodically so as to blend in. On the way home we tried really hard to drink all the drinks and eat all the emergency mini-cheddars and we all had a nap, then more Minecraft and Lego at home. We had them for about 9 hours and it was great, Robert is making a Navy dockyard. Jof went to the gym so I chose Rambo as the Friday Night Film because we couldn't get The Great Escape on the movie channel.