As slow as a cabbage

First day back at school after a free week of fun. Will it drag...?

PopsDad

Singer (with groupie)

 Jof wonders where PopsDad was at the party yesterday. I happen to know he was doing a gig in Bolton for he is the lead singer of Heaven 17. Mystery solved.

The rain chased me home this afternoon and as Pops and Erin were unavailable to join me in my den under the dining table I roped Bud into another legofest: this time to create a fire station big enough for the fire engine to drive through. As he worked I treated him to a bottie-trumpet concerto with the sulphurous fumarole in my pants, a methanoic miasma of noxious aromatic clouds and the nauseating fug of 1000 ruminants.

Gymnastical, athletical AND gastronomical???

Woke them up at five past 10, just right, I think. I don't know why they were still in bed after all that Vitamin Vino they had last night.

We did a whirlwind tour of the supermarket because we had to get back for the Johnny party. This time it was in the Gymnastic centre - haven't been there before.

It was totally cool and we all had an excellent time jumping in the massive pits full of foam and jumping off the diving board and swinging on the rings and the bars and trampolining and stuff.

Erin and Pops (and the rest of her entire family who tagged along) have obviously been there before as they were actually really good at everything but the rest of us (and sundry parental interlopers) just got stuck in and played the big sillies.

The foams are quite good as weapons and PopsMum had a massive fight with Bud in the pits, I think she won because he kept falling over. At the beginning I didn't want to jump off the diving board but after everyone else had done it (including Bud) I tried it and loved it.

I also impressed Elizabeth with my trampolining moves while Bud pretended he wasn't watching all the flexible girlies over on the adult side of the gym. Baby Edward was there and even he had a go with some foam. Erin held him (well, bearhugged him) which in itself is not a problem but when you include the later "Balloon up the shirt" incident, you've got to wonder.

In the food/party room after the gym, Bud put 2 balloons up his shirt and said Hello Sailor, for he is a silly man. Erin obviously saw this and put her own, rather smaller balloon up her own shirt and cradled it like a 3rd trimester pregnancy. She also announced outright that the baby was mine: I shall have to keep an eye on that one.

The food was as good as the venue and we picked at it despondently as only a bunch of 5 year-olds will. (But Johnny's six now, he's so old!) While we were inside, it hailed hugely. When the cake arrived, we all got out from under the table and saw it was an aircraft carrier! Johnny is obsessed with naval vessels and now he can absorb one through his tum and become as one with it at last.

So super-thanks to Johnny for his splendid party and all the rest of the Puddlers and Piddlers for strutting their funny stuff with me today.

When we got home there was a Go-Kart by our front gate. Pops came round in the afternoon and we played find the treasure and dens under the spare bed, let's hope Pops doesn't get a balloon under her shirt as well.

Bonus video: a small fraction of the fun we had today. Poor Ruby (Pop's next oldest sister) has a punctured foot because she stepped on the upturned plug of her mum's hairdryer or something so that is why she is hopping in this video. At the end of the party I noticed the enormous and frequent signs saying no pictures, no videos, in fact no cameras allowed in the building at all.

And don't forget the joker



The Puddlepath

  A lovely Saturday morning: so I woke them up at 930. Many cups of tea later, I went out for a bike ride. We went past Erin's house and JoniBob's house, Ben's house (out) and down to the seafront. The path was full of enormous puddles so I took delight in going through them all until one was so deep I got wet feet. We stopped off at Ocean Park for a bite to eat: OtherMax drove past waving. Then home via a photocall at the lifer's prison, when it started raining. Dropped in on OtherMax (out).

This bikeride was 5 ½ miles, a lot of it off-road. Not as much as last summer's record-breaking 7.7 miles, (so what if I was only 4, I sneeze in the face of adversity) but not bad and just you wait until I get a bigger bike with bigger wheels - and gears. Plus, spare a thought for Bud who has to run alongside. After lunch we bussed into town to take my new bingo game back to the shop because it didn't work. We got a new one and phoned BigMax to come round and play it. It's his first time and he turned the drum manfully, but he's not so good with numbers.

After a while, though, we gave up and went back to playing "Naval Assault" and "My plane is bigger than yours". Special extra Bath Fizzer night with "Pub Jukebox CD1" and even more potions.

Carmageddon the cosmic crustacean of Cordoba

 Last weekday of half-term so might not get up till noon, bedtime last night was 930 but I was still singing long after that. If only I had a group activity with the Puddlers lined up.....

