Sunday, 18 September 2016

Senility And Geriatric Awareness

centre parcs longleat plaza bowling lanesFor our last day we split up. Jof had the first appointment which was a rejuvenating facial for the Advanced in Years at the Aqua Insana Spa and Expensive Mud Pack Treatment Clinic. So we said poo to that and went to the Plaza to play big skittles.
You get 45 minutes regardless of how many balls you throw so we bunged our balls as fast as we could manage and got through 3 full games.
I lost all of them but I will grow and improve whereas he won’t. There was just enough time to con him into buying me a large Lego Minecraft set for only £33 before our first scheduled meeting with Jof.
We cycled down the hill at impressive speeds which made my eyes water and loitered at the arranged time and place but she didn’t show up so we spent some time playing walking-tag in the adventure climbing area. The Sports bar was too full of people watching Watford beat Manchester United so lunch was never going to happen so we got to the Boathouse for our family appointment at 220 for an electric boat trip.
centre parcs longleat plaza shop for kidsShe was late for that too, and we inserted her backwards into a lifejacket as soon as she showed up. I had bought another packet of fish food and like the pie-eyed piper of Hamelin we attracted a flotilla of keenly hungry ducks from all over the lake as we trundled round in little circles (I was steering) and we nearly crashed into paddleboarders and kayakers and ducks, even the decoy ones (D*Koi Dux, well known rap artist from Philadelphia) guarding the fishing area.
We probably took more than the allocated 30 minutes but nobody seemed to mind. Then we had to get the bikes back and Jof had lost hers in the bike park because they all look similar and she is getting old. It turned out she’d actually parked right next to us but we didn’t know either.
Us chaps wanted one last go in the pools so we ascended Plaza Peaks one more time. I found a huge bright green caterpillar in the car park.
feeding ducks from a boat longleatThe Multi-Niagara is our favourite water ride, and we did it 10 times in a row and both got bruised again. Some blokes were trying to go up the slopes and we broke 5/6 of the rules, only missing out on a full house because we didn’t have any flotation equipment. One girlie had a Go-Pro on a selfie stick so we made sure our gurning faces ruined her footage forever, hurrah.
magic mushroom psilocybe semilanceata liberty capJof went home to Lodge #917 with a complicated stomach and started packing and we helped a bit. The journey home in the dark (we left at 8pm) was 94 minutes long so I fell asleep and went straight to bed when we got home.

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