A Nice Walk Ruined

Staggered down naked at 10 something, because, holidays. After a decent fry-up with black pudding and everything, I was just settling down to another day of Minecraft when I had to go out.

I put a brave face on these things because I know I can return to the World Of Blocks later. We cycled down to the seafront and I chose the large pitch'n'putt game near the D-Day museum because the crazy golf is a bit passé.

Like a Stig 'O the Dump, the Southsea Minigolf has a man who lives there. He only lives there from April to September, during the winter he has a bunker underneath the hut where he hibernates, having collected sufficient Spanish Oak acorns from just outside his perimeter fence to sustain him through the winter. We know this, because it is the same guy year after year handing out Golf rackets and ice creams.

And he handed us six Golf bats because on the pitch and putt, you get a sandy wedge with an angled frontispiece to hit the ball right up into a tree, and a flat-fronted putter to wipe the ball along the ground if you are ever lucky enough to get onto a green, which is the flatter area with a flag and only slightly fewer scattered twigs on the ground.

I am of course in charge so started. Then Jof hit her first shot straight out of the ground onto the path and we all laughed, for she is crap and had to have another go. On the next hole we gave one of the armful of Golf sticks back because you can share, and I hit my ball into a tree that was blatantly right there, well over to the side of the fairway I was supposed to be aiming down. Luckily, the ball ricocheted gracefully off the innocent and unrelated tree and scared away a Magpie.

And Bud hit his ball hard up into a tree whose trunk wasn't even on the course and it binged around in the branches and fell onto the Ladies' Mile footpath and almost hit a human. Another human gave it back, and we all laughed at Bud, for he is crap.

And I got it into a bush and she got it into a tree and he hit the fence twice and I hit a tree and people hit my ball twice and I knocked Bud's ball into the hole and we all threw our bats around a bit and ended up trying to bat twigs, because there were more twigs than balls. And it is obvious that we had been given malfunctioning bats that can't aim properly, or those errant balls that go sideways a lot.

After an ice cream, I set up a Skype call on Minecraft with Sydney and her friend Bunny and we were doing some really epic Parkour apart from one problem. Like the brash idiot who shouts self-importantly into his cellphone in a public place, I just cannot speak quietly. And after the 4th time I was told to stop screaming or disconnect, he made me disconnect! I couldn't believe it. What a waste of some promising 1M 2F action.

Jof slaved over a hot stove for hours and made us a roast turkey dinner including pigs in blankets. Some of the bacons had come off the sausages, making them naked stripper pigs and I went back for so many potatoes and vegetables there was nothing left.