Girls in Need

Children in Need day. As per tradition, all pupils in all years came in with fancy dress, as did the teachers. Miss M came in wearing soft furnishings again, I bet she owns lots of cats.
Anyway, I was wearing my genuine antique Artillery Officer's uniform and I came second in my class, fourth in the year and (I allege) tenth in the school. The class winner was a pirate - how weakly passé is that? Unless he's been feeding Miss M's pussies on the side, that is. Anyway, there were Spidermen, faeries (including a Death Fairy - Finnish Death Metal with pink wings), a Lolly girl with lollies all over her smock (she was a Lolly girl, in a Lolly world), Horrid Henries, Policemen, Supermen, a wasp, a treasure map, a ghost, several skelingtons, a bank robber, loads of people in pyjamas, SpongeBob, a present (with ribbons in a bow), a branch, bags of princesses, a lightning bolt, Death, an incredible hulk and Ben was a cross-generational punk guitarist, a highly quiffed Politically Correct cross between Sid Viscous and Wrong Direction. Plus do not forget the lesser spotted but depressingly common Harry Potter, I mean, like, 20 of them, FFS.
That's when the girls started. Pops accepted my offer of a date next week. Feeling victorious, I bought a lottery ticket (not age-checked for that one either) and as we got home, Kate-Lynn appeared and accepted my offer of a date next week (not double-booked, but I'll need my vitamins). She was loudly excited but said she wouldn't marry me. I really must get a little black book. That was when I found that Dear Follower Fiona had given me a 4-finger Kit Kat with an extra X on the label. It's a good day for girls.
Later, I performed magical mathematical tricks (homework) and terminally annoyed an already tired Jof using only 3 special talents and my trampolining skills.