Terminal bonus

The last day of the year arrives at last, took it long enough.

After a couple of games of Hungry Hippo with Nanna (2 hippos each - advanced level) we raced to the station and pulled up at exactly the same time as the train. We got her on there, but there was no time for extended "I'll miss you" type stuff.

Jof went back to bed so Bud and I took some excess toys to my old nursery for the babies to destroy and got one of those free pots from outside the sweet shop to house the second part of my bath fizzer collection. I bet nobody else in the world got 79 bath fizzers for Xmas.

Then I went round to Pop's to see her new garden house. We have decided to move in together immediately but maybe when Popsdad has relined the roof and Bud has got rid of all the spiders.

When Grandpaw passed over, we inherited the farmstead...

Tonight is bonfire and firework night and as before, I get to put the last firework on the bonfire after midnight. Last year I was only 4 years and 2 days old and it was no probs so this year should be a breeze. We've collected 5 pallets, loads of triangles from Bud's work and the usual collection of cardboard, present wrapping paper and wine corks (always seems to be a lot of them).

Bud has got another one of the giant cardboard boxes for me to play in before it goes on the bonfire. As before, he's cut a couple of face-holes and I sprayed snow around one of them to make a most acceptable Santa face. Then I slowly and deliberately drew a boy in a dress and labelled it Ben. This is not a bad thing, it's nice that society can be open about that sort of thing nowadays, everyone's different after all.
Incidentally, last time he constructed the giant box in the kitchen, it was too big to get through the door to the garden without serious scrunching of the corners. Because he is clever he has decided to construct it this time in the dining room - he'll have to scrunch it through one 3-foot doorway even to get into the kitchen.

At seven something the unreasonably tall Martin and Zoe came round to help with the bonfire. As usual, I fed the fire and gave out orders where appropriate which is often. Bud did his special trick of pushing the rocket too far into the ground so it couldn't lift off - it roared and then blew up spectacularly loudly in the flowerbed, filling the garden with green stars. I said "I don't like rockets...........can we do another one?" At half nine I went in to watch a film and was coming out at 1150 with all my clobber on to light the woppo firework when I realised my legs had seized up and instead watched the proceedings through the window. It turns out I'd fallen down on the ice rink a lot of times as well so my little knees are very bruised. I was in bed for half twelve.

Skating on the edge

Now as an official 5 year-old I can't be expected to get up early so at 930 I emerged and went to find Nanna who was hiding downstairs. I drew the Milky Way with her while Jof quietly ditched loads of my old toys to make way for the new ones and Bud worked in the garden.

 I've still got Bobthebuilder vehicles so they can go to my old nursery, plenty ended up in the burnbox and a charity shop bag is swelling. Bud prepared for tomorrow's bonfire by clearing the flowerbeds, planting the Sicilian giant pine (it's only 4 feet high but give it a century, it'll be massive, if we'd won the lottery by now it'd have its own lake island to live on) and pruning the roses.

Lunch was down at Gunwharf. Once you're most of the way there the road is one-way only, no turnoffs so you have to sit there, trapped in a glacially slow queue for the car park giving you plenty of opportunities to read the signs saying car park full. We did this for a while and then left Bud to continue while we walked there. Lunch itself was in an Italian-American joint where we could clearly see Poppy and her family at another table but I declined to go over and say hello. I shall visit her Swiss Cottage/ski chalet tomorrow so don't want to overdo it.

Then it was down to the ice rink (no ice, it was nylon baseboards and even more slippery with little or no control) and Bud and I tottered and skittered our way round the circuit for ages. I fell over an infinity of times but didn't blub: Bud fell over zero times but complained loudly about his feet being tired. When Ben arrived (as if by accident) with his even smaller friend Emma, he made a beeline for us and we all went round together which must have made it easier on Bud's balancing feet to have a collapsing skater on each arm. But soon enough, we were independent and tottered off on our own, the adults were just slowing us down.

Tonight Grandma phoned to ask for help - Grandad's gone to India and she couldn't turn on the TV. Bud gave her instructions and now she's OK.

