Disco a-No-No

Today is the school Halloween disco, although due to modern political correctness it has to be termed a Ghostly Autumn Pumpkin Festival. I have been to one of these and dressed up like a Skelington with Ben and 97 others, but it was so hot and noisy and you're not allowed outside to cool down because you're unsupervised and all you get to eat are those very very very processed hot dog sausages where you just know it's made of hooves and lips and willies so I don't go to these events any more.

That might make me an old grumpy-codger but I am happy with my decision. Now that Jof is a member of the Friends-of-the-school, she gets to help out even though she is totally allergic to children. So she was tasked with buying 270 hot dog buns and cleaned out ASDA, and the bakery manager told her off for emptying the shelves. Spare a thought also for the poor checkout operator who had to go Bip Bip Bip 45 times with the same packet of 6 finger rolls.

So here is the tuck shop area of the disco, no cauldron of punch for the seniors to tip vodka into, but plenty of high-sugar energy foods for those quiet, reserved pupils in fancy dress, and an inflatable plastic bat.

Also note the giant skulls on the sub-woofers and light-up Skelingtons hanging from the disco light scaffold, a sight to send a shiver down the spine of anyone who has ever attended a school disco in the assembly hall/gym. Marche au supplice, anyone?

In school we had a group discussion about whether King Alfred the Cake-Burner deserved his suffix 'the Great'. Unification of the realm, fortifications and full employment were plus points, but consensus was that paying those naughty Vikings not to torch northern cities all the time was a real vote-loser.

In mathematics we have had a team competition to give a family of 4 a virtual holiday to Sydney for a week on a budget of about 8 grand. The harbour tour (4 hours, free fish lunch) cost 4 grand so funds were limited and so was the attention span of my partner who spent the whole time attempting to eat his pen. In the end we actually won, because I noticed that the cheaper rental-car option still had the required amount of luggage space, so everyone else blew their wad hiring the Stretch Limo and we pootled along perfectly happily in the Fiat Crudmobile and we didn't have to sell any of the children to make the air fare home again.

In gymnastics I finally got my Badge 1 even though I had serious trouble doing the contortions, aerobic calisthenics and feats of balance required for the next level.