Making a Pig's Ear of it

This school lark is getting boring, but then we were told to wear comfortable shoes on Monday, I know we're going somewhere but I keep forgetting. Maybe it's written in the stars.

A few days ago some of our more classy and generous locals left a pig's head (with added swastika motif and some unproven allegations about Mohammed) tied to the railings of an islamic infant school just a few roads and a world away. Now, even I know that's a bit nasty. At least the police have some solid evidence to go on, they can take the mugshot round all the local butchers saying do you recognize this pig.

Yesterday Jof brought me a new coin to add to my collection, an Iranian 250 Rials. This is my first Iranian coin and topically notable as people are using them in the coin-operated machines in the supermarket because they're the same size as a £2 coin (but worth 1 penny), in the same way as the Thai 10 Baht coins are the same size as a 2-Euro coin, but worth 18p, and currently flooding European cities as counterfeit coinage.

News comes to me that a woman is in hospital in America after being shot in the cinema. Apparently a man in the row behind her was fumbling with his gun while watching the film and it went off.

In swimming I showed off my diving and comfortably beat my lane-mates.

Deep down I know that liver is a cheap yet excellent foodstuff and source of all manner of dietary delights, and demanded it be placed on my menu forthwith. So Jof cooked up a load of liver and bacon and mashed potato and guess what well-known offaly comestible I didn't like.

Here is a low-quality screenshot of my latest computer game 'Muddy Heights' in which you choose what to eat and poop from the top of a building onto passers-by. You can control consistency, trajectory and rebound and you get a higher score the more humans you hit. They run away most amusingly but also die in droves. Poops mean prizes! For once, I can be the pigeon ...