5! 5! 5! 5! 5! Actually...

Actually I have finally actually achieved my boyhood ambition of being 5. Anyway, I ran in to tell Bud and Jof because they won't actually be aware of my new status. After a perfectly normal breakfast of banana, cucumber and tomatoes, actually, and egg on toast I opened my first present - a 36 inch aircraft carrier with 3 jet planes! The JoniBobs actually nipped in on the way to family in the frozen north and it turns out they have one each as well so we'll all have to do some joint naval manoeuvres and war games as soon as we can find someone to play North Korea. Anyway, then we went to the station to pick up Nanna who will stay with us for a couple of days. I have 2 new words that I must fit into every sentence, but sometimes if distracted I get stuck in an actually-anyway loop and forget what I was going to say in the first place.

After lunch Bud and I went off to buy fireworks for New Years' eve, we now have 2 selection packs, a rocket medley and the depth charge that was too big for bonfire night.

THE ROUNDABOUT OF DELIGHT- Tag Team

Then Ben came round and gave me a birthday present of planes. We got out all the planes including the lego one from the JoniBobs (lucky I've got an aircraft carrier) and hootled and roared around the house. Then Pops came round and her present was Hungry Hippo so we did that for a while until a close line call led to a procedural dispute and wildcat strike and the boys went back to planes while Pops had some more birthday cake.
Both Bensparents and Poppysdad took the opportunity to abandon the short ones to go and run errands, which is how it should be. All this activity in the Mungleton drop-in centre for unaccompanied children was a real eye-opener, Nanna's never really seen it like this, she only gets to hear about it.
When it came to going home time Bud and Bensdad had to hold the loudly struggling Ben down in a most unladylike fashion to get his shoes and coat on: Pops stood quietly ready to go, just watching proceedings and learning about the use of hired muscle for when she becomes a mob leader. Ben fought all the way to the door, his Dad had to prise his fingers from the banisters and with a last despairing howl, he was gone.

A bejewelled aircraft carrier. Not something you see every day

Today, being my birthday, it's measuring day (quarterly measurement against the bedroom door) and I've grown 1.8cm in 3 months to 107cm. Still a long way behind Ben but what more can I do.

Birthday bathfizzer night; world record 10 (count them, 10) bath fizzers on top of the end of the Matey bubble bath bottle. At the end, I was so soapy I had to rinse off in the shower. Once dried I declaimed "I am Rex the Strongman" and, using only my head, opened the bathroom door and said goodnight to Nanna in my finest jockey-spots pyjamas. Time of lights out: 2230.

Bank Holiday Tuesday (no, can't tell)

Rain had cleared a lot of the snow but our entire journey home was fogbound which made it boring. Before we left I discovered this cryptic message from 1 Hobbit to the other, turned out to be a checklist before Grandad left for India, leaving Grandma behind.
With a bootful of booty (some of it birthday stuff so I haven't seen it yet) we left them and we had an afternoon of laundry before Kiera and her parents came round to construct the baffling cement truck kit I got from the Santa down the tunnel at the model village. I wonder if Erin's parents and Poppy's parents have been battling over the same wondrous kit, now instruction-free for greater family interaction!!!
Bud has not had lager for 3 days and Jof well never mind that so I feel a lot of fizzers coming on tonight.

Tonight I am 4 for the last time. I shall miss it.

In the end I had 8 fizzers of varying colours and enjoyed cooking 4 of them up in my special bath cauldron.

Bank Holiday Monday (not that you can tell, in the Shire)

Can't reach the ones at the back? I can

Up for breakfast at the crack of 1030. After a slow game of "Slug in a Jug", Bud and I went out to the woodshed to prepare 'E-Z-Twigboxes' and piles of 'E-Z-Grab logs' to make it easier for Grandma to gather winter fuel in the darkness. Lunch finished at 1445. By 3 everyone in the house was asleep so I crept about for a while and by 5 past 3 Bud thought a walk in the woods would be a good idea. Grandad suddenly reactivated and came with us. Upon our return, Jof and Grandma were still asleep so Grandad felt outnumbered and rejoined them in the land of Nod, so I did some drawing.

