Sunday, 4 March 2012


I mean, srsly? WTF? An alarm clock on a Sunday morning? What is this, the middle ages? I'm pretty rubbish at getting up any day, so Bud dressed me in situ and before I knew it, I'd been carried downstairs and plonked on the breakfast bar. There'll be questions in the house about this unauthorised manhandling. But, true to his word, I was standing outside the church at 0910 for an 0915 gathering.
churchyard of st james parish miltonThis was a Beaver Church Parade: there were 2 other Beavers and half a dozen scouts.
If you attend these events you get points towards a badge or something so that's why I was doing it: we're a family of deeply committed atheists with me as chief deity so praising a made-up one is tough, but sometimes you've just gotta bite your woggle and do stuff to get points.
So we lined up and the giant flags were given to their assigned kid: these flags are so big you have to wear a harness with a little cup attached to help you hold it up. We paraded to the front of the church and we bowed to the new priest-in-charge.
It was quite a long praising: there were songs about god, plenty of rites and Latin incantations and the new manager did a speech and we all got a bit fidgety but I got a well-done and a biscuit at the end.
As soon as we'd unpacked the shopping he'd done while I was inside we were off again. He had to buy a new bike pedal so as Toys'R'us was practically next door it would be churlish not to get a Lego Hero: I bought Evo with my money and he bought me Jawblade for being good in church.
As the rain continued I played them at Monopoly. As per usual I won convincingly: he always drops out early because he only ever lands on the electric company so never gets to build a pub empire: Jof battled on sensibly but only had the blues and browns left and no houses anyway, when she landed on Mayfair with a pub (£2000) she died instantly. I finished with £10,360. This is too easy.

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