'Twas a normal day until after lunch. Jof and I had got on a bus and gone down the pub for no apparent reason when Ben turned up. After a coupla lagers we wandered off and hey presto there was the Bowl-a-rama or Skittle-plex or whatever it was where I'd celebrated my 3rd birthday.

Bud and the JoniBobs were waiting for us. We all got shod (as you do) and then started.




He's only 5

 The 4 important people had one lane and the 5 adults had one as well. We all battled it out to the best of our abilities (varied, limited, handicapped) for 2 games.

We had a kind of ramp thing to throw our balls down and barriers down the sides to stop our balls going straight down the side gutters but soon enough we worked out that if you just hold a ball, thrust your pelvis forward and drop the ball, it'll trundle down the lane agonizingly slowly and hit a load of the white sticky-up pins at the end, and if lucky, a lot of them. This was top stuff and we humped our balls as best we could while the grown-ups kept chucking theirs straight down the side drainpipes.

We insisted that all the balls on our side had to be green. At the end our scores were (on average, counting for bottie-wind speed and crisp/chocolate time dilation) more than theirs. It's true, we took it in turns to howl (I crunched my fingers in the ball return slot again/he hit me in the head/there's an orange ball on our side/the unknown reason/I need a wee) but in the end, true to form, we posed for a team picture. Subsequently, exeunt severally for supper and extended showers.
There's no doubt about it, it was a slam-dunking choc-sucking woppo evening with the boogaloo-dudes, and yes, if we can ditch the howling, it'd be a total runner, every week, if I get the chance.

Statistical analysis of the 2 games combined:

US			THEM
Bobert	197		JoniBobsDad	236
Max	179		Bud	167
Johnny	177		BensMum	153
Ben	151		Jof	146
			JoniBobsMum	121

Pin Pals (which face is guilty?)

If you can't laugh you're doing it wrong

Looking after Ben today. Jof will enjoy a relaxed day with 2 x 5 year-olds. In the end it wasn't that bad. After a lego marathon we wandered up to the hospital to offload I mean donate another batch of my old toys. On the way back we looked at the giant crane, dropped in on OtherMax (busy) and then hit the park. The JoniBobs were there so we joined forces, made a posse and split up again, playing some football on the way. After a late lunch we moseyed on down to the Kaves where I met up with my reception class friends for Harvey's party and Ben met up with Vincent et al. Much work was done as usual and we were all pink sweaty messes by the time we got our party bags and went home.

THE YEAR OF THE PHOENIX

In other news, Bud used to live in Libya, Saudi and the Gulf States. We support the pro-democracy revolutionaries in their fight against the dictatorial kleptocrats that have taken so much for so long, and ruined what were warm and happy (if dusty) countries. Let's hope that decent honest countries can rise again out of the ashes. 

The hole in the fence

Heard about another hole in a fence today. Might have to investigate at the weekend.
Last minute change of train at Brighton left me on a train without any toilets. Nothing moves as slowly as a toiletless train when you want to write your name in the snow.

Sisters. The nightmare that never ends

Going to see Nanna! Taking all my best artwork and any marzipan-choc creations that have not already been eaten. Personally I'm hoping for one of those 10-coach trains so I can run from one end to the other traumatizing Jof again.

As before, while I am on my spiritual journey to the House of Nanna, I have instructed my Junior Priest Bud to post last night's bedtime story here to keep my valiant flock in good spirits.

GREAT LEGAL PRECEDENTS OF OUR TIME – THE WISDOM OF LOST POLAR BEARS COVERED IN CHIPMUNKS

The village of Split Tree occupied a leafy valley in what is now Texas. In the 7th-11th centuries, the village thrived with its abundant natural resources; wooded mountain slopes, a beaver-dammed river and broad plains of grassland. They enjoyed peaceful isolation and summer trade with the nomadic tribes that followed the bison migrations. Like many other tribes of the area, the naming of newborns was decided by the first thing of note the parent sees from the wigwam after the birth. Draw back the curtain, have a look out, say what you see. Couldn’t be simpler. But sadly, Split Tree had a history of strange occurrences and therefore a terrible reputation for coincidental weirdness at the exact time the hapless parent stuck his head out of the wigwam. As time went on, fathers started to name their children things like Shooting Star, Naked Chief and Blue Moon, and a colony of strangely-named people was born. The next generation was the real problem. It turned out that whenever the neo-parent stuck his head outside for enlightenment he saw a member of the tribe passing by, doing something. Hence instead of the newborn being called John Painting his Fence, he was called Rampaging Elk Picking Lettuces. Gradually the strange names were accepted, and became normal.