Ten minutes before supper I begged a bag of crisps so I didn't want to eat my supper: that one earned me a straight to bed order without bath, the 2 allocated fizzers will carry over.

For I am thy King

The way through the woods


Bud was given this leopard skin (and much additional ethnic silverware) by the Sheikh of Sharjah (next one up from Dubai) in about 1985. He did not shoot it and disagrees with the pointless destruction of endangered lifeforms for showoff purposes. However this particular deaf leopard will be kept forever 'cos it's groovy.

Boxing day 26Dec10

Arrived at the Hobbits' for lunch then hid under the table. In a massive post-prandial present-opening session, I got a new wheelbarrow to replace the old rusty one and many books. I then helped the grandparents open their presents, they're very slow and kept stopping to admire the contents.
In the afternoon I was exuberantly running around the house showing off my energy levels when Grandad suggested a walk in the snow. We did a great distance through the original dark forest to the girls school. The snow was deep but no good for snowballs, it just fell apart. I fell over several times.
Back at home I lit the fire in the lounge and I put so much on it Bud had to go out to the woodshed to refill the log basket.

They have a set of junior bellows and I spent lots of time bellowing happily at the fire.

After a huge turkey roast and a bath (2 Santa fizzers) I came downstairs to say goodnight and found the Hobbits asleep. I snuck up between their easy chairs and did my best exploding dinosaur, because I want to inherit early.

A sabbatical...........

O yea, dearest listeners, even a four year-old gets holidays. This blog will remain in limbo for a couple of days only while I retreat into the desert to renew myself. I shall return like an all-points bulletin of sunbeams to once more enrich your lives. I will also bring tales from the Shire.

As before, in order to lessen the impact of this terrible if temporary loss, I shall leave you this small votive offering: another one of me falling down.

What did I get?

What didn't I get, more like.
My chief worshippers presented me with the following tributes.......
Bath crayons

An Isle of Man TT race commemorative 50p coin

79 assorted bath fizzers

A red Hawaiian ukelele

A wind-up caterpillar and chattering teeth (I call it a teeth-frog)

2 Mr Men books, a Please Mrs Butler book and a scary monster book

Chocolate

Construction set

Metal detector
Mini air hockey

Mini billiards

Alien plant growing kit
Digger kit

Toy story book with its own steering wheel

Vehicle set

I mean, it's pretty minimal, but my birthday's in 4 days so there should be a bit more there, and I haven't seen the Hobbits yet.......
I'm getting much better at pool/snooker/billiards, when Bud pots the white (an old habit) I get a free shot and he gets beaten up. The pool cues are flexible lengths of plastic 1/4 to 1/2 an inch wide so excellent as whips and stabbing weapons.

Alpha Tunneler to Beta Blocker, come in please......

Xmas eve is here at last and time for Bud to go shopping. I spent a happy hour rolling marbles around a train track after my interest in marbles was rekindled by finding one in the street. We're hoping a couple of the Puddlers might visit to share a mince pie and a Mungletonic, we've even hoovered.

Erin came round during lunch and did a drawing/sticking/cutting masterpiece using gems and coloured feathers that was so good I had to do one of my own, but it was nothing like her one because mine had 4 dangly bits where hers only had 1.

Once Erin had gone, Bud worried I might go cold turkey so nipped down the road and bought me a Pops who occupied Erin's chair before it was cold. This is how I like my girlies. Pops and I continued the art session but then played a bit of cats and dogs when Popsmum and Baby Edward came to eat the promised mince pies.

After a while they had to go home to stop Pops' 2 older sisters accessing inappropriate content on the net so we were left alone once more.

The conker boys from up the road came to carol-sing at us for the second night in a row but Bud sent them away empty-handed this time.

Ten minutes later Ben arrived and the gruesome twosome were a force to be reckoned with. We got all the same toys out that we'd used earlier this week and played golf/hockey with the grabber/terminator hands, scattering marbles, bouncy balls and mouse balls to all corners of the house. I may be ill but this rollercoaster of visitors made me hootle and quarkle and generally act the over-medicated lunatic which is in fact my ground state. Life is good. In a fit of normality I cut my own fingernails and Jof opened a Merlot (14%, the same as the ones we took to the JoniBob's party).

