Saturday, 14 September 2013

The House-Warming Party

dutch porn film and penis extension retailer flyer advert mailerI was woken up by the post arriving at 0945. This is not bad, us little people need our sleep. Anyway, I checked out the 3 letters and there was a Mr MT, a Mrs JM and an oddly unspecific so I decided that one was mine. I examined it carefully and it was full of colourful adverts for books and films in which girlies looked very happy but didn't wear any clothes. Each one had a little story about what special games they were playing and how they liked big strong men and strangely shaped toys. It also urged me to get a much larger penis. What, so I can wee more? I don't know, adults.
Once I'd grudgingly got dressed, I spent ages formulating Rules for my room and sellotaping off the banned areas and off-limits toys, I'm quite convinced that all my friends will carefully read these rules, abide by them and be considerate and gentle with my stuff, just like I'm not when I visit their bedrooms.
Do not brake the rools
. No hurting!
boys and girl playing in bedroom . No messing up!
. No bracking unless I say!
. No food ore dringk!
(If brocken not aloud in room)
All of this is because we are finally holding our house-warming party. We had a house-cooling party at the old place just before we sold it and we kinda missed the boat with the new place because by the time we'd built it and made it safe for visitors, the summer holidays were in full swing and the whole PuddleGroup were never all in England at the same time. Thus, 4 1/2 months after moving in, we will warm it up.
I arranged food and blew up balloons in advance.
light blue sofasThe party itself followed party lines: the blokes watched football results coming in, the ladies sat and talked primly and we trashed the rooms.
There were arguments.
garage inspection kit mechanicThe chaps discovered the garage/workshop and the associated male-oriented work benches and power tools. They asked politely for a dartboard, subbuteo/fussball, pool table and calendar posters of Mandy (18) draped over a car, and of Katie (19) holding oily spanner, might be able to get both from the company that sent the letter this morning. Ben (7) is down the inspection pit by choice, lucky he was allowed out.
The kids found that they could have the run of the house (quite large) if they didn't fight, but we still had to be rescued from each other a few times. By 5pm, several of us wanted to go home, or possibly wanted certain others to be taken home. There was a lot of Lego, many dens and even some food.
The ladies discovered the joys of the newly levelled Yard and steel furniture although they all had to wear blankets. Some of us and some adults also shouted abuse at passers-by over the garden wall.
This is a learning curve: all will be improved upon in time. I showered and hit the sack on Sunday. Aha.

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