In the spring of 1021, a terrible crime was committed in Split Tree, and it was left to the venerable Chief Lost Polar Bear Covered in Chipmunks and his five-man council of village elders to sort out the mess. They had to get to grips with the enthralling case of Two Moons Sneezing, whose first son Stampede of Bison Running Naked had fallen madly in love with Teepee on Fire Beating Wife, the daughter of Singing Beaver Suffering a Grand Mal Seizure, which via a terrible misunderstanding on Flock of Seagulls Smoking Pipe's part led to Stampede of Bison Running Naked stealing two horses, one belonging  to Singing Beaver Suffering a Grand Mal Seizure, and accidentally burning down Freak Summer Snowstorm Being Eaten by a Bear's wigwam, which left his son Giant Bowl From The Sky Strangling Chicken unable to continue the family tomahawk business as he will now have to look after Great Aunt Plague of Locusts Falling Out of Tree, and led to Stranger Talking to Bush suing for emotional distress after he had to call his daughter Stampede of Bison Running Naked Stealing My Bloody Horse.

After great deliberation (an abstention by Floating Rock Gutting Fish and a petulant vote of no confidence from Looks Like Flock of Seagulls’ Been Eating The Wrong Mushrooms Again), the council members Confused Sasquatch Cooking Feast, Two Kind Men Drunk Again and Bloody Hell I Thought Dinosaurs Were Extinct Being Hit By a Falling Tree came to a decision and handed their verdict (lovingly carved on a chip of pinewood) to Chief Lost Polar Bear Covered in Chipmunks. The venerable Chief stood up (with difficulty, as he’d been smoking the peace pipe all afternoon) and banished the horse thieves (without horses) to Arizona, where they flourished. He awarded Freak Summer Snowstorm Being Eaten by a Bear Stampede of Bison Running Naked’s wigwam and compensated Great Aunt Plague of Locusts Falling Out of Tree with three fish, which kept her happy long enough to forget the whole thing (7 minutes). The case brought by Stranger Talking to Bush was summarily dismissed.

Recently Mrs Chevy Parked in My Front Room Jones of Yawndale, Ohio proved her direct descent from the original horse thieves; she was promptly sued for defamation by Mr Wait a Minute We’ve Already Got Seven Cooper of Tediousville, Connecticut, a direct descendant of Stampede of Bison Running Naked Stealing My Bloody Horse. The case was again dismissed by the presiding judge the Honourable Pyramid of Beercans McGinty (a Scottish immigrant with no American family history whatsoever – he just had deluded parents).

===================================================
So I arrived at Nanna's happily using 2 trains. She had arranged a variety of second-hand tiny tiles so I made a mosaic (when Bud was 7 he made one in Abu Dhabi but called it a mosiac and was terminally distraught when his parents didn't sea-freight it back to the UK following the end of their expatriate contract). I'm busy battling with 2 females higher up in the pecking order (they've got no chance) while Bud languishes at home hoovering and tidying and laundering and washing up with only his friend Merlot to help.

You can't get there from here

First day of half-term! Going to try and set a personal best on the sky remote. Spent all day wearing Jof out. Nipped round to see Erin and played nicely on all her stuff. Played the new pirate game against Jof and was doing really well (stopping her scoring by putting my head in the way or stealing the ball) until I forfeited the entire game (packed away) for throwing the large metal ball, quite capable of going through a window. Made marzipan treats with melted chocolate for Nanna: I specialize in making little snakes and ice-cream cones but Bud came along and made a snail, for he is a bad man and made of slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails.

Fanio tantsio

Fanio tantsio is my new phrase of the day.
Jof was having a pyjama day following her night out with the PuddleMummies so I cycled to Baffins Pond where I fed the ducks, moorhens, seagulls, swans and two very bold geese that would have taken the food from my little fingers if Bud had not been worried that they were going to take my fingers as well. We had a massive selection of out-of-date brioches, 1 loaf-crust and some cheapo teabuns and pancakes that Jof got from Giant Tesco. Not the usual stuff maybe, but it was fought over by a vast population of eager birds. It was not until much later we saw the signs saying do not feed bread to the birds.

There's a decent swingpark there as well so had a go on all the stuff including a new metal slide that wasn't very slidey and made my pants go right up my bottie.

