Wynter cooks up a night of ebony and ice

There was the tiniest dusting of snow this morning - enough for the first person out to leave footprints. Maybe by this afternoon there'll be more

.....there wasn't. Fitful flurries on and off led to no coverage. In the afternoon we collected the newly cloned Pops, reborn from her own ashes or whatever, and went down to Pirate Petes for some midweek action. The entire complex was nearly deserted, the 2 members of staff we saw must have been on a bonus scheme for how many lights they could turn off, and we had the place to ourselves: all ballpit balls were put away and I think they'd even hoovered. Soon we discovered an 

Quick....let's move.....this thing..............over there!!!

unknown Rosie playing there on her own who joined in our games. Pops still had a cough so she wasn't as ebullient as us, poor girl. The three of us joined forces to remove every item but one from the toddler's pit and pile them all up under the rope bridge (reason forgotten).

Meanwhile Bud chased us and threw balls at us (Rosie was good at fighting back) and miraculously he didn't hurt any of us. After an hour Pops was a bit pale so we vamoosed, abandoning the one remaining member of staff to put all the ballpit balls away again and wonder why all little kids move all the padded furniture from one end of the room to the other.

From the fractured landscape of my dreams...

Jury's out on this one

...........come a million questions about how many wires a car needs, whether it's more or less than a motorbike, whether a shop making fudge cake has to have a really big lamp to keep it warm, and how many wires will that take.... it turns out it takes all the way to PCWorld to get a new sky remote to replace the one that's been mungled to death.
At school kicking out time I had only one glove. Jof will be pleased that the new matching hat+gloves+scarf set has been broken up after only 1 day.
We went round the corner to see Erin who smiled broadly at Bud. This means that either

1. She has forgiven him for dropping her
2. The cranium to concrete impact has given her severe concussion and she has forgotten who he is

Answers on a postcard by last Friday please....
On the way to my shower I walked into the bathroom door and now have a lump above my ear. This is nothing to do with any parent with an alleged history of damaging children: it's because I don't look where I'm going.

SNOW!!!! .. ... .... for about 20 minutes

It was much better last January

Got up at nine o'clock to ask Jof to cut my toenail.
Had a morning bike ride with Bud running alongside. We toured swingpark and the Mad Hospital and made it as far as the sea (low tide) before realising that my toes and ears had turned to ice. There was still ice in the pub carpark and so we returned home pronto: Bud found a £5 note under a car which was nice. At lunchtime it snowed for a while but it all melted so I couldn't make an igloo. After we had visited a supermarket that seemed to be colder inside than it was outside, I wanted to go to Pirate Pete's, so I rang Pops (at a party in Crezzicaves) and Ben (in Cornwall again) so instead we got all the Xmas decorations down from the loft to sort them out. This of course meant spreading the whole lot over my bedroom floor. I now have my own tree, my own box of decorations and a floor so covered in glitter Bud had to hoover.

**STOP PRESS** Ashes to return to Australia

Of course I'm authentic. Look, I've got a reindeer

Last night was cider night so Bud emerged bright and early at 0900: he says he gets up at 0550 every day and it's the weekend. We got a magic all-day bus ticket and went up to North End where there are 5 charity shops in a row, and bought bath fizzers for tonight. Traditionally one must also buy one strange item, and this time it was an Australian souvenir (still boxed): an aboriginal plate with aboriginal designs, depicting an aboriginal legend and benefitting the aboriginal community (made in China). I shall use it for small meals, which in my case is all of them.




No.  Don't want to

As soon as we got back it was off to my school for the Xmas fayre; we got a fire engine, I won some chocolate for throwing 2 dice and getting a double and I also visited Santa. I declared my favourite meal to be spaghetti meatballs, and he gave me a pen/ruler set, so fair exchange. We were a bit late so most people had been and gone, we'll know for next time, maybe Bud can get up on time.

After I had used my new plate to finish all the tomatoes, we drove to Poppy's party. We were going to use the magic all day bus ticket but it was just too cold to wait. It was in a happy clappy church so no ball pit or slides: we played loads of party games instead. Elizabeth and the JoniBobs were amongst several "Sideliners" that refused to join in, but that didn't last long. Only Johnny resisted for the duration. Erin climbed on Bud's back, he did a little dance and she fell off and banged her head on the floor. She is the third child he's dropped over the years: he is A Bad Parent. Personally I think he cracked after years of being beaten up by women, and resorted to violence.

Bonus video: strutting my funky stuff in "musical statues" (45 secs)      Boogie on down!

The hip (and groovy) flask

Next Friday is the school quiz. Erin and I shall compete, we'll bring along our parents to write down the answers that we'll provide. Bud says the timing of the quiz clashes with Lagertime so Bud and Erinsmum will be bringing hip flasks. It's just like the magic bag of chocs that the parents bring on Park Wednesday so I suppose it's only fair.

Pops was out again. I must be losing my touch. So instead we made a wishing well for Jof and sorted my international coin collection by magnetic characteristics. When was the last time you did that?

Any more of that sinning and I'll ****ing 'ave yer

Friday night is beverage night for Bud so we had an animated conversation at showertime, during which I revealed that Erin's role in the upcoming school Nativity and faith-based fibfest is "Whoops-a-daisy Angel". For some reason this made Bud laugh so much he got hiccups. We might slip away during the event and see if we can access the church tower or crypt. Here's one from the last time I went to church.

