Right in the inexpressibles

 

After school we had a marathon (90 minute) drawing and lego session. The castle of gender-indifferent Policepersons is being extended vertically (with extra windows) and I did a massive (A2) pirate ship staffed by the great and good (and Ben). While concentrating on matters piratical, I utter my own catchphrase direct from the Privateer's handbook - "Arr - Beshimbeers" which is a cross between "Shiver me timbers" and "Oo-arr me hearties". You can see Johnny is the crow's nest occupant as he's the eldest so won't be scared: witness the cannons shelling a passing Spanish trawler and a giant prow (honest) for ramming. I am the Captain so I am the only one with curly red hair and thick lips (although Jof has a beard) and legs. The surname of everyone on the ship is Horr, which doesn't work so well for Jof Horr but is quite good for Ben Horr, who was an Irish charioteer, I believe. Perhaps the surname is indeed appropriate for the rather phallically-represented crew, worst off is Bud, second to right.
Castle Effete is now 2 foot six inches high and we have managed to use up every last one of those millions of little transparent coloured squares that represent lights (headlights, brake lights, police lights etc).
Because I refused to go to bed I have forfeited all TV rights tomorrow, we'll see if Bud forgets this.

Squeal like a piggie

A wet and windy Wednesday so went round Erin's for some roistering and dinner. She's got a new whiteboard so did lots of drawing while Bud did all the interesting tasks like laundry and making a cheese sauce. Pop's curtains are still closed (where she's quarantined for 50 goes in the front room) so will look in later to see how she is.

Won a game called "Frustration" at Erin's, watched a lot of the film "Up" and hired Erin to help me beat up Bud "lots". Played the part of Loki the mischievous sprite as only I can.

Pops is on the mend, thankfully.

Following second supper I sat on the sofa, legs akimbo, looking like one of those carved figurines of the benign oriental monk with my distended belly overhanging my trousers.

Rainy day, dream away (Hendrix)

  

My birthday party venue (Pirate Pete's) is booked! Due to my actual birthday's proximity to Xmas day I have a party in the boring wasteland that is February, spread the joy a little. I shall deliver the invites myself on my bike this afternoon, nothing like the personal touch.

Last night after I'd gone to bed, a magic lego elf visited the playroom and added personnel to the defensive structure I'd built yesterday. Bud wonders whether I'll notice. Incidentally, looking at the little lego figures, there's the policeman, construction worker, AA rescue vehicle operator, Star Wars stormtrooper and many more (all with interchangeable heads and hats so no soldier is ever the same). I have a question. Is it my imagination or are all these figures as gay as a raspberry cheesecake? I mean, seriously, they look ever so proud waving their giant sniper rifles in those shiny uniforms..... As soon as I got back from school I got on my bike and found a job as postman. With Bud running and puffing alongside, (it's nice that a son and father can go out together and have a mile-long argument about whose fault it was I slipped over on the soapy bit in the bath twice last night) I cycled a good couple of miles to deliver to:

1.  Beth (not in)
2.  Ben (in after-school club so gained access to his school to find him watching Toy Story 3 and deliver it directly)
3. The JoniBobs (parked just as we had posted them through the door: Bob was wearing his shoes on the wrong feet again so fell down while running up and down the pavement: Johnny is so used to Bud wearing his work boots he stamped repeatedly on his toes, right through his trainers)
4. Erin (in drama class so not in)
5. Poppy (in, but has Swine Flu of all things, had to deliver to MillieRuby outside. Get well soon Pops)

Then home as dusk fell to make a dinosaur out of lego.

Midnight landings.....

In one of those surreal coincidences that so plague our beleaguered household, all 3 of us had full bladders in the middle of the night and met outside the toilet door at exactly 0225.

I then visited Jof a further twice to make sure she didn't get much sleep.

After showing off my red guitar at show'n'tell (it's horribly out of tune and it mostly just goes clang but so was Presley, and nobody minded) we visited the pharmacy for some hilariously overpriced nit shampoo - I don't think I have them but plenty of my compadres have so it's only sensible.

Later after supper #1 of 2, Bud and I built a castle with weather station, lift shaft, gun emplacements with smiley faces to give the enemy a false sense of security and gutters. When you destroy your police helicopters to reuse the bricks you'll find the stickers come too so this was a police castle - labelled at least 4 times by rival police factions, and possibly a fire service as well.

Son #1 on a sunny Sunday

After the trip to the supermarket we hit ToysRus for some unexpected spending. We got something pink for Olivia (schoolfriend, birthday party in a couple of weeks) and a Star Wars Stormtrooper costume for Ben, hope he doesn't read this and spoil the surprise. Jof wanted to get him the Darth Vader voice changing helmet but you know exactly what's going to happen, he'll put it on, you'll expect some magnificent soliloquy in stentorian tones about crushing the enemies of the state, but all you'll get is "You're a big poopoo" in a silly voice. I also got a bonanza bucket'o'Lego bits, because when you've got lego helicopters and seaplanes, you've got plenty of funny shaped bits but not enough boring blocks and flat bases.

Even fearsome Imperial Stormtroopers need to train

Lunch was a voyage into the unknown, I now like chicken-on-a-stick (satay) and have discovered that orange jelly is the ideal way to cool down your mouth after chilli crisps. The cheese, prawns and cucumber accompaniments are old hat now.