I therefore take this opportunity to wish you all a merry Xmas. The streets are now deserted as everyone turns up the heating, hopes they've got enough wine in and tries to forget about washing up.

Have a good one. You deserve it.

Halo 3 eat your heart out

Lurgy-laden and lovin' it

We've all got it. Jof coughs so much she gets no sleep and today she couldn't go to work. I shall take advantage of her weakness all day. At least I've started my course of antibiotics now so I'll be better by Saturday. Spent most of the day watching TV with little patches of being a lunatic, Bud made me go out for a walk but at least he got me some brightly coloured pens at the pound shop.
Tomorrow is Xmas shopping day so I tell you, Santa had better have sorted out all my demands, even the ones I've forgotten about. Also I have to scatter the magic reindeer food (I was given a small bag by Santa of the Model Village, bears a suspicious resemblance to porridge oats) in the garden to lead the reindeer to our house/chimney. As God of a dominion currently measuring about six square yards, I have decided to scatter the magic reindeer food on my own flowerbed: the way I see it, Santa will park there and while he's breaking and entering, the reindeer will crap on my flowerbed which is bound to be great fertiliser.

MUNGLETONIC - A CUNNING LINCTUS FOR ADULTS ONLY (Massage in a Bottle)
In a large cup assemble the following components in the following proportions
40% dark rum
20% blackcurrant cordial
40% boiling water
splash of lemon juice
This will make you feel much better, contains vitamins and aids restful sleep. If you do not feel better immediately, prepare the tonic again.

Nanna!

Driving to Nanna's house today, because that's what Bud likes to do best on his 41st birthday. I'm taking the portrait book to add Nanna to the gallery, we'll pop in to Bud's work on the way back to see if the commercial arm of Santacorp has delivered anything there and then it's off to the Doc to stop this cough. I look forward to the same yellow medicine I've had for the last 3 winters, for the same reason.

This time we counted roundabouts (21), sheep transporters (3) and pile-ups (also 3). Nanna was pleased to see my book and the 'Bud falls down the toilet' sentence but after only a couple of hours it was time to get back in the car. On the fast bit by Brighton (ie no stopping place) my whopping whooping cough developed a dangerous gargle and I vomited into the tupperware container I was holding, filling it neatly with the processed remains of the food I'd just eaten from it. This at least prevented carseat contamination, a horror all my friends are sure to have met.

We nipped into Bud's work for me to use his getting-in badge on every door we passed, for him to pick up a package he didn't show me and for us to collaborate on a symbolic mural heavily encoded with secret knowledge to frustrate the evil desires of his workmates.
The Doc gave me exactly the same medicine as before, as expected.
At 7pm one of Bud's work friends came round to take him to the pub, they abandoned us to die of coughing together. In the Northcote Pub he met Molly's dad (another ex-nursery friend).

Tuesday is Ben day

There I was, fast asleep, when Ben woke me up by shoving a Santa puppet in my face. Currently I am the boy who can exist without food, because I don't like anything at all. It turns out that everything is too green, too old, too hard or I just really really don't like it at all, I'd rather play exploding explorers while not watching Ice Age.

Going to Pirate Pete's. We can explode as much as we want and there'll be chips.

Pirate Pete's was closed. We were both sad, as was Bud who had just filled the parking meter. We headed to Krazy Kaves which was busy but had exactly what we needed and an additional Poppy C from nursery and my school. We returned home for lunch and a mammoth drawing session, mathematical conundrums, cut-out rockets and the following sentence, written entirely without gaps:

budforsdannethtoeeloeetut           Translation: Bud falls down the toilet

We then got out all the toys (happens every time) to make a trap for Bud and spent ages devising new and interesting ways to torture him to death. In the end he just read a book and refused to become trapped so we just attacked him with swords instead.

4pm was the promised land of Lilliput after yesterday's power cut left Erin and I Santa-less.

