Friday, 28 August 2015

The Tin-Foil Stealth Helmet

trestle table malfuction broken fail funnyToday was the last day of my Camp Adventure and I must say it's been strenuous, ie I actually needed my sleep and deserved my food.
This one was the trip to Staunton Country Park where other divisions of the Adventurous Campers have been learning Bushcraft with overnight stays. We parked on the motorway while a motorbike accident was cleared away (an hour after a vintage traction engine accident was cleared away, and a week after the plane crash onto the road - is our coastal route cursed?) and then reached the forest.
First up was fire-lighting. Now, I was possibly the world's most adept fire-lighter at age 2 and 3 but now I got the chance to learn from the professionals. We lit cotton, leaves and cotton dipped in Vaseline (petroleum gel) with matches, flints and rubbed sticks, and then boiled some water on our fires and made our own hot chocolate. The older kids were eating their own pasta with meat sauce, where the meat was locally sourced rabbit.
You laugh, but when the revolution comes, due to my tuition, I'll be surviving in the back woods eating locally caught Homo Not-so-Sapiens and you'll be in my cauldron.
We chopped wood into slivers and I made a war axe, which I have retained for posterity and home defence.
recreating eraser schwarzenegger pose action fil epic hero kills bad guysAfter lunch we did den-building and the other teams did conical tee-pee style creations but ours was like a tent. Our central supporting pole was sturdy and lengthy but after we'd added sufficient lateral spars, it fractured catastrophically and centrally, so we salvaged the best bits and made an impenetrable mini-fortress, although it was good for only one soldier. The fact that 3 of us were left to die in the cold was incidental, for war expects pointless sacrificial casualties.
47 centimetre aluminium catering colander york catering suppliesWe have given many unusual things to the centre over the last few years and they use them in inventive ways. Jof brought home some poster tubes from old advertising campaigns and they were bright orange so absolutely epic.
Unbidden in the early morning sun, I re-created the scene from Eraser in which Arnold Schwarzenegger rises from some rotten floorboards with 2 railguns and splatters the bad guys.
But we also get some unusual things. Following the recent Scout camp, the call went out for new equipment such as sharp knives, oven gloves, a very large colander and so forth. It is Bud's new job to buy these things so today I got possibly the best tin-foil helmet to stop those naughty government transmissions, or is it to protect my brain from those naughty government mind-reading rays, I can never remember which way round it goes. But it's a frighteningly big colander, you could drain at least 3 Beaver Scouts with it, or set sail from Libya to Italy.

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