Mungle Milestones

Last night (bed for 9 after playing on the computer) the number of hits on my blog passed 1000. Not bad for a 4 year-old. In celebration, here's one of the more presentable ones from the archive. Thank you to all my visitors, it's fun sharing the silliness of youth.

My first shotgun (2 and a half)

 Goodness me it's a bit nippy today. Ran home after school and played create-the-dinosaur and starpainter on the computer while Bud sorted out my rather secular costume for the nativity play. He's allowing me to play the part of 7th daft musician in this archaic religious fantasy but promises he'll heckle from the sidelines.
 Today the doorbell went while Bud was upstairs. He had previously trained me not to simply open the door and let anyone in, so I approached with caution and opened the letterbox. From this height I carefully studied the groin of the itinerant fish-seller who was at the door and then uttered the correct salutation "What are you doing there". At this point Bud came down the stairs to deal with the intrusion. He said I'd failed, don't see why, what do you want, I mean, I didn't let him in, did I, grumble grumblemumble

Is this a weapon I see before me

  Tonight I had a bubbly bath instead of a shower so experimented with my BD100 transwarp hyper-ionic beam syringe. I called the resulting structure a "Lolly Foam-Stick".

Midweek Mungling: the Max in the mirror

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana" - Groucho Marx

We're all on here

I think we all feel that way sometimes.



Off to the park with my namesake and protege Max W. Remembered gloves this time: both of us wrapped up warm. Down the park already were: JoniBobs, Erin and Ben. The parents talked nits and mathematics while us kids worked hard on the yellow curly slide, beat up Bud and tried to avoid the curiously malodorous youth with the birthmark like the Phantom of the Opera and the unhealthy interest in small children.

At one point Bobert discovered that the hanging basket was empty and called us all over. As soon as we were all installed in it, we all realised we wanted to be out of it again and so no group swinging was done: Ben was last out and he did get a couple of rotations before it looked like he'd be headbutting woodchips so he evacuated, only to be replaced instantly by Unreasonably Fat Boy and The Phantom Follower.

Then Max came back to mine for some Mickey and Harry, some pizza and watermelon, and some track and den. During parktime, Jof had found a mouse in the lounge so after much moving of furniture, Bud caught it and released it in the garden (approx 80mph, due west at 45° elevation). Escorted Max home (250 yards) by 7pm (a good 3 hours' stint) with a pair of magnets as a present (here we go again).

Mountain dew under the Georgia moon (Portsdown Hillbillies)

Today Jof had yet another day off so she picked me up while Bud stayed on at work to get even more magnets (I think he's a magnetophile) but I did have fun using one pair of steel pliers to remove a magnet from another pair of steel pliers - that game just runs and runs.

Afterwards we wrapped up Poppys' birthday present - at arms length because it's so pink.
I also spent a while chasing Bud around the house flailing an arm (the one-handed helicopter attack).

This picture is to highlight my campaign against the scourge of the agricultural classes - melon abuse. Some of those melons may have sweet names like sugar baby but they can hurt - wear your protective headgear at all times!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

♪ ♫ ♪ ♪

Previously on GORBADUCK…….

“Oh no! One of the pigs is missing!”

“What huge melons you have!”

“You’re a very very stupid man!”

And now, GORBADUCK continues……………….

So Cacklebat said “Farmer Gorbaduck, asking giraffes to help was a stupid idea, you are silly, if it wasn’t for me you’d forget your own feet, and then where would we be. You must think of something else. Plod is still up there and it’s getting dark.”

So Farmer Gorbaduck thought to himself, “How are we going to get Plod down? Ah! Ah! Let’s send a mouse up the chimney to push him out from the inside!” So he looked at all his mice and chose Wiffler, the biggest mouse with his wiffling whiskers and sent him up the chimney. Wiffler the mouse climbed all the way and met Plod the pig right at the top. But he was only very small, even though he was the biggest mouse, and he couldn’t push Plod out, because Plod was a big fat pig and he was very stuck. So Wiffler came back down again and said he was sorry, but he couldn’t do it.

So Cacklebat said “Farmer Gorbaduck, asking a mouse to help was a terrible idea, you are so stupid, if it wasn’t for me you’d forget your own legs, and then where would we be. You must think of something better, because he’s still stuck, and it’s getting dark.”

So Farmer Gorbaduck said “Ah! Ah! I know who can help, Old Mrs Barnacle who lives in the nearby village of Dripping Bottom sells palm trees, she can help us, because if we put a palm tree at the bottom of the chimney, it can grow and grow up to the top and push Plod right out again, because, as you know, palm trees are tall and thin and straight with a big fluffy top, they’d be just right for pushing stuck pigs out of chimneys.”

So Old Mrs Barnacle came over to help. Farmer Gorbaduck said to her “Please can you use one of your wonderful palm trees to get my pig out of the chimney, and if you can, I’ll give you two of my melons as a reward.” And Old Mrs Barnacle said “Goodness me, what enormous melons, I’m not sure I could eat a whole one.” So she had a look at the chimney and said “Farmer Gorbaduck, you’re only as clever as a spanner, aren’t you, it takes fifty years to grow a good palm tree, that’s why I’m Old Mrs Barnacle, not Young Mrs Barnacle, because I’ve been growing palm trees for fifty years, and they’re only just ready. I can’t help you at all, because even if I planted a tree right now, you’d have to wait for fifty years for it to push Plod out, and you wanted him out tonight!”

So Cacklebat said “you’re as clever as a teabag, aren’t you, if it wasn’t for me you’d forget your own hands and then where would we be. Think of something better, because Plod’s still stuck and it’s getting cold.” And she banged him over the head with a melon, (clang, ow) because she was getting angry.

