Monday, 21 September 2015

Dick van Dyke would be Proud

firefighters putting out factory fire funny newspaper headlineAt school today every playtime was wet play so I managed to do my week's homework before going home. Result!
So, every day I have to go over my lines for my next scheduled performance, same as any other stage artiste. The part of "Bandy-legged Victorian Street Urchin" has many lines, mostly chimney-sweeping related but including a smattering of topical political commentary and amusing allusions to dodgy goings-on in the corridors of power as well as the pillars of the community.
Of course this all has to be done in a Cockney accent and this is where it falls dahn. I simply haven't spent enough time gettin' a whisper abaht an 'orse off old Arfur in the Elephant, 'agglin' over a pahnd of winkles in Billinsgate, losin' a pony on a dog at Catford or just trying to stay alive after dusk in the mean alleys of Shoreditch.
vinnie jones lock stock and 2 smoking barrelsSo my accent (while keen and loud) is mostly informed from the odd domestic phrase ('That's fightin' talk, mah son, an' you wiv'aht any mates, an' all') and the odd Simpsons episode where the action takes place anywhere in England, because we all talk that way in the Simpsons. So Mr van Dyke would be proud of my strangled accent as I massacre my mother tongue. I need to source my Cockney vowel sounds from somewhere new. How about Lock, Stock and two Smoking Barrels? That's just full of lovable rogues. I can see it now ... "Would you like your chimneys swept? Just sixpence for you kind sir. Whatcha mean, no? Oi, get back 'ere you f***** c***, giz a tenner or I'll give yer a right f***** spankin', yer w*****"...

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