Thursday, 10 May 2012

Jouer avec mes ballons d'exercice Kegel

this is what your cat seesStrange water issued from the sky today. I could hear it on the skylight all night.
I got 10/10 on my maths test today which sounds impressive until you find out it was on the 10 x table. I'll call you back when I'm on the trigonometry tables, the actuarial tables or the UN round table.
'Twas another day of extreme wetness, I think we're all getting used to it and now the staff wetsuits have arrived, we can all get to work in comfort with none of those nasty diving bell jars.
partially completed difficult jigsaw in progress In the afternoon I spent another unprofitable period in front of the TV, computer and lego box while the chicken stew was cooked and the jigsaw came as close to completion as I think it will ever be. At suppertime I preferred cold chicken over everything else, so although I did eat my chips and veg, I stole enough meat from Jofs' plate to make her a vegan for the day.
The problem with the jigsaw is the sky. There is far too much of it, with little if any clue to its construction. The buildings were OK, I love doing edge bits etc but the sky just ain't gonna happen.
In other news, Grandma will require long term care. Given the impressive lifespans of our family and the grasping nature of the care system, I rather assume that their entire estate will gradually be consumed until none remains for my schooling.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Ange ou demon (ou Bop)

wisconsin man changed name
Mr Bop
man changes his name to tyrannosaurus rex
Tyler
Today I hear that a chap in Nebraska has changed his name from Tyler to Tyrannosaurus Rex, as it's cooler. It's certainly easier to spell than Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop (formerly known as Jeffrey).
I think I'll stick with what I've got.
Today in school I showed off my African headdress on the modelling runway in the assembly hall. It's basically a headband with a tortoise stuck to it.
This afternoon is a lazy one with TV, computer games and lounging, because it's still raining and I could use the me-time to be fed grapes. The website that Pops put me onto (FRIV) is packed with noisy games, I like the demolition one best but will always play pirates. In the end it turned out I could have gone to the LBs for Lego Heroism.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Chasing my tail

childrens play area coloured stool and rocking horse
I could do with more of these 3-day weekends.
Today we had a school trip to Old Portsmouth and the dockyard. We searched for old things and learnt about the history of the cathedral, the bombed roofless church and the cobbled streets. We were allowed an ice cream and I was so hot I took off my coat and shoes but wasn't allowed to take my trousers off. The whole class followed suit.
rotating gyrating basket gameThen we routemarched to Gunwharf where we did bowling, I won my group with a strike and 308 points but I wasn't overall winner. That was George that does Beavers with me 'cos he is about twelve.
After school it was still not raining so after we'd completed the investment of my latest £1000 and I'd scribbled on all the bank brochures, we hit the park for some swinging.
Early night for all of us.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Ye Midwynter May Fayre

gotcha mural portsmouthIt was a lovely hot sunny day in Botswana as we made our way to the May Fayre in the rain. We saw a mural that must be by one of my colleagues in the Portsmouth Free Art collective. It was quite muddy and cold but I quickly found it was nicer inside the church where there was a display of model trains, an owl and many model ships. There was the Jaws boat, the Nautilus, US D-Day landing craft, fishing trawlers and all sorts.
On the common ground near the church, a coven of Wiccans got married by some druids with Morris Dancers, the Greene Manne and a chimney sweep as witnesses. riding helmets at the fairbubble wand and liquid
giant bubble swordThe JoniBobs arrived and claimed the ground under the same gathering tree as last year, which made it simpler. I took Bob and waited ages to go on the horses, which I have been looking forward to all year. They were smelly and large, but great fun.
st marys church portsea may fayreErin and Elizabeth arrived but Ben didn't as he had inlaws again. Nearby there was an army laserquest type practice ground but you had to be 8 or above to use the laser guns so we used the fold-up stools as assault rifles and ran around shooting each other. Gradually we all obtained bubble guns or swords or water pistols of various designs and used them as well. The rain stopped and the sun came out, which surprised us all.
rose in june pub garden portsmouthThe Fayre had all the usual traditional village Fayre attractions, dancing girlies, Morris Men, rides, mud, trampolines, stalls, burger vans, a beer tent, and many purveyors of cheap'n'nasty stuff out of the 50p shop. I had sausage inna bun and met Zak and Zena, both ex-Puddlers. Eventually the beer ran out which was our cue to leave. As per last year, the group walked to the Rose In June pub near the lifers prison. They've done up the garden really well, all the nettles are roped off , the climbing tree is bigger and they've put in some climbing frames. There's enough space to play football and we had the whole garden to ourselves.
 A couple more pints later it was time to go and we hopped, danced and hootled our way down the road and home. A very enjoyable day all round.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

