Yo Mama

Saturday. I like them, generally, but the schizophrenic nature of us pre-teen Prima Donalds can throw up the odd oddity. I'd barely got onto Minecraft, I mean, I'd hardly logged my second hour when it was time for my acting lesson so I used some of my stage skills to project emotion and said "Acting is really boring and I don't want to go back". This, despite the fact that I'd been singing hits such as 'You can't stop the beat' from my stage performance at the King's theatre all the way through my morning shower, dancing naked throughout the top floor.

Incidentally, I don't normally have a morning shower but this one replaced the one I should have had last night but I was just too tired and drunk after getting home from the fireworks.

So this was received with dismay and indignation from Bud, balanced negotiation from Jof, and sullen belligerence from me. Jof solved it for now by suggesting I might not continue after the Festival of Xmas, as I'd committed to that production and they'd be Poldarked without me, particularly as we found out that Bertie will be on holiday and therefore absent during the event. The car journey was conducted in oppressed silence apart from the rain, the several hundred pounds spent so far on the latest craze-to-career something of a sticking point.

As it happened, acting was much more fun and secretly I know they're hoping I'll have forgotten my outburst. We learnt Cockney rhyming slang and some of us had to have de-elocution to reduce our accents from plummy to Shoreditch. Jof had made us some lunch instead of going to the gym which is my kind of deal. So I watched 'Yo Mama' which is a Youtube cartoon video in American in which the main character (blonde muscular surfer dude) makes a series of jokes such as "Yo mama so fat, when she was in class, she sat next to everyone" etc. It's quite rude and I found out about it from my schoolmates.

So when Jof did go to the gym, I went to the Pyramids. We got a lengthy Wave Alert and then we had to clear the pool for 15 minutes while they set up the giant inflatable. To get on it, you have to do a swim of about 20 yards so I showed off by doing most of it underwater and I went round and round the inflatable which has nobs and slides and walls and a rocket and an alien spaceship.

Later, Harvey the Haircut and 'Fridge' Frazer and 'Normous Noah and Bo and Ned turned up and we all got busted for throwing each other off and delaying on the flying saucer and then it was time to go because Dear Follower Fiona was due to visit.

We hoovered the house in preparation for the marching band and performing shihtzu quartet and the hot'n'cold running servants got in all sorts of delicacies and sweetmeats but she didn't show up so Bud will steal her chair on Monday. This is me under my duvet having a threesome with an American gamer couple who do Minecraft loudly. The ligature marks on my wrist are from the Pyramids wristbands, not any sub-dom activity, honest.

Minecraft and Strictly and washing-up and apathy got in the way of doing anything constructive, so Saturday night was lost forever. Please Sir, can I have some more?