I am a Pooping Fly

Saturdays are all very well if you've had enough sleep. I woke up and took advantage of Jof being at work by getting stuck in to Minecraft early. But all good things must come to an end and I had to go to my acting class.

I kicked up a right old stink because of being forcibly removed from the cyber-teat of endless Minecraft and refused to act and said I'd just sit in the corner but he wasn't having any of it and said I had to go anyway, although he did say I could give up drama if I also gave up all forms of Minecraft.

I had my Aggravation for about an hour until I got into it and mimed the whole of Cinderella with Sidney (who is a girl, and one of my Chimney Sweeping buddies) and I got over my huff of gargantuan proportions.

Afterwards Jof told us to buy "Party Feet Gel Packs" for Party-goers of a certain age so we wandered into town very slowly. I met Elizabeth in Sainsburys and we found a prefabricated pub in Commercial Road where you can get Gluwein and beer and there was a singing reindeer called Olaf and it was quite surreal.

The journey home was very long because of the football traffic so I made a new song called I am a Pooping Fly, sung to the tune of 'Good Morning Baltimore' from my happy days at the King's Theatre. Outside Sainsburys it says No Fly Tipping so we laughed at the idea of tipping over a small buzzing insect and I sang about flies drilling a hole in your head and pooping into it and I am the farting world record holder and I can poop a helmet and poo is my protector and this song went on for nearly an hour in the car and that's when he said he's going to take me back to the maternity hospital and say there's something wrong with this one, can I have another one please and so I said I want him and Jof to get divorced so I can live happily ever after with her.

We put up an LED Xmas lights chain 25 metres long in the sitting room. It's quite a large room but the chain goes right round with plenty left over, it has 360 lights so you can actually turn off the main lights and still read. Then we picked up Katie and Olga who are Jof's work friends who were very pleased to see me and I served up peanuts and crisps and some more people arrived and had fizzies and they all went off to the football club to drink and dance, and they all had those silly pointy heels where you can't walk. I Minecrafted, and when the girlies twittered off I put on 'Commando', traditional lad's comedy film with guns and bombs.