Hhhoh Hhhoh Hhhoh

Greetings and good mental health once more, O Dwellers of the Asylum! May your Xanax and Ritalin taste sweet and the killer clowns miss you!

Anyway, today we had a fire drill. This one was not caused by some numpty hitting the fire alarm panel with a pallet truck, this one was a deliberate test with a Schools Inspectorate Health and Safety Officer present to make sure that Mr HeadTeacher wasn't faking the results.

The alarm went off! We all filed out sensibly! Within 2 minutes we were all lined up in the schoolyard in alphabetical order having our names checked off the list! And then someone noticed that Class 3Q were absent. The teacher was in the computer room and the teaching assistant had gone home sick earlier in the day so the entire class just sat there, bells and hooters and whistles going off around them, waiting for instructions. Mr HeadTeacher wished that the old sinkhole over by the water fountain would open up again and swallow him as the Fire Auditor gave him 2/10 for allowing 30 kids to die horribly and turn into crispy fried children. At least they would have had a ready-made costume for tonight's Halloween disco - charred Zombies! Gosh, how we laughed. The class have to have 3 weeks of extra fire drills to burn some sense into their little brains and the janitor had to stand there with a sandwich board saying "I am Fire" pretending one of their exits was blocked etc.

Anyway, I am one of a half-dozen or so insanely outstanding pupils who have been seconded into an extra-maths class. This means we get taught by Mr HeadTeacher himself (still smarting from the loss-of-30-kids-in-his-care incident), missing some art classes and maybe going on to Oxford or Harvard!

Then I helped Jof set up the Halloween disco. I scattered plastic mice everywhere although by the time 180 sugared-up kids destroy the room, I doubt they'll notice. And when Year 5 go mad on mescaline, it'll be carnage.

It may not look very spooky in broad daylight with curtains that don't quite meet and the inflatable bat had a puncture but we'll just load up on Twinkies and Sherbet Dabs and imagine. The Year 3 and 4s were lined up across the playground in their zombie and skeleton and witch costumes (those of Class 3Q still smouldering) and we escaped.

I had a shooting date with Okely Dokely and Football 'Arry and Harvey the Haircut and we played tag. George had a horizontal coffin so it looked like a skeleton was holding him up in a box but it made life difficult during tag especially when his skull fell off. The cooler teachers laughed at my outfit. Jof did 6 hours standing which is why her feet fell off, I helped clear up and we ordered fish & chips for supper (well, I had horse's willy à la Mrs Miggins). We were both very tired.