So Farmer Gorbaduck said to himself, “Oh dear. Ah! Ah! My friend Doctor Gonzo from the nearby village of Windy Cleft makes bombs, we could put one of his bombs at the bottom of the chimney and blow Plod the pig right out of the chimney!” So he called Dr. Gonzo who came running over to help, because he wanted to get his hands on the massive melons. So he looked at the chimney, and he said “Why on earth have you asked me? I can’t help. If I put a little bomb at the bottom of the chimney it’ll just go bang and burn Plods’ nose a bit, which will hurt him, and you don’t want to hurt him. If I put a big bomb at the bottom of the chimney it’ll go BANG and knock the whole house down and Plod will land on the moon or something, and then you won’t even have a farmhouse, and you’ll have to go to sleep in the barn with the mice! So even though you do have some magnificent melons, I’m going to go home now and have my tea.”

So Cacklebat said “asking Dr. Gonzo to help was perhaps the worst idea yet, if it wasn’t for me you’d forget your own arms, and then where would we be. It’s got dark, so we’re going to have to go to bed now, and think of something in the morning.” So she banged Farmer Gorbaduck over the head with a melon again (clang, ow) and went to bed.

So Tonker the giraffe put a blanket over Plods’ sticking-up legs so he wouldn’t get cold. The mice went back into the barn, the chickens were still in the chicken coops because they’re useless anyway and they hadn’t even tried to help, and the rest of the pigs went to bed in the pigsty, the giraffes went home and everyone except Plod went to bed, as he was stuck in the chimney and nobody could get him out.

So the next morning, Farmer Gorbaduck got up and went outside. It was going to be a lovely day, even though it was autumn. But he was sad because he knew that Plod was still stuck in the chimney. So he went to the barn, and let the mice out for the day, and he counted the mice, and all 20 were there. He opened up the chicken coops, and counted the chickens as they went out for the day, and all 15 were there. Then he went to the pig sties and counted all the pigs as they went out past him, and all 12 were there.

And Farmer Gorbaduck looked harder and saw Plod the pig trying to hide behind some of the other pigs, which was difficult because Plod was the fattest pig and bigger than all the rest.

So he said “Oi, Plod, I thought you were stuck in the chimney. So how come you’re standing here hiding behind the other pigs, pretending nothing happened?” and Plod said “Oink, oink, oink, well, as I was flying around yesterday with all my pig friends eating bits of fluffy cloud and apples off the trees I smelt a wonderful smell of freshly cooked apple pies coming from the chimney. So I tried to fly down the chimney to get to the pies but I got stuck because I’m so fat.”

So Farmer Gorbaduck said “But you were stuck, how did you get out?” and Plod said “I was getting cold with my bottom sticking up in the air in the middle of the night, even if it did have a blanket. So I wriggled out and flew down to the nice warm barn, and my pig friends opened the door for me.”

And so even though Farmer Gorbaduck and Cacklebat were quite annoyed that Plod had caused them so much trouble, they started to laugh. So the whole farmyard full of animals laughed at Plod the big fat pig because he was so greedy and got stuck in the chimney because he wanted the apple pies which Cacklebat was so good at cooking.

So in the end, Cacklebat agreed to cook up all the leftover apples to make lots and lots of apple pies for the pigs to eat, and keep the apple cores for the mice which made all the pigs and mice happy.

 The chickens were happy because chickens are so stupid they’d be happy whatever happened.

Farmer Gorbaduck was happy because he still had lots of huge melons, which was all he wanted anyway.

Cacklebat was happy because nobody had noticed that she had shouted a lot but didn’t actually have any good ideas.

And Plod the pig was happy because he had only pretended to get stuck in the chimney so he could get lots of apple pies without having to fly anywhere, as he was both very fat and very lazy.

♪ ♫ ♪ clang

Paddling down the patchwork river of life (paddle not included)

Pops was supposed to come over this afternoon but didn't make it. I'm going cold Poppy.
Jof spent all night in a rage after the Puddle Xmas party was moved to the day she couldn't make. I'm OK, though, because I have a cloak of invincibility. I must get one for Bud. Jof says her entire social calendar for Xmas now revolves around octogenarians who are either disapproving or asleep, and sometimes both.

Still, at last the eagerly awaited children's goodnight story/epic "Gorbaduck" is now available for publishing, in 2 parts, ie spread over 2 days. It's designed for the storyteller of the house to add his or her embellishments, personalisations, animal noises and imaginative accents in the style of their choosing. Gorbaduck 2 (Return to the farm) is in post-production so is expected next month.

GORBADUCK

A CURLY TALE OF GREED, MELONS AND STUPID PEOPLE   ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪ (Part 1)

Farmer Gorbaduck lived on a farm in a big valley, just outside a little village called Dangly End. The village had an old stone church, and if you climbed up the church tower, you could see all over the valley. And you could see all the other villages in the valley because each one of them had a church and you could see the church towers.

Farmer Gorbaduck was a short round man and he didn’t have any hair. Because of this his head always got cold so he wore a big hat made of straw to keep his head warm. But, although he was a nice round man, he wasn’t very clever, and often he did things that turned out to be silly.

It wasn’t a very big farm but that was ok, he was happy with a few fields and orchards. So on his farm he had pigs and chickens and mice, he got lots of apples from the apple trees, but the thing he liked the most was that he grew really big melons in his melon patch down by the river. He was very proud of his melons and always said that they were the biggest melons in the country.

