Bouncing Back to Bikini-Busting Corner

One of those days when you actually have to make something up to do. During a game of golf yesterday, we'd discovered that Jof's trousers had a big hole in them so instead of simply laughing at her bum we told her, which meant she had to go into town and buy trousers and tops and a skirt and crispy prawns for supper and luxury dark chocolate presentation assortiment and say they were for Grandad and eat them anyway.

This is why ladies' lives are so complicated, better them than us, for we don't have the brain-power.

And she had to revise for her job interview and so politely asked us to be quiet, and the only way to do that is if we are outside the house, perhaps at the cinema. I chose the Pyramids swimming complex and we got there for 230.

Then we got 2 and a half hours of wet play. First, there was aqueous battling and watery fighting. I lost the aqua-flume (waterslide) race because I have inherited a curious inability to slide downhill at speed in a lubricated plastic tunnel. I mean seriously, I get stuck.

And then I met Green Charlie. He is in Blue Group at the theatre and when I was watching Blue Sydney's performance I said hello to him but it was his identical non-acting older brother who was not green or blue, but addicted to online gaming and had been forced out of the house to get him off the PS2. Follow? We did extensive water-karate at each other.

And we ganged up on a certain common foe and fought over floats and had 2 standard wave alerts and right at the end, it was Super-Duper Wave Alert. We don't get this very often. Standard wave alert gets a siren sound and that tells you that the wave machine will provide gentle waves for junior swimmers for 3 minutes and you can see bright-eyed babies going woo for the period of that restrained wave action, then you all run to the waterslide queue because it will be shorter.

Super-Duper Wave Alert gets a loud Pang-Pang siren and 30 minutes of slanted waves of significantly greater amplitude. The entire massed ranks of lifeguards gathers poolside with whistles in mouth and all smaller people are told to vacate the Kill-Zone and it begins.

Received knowledge is that the hand-rail visible below that central white column is the place to hang on if you are a girl, and the dark corner under where the blue waterslide finishes is the place to stand if you are a teenager showing off. That is where the waves gather in a tidal bore of fury and you can jump several feet off the ground, get seriously pummelled by Tsunamis of Terror for 30 minutes, and are well-known for blowing the bikini tops off more generously proportioned teen lady-swimmers. I jumped with the rest but was forced out by teenagers 2 feet taller than me and by the time it was all-out-of-the-pool time I had been battered, bounced and blended like Jell-O by Scylla (and Charybdis), hence my world-weary expression and thousand-yard stare in this image taken after the event. You know when you've been bounced.

At home I had a 2 hour Minecraft + Skype meeting with Blue Sydney, who was much kinder than the waves.