There's also a sloping wall that goes half way around the pond. I climbed up and down it for its entire length which is why my leg was completely covered in bird poo so we went home for me to change. For almost the entire journey I barked and howled like Pongo in 101 Dalmatians. Jof had gone back to bed so Bud and I uprooted the old apple tree stump, destroyed more of the fireplace, distributed the chicken manure fertiliser, planted some trees and tulips, played golf, you know, all the usual stuff. I sawed at the stump but failed to cut through it.

I wasn't always a nun

Saturday! O what a joy it is to be up at 0800 and go bouncing on Bud and Jof's bed.

Picked up BigMax and drove up to Horizones. They had given me a free ticket because I broke my arm there so that was nice. We made exactly the same table our base and as before, the resistance were able to send a lone warrior back in time..nonono, Jof went to Giant Tesco again, not that we were trying to tempt fate or anything.

 We worked hard as usual and stopped off at Bud's table for scheduled refuelling stops. Eventually Jof returned and we sat in the quite pleasant canteen upstairs and ignored our food in favour of the 5-a-side football game going on in the sports hall below. The food had taken a while to arrive so Jof put some money in the pool table and we played as only 5 year-olds do.

It was his turn when he lost one of the balls down one of the holes in the corners and I burst into tears and hid under the table for 10 minutes. Luckily the food arrived so Bud, Jof and OtherMax were able to get on with it while I sulked on a nearby sofa. Bud ordered "Monster Burger". It didn't have a monster in it, was not made from monsters and did not make him feel like a monster so a bit of a con there I think, but it did have 2 bacons and a fried egg between the more traditional burger and Flex-E-bend™ cheese slice.

Tonight Jof is going out with the PuddleMummies again for dancing, liquor and debauchery (and curry, apparently) so you just know that Bath Fizzer Night is going to be an even more drunken and noisy affair. He has promised me we can make "Bath Potion" which is basically everything in the bathroom all bunged in together in my jug, and stirred vigorously with a small yellow plastic spade to tonight's booked CD "The best pub jukebox in the world...ever! part 17". Popsmum had some heroic new shoes that made her very tall as long as she didn't need to walk anywhere: I guess she'll still feel just as tall sitting down.

POTIONS

Have your lab technician grind the following together in a pestle and mortar.

Iodine, potassium permanganate, sodium dichromate, red phosphorus, lithium borate, aluminium powder, sodium chlorate, sulphur crowns, carbon, ferrous nitrate, fructose, calcium granules, potassium perbromate, and anything else you can find in the storeroom.

From a nearby room, titrate 75.3 ml of 12 molar HNO₃ into the mixture via a burette. A vigorous effervescent reaction will occur......

In his A-level year, Bud came top of the year in chemistry. He didn't always follow the rules.....
So, thanks for all my webpage visits from both foreign and domestic viewers (now well over 3000). I finally crashed out at 1030 after a highly successful potion'n'fizzer bathtime and an in-depth analysis of "Little Miss Scary".
Don't feel bad about becoming a follower, whoever you are. My life will enrich yours.

Learning English as a second Language

Today's topics at school were:

1. Lessons in vocabulary, grammar and spelling for beginners. My fellow students and I discussed some new words with our teacher using flashcards: then we used them in sentences in a group tutorial.
2. Playtime. The tutor allowed us to choose role-play, dressing up or brick-building. I prefer the resources in the play area and research new ways to build towers.
3. Breaktime. The interactive hopscotch course is going well and, following comprehensive examinations, the lecturer says I am now fluent.
4. Games, songs, stories, polite conversation and one-to-one dialogue. The class is following the national syllabus, all the way to University.
5. Writing. My calligraphy leaves a little to be desired but thanks to the expert tuition I can now write simple words and key phrases.

Soon I hope to speak English like a native and not say things like "I done this", "One, two, free", and "I want them chocolates".

As of right now - the weekend! And half-term!! So because of that, Jof claimed fish'n'chips night. Following my existing supper #1 of babybel cheese and yogurt and supper # 2 of crunchy prawns, I had the bonus supper # 3 of chish'n'fips from the one that the JoniBobs use (with their generously proportioned serving wenches) instead of Mehmet's House of Dubious Marine Products (formerly the KingFishers). Distended belly again. That did not stop me dancing all the way through "Friday is relaxed shower night": I had a practice run on the potions part of my education, apparently Bud came top of the year in A-level chemistry so Potions night should be fun. (Is there no beginning to his talents?) I was pleading alertness by 630 so by bedtime I was comatose. Still, after my shower I was sufficiently reinvigorated to play some Nocturnal Naked Pinball™.

