Thursday, 14 August 2014

The Dogs' Balearics

iberostar cala barca majorca all inclusive summer holiday hotel poolCloudy, which rather defeats the point of flying 800 miles south. I sulked a lot so didn't get to paint my own T-Shirt in Maxi-Club.
Instead Jof and I played mini-monopoly on the terrace. We popped into the shop to buy funny drinkies and choccies for the Puddlers and some Budgie Smugglers (skintight bathing briefs, AKA conker hammock) for me, suitable for age 6 because I have such a tiny butt. They fit really well, feels like I'm wearing nothing at all...
We checked out the double-level pool in the faraway section of the hotel where they must work up an appetite for supper simply by hiking there. We met a cicada by our front door, Ha, not making that endless scratching sound now, are you?
After lunch I got in an hour's diving practise before the afternoon Maxi-Club games. I am getting much better at diving and swimming underwater with my eyes open but have inherited a terrible disability from Jof: buoyancy.
iberostar cala barca mallorca terrace all inclusive buffet mealJof can just sit there floating in water like she's in the Dead Sea, and I'm nearly as buoyant as her, so my dives aren't long as I pop up like a cork. Jof read and Bud snorkelled the giant sea caves in the open sea past the headland.
The buffet in the main restaurant is always impressive and we like to count up how many different things are on our plates: I normally get about 6 but the olds don't consider a plate filled until it's got 10.
Afternoon Maxi-Club was water polo and my team won. That gave us more time to play in the main pools and have ice cream. The ping pong defeated us yet again, the office is never open when we're there.
Anyway, the tables are always occupied by the usual hordes of 6-foot German girls, any one of which might rise up at any time to win Wimbledon.
iberostar cala barca mallorca hotel terrace stageAt suppertime I sampled the free shot which was Mad Dog Margarita (to go with the Mexican theme). I correctly identified the lime component and said I didn't like it anyway.
After supper (11 things on my plate, went back 3 times, don't like enchiladas) the Starky and Stella show took far too long to finish so I played Jof at cards.
The main evening entertainment was a multipurpose touring rock band called School of Rock who played various hits from the Eagles to Green Day. I demanded that Bud record a song and leant over and shouted "Does it record sound as well?" right into the microphone, ruining the recording.
To finish, I went for a starlit walk to the beach with Jof.

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