A swift victory for the farces of dorkness.....

Called Bud into my room twice last night needing to be repositioned in the middle of the bed.

This morning I am much perkier and even managed to put on a T-shirt, although Jof dropped my pyjamas down the toilet which I found very funny. This afternoon I helped clear out some of my older toys to make way for the waves of newer stuff. Anything with 2+ on it has to go.

I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress.....

Back to school today, I will be the talk of the playground. Of course, I won't be allowed in the playground...

My mate Ben's going to come and visit the patient this afternoon, nice to have something to look forward to.

School was OK but everyone kept bumping into my arm. That's the problem with 30 kids milling around everywhere, nobody looks where they're going. I was allowed to stay inside during playtime with BigMax and we did drawing. After school I walked home with my status symbol prominently displayed which was a bit cold as Jof had slashed open another shirt. Ben came round and then Bud and Bensmum disappeared for ages so we could get on with some serious chocolate eating and TV watching. I showed him my new track and we played lego a bit. After he'd gone I even managed to build a bit of lego by myself but it's difficult with only 1 hand.

Bathtime was a little fraught, Bud wrapped my arm in a binbag, not my usual stylish self.

OMFG WTF ROFLMFAO LOL and stuff

I know my parents miss me at night so last night I called them in to my room every hour or so to assure them I miss them too. The officially mutilated shirt acted as my pyjamas so will be removed today. Who wants to go to school when it's raining anyway?
Pause for thought - over the next 3 weeks I have 5 birthday parties (including my own) in adventure playground-type places. Will I be happy to sit there watching everyone else climbing and sliding or will I just go mad and enter a downward spiral of sherbet and fizzy pop?

ACTIVITIES FOR ONE-ARMED MEN

When Bud got home I cheered up for he is mad/doesn't know the difference. Today I have worn a groove in the sofa opposite the TV so Bud said let's go throw rocks in the sea. Jof countered with let's go insert millions of 2p coins in the moving staircase coin pusher machines on the pier. Both of these were splendid ideas so after showing off my war wounds to 3 girlies at Pop's house I climbed into my booster seat on my own and we were off.

Recklessly, Bud put £3 worth of 10ps into the coat pocket that I could reach instead of the safer left one and I proceeded to win lots on the pyramid pinger game and also on the stripey rolling game.

Obviously this didn't last too long, but long enough for me to feel victorious. Then we went back outside and down the beach to throw rocks into the sea. This is an activity that I have enjoyed for about 3 1/2 of my 5 years and I wasn't about to let an amputated limb stop me. So I ran up and down the beach with 1 empty sleeve flapping like a manic Nelson (maybe a half-Nelson) throwing rocks and selecting big ugly ones for Bud to throw. Afterwards I climbed back in the car thereby proving I was good enough to go back to school tomorrow.

Following the ignominy of a stand-up sponge wash I fell asleep sitting up in bed at ten past 7.

Breaking news, or, where's the craic?

It all started as a day like any other day. We managed to get to Havant by elevenish and Jof dropped us off at Horizone and went to Giant Tesco to do the shopping. 

The play area was brill and Bud found a table to be our base camp while we scaled the north col. It's larger than Kaves, Pirate Pete's and Playzone and has a decent cafe where you can get salady things as well as chips. We all went down the big bouncy slide and threw balls at each other on the rope bridge and generally did all the stuff. Every now and then we did a fly-by munch or swig at Bud's table. After about an hour I fell off one of the red triangle things you can see in this picture and landed awkwardly on my arm. This hurt somewhat and I whinged a little bit. One of the kindly Yellowjackets took me back to Bud. He (the big meany) declined the offer of a free ride in the back of an ambulance in the vain hope that it was just a bang on the arm and would get better.

