Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

Hello Mudda, hello Fadda,

Here I am at Camp Granada.

Camp is very entertaining,

And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

I went hiking with Joe Spivy;

He developed poison ivy.

You remember Leonard Skinner;

He got ptomain poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors hate the waiters,  And the lake has alligators,

And the head coach wants no sissies,  So he reads to us from something called "Ulysses".

Now I don't want this should it scare ya,  But my bunk mate has malaria.

You remember Jeffrey Hardy,  They're about to organize a searching party.

Take me home, oh Mudda, Fadda,  Take me home, I hate Granada!

Don't leave me in the forest where  I might get eaten by a bear.

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Got to the Watersports Centre before the staff, as usual. I sat in reception and guided people, as is my way.
Today we did crabbing and this was a chitin-plated opportunity to get my only dry pair of shoes full of stinky seaweed. We filled buckets with spiky crustaceans and put them all back later.
There was a football tournament and at one point my team lost 12-5 because we were all tired.
A couple of days ago a meeting with pint-sized Prima Ballerina "Pops" was arranged by shouting out of open windows at traffic lights - the parents followed each other up the Eastern Road one morning. So we walked the 200 yards only to find Pops was already entertaining Trampolining Kiera so I joined them and played Night Garden shops and pink castle love-in and Unicorn fruit exchange and all those other strange things you have to do when outnumbered by girlies.
Pops is sporting the tousled look while I am Ridiculously Photogenic Sea Captain. The oriental Dora the Explorer is nothing to do with me.