See you in the morning for some unexpected delights they have not yet told me about.

Schrodingers' answerphone

Football day today! After an extremely tetchy walk back from school, I was lucky to be allowed out. We got to the park and met Ben, Oscar and the JoniBobs. The football training was run professionally but with a load of 5 year-olds (and the odd 4 year-old girl) it was difficult to keep track or control. We ran around, we sulked, we lost and regained interest, we ate and drank, etc etc. In the end, a lot of work was done and we were all tired. 

Answers on a postcard by last Friday, please

Suitability Questionnaire

1.     Do you consider yourself to be an extrovert?

        A)   Yes

        B)   No

        C)   What are you looking at?

        D)   I’m singing in the rain, I’m singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling etc

2.     Do you enjoy taking risks in your daily life?

        A)   Yes

        B)   No

        C)   Now and again

        D)  

3.     In 200 words or less describe Schrödinger’s cat in relation to the 5^th law of thermodynamics, taking into account Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle when applied to a non-uniform tin roof at 350K

       A)   Yes

       B)   No

       C)   Medium-sized furry quadruped

       D)   It's impossible to tell from out here

4.     Remembering carefully to only answer question 8, doodle on the answer sheet, pick your nose and look out of the window

       A) A Milne

       B) B King

       C) C Penistone

       D) D Pfeiffer
       E) E Cummings

5.     What part of a building most inspires you? 
     A) The pillars of the community
     B) The halls of fame
     C) The corridors of power

     D) The glass ceiling

     E) The belfry

6.     What most irritates you about the Norwegian Takeaway?

      A) It's totally unaffjordable

      B) You have to go to America to find one

      C) Of all the places in the world, it turns out to be owned by your Mother-in-law

      D) Nothing, I adore its plastic palm trees, I revel in its post-modernist boudoir décor and I mostly go for the topless waitresses

 ===========================================================

 Today I performed on the catwalk alongside my schoolchums in my map coat (see page "Gallery of Groove" under my profile) as made by Nanna to a design by Bud. Other costumes seen today: numerous princesses (none of them Ben), a couple of spidermen, sundry cowboys and one Ben10. After school Jof wanted to put her feet up so that was the ideal chance to go for an educational walk. I took a small plastic phone and drove it along any fence I could find: one fence had a hole in it so we nipped through into a derelict area/unused land where we found piles of earth to run up, half-bricks to throw and 2 tyres to roll into puddles. What more do you need when you're 5?

Opposite we found some kind of charity shop/reclaimed material distribution centre with lots and lots of groovy arty-type stuff - you should visit it. We found sparklers in the shape of numbers - I'll be 6 next birthday so Bud bought me 3 for the next New Year's Eve bonfire party (apparently 3 sixes make a suitable number for me).

Nirvana through dance and song

Taking my special map coat into school today. My class will be doing some kind of catwalk exhibition with us modelling our favourite clothes as an introduction to the wonderful world of religious costumery. As a deity myself I can say that my favourite threads are; 1)    Pirate costume and  2)    topless but with bike helmet, for those summer bike rides along the seafront.  After school we went to see the building site again, The diggers have dug out the old petrol tanks so the holes are 15 feet deep, now there's a giant green extendable crane building a giant red crane! Wow, comes to something when you have to build your own crane to do some building.

So far I have spent many happy hours creating and recombining my Power Ranger (thank you Beth) and building my Connect4 set (thank you Erin) and now I'm busy spraying myself in the face with my splashy whale (thank you BigMax). I was able to install the batteries myself.

Another vast supper (3 soss, 2 hash, 4 veg, hors d'oeuvres 1 coconut macaroon) contained all the food groups except chocolate. This we remedied by tackling the birthday cake. It was delightfully soft, light and yet sticky on the inside protected by a massive armoured carapace where we'd tried to disguise the novel structure by melting choc all over it. Repeatedly. We had to use one of those little red hammers for breaking the windows of underground trains. The plastic candle-holding train was welded fast and broke before coming loose.

