On a day billed as the hottest of the year so far, Jof asked us to clean out the drip trays of the chili plants in the conservatory. These naughty boys are the Trinidadian Scorpion Moruga, currently the hottest chilis in the world at well over 1 million Scovilles. 
I like the way they turn from green via iridescent orange to a deep threatening red, a warning that anyone who eats them would do well to remember this year. They took over the worlds-hottest record from the Bih Jolokia that we grew a few years ago, see me not eating one. 
Today is the first proper league game for Portsmouth FC (in administration) so as we hit the park for some sultry climbing action we saw hundreds of football fans outside the pub and eating hot dogs on park benches. Even though there were that many fans, it was still hot and humid so once I'd twirled the pole flag for the first time ever, we went home in search of jungle juice.
Once the football had started, the sun was out so we knew what we had to do. Eastney nudist beach beckoned once more.
The tide was going out so we found a sandy area for Jof to sit comfortably on (for shingle is not a broiled botties' best friend) and we stripped off and went skinny-dipping like the many people around us. To be fair, most of the beach-goers are elderly crusties or danglies but a few hotties dotted the burning beach in the baking sun.
Once we'd got a bit cold in the sea (this is England we're talking about) we headed for the waterfall at the base of Fort Cumberland where we have spent many happy hours in the past.
My first discovery was an old ugly circuit board/control panel with many toggle switches and high-volta
ge 1950s-style wiring at the back. It started our dam off splendidly. Once the cavalry had arrived (large rocks, bits of concrete and yet more rocks) from my pet rock collector, we had built what I declare to be the best damn dam ever, although having a nuclear missile launch control panel as centrepiece did help.
Home past the diehard nudies after 6pm for an immediate shower (sand gets everywhere) and I answered the door naked when LittleMax's mum came round to talk parties. Party on, dudes.....
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