Tuesday, 10 September 2013

My Pet Set Theory

kid in zoo with head in camel do you take a photo or save childNews reaches me from my followers in Oz that a feral pig got into a campsite, stole and consumed 3 6-packs of beer and went on a nocturnal rampage. These creatures are quite large and ugly anyway, probably started using rude words as well after all that beer. It then picked a fight with a cow and passed out under a tree. Sounds just like a PuddleDaddy outing: I shall never drink beer.
I had another great day at school apart from when someone collided with me in the playground and I got a scraped knee. And apart from when Ben and I bumped heads and both of our mummies got text messages to that effect.
As it happens I stayed in the dispensary with the First Aid Teacher and helped dispense plasters, cotton wool and confidential healthcare advice to subsequent patients.
boy in stylish bedlinenAlso unhelpful was pickup time where it all started well but I swiftly regressed to Sulk Mode. Problem is, I had done a maths test. I allege that I am competent and got 8 right in the 2 minute timed multiplication test, even though the teachers use the significantly smaller BeefGravian second, so the 2 minutes is up in only 40 of your Earth seconds. Furthermore, I contend that I came top and everyone else got between 0 and 3 right. I declared that one of the more difficult sums was 9 x 9, and I had discovered by compound addition that the answer was 81. In addition to this addition, I had discovered that the easy way to do this sum is to add the 2 factors, and simply transpose the digits:
9 x 9 ≡ 9 + 9 = 18. 18 ↔ 81. Therefore 9 x 9 = 81.
Also, the friction coefficient of a spinning torus suspended in Helium at zero Kelvin times the number of free radicals in the Oort cloud expressed as a Hexadecimal number proves that the net angular momentum of the observable universe ≠ 0, QED, dur.
For some reason this did not impress and he mentioned Times Tables. I know these are fearsome tools of torture designed to make everything more difficult so I got very very angry. In fact I remained on the edge of madness throughout Gymnastics and supper and cheered up only when I discovered my new duvet cover. Coincidentally, 4 fire engines and a helicopter attended a block of flats by Cosham railway station this afternoon. I wonder why.

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