Monday, 7 September 2015

Polish yer Codpiece, Guv'nor?

engrish restaurant advert funny fail manok ng ina mo!Last night they said turn your light off in 7 minutes, and I probably would have done but every time you turn the page, there's another one. So I was switched off at 1030 and I might have been dozy this morning.
We did guided reading to see what stream we'd be in and watched a film about Vikings and people still can't quite believe that I sang a silly song for Britain's Got Talent last week.
But I've managed to secure a spot singing it tomorrow in front of the Year 5s to prove it, ever the showman.
In the afternoon I stripped to my usual pants in my usual distressing way and waited for my next audition.
The Festival of Christmas is a massive event at the Royal Naval Dockyard and I joined 7 girls to audition. They had already had one on a Saturday but I was at the Film Festival and you've just got to pick and choose. I had to apply for a Child Actor Licence To Perform which needed photos and a Birth Certificate and I chose to audition for Paperboy, Chimney Sweep/Street Urchin and Oliver, turning down the chance to be a Suffragette, Prostitute or Undertaker.
cockney street urchins groundlings theatre portsea
First we did extensive and extending stretching exercises and mathematical conundra, then we split into teams and devised our own Victorian tableaux with mime, which was the only time we were quiet and sat obediently. There were artistic differences between a girl and myself about just how many chairs we needed to represent the teacher's desk in the Beneficial School for Abandoned Paupers With Rickets And Gorblimeys and then we got given scripts.
I had archetypal lines such as 'Good day yonder Sir, how's about if I cleans yer chimney, sixpence and it'll be like new, Guv'nor, can't say fairer than that' and so forth and I did such a jaunty Cockney street waif I made all the girl performers collapse into giggles, lucky I didn't offer to clean their pipes as well, would've never heard the end of it. I practised picking a pocket or two, at least that's what I told the young lady.
The part of 'hopeful one-legged chimney sweep' is just one part in 57 shows put on by 800 actors to entertain the 50,000 visitors to the Festival. Gosh. Anyway, it took 2 hours and I have to buy my own thermal underwear.

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