Saturday 2 February 2013

Semi-aquatic Mammals: the day of stupendosity

milton barn parkWhat a lovely day. I basked in the bright sunlight with my large warm coat, gloves and extra hat. milton park portsmouth
On the bottlebank walk today we met Harry (school) and Hannah Puddler. Everywhere was aqueous, the puddles may never leave the parks.
furniture shop marmion road southsea portsmouthEventually it was time to vacate the house so the estate agent could take the visitors round. We drove a circuitous route to Southsea and parked so close to the concrete support in Waitrose car park that we knew Jof'd have to climb in the boot if she wanted to drive away.
First stop was Victoriana, furniture store to the stars. Jof wanted everything because it's all great stuff, Bud wanted a cupboard because that's what we were there for, and I wanted the Sarcophagus, because I could fit in it. As is always the way, Jof and I toured all 3 stores and failed to make a decision. He walked a 6 mile circuit to North End and back to visit a stunning 18 charity shops, and all he came back with was 1 Lego Hero and 1 Lego R2D2.
But this was not the highlight. Last year you may remember that one of the cub scouts won the Chief Scout's Special Award for alerting his mother to a fire in his house. Mr Bear Grylls did not actually present the award himself as he was drinking a suspicious yellow liquid in a foreign land for King and Country. But the scout group were given a one-off stipend of £300 for the good of the troupe: this pecuniary advantage has enabled them to hire the entire Mountbatten Centre swimming pool for the evening (this chosen by the award winner himself), and I've been looking forward to it for ages. Triple Swim!hire mountbatten centre for party
Well, where do I start. We got there on time even though Jof had to dry her hair. I was 5th onto poolside and the lifeguards started throwing many floats and pool toys of all varieties into the large shallow end for us all to play with. The idea was, all parents were invited as well, plus any siblings, to take full advantage of the opportunity, and to have as many adults as poss supervising. But the deep end held an attraction we'd never seen before. You know the caterpillar bouncy castle thing that operates by Canoe Lake in the summer? Well this one was blue and red and ON the pool. Basically, I took one look at the kiddie end with its many floats and said poo to you, poodles, I'm doing the Winter Wipeout castle thing. It was ****ing awesome (I just don't have the vocabulary to underline just how excellent it was) and I simply went round and round for an hour and a half. 52 times I did it, and 9 times I failed to complete the assault course by reason of slipping and falling in or being pushed in. One of the lifeguards threw water at us with a giant ladle. Bud followed and fell in twice out of 15 or so, Jof tried and tried and tried and kept dying on the first section but eventually a Family Effort saw her complete it once and another time, fail at the last fence due to overcrowding. This of course means that I spent at least half an hour ploughing up and down in the pool getting back to the start, so not only did I have the most wonderful time, I did some serious exercise as well. Some of the kids were quite plump and one extremely heavy chap kept falling in which gave us all a laugh. Jof broke her toe on the little groove that runs around the edge to take the water away.

Then time ran out. It was a terrible shame but there you go. Forget ye not that 6pm had passed without a beer being opened, so we raced home to the strains of "Let's Boog tonight" by Imagination until a police car pulled in behind us and we sailed on home at sensible speeds through the deserted streets. Jof said let's get a McDougalls, we only eat rubbish once a year. So we did that. While we were in there, a little face at the drive-thru window went yoohoo and it was LittleMax, who had just spent 3 hours in the hospital waiting to be given Calpol for an ear infection. We hoovered up the McDingles at home and watched Fort Boyard, for you can never have too much of a good thing. When I grow up I'm going to win at Winter Wipeout. Bud will help but Jof won't because she's crap.
Then - Bath Fizzer Night, starting at 20 past 10. My bonus Youtube videos were of the chap surfing the 100 ft wave off Portugal. How much watery fun can YOU have in one day?

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