Sunday, 20 April 2014

The Day of Making Things

junior science kit galt toysI could get used to this holiday lark. Woke Jof up 9-ish but she absolutely insisted on another few hours so I played Minecraft and started on the saved-up jobs.
My Egyptian amulet is a highly valuable desert find, unique in recorded history and raw materials are available from HobbyCraft for as little as £5. I painted it gold. Unsure about this, I then painted it pink.
A few weeks ago, Friends from the University of the Distant Past 'PaulandMarie' gave me a junior science kit aimed at little aliens. I fit the bill if not the trousers so started with the make-your-own-asteroid.
With minimal laboratory training I successfully created my own genuine heavenly body! I like all this follow-the-instructions stuff, and I did all of it myself. The next was make your own 3-eyed moulded alien out of green goo-slime extracted from the very nose of Blim himself, a genuine alien! It was sticky and gooey and once the transient alien was sitting on his baking tray, he slowly fell foul of local gravitational forces and spread out to occupy most of said tray.
With the help of 1 tape measure and 3 false starts, I made my own solar system out of wall stickers, it says you'll go all the way around your bedroom but I guess my bachelor pad is a little larger than average, ladies. Meanwhile, my Lego Newcastle United football ground was finished.
At lunchtime, we had all the lights in the house on. It is traditional that an Easter break will have at least 1 day of terrible weather to force families to enjoy family activities together. But it didn't stop him running so I talked all the way through Doctor Who and the Cybermen to keep Jof from getting nervous.
lego st james' park football stadiumJof had decided to make a complicated roast turkey meal for Pagan festival Oestrus with Xmas pudding from 4 years ago, because starchy delicacies are a dish best served mature. So in order to get me out of the way, he elected to start Experiment #4 from the Dr Goebbels book of learning (Galt Toys Space, Stars and Aliens Megabundle).
The 'Luke Upwards Super Star Show' is a 3-D cardboard creation in which you press out all the little pre-printed pieces and fold carefully along the scored lines to aid in construction. I folded outward, not inward, but who's counting.
Step #3 sounds easy. Spread glue in the flaps of the 12-sided long piece and adhere to opposite flap, holding in place for a few hours, sorry, moments, until the glue has set. Perform same function with the other 2 sections. Of course, unless you are the B'stard offspring of Ripley-Vishnu and the 78-fingered creature from the black lagoon, you cannot possibly hold all sections in place until the glue has set (September).
home planetarium science kit cardboard display unitSo I must admit my frail human assistant had to be activated and chose to use the lesser-known Pikachu warrior "Junior Stapler". The poor old Great Bear constellation will never be the same again as it was riven by steel tie-supports and woe betide me if Captain Picard ever says meet me in Stellar Cartography, for I will get lost. But at least, with sufficient riveting, the overall shape of the Montgolfier balloon was approached.
Instruction #5. Making sure the printed blue side is facing outwards, glue Tab A to Tab B/C and match up Leo to create a globe shape. The terror of IKEA arose from Pandora's XXX-Box and there were choice phrases and complicated utterances the like of which I haven't heard since Rollercoaster Frenzy last week.
"Attach top ****ing section A by gluing the flaps in place from Tab 6 (because obviously Tabs 1-5 went so ****ing perfectly), if there are any unwanted gaps, cover with stickers..."
I particularly liked Instruction 8. "Now for the fiddly bit..."
At this point Adult Assistant A inserted Oak-aged Ale Blend B into Oral Receptacle C and refused to continue, and I found Lego to build. And then I helped Jof make the 19-component Roast of Complexity, for I like instruction-led procedures...

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