A Lode of Bustards

I am becoming a creature of habit (no, I'm not a Monk) with my little bijou task-ettes getting me to and from school. Daily I collect my pre-prepared lunch from the refrigerator and insert within a freezer-pack, and at the end of the day, dutifully unpack it all again and close the curtains and almost get dressed before going on my tablet. I pay my gardening subs (green fees?) and bring home the school letters, almost training myself for a life of commuting to a non-descript job in Croydon, while leaving notes for the wife asking for new socks. These peas are nice, aren't they, Norma?

And today I got 9/10 in the spelling test because I wrote wednesday. What a load of bustards. And we played cricket in PE and Bud got home before me and Jof came, saw, and went right back out again to a work party. So I was free to do as I wished. Do I look bovvered?

The Return of the King

A pretty normal day at school although it is getting test-heavier every day as the dreaded SATs approach. I don't actually dread them, but you're supposed to, apparently.

I got my lowest ever score in a maths test because Child A came in late and distracted us and Child B keeps turning round and talking to me however many Red Cards he gets, because he can't hear the teacher telling him to face front because he's talking.

And the Head Teacher gave us some good news to take our minds off the upcoming exams. Firstly, we'll all go to London again and visit something called "The West End" where we will see the Lion King musical on one of the giant stages I should be on.

Then, we will all put on our own version of the Lion King with our own sets and costumes and maybe some new songs and lyrical rewrites. Of course, there will be auditions, and I've got my eye on a particular role. I've done the Lion King at my own Theatre and the songs at the other one so hopefully I'll be successful. I go to acting classes after the teachers saw my performance in the school play and told me to join a theatre, so it's all their fault really.

And for no reason, here is a small Edwardian pottery souvenir from the Arcadian factory (Stoke-on-Trent) with a Portsmouth crest and Southsea banner, that I just happened to obtain from a charity shop in Romsey last week with Grandad.

Code of Silence

One of those normal days at school with junior maths for those of us not in the advanced set: French - I have now reached 6% fluency, so at least I'll be able to travel to Jersey: PE with the shuttlecock game (marred by everyone talking) and another hour out of class with Paige preparing an extra-curricular Lego Robot presentation for the student teachers.

Later I failed to notice that Bud had left the house for 40 minutes to sit in the car in silence and wait for the security lock on the radio to release, after the guy at Ford Main Dealers Inc gave him the wrong security code.

The Robots' Return

Today I brought home my Lego Robot following its distant wanderings competing in the First Lego League. It's quite heavy.

Jof came to meet me in between sorting out Buds' car and getting the boiler serviced. So where I wanted to show her our entire Lego Presentation, she only had time to carry the Robot back for me, pack mule that she is. Meanwhile, the Computing teacher asked me to reprogram another Robot. She had an outbreak of student teachers and needed help. I don't know who guards the guards, but I teach the teachers!

The Olive Tree

Today the teachers decided they needed more training and had a day off. Thus, I was free to adopt groovy new hairstyles, religious beliefs and Malaysian children. I did none of the above, but went to see Grandad instead.

Getting there earlier than expected, we had to ask some builders for the entry code on the main gate, and a facilities maintenance man opened the door for us so we didn't have to remember that code either.

Grandad enjoys teaching me maths and geography so he took over from my existing slumbering teachers and we did parallelograms and the international date line and I worked out that the Earth spins 15 degrees an hour, so was able to work out the time in Toronto and Ho Chi Minh City, as you do. He also told me off for being tall, and didn't notice that I yawned copiously during his lesson.

And we looked up the walking route to my new school on the map even though my school isn't marked on it. I always use his swimming pool (I'm not allowed to use the gym) so I played and splashed and floated and threw all the pool floats around for 40 minutes while the adults talked about boring stuff and then we drove into town for lunch.

I was feeling hungry by then which is why I'm sulking in the picture with the miniature daffodils and the Elizabethan mansion. We ate at The Olive Tree pub which had a very fancy menu - too fancy for me - and my fish and chips came with a Jenga-style stack of chips like railway sleepers and Bud had coleslaw in a mini frying pan and Grandad had chips in a tin mug.

Then I bought new shoes from a branch of Clarks where the sales staff seemed glum, and visited 8 charity shops and got DVDs and a red nose. We needed more time really but we had to get the car to the garage so we took some wood and pinecones for the Scout campfire and hastened home where I plugged myself into Youtube immediately, until Scouts.

Accessory to Moider

Dragged myself out of bed at tennish but did challenge Bud to a walk around the park later, because even thinking about parks is exercise, right?

So in the supermarket he got me a laundry bucket to keep my theatrical costume and props in when doing the Wind in the Willows and then he reminded me of my possibly-too-casual park invitation.

Got there in between rainy outbursts and instantly met Nicole from my class and Flynn who has been my school-friend for 7 years and his very very angry kid brother Cosmo, who has not been a school-friend so much as an angry buzzing thing orbiting Flynn, this time in a dragon onesie, not kidding.