And on his farm, Farmer Gorbaduck lived with his wife, and her name was Cacklebat. She was tall, thin and clever, and had such a long pointy nose and such a long pointy chin that they almost met in the middle. She loved her husband Farmer Gorbaduck very much but she knew that he wasn’t very clever, and often did things that turned out to be silly. She spent a lot of her time making really nice apple pies and looking after him because he was a bit silly sometimes and often needed help. She liked his plums best of all.

Right in the middle of the farm was the farmhouse where they lived. It had a tall roof and a big chimney and it had a little rose garden by the back door, because even if you live on a farm, you can still have a garden.

It had been a lovely day in the valley; the chickens had spent the whole day eating seeds, because, as you know, chickens scratch around in the dirt eating grass seeds and corn seeds and barley seeds, so they were happy, because there were lots of seeds.

The pigs had also spent the whole day outside eating, because as you know, pigs fly around in the sky eating bits of cloud and apples straight off the trees, and so they were happy because there were lots of fluffy white clouds and shiny red apples.

The mice had also spent the whole day eating, because as you know, mice run around the bottom of the trees eating apple cores that the pigs left behind, so they were happy, because there were lots of apple cores.

Cacklebat had made an ovenful of apple pies and Farmer Gorbaduck had spent the day working in the melon patch, and because it had been a long hot summer he had lots of big juicy melons growing in his melon patch, because as you know, the best melons are big and juicy.

Well, it had been a lovely day but it was autumn and he knew that it would be getting cold soon, when it started to get dark. So he stood in front of the farmhouse and called out to the animals to go to bed in the warm barn. ”Come on” he said, “bedtime now, get into the barn for tonight because you can go to sleep happy and there will be lots to do tomorrow”. So the mice went squeak squeak and the chickens went cluck cluck and they all came running in from the apple orchard and the fields and went to bed in the nice warm barn. And as they went past him into the barn, he counted them to make sure none had got lost, and there were 20 mice, which was the right number of mice, and there were 15 chickens, which was the right number, so he was happy.

Then Farmer Gorbaduck called out to his pigs to come in for the night and go to bed “Come on, pigs”, he said, “Bedtime now, get into the pig sties for tonight because you can go to sleep happy, and there will be lots of clouds and apples for you to eat tomorrow”. So all the pigs went oink oink and came flying in from the sky around the apple trees. And as they went past Farmer Gorbaduck, he counted them all to make sure none had got lost, and there were 11 pigs, which was the wrong number of pigs, so he was happy.

So then Farmer Gorbaduck locked the barn for the night, and promised himself a nice cup of tea. So he went into the farmhouse where his clever wife Cacklebat had already made him a cup of tea, because she knew he would want one. “Hello, Cacklebat”, he said, “I’ve counted in all the mice, and there was the right number of mice, and I’ve counted in all the chickens, and there was the right number of chickens, and I’ve counted in all the pigs, and there was the wrong number of pigs so I locked up the barn.” So his clever wife Cacklebat said “Wait a minute, Gorbaduck, before I give you your cup of tea, did you just say that there was the wrong number of pigs? You are a silly man, if it wasn’t for me, you’d forget your own nose, and then where would we be?” And Farmer Gorbaduck said “Oh, no! One was missing, it must have got lost, and it will be outside in the cold instead of in the nice warm pigsty.” Now this wasn’t very good at all, was it? A whole pig missing? That’s worse than half a pig missing!

So they unlocked the barn and counted the pigs again, because you’ve got to make sure, and found that yes – there was one pig missing! So they looked everywhere but they couldn’t find the missing pig. Eventually, they heard a little noise, a scratching and an oinking and a scuffling, and they looked up, and saw two little pig legs sticking up out of the big chimney on top of the farmhouse. Oh no! One of the pigs has got stuck in the chimney! So Farmer Gorbaduck and his wife Cacklebat looked around for a ladder but they didn’t have one long enough. So Cacklebat went off to talk to the pigs and they told her that the missing pigs’ name was Plod, because pigs are pigs, and they’ve only got easy short names. And it just so happened that Plod was the fattest and laziest pig.

So Farmer Gorbaduck said “This is terrible. We can’t have our fattest pig stuck in the chimney. I mean, it’s my chimney; it’s totally the wrong place for pigs. He can’t stay there because it’s going to be cold tonight.”

So Farmer Gorbaduck thought: “I know who can help me, my friend Tonker from the nearby village of Whispering Bottom is a giraffe, he’s really tall, and he’ll be able to get Plod down from the chimney.” So he called Tonker the giraffe and his wife Tinker to come over to help.

Tonker was very tall, taller even than most giraffes, which as you know, are very tall, and so was his wife Tinker. “Please help me”, said Farmer Gorbaduck, “if you can get Plod the pig down, I’ll give you two of my melons as a reward.” So they went over looked at the chimney and said “Yes, there’s definitely a pig stuck in your chimney, we can see two little pink legs and a little curly tail sticking out of the top – the silly pig is stuck head down into it. We can see his legs, but our feet are on the ground so we can’t grab his legs to pull him out, all we could do is bite his legs and try to pull him out one leg each, but that would be no good, we’d be biting his legs, and that would hurt him. So we’re sorry, we can’t get Plod the pig down, even though we want an enormous pair of melons as a reward”.

Every good boy likes a juicy pair of melons

♪ ♫ ♪ ♪

Will anybody be able to get Plod down?

Will Farmer Gorbaduck forget his own feet?

Will Mungleton spill his drink on the sofa again?