"Sun" day? Very funny

lego police cruiser with lights
Used every single light in my lego box to beautify my police boat. See how it shines with joy, just like Pops and me.
Went to big Sainsburys' but didn't find Bens' lost Lego Hero.
In Asda I bought a Germanic Lego Politzei motorbike (you can never have too many police things) and pulled umpteen copper coins from under the coin machine using a magnet on a stick while the staff stood around waiting for me to finish so they could lock up. Meanwhile, he ran 10 miles again and found another bagful of coppers on the streets of North End.
The massive jigsaw continues. It is a 1000-bit puzzle depicting the Ottawa skyline and has far too much sky for the amount of buildings. My method of completing it is to sigh sporadically saying "Ooo, this is tough", jiggle up and down a bit and hope that they'll finish it for me.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

A ferry long walk

cockleshell lake gosport feeding ducks boating lakegosport to portsmouth harbour ferryWay back in February, the PuddleDaddies invaded Gosport (Beirut-on-sea) for the beer festival. On the way the taxi drove past a particularly inviting swingpark and lake so today I decided to see it for myself. It's a shame that the weather rained on our parade a bit, but that's England for you.
cannon ramparts gosport moatThe Gosport ferry is a splendid green gestalt entity whose 2 parts shuttle back and forth across the harbour, joining Gosport to civilisation every 7½ minutes. The low-rent inner-city high street is ideal for charity shops and we went in about 8 on the hunt for bath fizzers and so forth: I discovered a pile of jigsaws and bought a 1000-bit jigsaw for the princely sum of £1.
model yacht race gosport boating lakeFrom there we headed south to the boating lake, on which we saw a genuine boat race with model yachts tacking and reefing and whatever else it is they do. We'd brought half a loaf of Tesco finest oatgrain for the numerous swans - too good for them, you'd think, but this bread has a distressing tendency to collapse which makes it no good for toasting, and you get foreshortened sandwiches.
hms warrior 1860 moored at portsmouth historic ships Now, look you, swans and I have this disagreement, you see, I think I'm doling out the goodies at a reasonable rate, but they don't. So I'm distributing my doughy largesse as quick as my little fingers will allow and they hop out of the water, advance upon me, crowd me, frighten me, so I sound the retreat, and they follow their disappearing food source in increasingly eager manner. Bud had to rescue me again. I don't like swans, and they're bigger than me with their beady eyes and there's lots of them etc.
portsmouth navy ships destroyer in portThe boating lake does have a groovy turret-style cafe, though, so we warmed up in there.
 The swingpark isn't that big, it's got a few climby things, a zipline, swinging basket and a small skate park. Unfortunately it also had lots of mud and rain and not enough degrees celsius.
On the way back to the ferry we spotted Bastion #1 which was erected to defend the harbour against enemy ships. It was open so we scaled its grassy mound and pretended to fire cannons at the burgeoning council blocks, which would have been merciful, actually.
kids making den under bedThe ferry took us back to the real world past some destroyers in port and I bought some plimsolls, as you do. In the shoe shop we met Sheena from Buds' work, I said Dad says hello and chatted amiably at length to her. It turned out that she thought I was a pickup ruse (she is blonde) and didn't discover my true identity until Wednesday. Then Jof helped me start the Jigsaw.
Just as we were watching the cup final Pops parked outside our house. She'd been to see the heavy horses on Southsea seafront, and it wasn't very good, apparently, all the horses were in their sleeping-boxes. Pops smelt faintly of horsepoo and even her little hobnailed booties were wet. She stripped off and we went off to play in secret under my bed.
Later I played Jof at Totopoly. She didn't even have enough money to enter the race, let alone bet on it. Honestly, a 6 year-old could do better. Oh look..... (insert superior Tory chortle at this point)

Friday, 4 May 2012

Not the dryads you're looking for

star wars funny picHappy Friday to you
Happy Friday to me
It's an extra long weekend
Happy Friday to us

The weekend is here
So be of good cheer
As pub time draws near
I can almost smell beer