The model village looks quite fun and I look forward to returning there in the summer when the castle at the top will be open, the tunnel will be open all the way down and it won't be so cold and dark.

 We took the tunnel investigating torches which proved useful. While there we met Pops and Ruby, Bensmum turned up and I saw my classmate Teddy (Bud recognised his blonde mum from the schoolyard).
Bensmum: "Did you have a good time today?"
Ben: "A really good time until you turned up".
We toured all the biggest buildings shining our searchlights into the shop windows.

Midwinter mandrolics



Same place, same weather, just warmer (April 2009)

Invaded Bud's bed at 0330 on the pretext of needing a hanky. We've all got stinking colds, quality coughs. Personally I blame Johnny at the party.

It's been a miserable day with freezing rain and sneezes, a lot of sofa time. Later today it's the Model Village to see Santa and to investigate the tunnels, with luck it'll be quiet.

Oh yes, it was quiet. Closed due to a power cut, I resent having to leave my warm sofa for a round trip to disappointmentland for Erin (she gave me a lift) and myself via the dismal drizzle (Dizzle) of the windswept coastal plain. We'll try it again tomorrow with Ben.

I told Bud we should have brought the special 100 LED torches he ebayed from China a couple of years ago to assist us in our tunnelling exploits. He said it wouldn't have made any difference, Santa still wouldn't have shown up even if we had halogen searchlights but we'll take them tomorrow just in case. Here's a bonus video of when I was 3 3/4, exploring the WW2 radio relay station bunker under Portsdown hill. (2 mins)

S'no business like snowbusiness

A day of laziness. I emerged from Jof's bed at 1100, Bud brought us another cup of tea to replace the undrunk cold one, he'd been up for 3 hours already. Then it was down to the business of the day which was the sofa and tea diet: it did snow again but not heavily and the mercury must have reached 274 Kelvin because the ice on the pavements had melted a bit. At some point in what must have been the afternoon, Bud bullied us into going for a walk. Jof got sidetracked by a trip to the cashpoint and was never seen again: I took Bud off on a whirlwind tour of the local roads seeking the unknown park: this turned out to be a school playground so we couldn't get in. We found some virgin snow in a car park and started to defile it: that was when I slipped over and demanded to be taken home instantly, by ScottiBeam(TM) if possible. When we got back it was dark so I retreated to the sofa with fruit.

PORTRAIT GALLERY - other pictures from the scrapbook (thanks, JoniBobsmum, good idea)

I have perfectly captured Jof's mad hair, Benmume's bangles and pink socks, Poppyzmume's red dress but I swear I did not do anything about cats.
It later transpired Jof had gone out without her keys and had to have tea at JoniBob's house while waiting for us to return.

Where was that eight inches you promised me last night?

January 2009

Woke this morning to a couple of inches of snow. It snowed a bit overnight and carried on this morning but it stopped by 9 and that looks like it, and it's a bit melty. It shall not stop us going to the JoniBobs party. A quick trip into town to buy Jof's Xmas present led to a change of trousers, sock and shoes - no wonder my own personal laundry basket is always full. Perhaps that's why they call me basket case.

After a massive spaghetti meal we started off to the party through the park which was already getting crunchy underfoot as the sun had gone behind the trees. We stopped off for another surprise visit to a hairdressers. I was psychologically unprepared for this and hid and grizzled behind the hatstand. They cajoled me out with threats and I suddenly loved it.

We were first to the party so I disappeared upstairs to Bedroom 1 where Bob accidentally kicked me in the lip a minute and a half after entering the house, a new record. Thus followed a seven-hour-plus silly-a-thon containing all, none, or more of the following:

• Portrait drawing
• Paperchain making
• Paperchain wearing
• Competition to drink the ugliest spirit off the top shelf
• Dressing up as Freemasons and parading up and down
• Air guitar with inappropriate groping
• Shooting everybody with plastic golf clubs
• Nipping out to the shop for extra vodka and rum
• Using felt tip pen as lipstick
• Robot fights
• Beer, wine, mulled wine, more wine
• TV set to endless Disney

