Water, Water, can't move for the stuff

I had been told not to bother getting up early today, even though beer was not involved last night.
I did my best but due to high nocturnal temperatures, I had left one of my windows slightly open and passing builders with their squeaky wheelbarrows and the guys delivering the skip to outside our house clearly don't believe in the first day of the summer holidays.
So we were ready to go by ten something and drove to Stokes Bay. Why, O why, I hear you cry ... It has a new-ish splashpark, on their version of the seafront and very near where we metal-detected a couple of weeks ago.
It was very busy. The first day of the rest of the summer had started for everyone and the 30 on the thermometer was the trigger for an all-out assault.
And it was all-out indeed for the larger ladies and their straining swimsuits. The waterslide was coned off because the lubricating squirters were not switched on. As leader, I started to slide down it anyway, pushing the cones aside. The world followed and eventually the parks officials switched it on and we never looked back.
We had to eat at some point: the adjacent "Pebbles" wine and fish bar provided fish'n'chips and a Crawfish and prawn salad that rivals Jayne's Salad at the 10th hole, a point worth remembering for any intrepid travellers looking for saucy sustenance the wrong side of the creek.
Once I'd thrown a few rocks into the sea, there was only one thing for it: more splashparkery. After a while the car park ticket ran out so we came home: I demanded retribution in the only way I knew how: to cycle to unexpected surprise venue "Southsea Splashpark" where I slyly inviegled myself into a group of like minded kids by attacking them with my double-blaster water pistol.
I was immediately accepted into the constantly evolving group as 'Enemy' and I had another 2 hours of watery fun. What a start to the holidays: what a lot of solar-generated Vitamin D. Yes, I wore the same trunks all day and never actually got dressed at all. After my shower (10 pm) I was a bit red in exposed places and made enough of it to get an all-over body massage from Jof. What is this thing called 'Sun Cream?'