What can I say. Some days are unremarkable. I got 5/6 on the spelling, a small "Well Done" sticker, failed to finish a hot (cold) cross bun, learnt backstroke in swimming, and played Jof at Totopoly as soon as she'd got home from a crappy day at work and had done some laundry. None of these things were worth it (or legal) to record on film.
I look forward to the May Fayre at St Marys' church, the one whose belfry adorns my homepage. I might get to go on the horses this year.
Plus, I thought this was a really clever Star Wars joke that I made up, thanks, for Star Wars Day (May the 4th be with you), but no, it's been used in World Of Warcraft already. Poodles to you, geeks.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

I got 99 problems but Erin ain't one

funny fail cooking with poo instruction manualKidnapped Erin from school at her mothers' request, must be an insurance job.
We started with Lego and Heroics (full yet brief nudity, some language) but pretty soon we had our usual disagreement as to what to do next and decamped to the tennis courts in the park with 2 orange plastic rackets, a mouse ball, a tennis ball and a golf ball. We batted them gamely until one of the rackets broke so abandoned them.
tennis practice courts in municipal park facilitiesI had my first howl when we tried to knock each other off-balance by shaking the tennis net cable - my lack of weight meant I lost. We moved on. Some kids had twisted the swings so they were too high - as soon as we'd worked out how to return them to normal, we carried on twisting them in new and interesting ways.
On the way out we discovered some paving slabs in the bushes in the corner (Dog Poo District) but I dropped one on my toeless trainer for howl #2. We agreed to disagree for the last bit at home until ErinsMum arrived to take her away from all this. However many times we say we don't like each other, we do really, it's not all physical.
I am going through a moany-bleaty-complainy phase which is somewhat grating for those immediately around me so I apologise.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Growing old but not growing up

extra balcony in building funny failSo why isn't 'Shuger' how you spell it, then? This spelling lark's a con.
box of lego heroes and villainsToday was actual Wednesday park day but Ben re-located it to the green bit in front of his house for football because he reckons we haven't been round to his house for ages. I cycled there right past the place where 2 schoolkids were knocked down by a car yesterday.
We settled straight down to Lego heroism until the JoniBobs arrived with extra swords (Bob has Nunchukkas) and we all waved our weapons at each other, then we pulled our trousers back up and waved light sabres at each other. Johnny brings the fantastic news that 4 more Lego Hero/villains will be released in the Autumn, I'm sure every parent is ecstatic at this revelation. We might have gone on like that forever but someone remembered we were there to play football so we crossed the road and started.
reclaimed land on moorings way portsmouth
There was an awful lot of "He's not playing by my rules", "He's being bossy", "They're not doing it properly" etc, and a brief howlround from most of us but then we discovered that running off into the bundu (wilderness) was much more fun and we did larger and larger circuits of the outback until we were playing soldiers in the long grass half a mile away. At one point we made it down to the seafront and played on our favourite long rock, collaborated on throwing a boulder into the tidal mud: but we always come back. This way, we got much more exercise than anyone expected.
nature reserve moorings way landfillYou may see in the background a small splash of purple - this is the sole remainder of our seed-planting expedition last year (Divide and conker) and the lucky plant is Honesty - a biennial that is now an established population in front of Bens' house. I could have stayed for Sketti meatballs but I'm on a gruel and plankton diet because of all my moaning. This explains why I got pepperoni pizza, ciabatta, 3 veg and an avocado.
On the way back we met ElizabethsMum and even later, when Bud had to go back for my only raincoat, ErinsMum.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Jean Sequins; code of life

park climbing apparatusangled car tyres in playparkfunny pic birds on a wireWalked to school past the carcases of several deceased umbrellas. I actually got to play outside as the weatherguessers had got it wrong again.
kids with bike helmetsWe'd already arranged to see Ben, it was so nice he rang from the park to say get here top haste by bike, so I did. Football 'Arry was there as well as a plethora of schoolfriends.
We enjoyed the sun, played Star Wars, chase the stick, wave the sword, Ben kissed us both which made us go urgh and we ran around getting sun.
Once the 'Arries had gone we did some circuits on the bikes and came back to ours for Lego Heroism while the old people sat in the garden and drank tea. In fact we were so engrossed in Heroics that we forgot to consume any of the FAB ice lollies in the freezer. I had to do so much homework to make up for all this Puddletime, and there's a bank holiday weekend coming up.....