Back to 3rd Grade

It has come to my attention that some Mummies seem to have a woefully inadequate amount of experience at being a 7 year-old boy. I assume it's a catastrophic cultural failure of the school syllabus in Yon Olden Times, when the Mummies were at school. So here is something to help them understand a boy's mind.

MUMMY SAYS “Can you walk the last 200 yards home or do I really have to carry you?”

[ X ]    I’ll be fine, + I’ll carry your handbag for you

[ X ]    I’ll be OK, Mum

[√ ]      My leg is broken

MUMMY SAYS “Have you got enough space for your vegetables or are you full?”

 [ X ]    Yes, I can fit them in, I need all the vitamins I can get

 [ X ]    I’ll try my best

[√ ]       I’m neeearly full, can’t possibly fit in any more veg, but if you put on the Dumbo DVD, I might just be able to force in 4½ pounds of chocolate biscuits

MUMMY SAYS “It’s way past your bedtime and my program is starting. Can you go to sleep by yourself or do I really have to stay with you and sing you lullabies?”

 [ X ]    ZZzzzz

 [ X ]    I’ll try, see you in the morning

 [√ ]      Gangnam style paaartay!

MUMMY SAYS “Don’t sit on me, it can’t be comfortable, sit on your own chair”

[ X ]     I’m sorry, Mother, I’ll go and play quietly in my room

[ X ]     Sorry, Mum, I’ll move to the other end of the sofa

[√ ]       This is about reasserting my authority over you. But you’re right about it not being comfortable, put a bigger pillow on your face and I’ll sit back down

MUMMY SAYS “That’s a nasty cough, are you feeling well enough to go to school?”

[ X ]     I’m fine. I need to protect my 100% attendance record

[ X ]     I’ll soldier on through

[√ ]       I’m dying, go and buy me chocolate cake and stay with me all day

MUMMY SAYS “ You've been so ill, you’ll have to miss that  birthday party tomorrow”

 [ X ]    Oh dear, maybe there’ll be another one next year

 [ X ]    Can I just go and watch

 [√ ]      I’m fine, don’t know what you’re talking about

MUMMY SAYS “Rate the following in order of importance”

 [ X ]    Eating up all your food

 [ X ]    Doing all your homework

 [ X ]    Putting your clothes in the laundry basket

 [√ ]      I want a Lego Millennium Falcon

 [√ ]      I want to go to Ben’s house

 [√ ]      I want to watch Phineas & Ferb

I hope that this simple questionnaire helps illustrate the workings of our minds (or how to more successfully word your questions). There is an equivalent questionnaire for fathers of little girls but it's mostly about GlitterPonies and how much more pink there should be in the world, so I can't help you there.

Anyway, after school we drove straight to Southsea to allow the solicitors to photocopy something properly, having done it in slapdash fashion the first time. Their waiting room had some really big chairs and several trophies of all sizes - seems they've been successful in the "Portsmouth in bloom" (industrial premises) competition over the years.

Then we drove to the row of charity shops and found no Lego. Jof was in her bank - 4 staff, no customers. She's always going on about how hard her job is, but whenever I turn up, she's empty.

We did a quick 20 minutes in the park because I'll miss Thursday park for rainstorms and a dentist's appointment. I made tracks all round the park, this section looked iffy for a while but is an octopus, honest.