Tuesday 13 January 2015

Why was Dan Desperate?

macauley culkin home alone horny housewives and dildos funny failTalking with colleagues at first rain-break this morning, the subject of highly expensive reinforced ambulances for American-sized patients came up. We suggest that the National Health computer could send out automatic tickets to people over 25 stone saying you have been identified as an obese monstrosity and will be put on the 3-month vitamin juice course (no food other than that).
Should you choose to contest this decision, please report to the re-assessment centre on the 93rd floor (lifts not working).
For the duration of the 3 months, a hamster wheel dynamo will be fitted in your garden which will supply power to the lights of your house.
We suggest that nebulous people (big, white and puffy with a damp underside) should welcome this chance to re-enter normal society, or indeed, exit it permanently.
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I discovered that poor old Pops broke her leg falling down in the park, one of those unfair and unnecessary injuries like when I broke my arm in a soft play area. Pops was with me at the time, just saying.
Anyway, Jof was on duty today so she helped me install the electrics on my new Lego Cargo Train and it has unreasonable battery requirements so we went to Little Tesco to buy them.
lego electric train with track
With only a short break for my gymnastics lesson (I read Harry Potter and the Half-wit Prince in the car) I finished the entire train just before supper. I then played with my supper and vomited annoyingly which sent me for an early shower and bed. Jof and I tried out the train and it was so fast it destroyed the little hanging-down bit on the station.
Here is my poem from school: it is called 'Autumn Animals 3'.
Whenever the trees are hazelnut brown, whenever the leaves are falling down
all Autumn long a man goes hurring by, greeting every one with a "hi"
then he runs into his house gets out a tool that is very, very cool
Whenever the foxes are hiding alone, why does he hurry and hurry about?
When he goes out how does he find his home?
hunnting for dinner far out, it's a mystery inside a gnome.

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