Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Mudbath: My First Word

squashing testicles nuts in football tackleA long time ago I was 1. I guess we've all got to be 1 once, and with it the howling when it's bedtime, or the filling of the nappy just after it's been changed, or the refusing to eat mushed banana one day and the refusing to eat anything but mushed banana the next day, and all these other delights sent to cheer our parents up at 4 in the morning.
Depending on age and development, you might get a first word, but then again, they might still be crawling. So an incident from my extreme youth (that my friends and I know about) was my first word, which was Negro. Well, it wasn't Negro, but a disparaging N-word about Negroes that is no longer acceptable in society, the way it was 60 years ago in Mississippi mob gatherings, or 20 years ago if you were a black gang member in Los Angeles. This was well before I could actually speak, so it does not reflect badly on the parents, nor does it really count as a first real actual deliberate word, just a funny story, like having 63% alien DNA.
I was standing on the sofa saying "bababa leooleoohamanama ee-ooo alawalalwala hona kalata nimmimitta " and many similar words and phrases because even then, I was a natural performer and liked to be the centre of attention. At some point I clearly decided I'd finished the speech because I took a deep breath and signed off with a really loud and decisive "Negro" or similar. It's not my fault, I was 12 months.
old mans vest on a kid
But this morning in Art class in school, Child A got into an argument with Child B, and when Child C (who has brown skin) took the wrong side, Child A shouted "You're a N..." and absolutely everybody heard it and he was taken away to the headmaster for severe shouting. Remember Argus Filch the dour kid-hating caretaker from Harry Potter? We have one of those at our school and Child A has been handed over to him for toilet and drain-cleaning duties for the rest of term.
And yes, many of us have indeed independently planned to have really big poos just before the lunch break and not flush, because while we may know the odd rude word etc, we know not to use them.
The park was a bit of a mudbath today so we had the boys round to my place and we ate sausage rolls and chased each other with swords and Nerf Guns and had another massive pillow fight. Every time we have a pillow fight, we fall down a lot and this shakes the light fittings of the dining room below and at least 1 bulb always dies. I got totally beaten up by pillows, I had to have pizza afterwards to recover.

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