Valentine's day



When I grow up I want a bedroom like this

I have done a Valentine's card. I wrote it and decorated it myself. Sadly Bud forgot to get it down out of the hiding place this morning.....
Today I won a special award sticker for being so cool. Well, that's obvious, but I forget the real reason.....
Bud scared me deliberately by turning on the hair clippers (which I hate) and singing joyously "Haircut time!!!" Of course, he meant his haircut time, not mine, but this is why they say that parents mess you up. They have to, of course, because when we arrive, we're blank canvases and they're the first to daub psychological abuse all over them. Blanks are boring anyway.....

Stuffed myself senseless before, during and after supper. Both the pre- and post-prandial coconut macaroons I ate contain 26g of sugar and 10g of fat, a week's allowance for an adult. Before my shower I pretended to be asleep to avoid having to disturb my undulating belly or relinquish my prize spot on the sofa: after my shower came my nightly attempt to achieve stupefaction through dance alone.
Such is the contradictory lifestyle of those under 6.

Party day! Only 6 and a half weeks late.....

It's not dead, it's resting.....

It rained all day. Cold and windy, it was one of those miserable days where the rain gets blown up your nose, but still the faithful turned out for my playfest. Pops and Beth and the JoniBobs and Ben and Erin and Zak and MaxW all put in sterling performances and all of us were quite pink with exertion. Everyone got a little individual cake (easier to administer and distribute) and the main candle-cake was so covered in chocolate I reckon we got away with it.

After the meal Johnny spotted the free gifts. With every party at Pirate Petes, you see, each attendee gets a toy. In previous parties it's been a little robot, at Beth's last week it was a monkey on a trapeze thing, etc. This time it was a whistle, looked like a recorder in garish plastic. Oh dear. The Piddlers have met musical instruments before, at various parties and events including my own, and our reaction is always the same.

1: We all play our instrument as loudly as possible

2: We form a processional line and parade up and down making a godawful racket.

This time was no different and the whole room was deafened. It was at this point that the Puddleparents decided to call it a day and beat a hasty retreat/make a tactical withdrawal from the angry parents of every other kid in the room. In fact the old staff woman (the one with the 3 teeth who demands money) said there had been an official complaint to the manager, the first time it had happened.

Bonus video: guess who's the pie-eyed piper?

I'm not in charge of the vehicle, offisher, I'm subservient to it...

The axeman strummeth

Lovely day so went for a walk in 2 parks, bought some seeds for my flowerbed, played football. The big climbing frame in Tunnel Park has been removed, have to see what it's being replaced with.

Of course I'm # 1

Later we went into town to register in the "Where did I eat this month" challenge with Ben. Jof had got the cakes for my birthday party from M+S so where better to eat: instead of getting a boring table like everyone else we sat on the big round barstools and stuffed our faces with ham and cheese toasty sandwiches. I had a Thomas choc lolly and Bud had a big coffee. The gingerbread man will have to wait until later to get eaten 1 limb at a time. The barstools were great because

1. Someone with a bottie as small as mine can really lay back or curl up sitting on my feet
2. They're padded unlike the prole chairs
3. You can sit and watch a procession of ladies of a certain age (and a certain girth) and their daughters go past and pass judgement on each of them, each in his own style

Stabiliser-free for 54 weeks

We'll be using the stools next time even if all the tables are free. I also like the M+S caff because you can ask for as many little jugs of milk as you want.....(bibendum, for those with decent latin)

Then, suitably sated, we wandered back to where I'd parked the bike (didn't I say? How else should one get into town on such a lovely day?) and rode back via the giant roundabout by the police station to see how the diggers were getting on. It seems that they have spent the last week flattening some bits and piling up the earth in other bits. I'm sure they know what they're doing.

 When Jof was finally allowed to leave the office, we made the birthday cake montage/diorama. The little train that holds the candles was too long for the cake so we fiddled and faffed, chopped up the cake and laid it out again, added extra melted chocolate to try and er, well, chocolate over the cracks, and so forth. It made a glorious, sticky and tasty mess. It was at that point that Bud got home off his bike ride and told us how we could have done it right in the first place but we don't want to talk about that, do we, children? The result - well, it'll win no prizes but it's got all the components and it'll end up as a giant chocolate chow-down so what the hell.

Now: Nunc est bibendum (now is the time to drink) - I'm having more milk, Bud isn't.

Saturday night is fizzer night and this time I got hold of those special crayons that write underwater and decorated the bathroom to the strains of Best of the Blues by Gary Moore.

2236 and I'm in bed but still singing my new song...."In-oo-araaa wargle arooga-eekle nearr-nearr..."