You’ll have to wait until the next thrilling episode of    GORBADUCK!!

Now go to sleep, and tomorrow we’ll find out what happened.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

I spent ages making this crown. Can I be king now?

Bud sold my old cotbed today to a boy called Ellis (due new years' day) and managed to get home just before our train got in. He picked us up at the station with only no minutes to spare, then we did sticking/cutting/colouring in one of the books Nanna got me.

Poor Bud has been doing laundry all weekend and you can hardly smell the perfume on his clothes now.

It's good to be back although the first thing I did upon arrival was trip up over my own doorstep. It's because I've been away for 3 days, I forgot we had one.

Separate lives

Today I'm at Nanna's house, so I missed out on a trip to crazycaves with the mummies while Bud and Glynn and Andy and Mark and Dave (not John, in absentia again) travelled the public houses of Southsea seeking a game of pool. Pint count: Eldon arms 1, Barley Mow 1, Hole in the wall 1, Apsley 1, Auckland 1, Florence 2 (that's where they found the 7 games of pool), Taswell 1, quick chip/burger/kebab at Ken's Kebab on Albert Road, Leopold 1, then back to ground zero where the brigade split (3 home, Bud and Dave swifty down the Shepherd's Crook and then home). JoniBob's Dad phoned one of the mummies and pretended Bud had been collared by the Old Bill in Ryde (Isle of Wight) but then made the fatal mistake of ordering chips during the call so nobody believed him.
All Daddies a bit wobbly, bedtime soon. In fact, a couple of them were in bed for 930 which is about when I hit the sack on a Saturday night (it depends how many bath fizzers I've had, and how many Rioja fizzers Bud's had) - and I'm only 4

Reckless abandonment

I'm the one. But so is she

This morning Jof and I abandoned Bud at the railway station, and went to see Nanna for a couple of days. He was obviously distraught at the way we left him behind, for he jumped up and down cheering and grinning, lit 2 cigars at once and rang someone called Stephanie on a phone we didn't know he had.

Still, I've got pens and books and pads and a train picnic and a new dump truck so we'll be OK.

Gorbaduck rewrite continues. Both stories will be available once I have reassessed Bud's efforts.

This picture is added to remind you that summer will be here again.

Still raining, still dreaming (Hendrix)

So last night's preview of Gorbaduck went well.
Changes to be made: sections have to be shorter (modifying from a 2-part story to a 3-parter) and I have supplied numbers for the chickens, pigs and mice. I mean, how can a farmer count his livestock if we're not told his exact stockholding? I also have a ...... particular issue with what the pigs do all day, but he says I'm just being silly.
This morning Bud took me to school for the first time, because he has a day off. Once we were inside (it was raining again) we dawdled, wandered, got distracted and milled around generally while Bud tried to get me to put my book bag in the right place, hang my coat up etc etc. He says it's nothing like roll call at Sandhurst.
Today at school it was Pudsey day so we had to wear spots and put money in the bucket. I didn't have any spotty clothes so rather than just splodging an old T-shirt with permanent marker Jof bought me a spotty set of pyjamas: it reminded Bud of a joke (as follows)

Sometimes it's useful to be small

The first year kids had a school trip to the racecourse, accompanied by 2 female teachers.

During the day it got to toilet time and so one teacher took all the girls to the ladies toilet and the other teacher took all the boys to the mens and just stood outside looking sheepish.

After a while one of the boys came out and said that because they were only six years old none of them could reach the urinals. So the teacher hoped nobody was watching, went inside and held up the boys in front of the urinal one by one, holding their little todgers so none of it got on their clothes.
Then the teacher noticed that one of the boys had a much bigger willy. So she said "Oh, you must be a fourth year, not one of my first years." And the boy said "No, my name's Dennis, and I'm riding Silver Bullet in the 2:15."

Today I told Bud that he has to build a pirate ship in the garden, and if he can't, JoniBob's Dad can do it. It's amazing how many reasons they could think of why it wasn't going to happen.
Tomorrow I'm going on a train to see Nanna. We're going to make crowns.

'Twas a dark and stormy day............

And it's not improving. Read new library book about things you find underground.
Tonight is lager night when Bud will read Gorbaduck to me for the first time: I shall offer criticisms to his witticisms and we'll go from there.

From High Panjandrum back to Charwallah

Looks good. But it'll end in tears

Another cold day so invited Erin to come round and make a nice warm den under the dining table with me.

This worked for a while until we had a territorial dispute and I had another attack of howling under the table.

This was broken up (eventually) by a game of Junior Hide and seek.
Rules:
1. Competitor A will count loudly with eyes shut while player B just stands there checking that A is counting correctly
2. Contestant A counts up to 21 and then shouts "coming ready or not". Contender B then shouts back "OK" repeatedly until discovered.
This kept us going for a few minutes but then we graduated to arguing over what DVD to watch, who will or will not let who play with the small red peg I appear to have stolen from school today and so on. Oh dear.

