Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Hire a Hitman

engrish product name translation funny failWelcome to December, the month in which I am scheduled to turn 10, should I make it that far. Therefore, it is with regret that I shall soon attain the age of criminal responsibility. I urge you to send me your order forms now (US Dollars or Nazi bullion only please) and I shall perform as many political and gang-related assassinations as I can within the next month. Remember, previous loyal customers, I always deliver the goods and I always come back with the money.
School itself was normal and we had to do a pixelated artwork, much like that grainy CCTV image of me escaping the Peruvian embassy in Penang. Our new topic is 'Waterworld' but as none of us have seen that turkey of a film, we're mostly going for dolphins, seals and other photogenic marine life.
minecraft is a drug fix for childrenThe idea is we draw our image by using dots from felt-tip pens, no lines or shading, just building contrast like a giant Ishihara colour-blindness test. In fact, you've got to wonder if any mildly colour-blind pupils are exposed in this way. You've also got to wonder if any of the felt tip pens survive the experience.
After school I headed straight for my fix of Minecraft. But my Cub Scout jumper with my entire collection of Scout badges is still missing so we all searched the house and came up empty-handed.
It's all too easy to say 'Well, it should be in the Scout bag or on that desk...' but all I can think is that it's not in the house at all, so we went to the charity shop where we dumped a couple of bags last week just in case it had fallen in. The nice lady said she'd search the store-room and ring us. If it doesn't turn up, we'll have to buy the set all over again and pay someone to sew on all the badges, as Nanna is dead.
In gymnastics I improved my handstands, and achieved narcotic nirvana upon the X-box.

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