Occam All Ye Faithful

I slept much better than I thought I would, not noisy at all. It was strange waking up in a new house and I had to put my slippers on to leave the safety of my bed. Straight away the first job was to clear the loft. We played Chinese chequers with the loft boards and added the ones we'd brought with us: at the same time we gathered all the rubbish nearer to the loft hole. He threw the dog blankets down to make a softer landing space and then he chucked down all the smaller and lighter items and I took them away. There was wood. Lights and a ladder. Striplight bulbs and mirrors. Giant dog baskets. 2 TV aerials. 2 ironing boards. Disabled bath chair and fridge basket. Towel rail and fireguard. Poles, copper piping, broken glass, you name it. We piled it up in the courtyard for the tip. We arranged the loft boards so that we would have the most space available for the upcoming onslaught of storage boxes, but we left the chest of drawers and the antique chair and 1 TV that was too heavy to get down the ladder.

Jof, we said, come up and have a look at what we've done. I don't do ladders, she said. O come on then you'll be fine we said. She ascended the ladder unsteadily, it slipped and swung back under the loft-hole, leaving her suspended in mid air. The bit where it was screwed into the wood of the loft hatch broke, she fell down a bit and sustained bruising and annoyance. So we jerry-rigged the ladder using a second ladder for support and shot a rather amateurish video for her so she could see.

Later he went to Havant tip and did all the wood. Shame, would have made a great bonfire. They said they didn't want any asbestos chimneys, thanks, so they came back. We loaded up with rubble and plaster and dog baskets and cardboard and plastic pipes and striplights and drove to Portchester tip, where I asked the nice man where he wanted me to stick the asbestos chimneys. Are they double bagged and sealed? he said. Luckily, everybody else at the tip was throwing stuff away and that included binbags so we were finally able to double-bag them and get rid of them. I did all the bricks myself and we'd done 2 complete carloads, hooray. It was then I realised I was still wearing my slippers.

Later Jof took me to a carpet shop just to get some old offcut to make my bedroom floor a bit safer. "We take scrap metal away free" man came and took the TV aerials etc. The carpet (£40) was excellent and Jof got me 2 Lego Heroes and Bud arranged the carpet with furniture holding down the edges and all of a sudden, it looked like I had a real actual play-bedroom, as long as you didn't look at the edges of the room with the piled-up cardboard boxes and exposed brickwork and stuff. I helped make supper. Jof has made a plausible kitchen, you know how she likes to clean stuff. Briefly we spoke with Bud even though he was upstairs on the toilet, for the numerous gaps in the floorboards make interdimensional conversations easy.
Tomorrow I guess we have to plant out the plants we brought with us and put millions of boxes into the loft and strip some wallpaper and learn how to use the range cooker and and and ..... a whole buncha stuff.
Jof had to go searching for bath fizzers for my inaugural dunking in the new Mungle Manor.
We're getting there.