Thursday, 3 March 2011
An infinite number of Mungles
The everyday lives of baggage handlers at
All baggage must be thrown at all times. Any employee found placing a bag onto a trolley faces instant dismissal.
Only one conveyor belt to be functioning at any one time. If at all possible, make it the squeaky one at the far end. The little plastic flaps should always have 2 suitcases stuck just behind them and a steady build up should eventually overflow into the garbage by the back door, for easy collection by cousin Mtumwe.
Belts should whine continuously even when not in use.
Ability to speak no languages whatsoever an advantage: particularly when irate travellers have questions about where their suitcase went or what the $50 charge is for.
Toilets and eating areas to be emptied once a month and preferably interchanged.
The coffee machine must only accept out of date Mexican pesos and will only give change in 25 centime coins. (Tea only available)
The distance between the check in desk and the departure lounge must be at least 3 miles, including 5 staircases and a reverso-trav-ee-lator. However, the distance between the end of the runway and passport control must not exceed 10 feet.
At least 30% of all baggage must be sent to
Luxor with a 10% leeway for dispatch to Singapore.
By hometime I was hot, the Puddleparents were freezing and we all went home.