2026: the forgotten year

The much awaited second album was storming up the charts as I floated slowly down the Mississippi on my riverboat fleecing the president and other hustlers at Texas hold'em and vingt-et-un. My spacecraft was prepped and ready for my arrival in Houston, I was probably going to have to postpone the book signing and that Swedish princess was on the phone again. Do I really have to leave the solar system for her to understand I was just celebrating being awarded the Nobel prize for discovering how to predict earthquakes? Anyway, I'm married now to Pops and those foxy alien chicks, it was nice of them to teach me telepathy. Ever since I found I could sniff out buried treasure and breathe underwater, life has been 
Ringring *gnork* wizwiz?? What? Jof? What do you mean it's a school day?

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After school we pruned the front garden, you could hardly walk down the passageway where you put the bins out unless you're under 4 feet tall so hooray for me. Predictably it started raining but I donned a raincoat and finished the job.
Caitlin at school (we're just friends) gave me a blue egg timer today: it times at 2 minutes 16 seconds. I now seek a small bird, perhaps a plover or moorhen, whose eggs take 2 minutes 16 to cook.