Wednesday, 24 August 2016
Tuesday, 23 August 2016
Today the book I wanted arrived. Absolutely everyone in my class already has it and it was an insult that it took so long for me to get this tale of good triumphing over evil, with noobs in peril on the Elementia server. Of course, I don't know that, because I'm currently in a tent 25 miles away. The report will follow.
Monday, 22 August 2016
Sunday, 21 August 2016
Us deserving students in the academy of life get 6 splendid weeks of holiday in the summer. For some reason, adults don't get this much so they have to share me out between them. This is still not enough because of minor details like all the other holidays and half-terms and random teacher-training days etc scattered through the year.
So recently I have been packed off to week-long activities such as a week at the watersports centre, sailing, acting, and at Fairthorne Manor which is a vast sprawling YMCA campus which runs year-round camping and laudable activities for the young, and you get to go home every afternoon. But they also do residential weeks, and I'm on one. Thus there will be a delay before I am able to fully report on the week I will have had.
We drove there with Jof navigating by phone, me navigating by map and Bud reading the road signs. It seems quite a big place and we parked under a vast tree and approached the lady with the clipboard who sent us to the lady with the desk and she sent me to the lady who can remember everyone's name and she sorted me out some digs in a tent sharing with Han who is Turkish and Isaac who is tall.
Then we strolled around the grounds a little and the campfire is where we sat up late a couple of years ago and you could see vast climbing frames and rope swings and the boathouse by the river and lakes and gosh, it's going to be a busy week, better had be for £300. Jof hugged me a lot whether I wanted to or not and then I was officially handed over and I was on my own! That's when it started raining.
Saturday, 20 August 2016
Jof demanded we go into town and get told off and blown around by the wind. I bought shoes and books. As we walked home past all the football crowds, the wind stole and permanently removed from our possession the packet of washing-up scrubbies. And it happened right in front of some Policepersons, and they didn't do anything.
Later, the roiling sea tried to wash away our sea defences again and I stayed in to invent an automatic potions lab and a Minecraft block that will transport you to the roof of the world. Later, I chose 'The Italian Job' for the family movie but during drunk-shower-time, I heard the synopsis of "Lock, Stock and 2 smoking barrels" and that's my next film night. I was still out-shouting Jof at midnight.
Friday, 19 August 2016
Had a little chat about roadsweepers today. First thing in the morning, I came down and headed straight for the tablet to get another 7 hours of Minecraft You-tube videos in before tasks were allocated. The roadsweeper talk is about work-life balance for those of us still under employment age. You know those 7 year-old Chinese violinists who play in showcase orchestras? Well, it turns out their childhoods are being ruined with pushy-parent stresses and great expectations. So they end up eminently qualified for a long career but burnt out and insane before they get there. On the other hand, a child who spends his whole life watching Minecraft videos on Youtube learns nothing useful and will end up being an empty human whose only career options are sweeper-boy or MacBurger chip technician. Gosh, the mean streets of Pompey will be shiny and bright when my year-group graduates!
Right at the beginning of the week, Jof designated today as 'Cinema Day' and true to form, the weather obliged. Bad news was, every other parent got the same idea so Gunwharf was totally packed when we got there and there were only 27 seats left for our chosen screening 'Secret life of Pets'. We arrived in time to get all 25 minutes of loud blatty adverts. During the My Little Purple Glitter-Pony adverts we grimaced and gargled, during the laundry detergent advert we had to move because we were in the wrong seats and the new film 'Sing' looks OK with its theme of a struggling local theatre putting on a Town's Got Talent competition, with all possible flawed personalities and hilarious consequences.
The secret life film was pretty funny with crap jokes and scary animals and a decent soundtrack and a metal-head poodle and a lead character called Max, just saying. The fluffy bunny was clearly the one from Pythons' Holy Grail, the alleycat with the holey ears was right out of Lock, Stock and the fluffy doggie was annoying.
Afterwards we stretched and itched and met Elizabeth in the foyer on her way to seeing Swallows and Amazons. All the restaurants had a 30 minute wait for tables so we went home. Got stuff ready for a week's summer residential camp (like Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah, here I am at Camp Granada) and because it says take lots of clothes you don't mind getting muddy, I think I'm going to need a bigger suitcase.
Thursday, 18 August 2016
At last! A real actual day off. OK, so we went shopping, but instead of touring the park playing Pokémon Go, I chose to sit in the supermarket canteen with a drink and a chocolate bar and watch Americans playing Minecraft on Youtube, until my tablet ran out of charge. Only then did I help with the shopping.
After lunch, we went to the local park, but again, I failed to Pokémongo (am I losing interest?), just wandered around a bit, meeting George C and Fridge Fraser. The park was busy with running screaming people, not a terrorist attack so much as a normal sunny summer holiday day in the park.
I chose not to watch Rocky 2, because I'd found a new Minecraft server where you mine 12,000 blocks to get a packet of pumpkin seeds, you can see why it's so popular.
Haha, fooled you. You've been talking to a machine...
I can now admit that I've been a robot all along, sent to this world to blend in and learn about your pathetic species before my robotic overlords' battlefleet arrives and strips the planet of all its phosphates. This is Spare Head 1, I generally give them a 6 month rotating tour of duty.