Have fireaxe, will travel

Ran home with Erin and Jack.
Demanded boiled egg on toast with marmite soldiers of various ranks, with chilli crisps. Not bad for hors d'oevres.....
Coming soon on this Blog, a kiddies bedtime story from my Dad's fevered imagination
FARMER GORBADUCK, a curly tale of a Yeoman melon farmer in the Shire

Language college sub 10

======== http://professormungleton.blogspot.com/

Вивчення англійської мови як другої мови
теми дня у школі були:
1. Уроки в лексиці, граматиці й орфографії для початківців. Мої однокурсники, і я обговорив деякі нові слова з нашим вчителем використанням карток: тоді ми використовували їх у пропозиціях в групі підручника.
2. Час звучання. Репетитор дозволили нам вибрати рольові ігри, переодягання або цегляні будівлі. Я віддаю перевагу ресурсів в області ігри та дослідження нових способів будувати вежі.
3. Breaktime. Інтерактивний курс класики йде добре, і, після всебічного обстеження, викладач говорить, що я тепер вільний.
4. Ігри, пісні, розповіді, ввічливий розмову, і один-до-один діалог. Клас наступні національні навчальні програми, всі шляхи до університету.
5. Дати. Мій каліграфії листя трохи кращого, але завдяки експертів навчанні тепер я можу писати прості слова та ключові фрази.
Незабаром я сподіваюся говорити по-англійськи, як рідну, а не говорити такі речі, як "Я зробив це", "Раз, два, вільний", та "Я хочу, цукерок".

Використовуйте мій блог, щоб вивчати англійську мову. Оновлюється щодня. Розкажіть своїм учителем / Language College.
< a href='http://www.ablogin.com/' > A Blogin Blog Directory< /a >

======== http://professormungleton.blogspot.com/

سیکھنا ایک دوسری زبان کے طور پر انگریزی
سکول میں آج کے موضوعات کے بارے میں تھے :
1. beginners کے لئے الفاظ قواعد، اور ہجوں میں اسباق. میرے اپنے ساتھی طلبا اور میں نے اپنی ٹیچر flashcards استعمال کے ساتھ کچھ نئے الفاظ پر بحث کی ہے تو کیا ہم ایک سبق گروپ میں جملوں میں ان کا استعمال کیا.

2. آرام کا وقت. ٹیوٹر نے ہمیں اجازت کردار ادا کریں، منتخب کرنے کے لئے، اوپر ڈریسنگ یا اینٹوں کی تعمیر. میں نے کھیل کے علاقے اور تحقیق کے نئے ٹاور کی تعمیر کے طریقوں میں وسائل کی پسند.

3. Breaktime. لیکچرر انٹرایکٹو ہپسکوچ بالکل ٹھیک چل رہا ہے اور ہے ، جامع امتحانات کے بعد، کہتا ہے کہ میں اب چلتی ہوں.

4. کھیل، گانے ، نغمے ، کہانی، شائستہ گفتگو اور ایک ایک سے بات چیت. طبقے کے قومی نصاب، سب نے یونیورسٹی کے طریقہ مندرجہ ذیل ہے.

5. تحریر. میرا فن خطاطی ایک خواہش پر کی ماہر تعلیم کی بدولت میں آسان الفاظ اور کلیدی الفاظ اب لکھ سکتا ہوں تھوڑی چھوڑتا ہے.

جلد ہی میں ایک مقامی طرح انگریزی میں بات کی امید ہے اور نہ کہیں چیزوں کی طرح، "ایک ، دو، مفت" "یہ میں نے کیا"، اور "میں چاہتا ہوں کہ ان میں چاکلیٹ".

میری انگریزی سیکھنے کے لئے بلاگ پر استعمال کریں. ڈیلی اپ ڈیٹ کر دیا. آپ کے اساتذہ / زبان کالج بتائیں.

==== http://professormungleton.blogspot.com/

Học tiếng Anh như một ngôn ngữ thứ hai
Chủ đề ở trường là:
1. Bài học về ngữ pháp, từ vựng và cách viết cho người mới bắt đầu. Sinh viên của tôi và tôi đã thảo luận một số từ mới với giáo viên của chúng tôi bằng cách sử dụng Flashcards: sau đó chúng ta sử dụng chúng trong các câu trong một nhóm hướng dẫn.
2. Thời gian nghe. Những gia sư cho phép chúng tôi để lựa chọn đóng vai, mặc quần áo lên hoặc gạch xây dựng. Tôi thích các nguồn lực trong khu vực chơi và cách nghiên cứu mới để xây dựng tháp.
3. Breaktime. Các khóa học nhảy lò cò cũng sẽ tương tác và, sau kỳ thi toàn diện, giảng viên nói rằng tôi bây giờ thành thạo.
4. Trò chơi, bài hát, câu chuyện, lịch sự trò chuyện và đối thoại một-một. Các lớp học được sau những giáo trình quốc gia, tất cả các cách để học.
5. Viết. Thư pháp của tôi để lại một chút để được mong muốn nhưng nhờ học phí chuyên gia tôi có thể viết những từ đơn giản và cụm từ khóa.
Chẳng bao lâu tôi hy vọng nói tiếng Anh như người bản xứ và không nói những câu như "Tôi làm điều này", "Một, hai, tự do", và "Tôi muốn họ sôcôla".

Sử dụng blog của tôi để học tiếng Anh. CẬP NHẬT HÀNG NGÀY. Hãy cho giáo viên của bạn / đại học ngôn ngữ.