It didn't so he rang Jof who abandoned her full shopping trolley in the electrical goods section (sorry, Tesco) and drove over to pick us up. After a bit of indecision we approached a handy paramedic who was having a tea break in the car park and he cut half my shirt off and put my arm in a sling. Because this simple act had generated paperwork, he then accompanied us to QA hospital A+E where we sailed past the crowds and went straight in. Pops got me a PooBear book and we discussed the 2 rugby players who had arrived in neck braces. The nice Doc sent me to X-Ray where there was a Gruffalo and then the nurse put my arm in a plaster cast (the temporary one, not the big hard one you can write on) and I was done. I was brave and wowed the nurses with my urbane wit.

I have to go back in 9 days so the bone doctor can look at it. It was nice that Pops was with me (I've visited this hospital with Ben and now Pops, it's the in place to take your friends) but her Dad came to pick her up when we didn't know how long I'd be. The elbow itself doesn't have a huge crack in it or anything but the soft bone is a little crunched so it still hurts. Bathtime will be fun!

We got home after 3pm so Bud filled another shopping trolley and then took Ben's birthday present round to him. This is a job I should have done but I was indisposed. Ben loved the present and put it on immediately with the assistance of StormFuhrer Grandma. It's very groovy but has an unrealistically large codpiece for one so young.

I missed seeing Erin, Ben and the JoniBobs who were playing with Ben's new toys. If Johnny ever learns to shoot that bow and arrow we're all goners.
 It's going to be interesting getting used to this so I'm not going to be in school tomorrow but most certainly will be on Tuesday.
Speaking of hospitals and the government's love of league tables, do blood banks compete in the IV league?

Practically a teenager

Is anyone home?

- because I spent 12 hours in bed. I successfully told the time at bedtime and at getting up time - both ten to 9.

Drove into town so Jof could go to the hairdressers and meet Popsmum. We walked over to Victoria park to shove carrot sticks through the bars of an empty animal cage. Eventually a couple of lethargic guinea pigs wandered over and a couple of terminally obese rabbits were spotted in a corner but mostly the response was underwhelming. A long levee of salad round the edge of the cage suggested that these creatures are fed far more than they can eat and now mostly lie there until a lettuce or similar falls into their open mouths. Spent a couple of minutes bombing the nearest guinea pig with carrot morsels but it's difficult to be accurate through the small-mesh fence.

I dreamt I stood atop a plinth

in second century Corinth

My mind's become a labyrinth

I must stop drinking absinth

-

After lunch - a bright idea!!! Haven't been on a train in ages, got all afternoon, why don't we take one of my friends to Horizone to check it out before Ben's birthday party next week? Because nobody answered their phone, that's why. So we ventured forth anyway and walked from Havant train station past the Police station and found it. They were full and wouldn't be letting anyone else in for an hour and a half.
Came home again, miffed.

I am a googlewhack! Well, it's easy when you talk gibberish.....

On second thoughts, maybe I did mean to search for bush timbers.....
Bonus video is the death of the £4 helium Santa, finally stopped floating so there's only really one thing you can do with it.....

Bathtime tonight was the usual melee of fizzers, bubblebath and ping pong balls: first, fill your jug with balls and throw them at your dad while hiding your willy.....

Still awake and talking about willies at 2253. Such is life being a man.

Those desk-bound dandyprats up at City Hall can kiss my Arr-Beshimbeers

 

Will it ever stop raining? 

By school kicking-out time, it had! So Bud and I extended the tower yet again to the dizzy height of 3 feet. This is partially a result of the TV ban.

