3rd Prize in an Egg and Spoon Competition, win £10

So again we had our school sports day on the field by the Mad Hospital, which is where I throw balls at the Scout coconut shy every year. We were encouraged to dress up in our house colours so I chose a typically understated yellow and orange combo (my house colour is green) in order to blend in with my surroundings and not draw attention.

This had a side benefit in that I was wearing a hi-vis shirt therefore full of health and safety (and visible from space) so I was allocated the 'Helper' role and duly ferried flags and batons and hula-hoops up and down the fairway. I also shouted myself almost-hoarse, perhaps donkey.

I came third in the Egg and Spoon race - I was bossing it but dropped my tennis ball too many times - so won a sticker and a house point. My house won overall, of course, and when we discovered that the scorer-lady was an ex-pupil of my house, there were murmurings of dissent and demands to re-run the referendum and leadership election nonono but we certainly had the Not Fair Brigade out in farce.

The days' crushing news was about the Parents Get Lost residential trip to the Isle of Wight that BensMum promised we'd go on. This was cancelled and a 3-day trip to the zoo replaced it, I doubt the zoo could cope with us, though, are they qualified to incarcerate a herd of screaming hooting monsters that demand obscure foodstuffs and crap in the corners? I think not.

Our latest school class photo was revealed. The teacher (for whom our class is named) is conspicuously absent from his own photo. Perhaps he was once in the SAS and is allergic to cameras like that nice chap with the Land Rover that helps out my Scout group every now and then.

In Scouts we had the famous trestle tables of soggy muddy unclaimed kit from the weekend camp, not so much a sight to behold as a smell to bewhiff. I only had to get a tea-towel. I did the prayer in a loud clear thespian voice and did the flag-lowering ceremony too, although it was difficult to reach it over the piles of abandoned clothing, which will go in the bin if not collected by next week.

We (us happy campers) all got a camping badge which is not one that goes on the uniform - it has to go on your poncho or blanket. This security blanket is the item that follows you throughout your Scouting career and whenever you finish Beaver Scouts, for example, you unpick all of your badges from your jumper and affix them anew to your poncho. Thus, by the time you are an Explorer Scout, you have a vast array of assorted badges of all ages festooning your poncho as a record of your Scouting achievements. No such luck, I was told, as Nanna has long died and nobody else has that level of needlework skill and dedication.

I fell asleep with the lights on at 945, narrowly avoiding the ignominy and trauma of seeing England make a super-classy Football-Brexit at the hands of soccer Titans Iceland, who we will now support because they have better names than us and also the 'HOOO!' chant.