Now, obviously I have never actually lived in the park but I have spent an awful lot of time there over the years and so it was nice to meet known faces on a damp mid-winter Sunday.
We swung Flynn on the swinging basket while Cosmology threw wood-chips at him and we climbed and slid and bounced and I helped hold Flynn down while Cosmic killed him, making me an accomplice to murder most foul, nice to do it in real life for a change rather than just on the stage. Apart from that time when *clears throat dramatically* well never mind that.

Now, all sorts of things wash up on the beaches or get left at the side of the roads, and an enterprising young man could pick up all sorts of funny things that Jof will tell us off for bringing home cos of boring, and we got one of those today.

All along the seafront are those big blue metal bins with a do-not-cycle-here sign attached on both sides. Normally I just cycle on past, ignoring them. But today one had detached itself and fallen off, so we swiped it, every house-about-town should have a reflective sign telling you where you store your bikes: so now we have one in the garage. It now shines eerily at you as you open the back door. It was unattended, officer, just like the £5 note found on the pavement outside the chemist.

More than just a Token Effort

Up at 1030, because of why not. I look forward to Saturdays because I have the option of hours and hours of screentime, and I was just doing that when I was forced to eat breakfast at about noon.

I have approximately 600 tokens in my coin collection and here they are in some new transparent wallet things that are nice and easy to use but actually totally pants because they don't hold the token in properly and you have to have the folder on an upward slope so they don't keep falling out. Meanwhile we listened to the Alan Parsons Project, never found out what the project was.

Then I did acting. I am doing Wind In The Willows and also Under Milk Wood, and I am going to be a comedy genius. I have some epic lines, bodacious props, and I have to be a postman who rings the doorbell, I answer the door to myself, take the letter from myself, and then pass it to myself in the house, wearing a variety of wigs and hats to change character mid-sentence. Might as well just eat the special mushrooms now, srsly, ffs.

Later, I was just playing on my tablet when Jof said it's 630, why haven't you had lunch. Bad father. Watched Kindergarten Cop which was cut, f***ing pathetic if you ask me. Jof brought home a box of random foreign or damaged coins that were in the 'Don't know what to do with it' box at her work. That's 22 new coins into my collection, hooray.

StarGarden Productions, Inc.

Happy Friday!

Gardening after-school lessons started again and MmmLucy and I were the stars of the show, unloading a massive sack of compost into the free-standing giant tub outside Reception. We put in 3 wheelbarrow-loads and it's still only 3/4 full. We have offered some seeds from a special plant that shouldn't be consumed, the teacher really wants them, but it's still a bit cold for this architecturally interesting display plant from a warmer climate to germinate.

In PE I had to plead damaged ribs. Yesterday I was attacking Bud and his defence mechanism was a torso-grip with both legs and my intercostals are feeling it today. When will I learn (rhetorical).

I have discovered that acting buddy Sydney will be going to my next school, along with about 300 other faces I know.

You won't like me when I'm Hungry

Found a £1 coin on the way home from school. I do not expect to get jailed for this, or otherwise pointlessly harassed by an already overworked Police department. Recently a lady was busted for picking up a £20 note from the floor of a shop and pocketing it. It's possible that more of a hoo-hah was made because it was a £20, people probably wouldn't care if it was one of those measly little 5ps.

Now, admittedly, most of the money I find (or is found on my behalf by family members) is off the pavement or similar and therefore un-owned, but a decent proportion has come from shops, because that is one of the places wallets and purses are accessed, and sometimes a coin will fall to the floor and go under the tinned tuna display, from which my questing fingers can rescue it, sometimes using a pen, because I make the effort.

Over the last 12 years, the sum total of monies discovered from such places exceeds £1,580. Shall I expect a call from Her Majesty's Lord High Executioner, asking me for my neck measurement?

In school we had a quiz and my team came 5th: prizes were awarded to the top 4 teams. Also it was dress-up-as-a-book-character day and I liked the boy in the dress and the mad scientist. I didn't dress up.

Anyway, Bud had a job interview today in which the Personnel lady said sorry, we've already given the job to someone else. Upon hearing this, I went 'Hah hahh' like Nelson Muntz in the Simpsons. Apparently this was the wrong response. So I beat him up on the sofa until he fed me scotch egg and ham and crisps and grapes. When's supper?

Later I generously helped hoover in return for chocolate.

Child's Destiny

Well today (at 40 minutes past midnight) I was allocated my new secondary school. It was in no way a surprise as the council told us to ask for it and we did. In the holidays we will walk there at my walking pace, to determine the best route (fairly obvious) and find out how long it takes (15 minutes?). It's a whopping 250 metres further away than my current school. Facebook was full of discussions from parents.
Anyway, Child A got a Red Card today for blarting at a teacher, where you make the big fart noise on your arm. And Child B got one for booing a fellow student and making her lose her confidence. Nobody's mentioned the Lego League yet, but we did have a press-up competition in PE where the PE teacher did 46 in 30 seconds which was way more than us kids.
At home, Grandad phoned me which makes both of us happy, and Bud put some more money in my account so I must be a millionaire by now.