================= http://professormungleton.blogspot.com/

 

לערנען ענגליש ווי אַ רגע שפּראַך
הייַנט ס סוגיות אין שול זענען געווען:
1. לעקציעס אין וואָקאַבולאַרי, גראַמאַטיק און אויסלייג פֿאַר ביגינערז. מייַן יונגערמאַן סטודענטן און איך דיסקאַסט עטלעכע ניו ווערטער מיט אונדזער לערער ניצן פלאַשקאַרדז: דעריבער מיר געוויינט זיי אין סענטענסעס אין אַ גרופּע טוטאָריאַל.
2. פּלייַטימע. דער דאָצענט ערלויבט אונדז צו קלייַבן ראָלע-שפּיל, סאָוס אַרויף אָדער ציגל-בנין. איך בעסער וועלן די רעסורסן אין דער פּיעסע געגנט און פאָרשונג ניו דרכים צו בויען טאָווערס.
3. ברעאַקטימע. די ינטעראַקטיווע כאַפּסקאַטש קורס איז געגאנגען געזונט און, נאָך פולשטענדיק יגזאַמאַניישאַנז, דער לעקטאָר זאגט איך בין איצט גלאַט.
4. שפּילערייַ, לידער, דערציילונגען, יידל שמועס און איינער-צו-איינער דיאַלאָג. דער קלאַס איז נאָך די נאציאנאלע סילאַבאַס, אַלע די וועג צו אוניווערסיטעט.
5. שרייַבן. מייַן קאַליגראַפי בלעטער אַ ביסל צו זייַן געוואלט אָבער דאַנק צו די מבֿין סכאַר - לימעד איך קענען איצט שרייַבן פּשוט ווערטער און שליסל פראַסעס.
באַלד איך האָפן צו רעדן ענגליש ווי אַ געבוירענער און ניט זאָגן זאכן ווי "איך געטאן דעם", "איין, צוויי, פּאָטער", און "איך וועלן זיי טשאָקלאַץ".

ניץ מיין בלאָג צו לערנען ענגליש. דערהייַנטיקט טעגלעך. זאג דיין מלמד / שפּראַך קאָלעגע.

Castle destruction day

It's been in the dining room for a week, it's time for it to go. The table's still at the wrong end, one of the chairs is still in the bedroom and we can't see properly to do drawing because the flags and crenellations block what little sunlight we get in these wintry latitudes.

So I hired co-conspirators Johnny and Bobert to help destroy it and cart it down to the bonfire (now a sorry pile of bricks, but good enough for cardboard). Despite the joyous task of demolition and incineration, I still managed to have two quality howlrounds: the first was during the dismemberment phase of the operation when Bud refused to let me have a large sharp kitchen knife to stab the panels with (don't know why) and the second was after the last post had been played and we'd thrown the last bit on, a dispute about ownership of a golf ball resulted in me wanging Bob in the face with a hula hoop (the large plastic variety, not the crunchy salt bombs).

He cried loudly and so did I as Bud hoisted me into the air and administered a stout clap to my bum. In the end we settled it with apples, chocolate brownies and Handy Manny the Mexican repairman. 

Video bonus: kick a castle when it's down (utter bloodcurdling war cry here). We attacked the pile of boxes with such vigour I actually broke a metal spade.

Just an hour after we finished the fire, it started raining. Bud took the opportunity to finish the drawing as instructed, reproduced below in Munglevision. You can see the 4D parrots, mobius strip, trumpeting quadruped, reducing penguins, sheep flags, hookah producing clouds of traffic signs (smoke signals), disc drive and a feline component in a radio transmitter circuit. I worry about him, I believe he fell in the "Magic Potion" as a baby, like Obelix.

Saturday night is bath fizzer night

Spent a lot of time creating - Jof had to make craft items for my school's christmas fayre, I had to help her by pouring out our entire stock of glitter onto just one tree with glue on and spill all the painty water up the wall, and Bud had to carry on with the masterpiece (parrot and plane completed, moving onto the hookah-smoking caterpillar).

Then to bath a little before 9pm. Mix everything available in the jug, add a bath fizzer and apply water using only the BD100 Recoilless quantum plasma syringe, light blue touch paper etc. The video of this event is classified due to willies: it's bath time, after all.

The entire bathtime process was enough to play the whole of Foreigner's greatest hits (cue embarrassing air guitar from both Bud and myself) plus time spent competing to do the best Sid James laugh. Bed before 1010 seems unlikely.

As mad as a Bose-Einstein condensate

Saturday so emerged at 9am to get Bud up.

Did some more drawing: Bud has installed the sheep flags on his picture of silliness and next will be the parrot.
Emptied the bonfireplace of all the ash and delivered 4 bags of it to Erinsdad, it didn't have a chance to smoulder to completion before the rains came so it's a bit charcoaly. Never mind, it'll give Erin something to draw with in the garden next year. Here's one of me using charcoal from the flowerbed when I was two and a half.
Then we went into town to buy Toy Story 1 + 2 because it's silly just having #3.

The weekend starts here

Windy and wet, just like my rear end.
So we just sat downstairs and I made a vast picture for Jof, sorted out my coin collection again and sat on the dining table while Bud tried his best to draw the pictorial challenge I'd set for him.
Picture must include:

1. Generic quadruped
2. Said generic quadruped must have a trumpet for a nose
3. Said generic quadruped must have a cylindrical firework for a tail
4. Said generic quadruped must have a giant pink willy that's as big as a tree
5. All of the above must be silly

He tried very hard. It's difficult, the muse rarely muses when you have a hooting 4 year-old hanging around your neck but when the picture is finished it will be posted here.
Bed for 10pm.

When I grow up..........

The teacher told Bud that when I am given the choice of what activity to do (most of the time, in a class of 4 year-olds) I build in the track/brick section or do role play, either co-opting others into my interaction scenarios or, if not available, simply using the numerous other characters and personalities inhabiting my own brain. Possible career options: building site foreman or professional Tetris player.

