Thursday, 3 September 2015

Britain's Got Talent (Oh No, it Hasn't)

i'm sorry dave, I'm afraid I can't do that Grandad got back from his latest Mediterranean cruise today and said he had a great time leaping up mountains etc whenever the ship parked somewhere. He had been mildly worried that some of those mad islamic types who still think the gods are real might try to blow up the ship in a desperate cry for attention but it didn't happen.
At school I designed my new book cover (Minecraft Sword Logo) and spent break-times practising a song from the 1960s, as you do. Ben offered me some dance move tuition but it's one step at a time for me, literally. We had to give one fact about ourselves that happened over the school holidays and I said I'd auditioned for BGT but that wasn't Strictly Come Talking true, it wasn't until today.
We did football moves in PE and I was in defence, I managed to snaffle the ball off Sam and helped my team score!
But the Elephant and Castle in the corner of the room was not to be avoided. Once we'd got home I stripped to pants (an Englishman in his own home etc) and we practised our song.
"The Gasman Cometh" is a song by Flanders and Swann and is quite old now, but you can hear all the words and it's quite funny and good if you really ham it up. When the summons for the audition for Britain's got Talent came through 2 days ago, I had the choice of doing something that I already knew and felt comfortable performing (You can't stop the beat), or this Gasman business that Bud said he'd help with. As I already have 3 more auditions where I'll be expected to use the dancing feet one, I chose Gasman which meant we had to do a duet as promised.
braitains got talent preliminary auditionsOver the 2 days we'd added to it with asides and mini-exchanges and jokes and in one case, a scooter. His stage name was Murgatroyd but I got to call him Marmalade, and my stage name was Sir, which is as it should be. So we did run-through after run-through and were confident. First I delivered a happy birthday chocolate box to the landlady of the Phoenix pub while he stood outside on the scooter (the natural order of things) and we walked to the Primary School where the auditions were being held. We were first and gradually the little playground filled up and there were 10 other performers. We chose to go on 5th and the school gym was quite small so it was one at a time. We could hear vague warblings coming out of the doors but not much. It looks like all the others were actually talented and did songs with backing tracks, but we just had loud voices, guts and idiocy. We answered a few questions to camera with a huge boom microphone in our faces and then we did our performance with a few stumbles and mumbles and laughs from the camera crew.
Like a giant water slide, it was terrifying and yet electrifying and over quickly and then we were out in the cold and went home. We do not expect to have to do our duty again because it's called Britain's Got Talent not Britain's Got A Couple Of Idiots That Jump Up And Down but it was a laugh and it's increased my experience, made me feel confident and now I'm looking forward to my next audition. An opportunity came, I took it and performed, so there's the win.

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