Hallelujah for the Hostelry

If your fuel tank corrodes

And the main bus overloads

Well it does not bode

Your shuttle will explode

       © STFU 2013

Anyway, the mare of horsemeat in beef products canters on, giving everyone the trots. And I bet you thought this wouldn't go on furlong. Mane thing is, a bit of Shergar in your burger won't hurt. But 100% neigh in a moo pie from Frogland? Load of old pony. I reckon it's a long-term marketing ploy. Now we all know we've been enjoying Black Beauty Burgers for years, we'll be much more open and receptive to Mule Moussaka, Ass Vindaloo, Chilli con Donkey and Dobbin Biriani. This will open the stable doors to a wider field of choice and a Newmarket.

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The house move is on. The agent (all Estate Agents/Realtors/Immobiliers etc are well known for their truthful ways) says that we could be there in six weeks or so, just in time for April Fool's day. Splendid. The For Sale sign outside our house now says sold.

In school today we had the Great Race. This has been some weeks in the planning and we all had to make a car out of bits of wood and paper. You roll them down a ramp onto the flat playground surface and the one that goes the furthest wins. Bud tried to help by advising I put extra weights in the chassis midsection to make it go further, because that's a design issue, not cheating. As it happens, as I approached the ramp, I stumbled and knocked one of my wheels off: one rapid pitstop later I was ready to roll but I didn't win. The winning distance was Mason with 6m, then Phoebe with 5.3m, then LittleMax with 4.5m. I still got over 3 with my friction-disabled wheel, most of the rest were lucky to get 1. I took the camera but the teacher locked it in her locker, so what's the point.

Tonight we visited the pub, as planned. As usual we waited patiently for Jof to straighten her hair. Then I hopped on the scooter and left her for dust anyway. We were first there for once and I hijacked someone's game of pool until a ten year-old came back and totally hustled an adult.

Eventually (we thought we had the wrong day) Ben and Johnny and Erin arrived and the adults took over a larger table and we played whose bottie is sticking through the curtain and complicated drawing. Erin has had a rather swish haircut but Johnny hasn't.

I did want to do the bonfire when we got back but it was late and there was too much beer.