Friday, 29 January 2016

LaSSer Ques3t

man walks into a bar funny failA nice day at school with a chance to write a screenplay about a Star Wars character, I was R2D2 heading out over the wastes of Tatooine before capture, and later I was present at the battle of Darth Maul and I used one of my extendable probes to give him an electric shock up the bum which enabled ObiWan to chop his head off. Perhaps it was the first known use of the Taser, certainly the rectal Taser.
Anyway, after school I did my 2K run in the drizzle and it makes your nose run. On the way round we met my teacher, who said I was braver than him, not a bad recommendation.
chinese fake knock off copy gs globeOnly 4 days ago, my class took a trip to Chichester Planetarium where I bought a bouncy ball which is also an educational globe, full of geographical details both political and physical.
But if you have a closer look, one may discover that the GS (2004) 622 bouncy-ball stress-relieving globe is a Chinese knock-off of dubious educational quality.
We've recently been learning about geography and Grandad is always banging on about working out which way the Earth rotates from first principles so here is my story of the countries and features of the GS Earth, told as the sun rises upon them, from the international date line onwards.
badly spelled chinese fake copyThe sun rises over the ocean. First it strikes PAIKS and the COKAL SEA. In the south, the TASAMAN SEA and in the north, the YELLEN SEA. Gradually the light shines on islands such as BRUNEL and SINGAPORT, past the BAY OF HENGAI (I've seen enough Hengai to know where this is going) and inland, KASHKIN.
The ocean stops at MAURMUS and on land we find ALEREAUAN. The Red Sea stretches between ERMPEA and JOROAN, while Africa goes from LESOTNO to EGYPY via AURUNDI. But wait, above the BACT SED is EUOPE, from ESNMA in the north to PCEAND and SHAMVA, and in the far west, PRANCE, gosh, how we've missed it.
Meanwhile, Africa finishes with MORDCCO and GAPE VEROE which is on the same longitude as good old KELAND, in the north Atlantic. On the other side, the sun will first hit South America, home to PAPAGUAY, ARCENTINA, FERU and ECUAOOR. In the warm CARIRBEAN SEA we will find TRINIOAD and St Kitts + ENVIS, just above FRKNCH GUIANA. On the way to the G OF MCXICO is my best friend HAM and the DOMDOCAN REPUEUC, and then we're into NORTN AMERICA with the UNTTED STATES (don't even) and well-known Canadian district SCHEFENBE, O to tread the hallowed streets of Schefenbe once more.
From there, there is only FRENCH PPLYNESIA before the date line again!
gs globe mis spelling fail funnyBut my day had barely started. I swam and dived against all the other Purple Hats and then rushed back to her Majesty's Naval Base where I snuck past an uninterested guard and lasered several people to death in Laser Quest, courtesy of Action Stations and the Scouts. I arrived half-way through a game but soon was as pink and sweaty as the rest of them. We came 5th out of 7 and sometimes we were epic, sometimes pants, but generally we worked hard and killed people for money and prizes, which is the way it should be.
Home by 9pm, I had a massive fill-up of top-quality food and watched Potter. Now, that's the thing I like about this century. OK, so the Roman period was warm enough to grow grapes. The 16th century was good for privateering in the Caribbean, but generally, I'm looking for epic Pottering on a dedicated channel on a big sofa with my Mum, because I too still need comfort-cuddles, even though I'm 10.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hi! I'm glad you want to comment, for I like messages from humans. But if you're a Robot spam program, Google will put you in the spam folder for me to laugh at later.