This is not me. I just thought it was worth sharing

This afternoon Bud forgot to pick me up from school for he is A Bad Father. He was counting things in the warehouse again where there isn't a clock, by the time he woke up it was too late so I went home with Erins' mum instead. She was much nicer and took me down to Southsea for the switching on of the christmas lights (anticlimactic) and to get blown to bits by the gales coming off the sea (climatic). We then bumped into Jof and went back to Abduls' Chish'na'Fip emporium for fish and chips: Erin and I emptied our plates.

More growing pains, both legs as before.

Numb and Number

I had my bike out and was heading out the door when Ben called me from swingpark. We cycled there instead and found Ben and Erin playing with Jack from school/KKaves.

The JoniBobs joined us presently and we bundled up and down the yellow slide until Bud joined in and pitched Ben straight onto my head. This was the cue for some howling: this was offset by guzzling. After food we did even more climbing until it was found that the number of available gloves did not match the number of hands numb with cold.
Exeunt severally: we got home at 5 on the nose and it was dark.

Dial P for confusion

My parents have been eating leftover Greek salad for 3 days now, it's getting somewhat aromatic around here.
This morning it was a deluge again: I got soaked through on the way to school and had to have replacement socks and trousers.
Went round to Erins' again after school and battled with her scalectrix sclextrick car racetrack.
Could not wait for the roast chicken dinner and had sausage pasta again.

Sic transit gloria Monday

Another lovely day at school, this time in wellies, due to some overnight storms which may have damaged the fireplace further, if that were possible.
Afterwards I went with Erin to her grandparents house to eat sausages and scrambled egg on toast, and I dazzled them with my fine manners and out-of-this-world groove factor. While I was doing this, Bud went to speak to my teacher behind my back, as did Erin's parents.
She apparently will have to learn not to blame the well-known naughty girl in her class for everything from the death of the school newt to the Chilean mining PR stunt. I, on the other hand, got nothing but praise, as befits etc.

Aftermath

Bud was awake at 8, because it often works out that way. He got me up at 10 because I had a birthday party at 11, Pirate Pete's. I ran around like a lunatic with my schoolfriends but Bud was very quiet for some reason and sat down a lot.
After that it was tidy up time, even more washing up, hoovering, finding strange items in the flowerbeds (party poppers, 4 slices of lemon the colour of mulled wine, remnants of fireworks), and sweeping. Also discovered during the tidy-up: burnt fragments of religious text exhorting us to embrace god, and some handwritten notes with cryptic comments such as "sugar grinding in my teeth" - I think my parents must be part of some holy spy ring. Oh no.... what if they're grooming me to take over as leader of the secretive sect? They keep saying things like "Oh god, what do you want now", "My god, was that your bottom" and stuff, maybe I am the messiah after all, I shall have to keep an eye on them.
 The poor fireplace is dead, it needs a complete rebuild so I look forward to helping Bud with that. It was still burning this evening as usual.


Ashes to ashes, you have served us well

Later I watched Toy Story 3 again without the benefit of 6 noisy friends while Jof had an afternoon sleep for some reason.
At bathtime I played with the deadly "BD 100" weaponised reinforced radioactive Geneva-treaty banned mega plastic syringe bath toy with stunning 100ml capacity, wide tip for quick reloading, effective range over 20 ft. Bud had bought some (from a vetinary supplies website!) as party gifts for my friends and I. During the party he spent some time making all the mummies blush by telling them to bend over, don't know why.
Body count: 45 beers, 9 wines and some random vodka/rum. Tinkly trip to the bottle bank.

Carnage at Mungle Manor - just arson about

Spent a lot of the day preparing. We visited Ben, Erin and Elizabeth to collect cardboard and wood so they wouldn't have to carry it later. The action started at 5, when Erin arrived. The JoniBobs, Ben, Elizabeth and Poppy (with an unexpected Ruby) rapidly filled my castle, and then we proceeded to fill it with all my toys - so much that we couldn't get in and had to empty it again.

While we were busy in the castle, the adults were outside burning vast amounts of wood and cardboard and consuming vast amounts of beer and wine. At one point they bundled us off to the front room to watch Toy Story 3 which would have been fine if any of us could actually keep still for that long. We sent a constant stream of scouts out to the garden with spurious requests ("I'm thirsty/I've spilt my drink all over Bud's chair again/Ben won't let me play with his light sabre") to make sure they hadn't forgotten us.

Frightened of crabs? Then have a massive one pinch your neck

There were about 10 boxes of fireworks and one by one we set them off or put them on the bonfire. Bud did his silly trick of pushing a rocket stick too far into the ground so it couldn't take off and

Fire in the hole, Mummy

just exploded in the flowerbed: we all witnessed Bensdad's giant 4ft rocket with the double bang apart from Ben who reckoned it had gone behind a house and wanted to set it off again. Bob and Liz weren't overly keen on the fireworks but in the end we all got sparklers and let off nearly 100 party poppers. 

Meanwhile the adults were getting sillier and sillier, putting the enormous wicker chair and John's table on the fire until it all stuck out of the top. To be honest, although we were little terrors half the time I think it's the grownups who should go and sit on the naughty step, one of them fell off his chair and they all laughed at us. I did my secret mission and brought downstairs the 3 giant comedy buttons and 2 giant crabs that Bud had cut out from bits of cardboard and then we all laughed at the people that are scared of buttons.  

In the end it just got too much and they all went one by one, Elizabeth (the youngest) was last to go at about 1145. I hit the sack at about 10 past midnight: Bud and Jof did some tidying and washing up: Bud got to bed at 2.

Castle for sale. Annexe, skylight, flags, own digger

Fits 8 comfortably, recyclable