 In the afternoon I visited Ben to play on the hallowed scalextrix. He has more Star Wars action figures than you could shake a light sabre at but that didn't stop us trying. We were somewhat restless and were attacking Bud a lot (he's a bad influence) so we walked over the reclaimed land to swan lake (no swans, but fed ducks), threw stones into the sea, saw the local fox and generally explored with light sabres extended and flags unfurled. Upon returning home I complained of a headache (it's NOT a headache, but my head hurts inside), picked at my supper and was asleep at ten past 7. So much for bouncing around at 9pm.



Saturday

Woke Bud up by jumping on him, Jof told me to do it.

Bud has finally found a sensible use for all his magnets - he pulled enough nails out of the bonfire ash (before distributing it over the flowerbeds) to fill an ice cream tub.

Phoned Ben to play scalextrix but too late so going tomorrow. Lovely day so went for a walk down to tunnel park. Found a very bouncy ball and spent some time bouncing it in the basketball court, then went to the 50p shop but they didn't have any lego.

Had a massive plateful of M+S crispy prawns in batter and lemon sole goujons then played with the lego, the whole lot is all over the floor now so you can pick exactly the right bit if you can find it. Bud made a large and totally bodacious scorpion.

Regrets, I'll have a few

It was the puppet show at school today so I came home determined to make a puppet show of my own. Bud has to bring back another giant box from work to be the stage and I need to make several puppets. So I got Bud's yellow socks and drew enormous eyes on one: these turned out to be too far apart so I got the next sock and tried again. Adding a massive mouth and some brown stripes for reasons unknown, I then abandoned the socks to their future as bespoke-designer executive socks and went to watch TV.
It was at this point Pops came round to invite me to dinner. I said no thanks, I'd rather watch Special Agent Oso (the adventures of a severely retarded Panda and his badly animated associates, suitable for 3 year-olds with only the slenderest grasp on reality) because it was an episode I hadn't seen and I might enjoy it. Pops looked crestfallen and trudged home.
It was only a couple of minutes later that Bud finished his energetic and heartfelt monolog about a girl he'd turned down at university who had haunted him for the last 23 years: I suddenly realised I'd made a terrible mistake and was most of the way down the road before Bud caught up. I'm now playing hide and seek with Pops and have specifically requested 90 minutes, but have made provision for an extra half-hour if required.

Three hours after this, Bud and Jof decided to come and see how I was getting on. Jof nipped outside, Bud accidentally locked the back door and left the house, thankfully with the keys. Pops and I were playing "Can't catch me" (a game in which older, stronger people attack us with a large beach ball) with Pops' eldest sister Millie and her friend Megan as chief antagonists. I'd had supper and much play. Jof joined us (she couldn't get back in the house so had little choice) and eventually we left after a stolid child-minding session by the Pops family.

It's all going wrong

We're invisible

After school today Erin came round to play while Estate agent #2 was visiting her house. We drew, played lego, chased Bud who was easy to corner as he was doing the washing up, practised writing, drew on the stickers Bud had brought back from work and generally had a really good time.

Then, following the time-honoured pattern of previous playdates, I turned like a London Cab on the proverbial 1953 sixpence for no discernible reason and suddenly became the grizzlemonster from hell. I hid under the duvet, lashed out at allcomers and told everyone to go away.

The first instalment of howling lasted a mere 20 minutes until I was tempted back to the writing desk with the promise of that chair that Erin was sitting on, that pen she was using, and that colour sticker that she particularly favoured. Then it was a medium-quality ceasefire like on the Korean peninsula until it all went tits up again when we argued over which program to watch. So I rimbled and grizzled and moaned all the way to her house and back. Bud thinks we're too alike personality-wise, and neither of us back down, then he pulls a face (easy for him) and Erin laughs which I then object to.....slippery slope with no return. Oh dear.

Born a Hoochie Coochie man

Got me a date with Pops today and Erin tomorrow. I just won't tell 'em.
Erinsmum has the estate agent round to value the house today. I hope they don't move far.
I also hope Erinsdad doesn't read this and find out Erinsmum is thinking of selling up without telling him.
Pops likes [pigs in blankets], which is apparently bacon wrapped around a bit of sausage, but I don't believe it. I mean, it just doesn't sound foody.
Once Pops had been forcibly removed by her Mum, Bud finished building the lego items and found me a giant box for all the loose bits he thinks I'll create shortly.

Incredibly there was even more upstairs so I'll combine all the bits into one giant spacestation....once I've watched Tom and Jerry again.



While waiting for Jof to come upstairs and sing my goodnight song (yes, I know I'm 5), I took the opportunity do do some writing. Using only 3 sheets of A4 and no spaces whatsoever, I recorded the following cryptic message:
POPPYPYObdIOPOOPOPUNHAPYOPPShPOPPYPOTPOHYPObOOboobbopOrrbOPnUdd
OOrrOClH00rJKHOPPCKOlOPOOrOOPOOPYOOrVNVCHCKVnOOPlOODPOOPYJH6POOP
bPOPPYOOOCKOjbYO.

Back to reality

Work. School. Lovely.
Actually quite good to get back to a structured day given that we didn't win the lottery so can't retire aged 5. It'll be a wrench getting back to proper getting-up times.
I bought a bookcase to store all my Dusty Springfield records, but now I've sold them I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
At school today I picked up 2 late Xmas cards, have to remember the phrase "Red Guitar" for tomorrow, and have planned to do pictures for everyone in my class, although I am yet to mention this to my teacher.