Right in the inexpressibles

 

After school we had a marathon (90 minute) drawing and lego session. The castle of gender-indifferent Policepersons is being extended vertically (with extra windows) and I did a massive (A2) pirate ship staffed by the great and good (and Ben). While concentrating on matters piratical, I utter my own catchphrase direct from the Privateer's handbook - "Arr - Beshimbeers" which is a cross between "Shiver me timbers" and "Oo-arr me hearties". You can see Johnny is the crow's nest occupant as he's the eldest so won't be scared: witness the cannons shelling a passing Spanish trawler and a giant prow (honest) for ramming. I am the Captain so I am the only one with curly red hair and thick lips (although Jof has a beard) and legs. The surname of everyone on the ship is Horr, which doesn't work so well for Jof Horr but is quite good for Ben Horr, who was an Irish charioteer, I believe. Perhaps the surname is indeed appropriate for the rather phallically-represented crew, worst off is Bud, second to right.
Castle Effete is now 2 foot six inches high and we have managed to use up every last one of those millions of little transparent coloured squares that represent lights (headlights, brake lights, police lights etc).
Because I refused to go to bed I have forfeited all TV rights tomorrow, we'll see if Bud forgets this.

Squeal like a piggie

A wet and windy Wednesday so went round Erin's for some roistering and dinner. She's got a new whiteboard so did lots of drawing while Bud did all the interesting tasks like laundry and making a cheese sauce. Pop's curtains are still closed (where she's quarantined for 50 goes in the front room) so will look in later to see how she is.

Won a game called "Frustration" at Erin's, watched a lot of the film "Up" and hired Erin to help me beat up Bud "lots". Played the part of Loki the mischievous sprite as only I can.

Pops is on the mend, thankfully.

Following second supper I sat on the sofa, legs akimbo, looking like one of those carved figurines of the benign oriental monk with my distended belly overhanging my trousers.

Rainy day, dream away (Hendrix)

  

My birthday party venue (Pirate Pete's) is booked! Due to my actual birthday's proximity to Xmas day I have a party in the boring wasteland that is February, spread the joy a little. I shall deliver the invites myself on my bike this afternoon, nothing like the personal touch.

Last night after I'd gone to bed, a magic lego elf visited the playroom and added personnel to the defensive structure I'd built yesterday. Bud wonders whether I'll notice. Incidentally, looking at the little lego figures, there's the policeman, construction worker, AA rescue vehicle operator, Star Wars stormtrooper and many more (all with interchangeable heads and hats so no soldier is ever the same). I have a question. Is it my imagination or are all these figures as gay as a raspberry cheesecake? I mean, seriously, they look ever so proud waving their giant sniper rifles in those shiny uniforms..... As soon as I got back from school I got on my bike and found a job as postman. With Bud running and puffing alongside, (it's nice that a son and father can go out together and have a mile-long argument about whose fault it was I slipped over on the soapy bit in the bath twice last night) I cycled a good couple of miles to deliver to:

1.  Beth (not in)
2.  Ben (in after-school club so gained access to his school to find him watching Toy Story 3 and deliver it directly)
3. The JoniBobs (parked just as we had posted them through the door: Bob was wearing his shoes on the wrong feet again so fell down while running up and down the pavement: Johnny is so used to Bud wearing his work boots he stamped repeatedly on his toes, right through his trainers)
4. Erin (in drama class so not in)
5. Poppy (in, but has Swine Flu of all things, had to deliver to MillieRuby outside. Get well soon Pops)

Then home as dusk fell to make a dinosaur out of lego.

Midnight landings.....

In one of those surreal coincidences that so plague our beleaguered household, all 3 of us had full bladders in the middle of the night and met outside the toilet door at exactly 0225.

I then visited Jof a further twice to make sure she didn't get much sleep.

After showing off my red guitar at show'n'tell (it's horribly out of tune and it mostly just goes clang but so was Presley, and nobody minded) we visited the pharmacy for some hilariously overpriced nit shampoo - I don't think I have them but plenty of my compadres have so it's only sensible.

Later after supper #1 of 2, Bud and I built a castle with weather station, lift shaft, gun emplacements with smiley faces to give the enemy a false sense of security and gutters. When you destroy your police helicopters to reuse the bricks you'll find the stickers come too so this was a police castle - labelled at least 4 times by rival police factions, and possibly a fire service as well.