Johnny B Keeper, inventor of the bellringer's lathe

School today is on blue day - we raised £275 for the Tom Prince cancer trust so I got to wear mufti. The junior school did a song and dance thing in the playground so we watched through the fence at playtime, I saw Poppy C and Rosie do their thing.

Happy Friday! On a promise for a Beer'O'clock at Erin's place, much warmer than the pub garden, especially when it rains. That little cabin in the pirate ship isn't watertight, the whole thing's a little unseaworthy as the prow and main hull are a few feet apart.  At school pickup time yesterday, Erin specifically asked for the attendees to only be girls, but I was OK as I'm the most sensible boy. Does this mean I'm an honorary girl, or that I'm the one boy they can do business with? Am I being friendzoned at 6 or singled out as the man to be with?

The weather is unpredictable. It can be raining yet sunny, and vice versa. After school we dodged the sunbeams and ran straight to the park to try out my special new item. You know mouse balls - the heavy rubber-coated ball bearings from the underside of computer mice (not rodentiform reproductive organs), I have many of these for purposes unknown. Well, there was another type, a "static mouse" with a giant rollerball topside and the usual buttons. One was in the recycling bin at Buds' work so he nabbed it and extricated the ball. It's like a small snooker ball, and very good for rolling down the yellow curly slide and the long metal slide. We did that until the gap in the rainstorms had gone, for these are the things you do when you don't know any better.

We arrived at Erins in the rain. Johnny had brought his friend Logan who was even bigger and we all rushed upstairs to play Jumping from the bed onto the beanbag and Wrestling. These always sound like a good idea, after all, we managed to break my bed while jumping, and I might be a roary little chap but I'm the smallest so wrestling is a risk and ErinsDad thought the ceiling was going to break. Johnny crumped on me so I howled. Erin saw 4 burly chaps destroying her room and not obeying the rules so she howled.

Ben got me in the willy so I howled. Erin said she once got kicked in the Fufu but I don't think it could be as painful, after all, isn't the Fufu an African local dignitary? Ben spanked Erin on the bot so she howled, he got told off so he howled. Elizabeth laughed at us all and didn't howl, for she had her howl surgically removed at birth. Johnny wouldn't stop so he howled when he was taken home on an "I warned you" third warning. That did mean that the very pugnacious Logan went as well, so that made it better, but a crying shame (hoho) that they had to go. Then we played dens and racing cars and running up and down pestering the parents and all the usual little things. The PuddleDaddies hid in the kitchen with the lights off and talked about which pub was going bankrupt next and the PuddleMummies hid in the front room with the door shut and talked about cushion covers. We found them all and reminded them of our moral superiority every 3 minutes.

Later we reprised the famous Billy Goats MacGuff stage spectacle using only 1 small Elizabeth and a rug. I have had my 15 minutes of fame playing the lead role so made way for new talent and played the bridge.