 My first portrait was of Erinsmum. I have included 2 of her finer points and her red hair but the necklace shouldn't be that far down. We all spent many happy hours running round in circles dodging the legs of adults, shooting party poppers, throwing balloons, hiding in the JoniBobs bedroom and so forth. Pops had an injured finger but still chased people, Ben decided not to wear trousers or socks, and there was practically no griping. At the end we all got a top quality Santa stocking with lipsticks for the girls, walking robots for the boys, electric candles for all and a selection of random gifts. Tiredness set in and we all crunched home in the dark. I got to bed at 11pm on the dot, I got up exactly 12 hours later.

Cast:
Prime Minister............................................................................................................. Erin H
Injured soldier on battlefield....................................................................................... Pops H
Miss Pops' bodyguard.................................................................................................. Ruby
Charismatic pavement artist........................................................................................ Mungle Ton
Heavily armed plague victim...................................................................................... Johnny B Nogoode
Trouserless man........................................................................................................... Ben C
Littlest Hobo................................................................................................................ Elizabeth D
Heavily armed escaped Lunatic.................................................................................. Bob the soldier
Chorus line, camp followers, hangers-on, unpaid extras......................................... Sundry parents


Are you drinking what we're drinking?

Et hoc transibit

This too shall pass. Today is the end of my first full term at real actual school (having attended nursery for 4 years, ramping up to full time after a couple of years). So today is Friday, the weekend, end of term and Xmas - wow.

Not only but also - today I won the pupil of the week award for supreme scribe: I get a trophy (temporarily, but I hold the title over the Xmas period like when Pompey held the FA cup throughout the 2nd world war).
I also get Barnaby the bear (small heap by the radio) for the same period: my task is to look after him, take him somewhere interesting and write about it on a postcard (provided), stamp his passport and possibly take a picture. I'm thinking sitting on the church bells in Oo-ar land or similar.

He is also a puppet and has a special orifice where you put your hand.

Later Bud made me a den out of all the furniture in the lounge, we'd better put it all away again before Jof gets back or she won't have anywhere to drink her tea.
Bud had his work Xmas party today and brought home a very full tummy and 2 presents out of the crackers - a small bag of marbles and a tiny water pistol that has already seen service in my bath.
And remember - if you can't laugh, you're doing it wrong

Here comes the rain again

A little selection for short people.

 

 

Rain, followed by a renewal of the ice sheet formerly covering England. The Piddler's Xmas party is coming up, and my friends and I plan to play in the Hovercraft again. Bud says it'll be freezing but we can just shut the doors, I reckon.

This afternoon I got the benefit of 2 hours of Pops while further up the road, Popsmum got the benefit of 2 hours without Pops. We played and took advantage of Buds' willingness to give us food.

We can agree on Scooby Doo but our tastes diverge at Mr Bean. We agree that Special Agent Oso is absolute pants. We played "Cats and Dogs" (scooting around on the floor in socks) due to Pops' special feline obsession: quotes from the game include:
"I'm a baby cat and I have 12 children"
"Sometimes I call you Mummy and you can call me Daddy"
"I've got big teeth that are bigger than sausages".
Outside the final vestiges of the snowman are still visible - a tiny-winy bit that's not enough for 1 ice cream. The relief army of sub-zero temperatures is on the way but I fear it'll be too late. The 2 ping pong balls lend the flowerbed a gruesome air.

The Clone Ranger rides......again!

Eventually I relented and did Xmas cards for both teachers and the teaching assistant. This isn't an early sign of weakness, I'm just hedging my bets.
Today it's the Xmas party at school although how I'll be able to tell the difference between it and the usual raucous gaudy hedonistic playfest I don't know. Even more glitter, probably.
I got a present (quite obviously a book) from the party which I have dutifully put under the tree. Erin opened hers immediately, she couldn't wait.
I played in a pallet/coffin Bud brought home from work for the New Years' Eve bonfire and got a splinter as predicted. He also drew me this but I don't understand any of it yet. I think I've inherited his fizzing brain which is why I don't sleep.

Sigh.