Tinsellectomy 2014: Premature Ejection

Born into a house of chaos this morning. Breakfast was provided in double-quick time and then the housework started.
My task, as I saw it, was to finish my breakfast. It is always high on the list of angst, and the causes of angst, so I was satisfied with a job well done and settled down for some leisurely hours of TV.
In the kitchen: the fridge was removed and all the residual evidence of mice was removed and order restored. During this time Jof discovered the remainder of a party popper that exploded in the kitchen. Almost all the rest are in the courtyard, this load obviously was shot a little early in all the excitement without reaching its intended destination and has lodged in some spiderwebs above the kitchen door that we wouldn't have known about without these leftover traces around the entrance.
All the Xmas decorations were removed (Tinsellectomy) and put back in the loft. At this point I emerged, bleary-eyed, and said are there any jobs I can help with to earn pocket money.
So we tried big B+Q to see if they had any 8 foot super-posh artificial trees on clearance for next year but the rest of the town had already bought them all. There were a couple of wreaths left, a load of baubles if you ask me.
So we hit Southsea for Jof's opticians appointment and Bud took me to the Cottage Café for lunch.
I selected cheese'n'ham toastie and read some Horrid Henries I'd conned him into buying and I ate half the food and said I didn't like it, it wasn't up to Debenhams' standard. Anyone else would have loved the food at this classic café, just not me.
This didn't go down well (hoho) and when we met Jof I saw Erin and apparently we were Mr and Mrs Grump, a classic double act. Jof took me to Debenhams and I chose the identical menu item - it was better, but once you've sampled Marks and Spencer cheese'n'ham toastie, nothing will ever match up.
The seafront was somewhat frisky again with an unrelated family trying to downsize their food bill by losing one of the kids in the surf.
Later we sorted through the Lego pile again looking for steering wheels and gearsticks, you can't build a tower without them.
And, because it was Saturday night, I had Bath Fizzer Night. I sang
"They used the English Frog, to kill the Scottish Dog
They used the English Toad, to kill the city road" 47 times until I was told to shut up. I then started on
"1 green bottle, hanging on the wall. And if 1 green bottle should never ever fall, there'll be 1 green bottle, hanging on the wall" over and over until I developed hiccup-burps and hysterics. He washed me very fast and I'm not allowed to sing any more.