And then these Pink Rabbits came past on Roller Skates ...

Some time ago, my Scout Leader invited me to do a reading in church, at the Harvest Festival service. I've sat through 2 services before, one to see what it was like, and one they cheekily tacked on to a Beaver Scout sleepover. Both times they were mildly interesting but you do get a stiff butt.

It is of course deeply against my religion (Chortlist, in which we chortle merrily at anyone stupid enough to believe in imaginary invisible magic gods) to attend such services but the lure of a performance outranked all other considerations. I was awoken far too early (I'd only had 11 hours' sleep) and delivered there on time to meet 6 or 8 scouts of various ages and lots of known faces.

We sorted out who was going to carry the big flags - you have to hold them in a sort of cup on a shoulder-strap - and we paraded in and my cue came early in the service. Here is my speech:

(A reading from the book of revelation)

I looked, and there was a white cloud, and seated on the cloud was one like the son of man, with a golden crown on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand.

Another angel came out of the temple, calling with a loud voice to the one who sat on the cloud, "use your sickle and reap, for the hour to reap has come, because the harvest of the earth is fully ripe".

So the one who sat on the cloud swung his sickle over the earth, and the earth was reaped. Then another angel came out of the temple in heaven, and he too had a sharp sickle.

Then another angel came out from the altar, the angel who has authority over fire, and he called with a loud voice to him who had the sharp sickle, "use your sharp sickle and gather the clusters of the vine of the earth, for its grapes are ripe". (this is the word of the lord)

Well, interesting, er. You've gotta wonder how many the author had consumed at that point, and to my mind it begs the addition of "and then these pink rabbits came past on roller skates" just at the end there.

During the performance, some more of the rubbish pile from the theatre clear-out went to the tip. More than a dozen loads have gone before, and it works out very well apart from making the car whiffy sometimes. We've also used some of it for Scout campfires. But this time the Refuse Technician said Oi mate you can't just chuck this small bit of plasterboard, we've gotta charge you for it, minimum price £6, new rules. Of course, the Recycling Technician in question was advised exactly where to insert the plasterboard, and our binbags will be just that little bit heavier for a few weeks.

Well, that was it for me for the day. I was invited out on a cycle ride around the island in the sun, but that all seemed too much effort and I played Minecraft instead. Later I was bored and pointless and maybe being forced to accept that invitation would have made the day worthwhile.