A Trail of Rocks

Saturday, so I didn't. Sydney had wanted me to attend a Circus Skills workshop in the Community Centre and I did fancy clowning around with her but the advertised start time of 0930 meant I was an hour late and still in bed.

So gradually the household stirred and eggs with toastie soldiers were forthcoming and so was Minecraft and it was all going quite well until he said that we had to go back to the Vicar's garage to get the old Scout trailer out, for it is to be sold off. None of us fancied the task but it's my fault he's a Scout helper so off we trundled.

The garage is a maze of spider-webs and long-forgotten farming tools and strange things we couldn't even identify so we battled the spare pews and backup pulpits and got the trailer out. Of course, our car is nobless. If you don't have a nob you can have one installed for a couple of hundred quid so we said no thanks, we'll drag it home ourselves.

This was a splendid opportunity to get in it and be paraded through the park like the High Panjandrum in his palanquin so that's what I did. Once the many spiders had been evicted, I was the centre of attention as dogs gazed in awe and Emma from my old school laughed and I threw a rope around my slave-stallion and went mush mush and it was all rather funny and worth doing. We all got dusty and spidery.

And that was it, as far as I was concerned. I'd done my duty, got some sun and adulation, on with the Minecraft. But when Jof was at the gym he said let's go to the beach and look at rocks. Srsly? I was doubtful. But ice creams were promised and so I graciously allowed it.

We parked up by the Pyramids and walked through to the seafront where the council had been forced to mend the sea defence wall after winter storms had breached it, and it was once more unto the breach, dear friends as the sea had killed a little bit more pavement. But the target was the huge pile of giant granite rocks brought in to defend the sea defences.

I clambered up and he leapt around on the vertiginous boulders like a goat possessed. Bit by bit, I reprogrammed my brain to ignore precipices and learn to love them. And then I could leap like a boss too. It was epic! Hurrah for the simple things in life, like me and him.

Then we found some bits of wood trapped in the rocks and dug them out and had a swordfight on top of the rocks using all my swordfighting skills from the theatre and we broke the longest plank in half and cricketed stones into the sea in the sun and all of this cost nothing.

Looking more closely at the planks, they turned out to be part of a bench that the angry sea had chewed up and destroyed, so will the executors of the estate of Betty and Garth Goddard please replace the memorial bench. At home we played a bit more Risk and I played Minecraft, not that I'm obsessed or anything.